He puts another log into the fireplace and then takes a seat next to his wife on the couch. She keeps on talking as he doesn’t answer.
„There’s more emotion involved from her side than she would admit to herself. And you simply skip lots of steps and talk her into having a threesome with the lovely wife! I know exacty what kinda film was on the menu. Shouldn’t I be happy now? It’s most likely she will recoil into her pain and will avoid your company from now on. But I’m not – please believe me.“
There’s a bewildered expression on David’s face now.
„You mean I’m losing her?“
„Do you own her? What’s this? Not just sex – OK. But not love, isn’t it?“
He’s pulling his hair.
„She touched me so deep inside! Jen, I have no clue either! Do you recall me telling you about twin souls?“
„Yes – soulsister and soulbrother. I can’t hear it anymore! Real life is here – so you better beam yourself back!“
He can’t sit still any longer and jumps up from the couch – pacing up and down the room.
„Now come back here! You really drive me nutz with all your wandering. Moreover the carpet will have a path if you go on like this.“
Finally Dave sinks back next to Jen with a deep sigh. She puts her arm around his shoulders, soothing him. He cuddles closer to her. This well known intimacy gets him back to the ground again.
„Baby, we already got through way more difficult situations.“ She brushes through his hair. He closes his eyes for a moment. Yes, she’s the secure port, his haven he could anchor.
The gentle touches turn into longing caresses and finally Jen unzips his trousers. He pulls her shirt over her head and pushes her skirt up. Releasing pressure, conciliation sex – dig it! This valve now is going to be opened and both dive into each other, melting kinda in the half light on the couch. The crackling of the fire only is interrupted by their agitated breathing and moaning. When David rams his cock into her wet channel it feels so good and right. And her eyes keep telling him:
‚We belong together – whatever might going to happen.’
Both do not see Siv standing in the doorway for a while now – watching them.
XXIII.
After I spent the day avoiding the others I finally have enough after dinner. When Mart asks if I’d fancy a little ‚harmless’ club crawl I nod and dress up in my all in black bitch outfit. I definitely need a licence for that black lace shirt!
Jen is not in the mood. She prefers to cuddle and talk with Stella. Dave isn’t the party animal anymore – accordingly I don’t expect him to show up either. So I’m looking forward to a relaxed evening with Curly and Fletch – when David turns up in the lounge - in black leather pants and a wide cut white shirt. I’m shortly baffled – then a little angry. A little more distance would be helpful and nice.
„What would you like, sweety?“ Mart opens the door of Andy’s car for me.
„Honestly? A dim lit, dirty club where they play biker stuff and hardrock!“
Have to laugh about myself. This is not going to happen. But Dave smirks at Martin and snaps his fingers.
„Andy, get your earplugs – we’re heading for the „Blade!“
The name doesn’t ring a bell – yet there are so many clubs in London opening and closing within a week – who could keep track on it?
„After that it’s my club! I will present you a classy DJ-set!“ Fletch grins and wiggles with his aluminium CD case.
„Allrighty – so off with you!“
During the ride through the night scenes of Dave with Jen cruise my poor head. Fuck! I see them again and again – lustfully rolling on the couch next to the fireplace. The chemistry between them just so right!
As if David sensed it again he puts his hand onto mine. I try to drag it away but he keeps holding it. The soft compression seems to tell me: ‚Hey, whatever it is – I’m there for you!’
You wish for! But I can’t believe it any longer. The reality check with Jennifer was successful.
A ruggedly braking yanks me back into the car. The driver just tried to park in a more or less creative way. There are masses of people scrambling in front of the club. Huhm, seems to be quite hip. We enter the place via a side entrance to directly get to the VIP lounge area. The whole place definitely is stuffed. Amazing music! I can identify Whitesnake, Motörhead with ‚Ace Of Spades’. The audience is mixed. Some obvious heavies but also lots of mainstream guys.
Dave seems to have detected some wellknown faces. Right – in a corner Dave Grohl and Evil Jared. A little along down to the bar I see the guys from Rammstein. Till Lindemann already fixes my view. Argh – do I get that wrong or does he have extremely dilated pupils?
Mart and Dave approach Dave Grohl, Fletch suddenly has disappeared somewhere and I’m standing there without any wing man! The unavoidable is going to happen. The Rammstein singer makes his way over to me. What a tower of a man! I’m not short but he really peaks out over us all.
„Hey, Lady? I didn’t see you here before.“ He seems to be a regular at this club. His german English accent gives me the creeps again. Reminds me of the ‚Stripped’ cover and I can’t help but grin. I reply his sweatty hand shake and introduce myself.
