Chapter 19

Nat walked home, trying not to let her tears fall until she was behind her own front door ... she quickened her pace, then broke into a run as she got to her street. She pushed past some people in the hallway, muttering an apology and ran for the stairs, not wanting to be caught in the elevator ... as soon as she had opened her door, the first sobs shook her - by the time she had closed the door, and pulled off her boots, her sad little world was blurred with rivers of tears.

All she wanted was to be happy with her beautiful Dave - she meant no harm to Yuri and yet he was exacting this cruel vengeance from her ... a year at his beck and call, with no guarantee that he would free her at the end of this time....

She curled up into a ball on her bed and just sobbed as if her whole world had crashed in around her ... she could tell no-one, ask no-one for help - the only person she knew with enough money to help her was Dave, and she was sure that Yuri was watching him, like he had been watching her.

It seemed that she had no choice but to do what Yuri wanted. She would have to hide all of this from Dave - which meant keeping her existing jobs, otherwise he would suspect something was wrong - he knew she was just about affording to live in New York with two part-time jobs, so any change to this routine would provoke questions ...

She just avoided the world outside and cried till she had no tears at all. She was exhausted, but couldn’t sleep from her running thoughts. She was braining how she could solve this situation, but it frustrated her, that she could see no way out of this, just doing what Yuri wanted from her…

Nat tried to gulp but when she didn’t succeed, she went out to the bathroom to drink a glass of water. When she looked up, she saw his mark on her face – the red swelling was clearly visible on her face. She sighed and pushed the edge of it just to grimace from the pain she felt. Although he didn’t hit too big, her pale skin was really sensitive and everything appeared on it – even after making love to Dave, her hips were holding the memory of his fingers, but it was a different thing – those were the marks of love, but this… she couldn’t tell what this was…

She washed her face carefully and went out to the fridge, searching for some ice. She wrapped a soft towel around the cubes and put it onto her face. She didn’t know yet how she’ll explain this to Dave… It’ll be really hard! And… tough times were ahead of her, she was sure! This brought new tears into her eyes and she was silently crying - sitting in her kitchen, one hand holding the ice to her face and the other one resting in her lap.

After she made a relaxing tea and wiped her tears away, she sat down to her kitchen table and took a piece of paper and a pen. She sighed and looked up onto her old samovar, which she inherited from her lovely grandma. She would give everything just for one wise advice from her, but she was alone in this difficult situation…. all alone…. But she needed something to do – to assure herself somehow. That’s why she looked at the white paper and started to write after a few hard minutes. It was so desperately hard to continue after she wrote his name down… She was just staring at the five black letters and gulped her tears back with much difficulty before she continued….

"Dear David,

this is so hard to write but I have to do it now, so that you know how I felt when this nightmare started. Yuri has gone into a jealous rage, and decided to make me repay my debt to him by using me for sex for a year - each time he has me he reduces my debt.

I never told you that he was the one who paid for me to finish my studies and get where I was in the dancing world. Without him, after the death of my parents, I would never have been able to continue my studies. He was very kind to me in his own calculating way, and now he feels his investment should start earning money for him, in whatever way he feels is suitable. As professional dancing is no longer possible, he has thought of this sordid little scheme.

 I'm writing this before going to my first meeting with him and I'm feeling sick... but I can't tell anyone about what he's doing, because if I do, he has threatened to harm you or your family, so I will do what he says.

This is why from now on, until I am free from this, I won't allow us to make love. If you really love me, you will try to understand, and wait for better times for us. I have no idea if Yuri will keep his word about me working for him for a year, if indeed he ever gave it to me....

PLEASE; sweet David, just read this and then forget me - if you get this letter it's that something has happened to me, and my dear friend Tanya has come to you and given you this, as I asked her to. She is the only person I can trust apart from you - I will set up a signal with her so that she knows I'm OK - and if one day the signal isn't there, she knows something has gone wrong and will come to you.

I couldn't just disappear from your life and not let you know what had happened, why things are going to change between us... I think I will have to tell you many lies to protect you, as the months pass - I only hope I manage to do this without making you too worried...

I could write about how deep my love is for you and how you are like my sunshine, my shining star, my everything - but if all goes to plan you will never read this letter and I will be able to tell you this myself. If things do go wrong, I need you to know that I did everything I could to make Yuri go away with what he wanted so that we could really be together again. I am sorry things didn't work out, and whatever happens to me - to us - I will always love you, and will never forget you...... these past months have been the happiest of my life.

Yours always, with all my love,

Natasha."

