9.

Basildon, July 23rd, 1980

Every fooking poet writes a diary – it’s my fooking 19th birthday and I’m sloshed! And I’m far from being a poet! Do poets live in bloody Basildon? Working in a bank – counting cheques – what’s poetic about that?!
‚No Romance in China’, ‘Norman and The Worms’, ‘The French Look’ – and now since March ‘Composition of Sound’. Reads impressing? Not if it’s just always guys like Vince telling you what to do and what the frigg you better leave up to them. Am I complaining? Hell, yes! I just don’t do in public. Thank god I have Andy backing me up. Otherwise I already might have smashed one of the new bloody expensive keyboards.

Looks we at least have a new singer for the band. Vince again – he heard him crooning to David Bowie’s ‚Heroes’ – and here we have our own David. Basildon lad. Even handed in a new suggestion concerning our name: ‚Depeche Mode’! That fellow is into fashion – nicked that name from a catalogue. Not bad looking – and the girls seem to like him. Never seen him without one chick so far – though he’s got a girl friend, Joanne.
Something’s strange about him though. Andy told me he uses to hang around gay clubs – being or having been a ‚soul boy’. I should check that out.
Depeche Mode...like it to be honest.

„Why am I not surprised you would pick on that bit? If you’d know...I’m not really proud of that time in my life – like so many other ones. Some not so nice memories, mate.“

David lets his head sink, a slight feeling of nausea developing in his stomach. There were people using him – his innocence and youth, his curiosity. It was when he definitely started to play with fire. Getting at his mom’s tranquilizers to silence his conscience every now and then – when he simply couldn’t handle the disgusting feelings anymore. Looking for closeness, maybe love – just at the completely wrong places. First time he really was loaded was when he was just 12.

Closing his eyes he senses the hot breath against his skin, the terrible smell of sweat, beer and tobacco, urine – and cum.

„Fuck! I was only a kid!“

He turns some more pages. Reading about how Martin thinks about the world of music – getting insights of what’s going on behind the scenes, when he was left out – Mart more trusting into his best friend Andy. Vince leaving – Alan joining. Studio sessions. The first success in the charts. Thoughts about being a vegetarian. Berlin. Dave stops again in 1984.

Berlin, April 4th, 1984

Why do people make such a fuss about me running around naked?! I like my body and I feel way comfy in it! Additionly is a great source of inspiration. Recording ‚Somebody’ completely in the nude was the best I could have done – letting all inhibitons go. OK, I can’t remember all the naughty little strip shows I did on several occasions – not being sober all the time. When I see Andy rolling his eyes again the next morning, when I come to the studio with a terrible hangover – I know it must have been lots of fun again.

Reminds me I need to go to that kinky dark boutique in near Stuttgarter Platz again – getting more stuff. I saw a hot leather skirt in the window display – all propped up with harness and chains. Black leather makes me weak and horny anyway. When I see somebody – male or female – wearing black leather - I immediately find them sexually attractive.

If Dave goes on wiggling his hot butt in his way too tight leather jeans he might be in for a little surprise soon. Not sure if he really would appreciate it. Going to fetish clubs with me I still sense he’s more for the tits than the cocks. There’s a certain affinity to the dark side of desire palpable kinda – still: Dave and being submissive? Don’t buy it! I tried to get more input on his ‚gay club’ adventures in the past – yet every time I hit a brick wall. He’s such a pretty boy – what a waste! And as I think that all this gender thing is completely crap...well, he needs some more time and work to be convinced of the obvious.
Hah, says the right person! Christina is so hot – and she matches my perverted mind when it comes to sex. How often do you meet a woman that is willing to share her dresses, skirts, garters, silk stockings and make-up?
By the way - I need to stock up some more black nail polish!

Dave has to stop again. That year in August they released ‚Master & Servant’. The ‚surprise’ Mart was writing about – oh hell! They had a big fight about that later and from then they never touched that ‚topic’ again – not that directly. Half a year after he married Joanne.

„Damn you, Curly! I wish it was a brick wall that I could have hidden behind those days - when...“

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