„You can talk German if you want.“
„Arriving with the Depeches – how does that fit together then?“
„I’m bilingual. And as you should know Mart speaks it fluently as well.“
His eyes are taxing me from head to toe. He seems to be pleased with what to see. I also think he’s kinda attractive – I less like the fact he’s already sloshed and onto whatsoever. Cocaine I’m afraid. He rubs his nose frequently and considering his pupils – no, I don’t like it at all. Fuck! And then he asks.
„Do you need anything?“ He blinks at me and slips two white pills into my hand.
„No, thanx! I don’t play that tune.“ I push those two things back into the pocket of his leather jeans. Oh oh, bad mistake! Body contact! He grabs my waist and pulls me closer to him.
„Come, dance with me!“
With that intonation he also could have blurted out:
„Come and fuck me!“
Shit! But the music is too good and I trust in the guys. They will have an eye on me – I hope. So I follow him onto the dance floor. They just play ‚Enter Sandman’ from Metallica. Wow! We both really get off. I like these heavy sounds and let my hair fly around. This seems to turn him on even more. His big eyes burn me meanwhile. I really have to be careful!
In the corner of my eye I recognize Dave observing us. Well, I feel a little like teasing him. So I allow Till letting his hands wander under my blouse, stroking my back. His wet lips trail along my neck and then he forces his tongue into my mouth deeply. Hell, now it’s really getting dangerous! I try to loosen myself from his grip – to no avail. In this state he seems not to accept ‚no’ as an answer and, gets me hard at my arm and pulls me with him through the people direction restrooms. Now I’m glad Dave is watching! I throw him a desperate look but he’s just grinning evilly. Fuck, don’t you see this isn’t fun anymore?! In the end it’s my own fault – why didn’t I stop gaming when I could?!
The noise level is that high Till apparently doesn’t hear my protest – maybe he doesn’t want to anyway. With a swift move he manoeuvers me into the next restroom and shuts the door. Mirrors and cold light everywhere. Two guys quickly rush outside. We’re on our own as it appears.
„VIP toilet?“
He smirks.
„Yep!“
Then I hear the sound of his zipper and see him freeing his already hard member.
„Come, blow me, you slut! The sight of your lips drives me insane!“
I watch him with disgust.
„No way! Who do you think I am?!“
„Don’t play virgin Mary – you want it, too!“
Why does that suddenly remind me of Dave’s ‚Deeper And Deeper’? Oh, yeah – ‚You can’t tell me that you don’t want it!’ – oh no!
„I don’t do guys on drugs – and not at all in a shabby loo!“
Siv, you better think very sharply now – Anton’s studio – and what you and Dave...!
He still seems to find it kinda amusing.
„You want a line? Maybe you’ll be much more relaxed afterwards!“
He nestles in his back pocket and presents a tiny sachet. Now I really only want to get out of here but he obstructs the way!
„And how fucking great it will feel when I rub a finger of it into your wet pussy!“
„Don’t you get it?! I don’t want to! And now let me through at once!“
Instead he bites into my lips and frantically pushes me against his body. I can sense his hard on against my groin. Damn, isn’t there anybody disturbing? In every movie it happens all the time! Nothing. I even can’t lift my knee – that tightly he presses me against him.
Yet then finally there’s a different movement. I hear an agitated „Paws off, you asshole!“ from Dave! Then I recognize Fletch and another guy getting at Till in a not really smooth way – fixing his arms. Everything happens so fast I can’t really think straight.
„Out!“, thunders Andy and pushes the perplexed Till through the door, followed by that broad chested guy – obviously security.
Trembling I lean myself against the next bassin. The sachet is still resting next to me on the tiles.
„Dave, no!“
But he already takes it with a look that could kill and flushes it in front of my eyes in the next toilet.
„What the frigg was THAT?! Are you mad?! That guy on coke is a loose cannon!“
He looks really pestered now. In me a wave of red heat is rising as well.
„I don’t need a nanny! You better check on your own shite!“
„Ah, yeah? Brilliant! Then have lots of fun with your next rape!“
The moment it slips out he already knows it’s complete crap. I slap his face with all might.
„Siv, I’m so sorry! Fuck, I really didn’t want to say it! Come, hit me again!“
But I already run to the exit, blinded with tears. It’s all too much!
***
„Siv, come on now!“
Fletch finally gets annoyed. We still stand in front of the ‚Blade’.
„I don’t share a car with that bastard!“
„For heaven’s sake! Dave, you get into the front, Mart and you in the back! Basta!“
Again I shake my head and ostentatively avoid eye contact with David.