She finished the letter in between sobs, so she nearly couldn’t see as she wrote her name and the date onto the bottom. It was as if her soul and heart were torn out from her chest. She knew that seeing Dave but not touching him will be pure suffering and she didn’t know how long she’ll bear it – but she couldn’t even leave the city! But she wanted to see him even if she must lie to her love to protect him…

Nat’s name got a bit blurry from the teardrop which landed on the paper, so she cleared her face and breathed in deeply to calm herself a bit till she closed the envelope and took her coat. She knew Tanya’s new address, because she decided to stay in New York for a while too. It was really hard not to cry on her way to the only person she could trust…

As Nat knocked on her door, she cleared her throat and still didn’t know what to say… Of course Tanya was happy to see her again, but her smile disappeared immediately when she saw the pain in Nat’s eyes.

“Nat… what’s wrong?” and she opened the door to let her in, but she just shook her head.

“No, I’m not staying, I… I just…” she looked around on the corridor – she couldn’t be sure if Yuri or someone else didn’t follow her – and from this thought another pair of silver tears ran down her cheeks… “I just want to give this to you…” and she pulled out the letter with Dave’s name on it and handed it to Tanya, who was totally confused, but didn’t ask anything “I want you to give this letter to Dave… when I don’t call you every Sunday… because… because if I don’t call, it means that something happened to me… I’m really sorry Tanya…” here she was crying again “but I can’t tell you why I’m doing this…”

“I understood, darling…” she gulped hard too and just hugged her sobbing friend, who wrapped her shaking hands around her desperately.

“Thank you, Tanya! Thank you! I.. I must go now!” and she freed herself from Tanya’s arms and turned around to quickly disappear…

Tanya closed her door and immediately put the envelope in her desk, before sighing as she wondered what on earth had happened. Her immediate thought was that Nat had to be in some kind of trouble, but there had been so much fear in Nat's eyes that Tanya had no wish to make her situation worse by prying in any way.

---

Meanwhile, Nat ran most of the way home and locked herself in her flat. She stood with her back to the door and breathed deeply - she had to work as usual at the dancing school and restaurant, so she decided to have an early night. Who could tell what sort of life Yuri was planning for her - something inside her told her to rest while she could. Her attention was drawn by a noise coming from her bathroom, making her stiffen and grab for the door handle. She tried to slip back the locks she had just bolted, and with her other hand she reached for the keys which were on a table next to the door. But there was no need for this - from her little bathroom emerged Dave - looking surprised at her white face, and panic-stricken expression...

"Didn't you remember inviting me round for dinner today? I let myself in as you gave me a key last time - I hope that was OK…" 

Nat's eyes flashed over to the table where her messed up versions of her letter still sat, balled and ready to be thrown away.... she had to get rid of them at once.... but Dave was coming towards her, looking concerned ... She could pretend to be cold and under the weather with her period - that would be a sufficient explanation for him tonight .... but for all the other nights ....

"Hey honey, what's wrong? I've never seen you looking so worried - are you scared I've been snooping in your kitchen cupboards?" he chuckled as he stepped up close to her, and went to kiss her. Nat had no choice but to let him, knowing that he was about to see her injured face, which she had managed to turn slightly away from him until now. "Hey - what on earth .... how did you do this?" he was wide eyed as he examined her cheek.

"Oh, I was in the subway and some idiot with a backpack pushed me up against the doors .... I got my revenge, by standing on his foot!" she sighed at her own inventiveness - she would be needing this more and more as time went on.

Dave took her by the hand and sat her down on the sofa - then he went to get her a glass of wine, from the bottle he must have brought with him. But Nat needed to get rid of those papers so she stood up as soon as he was far enough away from her and went to the table...

"I'll just clear up, so we can eat here" she said.... but Dave was already protesting...

"Hey, you sit down - give me that - this evening you get to watch me do everything, ok?" he said winking as he put all the papers in her kitchen bin. "My treat this evening - you look exhausted!" He smiled sweetly and brought her the glass of wine. They sat and sipped their drinks in silence, staring at each other, Nat managing to smile.... Her love for him would get her through this. She had to hope for this - or everything was lost.

When he finished his wine, he leant closer to give a soft kiss on her lips then stood up and walked to the kitchen.

“Now I’ll do our dinner, honey and you’ll just sit there and enjoy the music I brought for you, okay?” he looked over his shoulder standing in front of the counter and saw Nat’s soft profile as she sipped from her wine and sighed.

“Alright, David…” and she just looked forward, watching her cupboards and the CD-player on the opposite wall. Finally she was aware, that some soft music was filling the room – maybe a selection of his favourite songs… She recognised Scorpions and Frank Sinatra and maybe she heard even some Johnny Lee Hooker songs, but the others weren’t familiar to her. She just leant back on her sofa and sipped from her wine, listening to Dave’s noises in her tiny kitchen and the soft music – each and every one of the tracks were lovesongs… Some of the lyrics touched her aching soul, so she was fighting with her tears and dark sadness she felt right now. Sometimes she didn’t hear Dave’s questions or stories he was telling her, laughing at the funny situations Rosie caused for him. She wasn’t there in spirit - she tried to stay calm and not burst into tears.

