44.

The shortest way is back outside. Jumping off the wooden planks into the sand he empties the complete contents of his upset stomach. Retching repeatedly till there’s nothing more to give away he wipes his burning eyes. Slowly the past hours start to sink into his conscious. Returning into the lounge, still trembling slightly, he sees Mart sitting there with dead eyes.

„Now you’re going to leave me.“
„Bloody, stupid prick!“

Dave paces up and down the room.
„What the hell did you think?! You were married with Suzy and already had Viva and Ava!“
„I usually had two or three girlfriends at the same time – you’ve read my diaries.“
„Not everything – fucking hell! You’re really trying to take the easy way out – letting me gather every tiny bit of information myself – like worming it out off you and the bloody asshole Martin Gore leans back and enjoys the horror! Fuck you!“
Crossing the line of windows again he furiously grabs a huge flower pot and smashes it to the ground. Staring at the masses of smithereens it hits him like a kick into the balls.

„Rosie not my daughter? Not my flesh and blood? Oh my god!“ His voice dies down and is replaced by some silent sobs now.

Martin knows immediately what’s on the table. Dave would forgive him shagging his wife and he wouldn’t make a big wave when confronting Jenny – BUT...Stella-Rose, his tiny shining star?
I can’t even blame Alan for this though he encouraged me kinda! It was all horny, juiced me!

„I was a jealous, sick bastard. I thought if I would rub my back with Jenny I could get you, too. God, she’s a hot woman – you know my taste! It was so stupid, no doubt about it! David, there’s still the chance she’s yours! Remember the tourdates? The last days till Helloween we played and stayed in New York. Philly was 1st of November.“

„How long?“
The blond curly man knows exactly what David is asking for.
„It started during the sessions for ‚Ultra’.“
„Christ!“
„Not very frequently. Geez, she really loves you! Don’t blame her. I can be really convincing you know.“ He averts his eyes not to see Dave’s tormented face. „I told her I wanted to get away from the booze. She seems to have a very soft spot for helpless, emotional, fallen rockstars. I wrote a song for her. That was the catalyst. Using some greek lines was evil, I admit it.“
„Talking about evil...why can Alan still move you like a pawn on his chess board?“
„And you? Are you his knight? You’re in the same situation. What is it he holds you captive with?“
„I should have strangled him! I really should have ended it when I had the chance!“
„You already said that a while ago, Dave – and then you...and me as well – we followed his call. You didn’t answer my question yet.“

Davis looks like he’s got a very bad and frightening deja vu. Still crouching against the wall next to the main window he nervously drums his knuckles against the radiator beneath the sill, lots of pieces of the shattered pot lying around him.
„I think I’ve killed a groupie.“
„You did WHAT?!“
„No idea how it happened – I just remember shreds, having been so wasted and high. It was during the Exotic Tour leg. Andy already was undergoing medical treatment in London. Must have been one random girl. We had some coke and later we must have used H. Charlie found us. She was unconscious. He put her into a wheeled stage case and placed her at the next bus stop, onto a bench. It was in the middle of the fooking night so the area was deserted. Well, that’s what he told me when I was more or less coherent again. The next evening we saw the local news on TV. A 16 year old girl was found at a bus stop. Overdose. I knew immediately it was her. They aired some film footage. I only could get a glimpse of her wrist. She was wearing the slim leather bracelet with the ivory ankhs that matched my necklace.“

„Dave, god, David! She could have done it herself...later on! How could you be sure?“
„Umh, her arms were full of scars. She for sure was a junkie, too. I can’t piece the parts together! I was so glad Alan managed everything without any notice. So we moved on and I sunk back into my cocoon.“
„Did he sent you syringes afterwards? Nice little reminders?“ Mart can’t hide his sarcasm.
Dave turns his head and faces his friend for the first time after a while again.
„No. He was way more subtle. We stayed in loose contact over all the years. You know he visited a few concerts of my PM solo tour.“ He lets his head fall back against the wall. „As long as I allowed him into my pants he was nice and sweet. It wasn’t that often and...well, you know Charlie. It’s tough to deny him anything he really wants.“
„Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hide. Now you start to understand I guess.“
„I’m far from getting it, Martin. I feel like in the eye of a storm at the moment.“
„Believe me, I know that feeling.“ He cleans his throat. „If I could turn back time...“
„No, Curly! No more ‚ifs’ and ‚sorries’ now. I have no idea what to believe and what not. Most important thing now is: I do not want to loose my precious daughter nor her mother.“
„What are you going to do about it? Secret DNA testing?“
„Seems to be the best option – not causing any more kerkuffle.“
„And if she’s not your offspring?“

Mart’s question lingers in the room like an ill feeling. David closes his eyes for a moment and inhales deeply.

„She IS my daughter – whatsoever. We’re not going to tell anyone anything - regardless the results. Can you do that for me, Martin?“
„You don’t want to rip my balls off or anything?“
„I never expected you would give me such a tough call...to love you. I’m shaken – I hate and I love you at the same time - but I can’t deny my emotions. I’ve done that for far too long. Only bad things arose from it. I want it to stop! I want people stop taking control over my life and you should do the same, Curly.“

The tall, dark haired man finally gets up and slowly walks over to his mate on the couch, who still sits there, ruffled hair and his whole body tension signalling his insecurity and shame. Taking a seat next to him he fetches his cigarillos and lights one.

„How could he take those bleeding photos?!“
„He was in New York that week, forced me to meet him for our usual encounters. It never stopped after him leaving the band. I was so sloshed I even have no clue how I made a date with Jenny – avoiding you walking in on us. Somehow he slipped into the flat after me or I had to let him in – I have no idea. Perhaps I thought he wanted to peep on us having sex...getting off from it. He’s perv enough as we both know.“
„I must have been with Geoff – attending an AA meeting. Bummer!“ He angrily brushes through his short hair. „That I call some criminal energy, fooking hell!“ He fixes his friend again. „No, not you. Charlie!“
„So he fucked with us both.“ „Both – fucked and fucked with.“ „Argh, Dave!“ The addressed rolls his eyes. Then he suddenly rips some strands out off the fluffy, blond hair.
„Oouch! Are you mad?!“
„Nope, thought I’d collect some genetic material for the test.“
„Hell, Dave! They use sterile cotton tips in plastic tubes and take a sample from inside your mouth. You can get them in any pharmacy or straight from the lab in question.“ He smirks a little now. „Cum works, too.“

Dave still sits quite calmly next to him – not being his real self. It’s sorta giving Mart the creeps. If Dave had fucked Suzy and the question wether one of his daughters was not his...he would run amok!

„You should scream at me, beat the hell out off me.“
„I just feel numb – like starring in a movie but not having a script. Scenes just pass by and I can’t move a single finger. It’s really weird.“
The expression in his eyes lets Martin swallow hard. When his lover starts to giggle and shiver uncontrollably he grabs him by his shoulders.
„David! Dave, baby!“

Now I’ve done it! He’s got a nervous break-down.

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