„I’ll prop you into the boot!“
„Luckily I won’t fit in there!“
„That’s it – then enjoy the walk!“
The car door flies shut with a bang. The dark limo starts moving without me. He won’t dare...! The vehicle disappears around the next bend. Ah, fuck off- all of you! I walk like in slow motion. Again tears blurr my sight. Enough is enough! I’m going back to Hamburg – that’s fixed!
A car stops next to me.
„Now get yourself in!“
Andrew just seemed to have taken a lap around the block. Mart opens the door and I crawl onto the back seat – without any word. I stay that way till we reach Andy’s home. Even an oyster must be more talkative. I head for my room ignoring them – starting to pack my suitcases.
***
„You can’t be serious, Siv!“
John’s affected expression. Mart seems to have called him immediatey after I announced at breakfast that I would take the 4 pm flight off the island. How apt – Dave,Jennifer and Rosie didn’t show up at all!
I sort the last bits of my camera gear.
„I urgently need a time-out, John! No sense to carry on like this. And don’t ask for details, please!“
„You recall our conversation back at that italian restaurant?“
I’m shortly puzzled, then it dawns me.
„You mean the ‚something going over the rails’ bit?“
„What else? Siv, I haven’t seen Dave this much off the track for a long while.“
„And that’s my fault now? Excellent!“ I smash the photo alu case shut.
„It’s not about fault – merely about hurt feelings, ay?“
I sigh. He really won’t let go.
„John, I should have known better! What was I thinking to let myself fall into this?! I did see him with Jen – making love. They are meant for each other – no doubt about it! And Rosie – I’m still in awe.“
„But you didn’t start the whole affair!“
„You say it – affair! And you know it needs two for it! How could I be so naive?!“
John strokes his moustache again and again.
„OK, I agree you all need a time-out. We will keep to it as such – no dismissal!“
Mart peeks into the room. John gets up and leaves me with him.
„May I come in?“
I shrug my shoulders. Before I can muster to say anything he already embraces me tightly.
„No, don’t say a word. I understand you are hurt. No clue what advice I shall give. But please return asap – when you’re ready!“
He caresses my right cheek and then leaves the room.
Fletch is keen on accompanying me to the airport. No sign of David and family. Then it’s as it is. The guys didn’t mention anything to me. So I angrily throw my hand luggage onto the back seat. On the way I shed a few tears again – I simply can’t help it. I have to admit – I didn’t expect Dave not saying bye. There’s a painful, deep pinch in my heart. Hell freezes before I would ask Andy what’s it all about! He every now and then searches eye contact via the rearview mirror – as if he’s waiting for me to alter my decision the last minute. Finally he lets the driver turn into an emergency lay-by and stop the car.
„Here – I should give this to you from Dave.“
He hands me over a small envelope. I must look shellshocked.
„God, Siv! Can’t you imagine how hard David takes all this? He simply hadn’t got the heart to see you leaving in person. Even Jen wasn’t able to convince him – yeah, you hear right. They and Rosie took the night flight back to New York. And I should add it was a flight. I was not supposed to tell you – but I want you to stop thinking he’s a fucking asshole.“
I open the latch with trembling fingers. A chain with a little silver cross slips into my hands. It’s the one he was wearing during the last tour. Nothing else. No note, no letter. Like a robot I put the necklet into my purse.
„Siv, listen...“
I interrupt him.
„Andy, please! It’s all said for now. Any more words aren’t necessary. Believe me – it’s not easy for me as well.“
The chauffeur starts the engine again and drives use to the correct terminal. At the check-in we say good-bye. Andy takes me into his arms and holds me tight for a while.
„Basil will terribly miss you. What am I gonna do with him?“
And with a lower voice he adds: „And me, too.“
***
I’m fastened to my seat and am deeply in thoughts, playing with Dave’s necklet. An air hostess shovels her trolley through the aisle – very close, nearly pushing me. Bloody cow! I fix the cross again. Yes, that’s somehow mean of him. Like ‚I’m a martyr for love’! But in the end he’s right. It’s really a cross, a burden with him – with us. I just can’t accept the hidden accusation that I might have nailed him at it. On the other hand this little gesture deeply moves me. This is his shelter for being on the road. Besides all he still wants me to be protected. And it’s a reminder to accept the cross. Not to run away – even if it looks like we’re both on the run. I take my flight to Hamburg – he to New York. Death is not the finale. Just the ending of a known phase. Hope. I so much try to fight with all fibres of my heart and mind – against this tiny bit of hope! What for?
AJÁNLOM AZ OLDALT
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