When Dave realised that Nat was too exhausted to react on his stories, he went silent and served the dinner when he was ready with it. He went to the living room and called her name twice to grab her attention.

“Sweetheart, come, the dinner is ready. You must eat! I bet, you didn’t eat aptly today” and he took her cold hand into his to lead her to the kitchen. She just nodded and sighed a big one before sitting down and looking at the appetizing food in front of her. It looked and tasted delicious, but she wasn’t hungry – even so she took her fork and started to eat slowly not to hurt Dave.

“How does it taste?” he asked watching her and noticing that she didn’t look at him, but fixes her gaze onto her plate.

“Hm, it’s really delicious, Dave” she managed to smile and look up at him, which gave him a little relief, but he was still worried for her. He didn’t know what happened, but saw that it was disturbing her although she tried to hide it. Or was she really just too exhausted? And that injury on her face… it started to turn into purple. Is she hiding something from him? Well, he didn’t know, but thought that she’ll tell it him when she’s ready for it. Until that moment he must be patient and he must trust her.

They ate in silence, just speaking now and then and after they finished, Dave gave her another glass of wine and suggested her to have a nice shower. Natasha nodded and drank all of her wine then went to the bedroom. She felt herself awful, cuz she sensed the tenseness in the air, this meeting was so lumpish like never before. Another sigh escaped her mouth as she undressed and let the hot water wash her shivering body. She was shaking from the inside of the fear and insecurity she felt and couldn’t get rid off them, not knowing what’ll be waiting for her in her future…

After finishing the shower and drying herself, she stepped out in panties and her bathrobe and went to her cupboard, searching for a worn out track suit and a T-shirt which reached down to her knees. There was no desire in her to be sexy for Dave this night, she just wanted peace! She crawled under her soft and warm blanket and curled up into a ball, slowly stroking the crinkles on the sheet, sinking into her thoughts. After a while she felt that the mattress sank and someone gave a kiss into her neck, stroking her side. She sighed and turned around to face David’s smiling face.

Nat stroked his cheeks and the wrinkles by his beautiful and shining eyes – she always loved the signs of ageing on him – the little wrinkles, the white hairs by his temples, the veins on his beautiful hands… He was perfect for her and it was awfully painful that she needed to hold herself back from him in the next one year. Maybe sometimes she won’t be able to resist his touches, but soon she’ll feel her body tainted and she didn’t want to besmirch him… She had so little time left to love him free! And by this thought she felt the urge kissing him desperately on his lips, closing her tingling eyes…

Although she planned not to make love to him, she couldn’t resist not touching Dave. She had just two days until Tuesday evening to meet Yuri in some hotel room, and she wanted the remained time with Dave use to the full… That’s why she changed her mind and pulled off his clothes in a few minutes – nearly desperately. He rolled onto her, never breaking their wild kisses, just when he bit down on her neck softly while he undressed her, slightly panting into her neck. When he knelt between her thighs, he couldn’t wait and penetrated her after a few moments, causing a big moan from both of them - but he didn’t look up, just moaned with closed eyes, while Nat tried to save every little moments of their lovemaking, not knowing when she’ll be able to feel him inside of her again…

She let him bury his face into her hair, caressing his shoulders and letting him moving softly inside of her. She let herself go and enjoyed the tender moments they shared, digging her nails into his soft and fragrant skin. And when he kissed her again, stroking her blonde hair out of her blushing face, he paused for a moment, moving barely noticeable in her small body. He looked down at her, adoring his little lover. Now she seemed so fragile for him like never before – the shadow of her injury on her peachy petite face disturbing the harmony Dave felt when he looked at her.

“I love you…” he whispered and saw how quickly her tears were welling up, as if she was at the brink of crying the whole night! And he already felt her graceful hands on his face to pull his lips closer. He felt her hot tears run down her cheeks, dropping onto his hands, but in the next moment he let her roll on him, kissing him hard, and starting to move on him desperately. She was still crying without a sound, burying her face into his hot neck and moving on him, grabbing his shoulders, hands, everything she was able to reach, until she cried out loud when their bodies reached their relief together, shaking like autumn leaves in the cold breeze of the forthcoming winter…

Dave didn’t know what happened exactly, but was slowly stroking her naked back.

“Sweetheart, what’s with you? What’s the problem?” he asked tenderly whispering into her ear, rolling onto their sides with her and putting the blanket around their naked bodies.

Nat just sighed and shook her head “Nothing, just embrace me, please…” and she was already nestled to his chest, listening to his heartbeats and enjoying the warmth of his body. Dave’s scent filled Nat’s nose and she needed this more than anything right now, the feel of his hands around her body, his slow strokes on her back and the feeling of warm home next to him made her sleepy, stopping her silent tears finally as she put her arms around his familiar curves tightly…

Next chapter

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