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Chapter 10
2009.08.13. 19:22
X.
Heaven comes to he who waits
But I know I'm getting nowhere
And all the deeds of yesterday
Have really helped to pave my way
Though there's no one near me now
How come everyone can touch me
You see the torture on my brow
Relates to neither here nor now
Watch me bleed
Bleed forever
Although my face is straight, it lies
My body feels the Pain and cries
Here the table is not bare
I am full but feeling empty
For all the warmth it feels so cold
For one so young I feel so old
Watch me bleed
Bleed forever
It's not allowed to be unkind
But still the hate lives in my mind
I'll make no noise
I'll hide my pain
I'll close my eyes
I won't complain
I'll lie right back and take the blame
And trie to tell myself I'm living
And when it's all been said or done
Where do I go?
Where do I run?
What's left of me or anyone when we've denied the hurting?
(Tears For Fears: ‚Watch Me Bleed’, 1983 – The Hurting)
She reaches for the remote and turns the volume of her hifi up. Yeah – she denied the hurting for so long now! Suffering – bleeding – licking wounds – superficially healing – bleeding – suffering.
David left two hours ago, after a quick coffee. She knows what’s going on in his mind. He’s on his way to the Hamptons – facing what there’s going to be faced. How could she have held him back? He’s already a captive of his emotional pain – like herself. Time to loose the restraints. No, she never gave him the impression she needed him desperately – playing the tough cookie. Though he already told her he didn’t buy it anyway. She learned from her previous mistakes – clutching at people she lost her heart to – when she finally started building up some trust into them. Who actually wants to be strangled with love? How could she tell him she already is lost completely – not only into his amazing deep sparkling green-brown eyes? Nonsense! He’s bound – has his responsibilites. Face it, Ciara – he’s the bitter apple you never wanted to taste of. And yet – he keeps her mesmerized. His masculine scent still lingering in the air.
She walks into the bathroom. There his towel rests onto the rim of the bathtub. She clings her slightly shaking fingers into it and presses it desperately onto her face inhaling his aroma. With heavy sobs she sinks onto the edge of the tub – shaking in despair.
David isn’t really keen on driving over 130 KM. Maybe he should call the limo service. If things would turn out ugly he might not be in the condition to drive back without...he quickly wipes out his last thought. David – even she’s not worth any suicidal attempts! He feels his mood swings lurking around the corner. No, not now! And at a closer look – why shouldn’t there be a chance to get things back into balance?
Again he fetches for the tiny puzzle piece and stares at it. Ciara is so right! Why should I throw away a puzzle I might find the missing pieces by chance?
Leaning back into the comfy leather cushions of the dark limousine he tells the chauffeur via intercom he should wake him 15 minutes before they’d reach their final destination.
Ciara picks up the phone. A collegue from work who wants to know when she’ll be back. Fact is – she still is on sick note. She sighs.
„Cat, I will be back on Monday.“
„That’s good to hear. Feeling better, luv? T’was a terrible shock for all of us.“
Ciara rolls her eyes. Yeah, sure – things like these always make the round in just a blink of time.
„Aw, I told you not to spread the news!“
„Oh, I just told Mel – and she promissed...“
„Then you also could have pinned it to the message board!“
„Sorry!“
„Me too. Anyways – anything new I should be aware of?“
„Christopher got the axe – that prick!“
„Can’t say I’m surprised – he’s such a pain. What happened?“
„They got him in the act - harrassing the new secretary, Liv, you remember her?“
„Yep – working for the boss. So he played the squid again – bastard!“
„Hehe – he didn’t recognize the cams hidden in the copy room. Mel said a porn was the understatement of the year!“
„Serves him right! I recall the shooting I had with those guys from ‚Blade Club’. I nearly let my EOS drop when he approached me from behind!“
„DOH! Oh, check your shedules and pick the assignments you want to work on – before our sweet King Henry grabs the best filets!“
„Ugh, can’t say I’m looking forward to see him close up soon – yet he’s a brilliant photographer, no doubt about it.“
She finally ends the conversation and slowly heads for the study – well, the corner of her huge living room she positioned her desk and Mac. Well, let’s see what kinda work the agency has in store for her. In the end it’s not the worst idea to drown into work again for a while, isn’t it?
X.-part two
For three long days there’s no life sign of David. Not even a tiny textmessage. Ciara knows she has to be patient. The last thing that would help each of them would be her stalking him on his mobile – perhaps disturbing his efforts to convince his wife. On the other hand – why didn’t he even send a short note that he’s OK? He’s not really stable – anything could happen!
Luckily she has not much time to worry about as Monday dawns and she has to dash to work again – facing all the looks and questions.
It’s Tuesday, late afternoon, when finally her door bell rings. She dashes to the front door and tears it open. It’s not David but another wellknown face.
„Mr.Kessler?“
He nods and faces her straight. His looks send a shiver down her spine.
„Is David well? What happened?“
„May I come in?“
„Oh, sorry! Of course!“
He follows her to the lounge. She offers him a seat and drink.
„Thanx, a coffee would be nice.“
When she returns and put the tray onto the couch table, he moves in the couch chair again.
„Well, David already told me you had kinda premonition qualities.“ He stops again, obviously hesitating.
„Be plain and straight with me, please, Mr. Kessler.“
„I wanted to see myself who David is dealing with – I mean, I’m his best friend. Sad enough he kept it to himself this time.“
„You didn’t know about his recent problems with Jennifer?“
„No. The more I’m curious why he put so much trust in you.“
She flashes him a sarcastic smile.
„And now you want to check on me – as I’m just a little affair again that might be in the way.“
„He wouldn’t have called me if you’d be such a person. Ciara, I don’t know how deelpy you are already involved into all this, but David is on the way back to New York as we speak – and he will not arrive alone.“
She swallows hard.
„I should be happy for him now as that’s what he’s desperately been longing for.“
Kessler gets up and moves next to her onto the couch.
„It’s all very fragile at the moment. I don’t know how to tell you – errr, it would be best if you’d stay out off the picture for a while.“
„Did he send you to tell me this? Can’t he speak for himself?“ She lets her head sink.
„I should have known from the beginning that he’s like all men – a coward! I didn’t expect it though especially from him.“
„You’re completely wrong!“
„Am I, Mr. Kessler? I would be surprised!“
„It’s Jonathan, please.“
She looks at him in disbelief.
He reaches for her hands, holding them in his firmly.
„David’s friends are my friends aswell.“ His grey-brown eyes lock her view.
„It would be wise to stay off the radar for a week or so – till things have settled a litte. He will come back to you, explaining himself. That’s a promise.“
Then he rummages in his jacket and takes out a tiny envelope.
„I shall give this to you. He told me you would know.“
With these words he gets up.
„I know how to find my way out. Here’s my business card – just in case.“
She still sits there kinda paralysed. So the family is reunited again. He must have been bloody convincing. With a deep sigh she opens the little pack of paper. A single puzzle piece is slipping into her hands. Oh, David! Looking closer she’s thunderstruck. It’s not the one she’s given to him!
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