55.

The light starts slowly conquering the night sky. Shades of purple and cinnabar creep along the horizon. Mart and Dave lie on their backs, staring into the wide open above – watching the stars fading one after the other. This isn’t the time for sleeping. They both are still wide awake.

It needs more than just the glitter I’m afraid, Martin. God knows I love you but your mind seems to walk a mile an hour.

As if he heard his thoughts Mart’s hand reaches over, coming to a rest over his one. The light pressure lets him turn his head slightly, facing his partner again.

“I’m sorry, Dave.”
Not again!
With a swift move he’s over the shorter man’s body, silencing him with a deep kiss. Then he unexpectedly grabs him and yanks the naked, glittering form over his also glimmering shoulder, carrying him towards the water. Mart is still too perplexed to retort anything sensible and instead enjoys the sudden buzzing in his system. Them both landing in the wet sand, the salty liquid licking along their bodies, partially covering them, the blond man tries to get out off the grip of those hands above him – to not much avail.

“Stay still, Curly. Don’t fight – not me, not yourself.”
His arms lighten their weight slightly to test the response. Another wave hits them and both of their hair now is soaking wet, hanging and sticking into their faces. Martin lifts his now free, left hand and smoothes some of Dave’s strands back to be able to see his amazing eyes. Clinging his legs around his back he swallows, recogizing the darkness growing in those irises – besides the rapidly hardening member that is now pressing against his groin.

“Take me, Dave – now! I’m yours.”
“No, birthday boy. I have a present for you.”

Looking into the abysmal green, longing and loving eyes beneath him all pain and suffering start to disappear – like in a haze that eventually would evaporate into thin air like the early mist – just leaving a few drops of dew on the skin.

***

Mart awakes by the tossing and turning in the sheets next to him. Dave seems to have some rough time dreaming, mumbling some incoherent words. Bending over him he tries to calm him down, caressing his face, whispering sweet nothings into his ear. It seems to help yet when Martin wants to turn over to his side of the bed again his partner unconsciously grabs the metal elements of the headboard, eyes still tightly shut.

„Charlie, oh god! Yes, do it once more! Make me feel! My body is so numb – force me to feel it again! I know you can – please help me!“

The new nuance in his voice, the desperate tone – more a raw yell – lets the blond man cringe.
What else do I not know, my love? How can I help you now? I must have touched something deep inside of you and now it’s getting back at you. Perhaps it’s just about time. I need to face it – and I need to do that with you, my dark angel. Together.

Mart takes Dave by his shoulders and shakes him properly. Finally his eyes shoot open and the bewilderment in them is obvious.
„Shush, relax! You’re save. It was just a bad dream.“ He tries to wipe some sweat off his forehead but the brunette slightly flinches.
„Sorry! I’m a bit confused, Curly.“
His lover quickly gets up and goes for a small towel from the bathroom. Returning he sees Dave trying to shake off the last shreds of his nightmare, rubbing his eyes.
„Here, let me help you.“ He gently brushes through the damp hair and dries his face and neck. Putting the item aside he continues smoothing down Dave’s cheeks. There are still some traces of the glitter that resisted all the water and shower gel earlier.
„Do you feel this?“ He continues letting his pale fingers wander along the collarbone. „And this?“
„Mart, what is this about?“
The green eyes that face him have a sad and concerned expression.
„Do you feel me, Dave? Do you feel me at all?“
Judging his now devastated gasp it seems to dawn David, his memory must be returning.
„I did talk in my sleep.“
„Yes, you did. You were clinging to the headboard I was afraid you would rip it apart.“

A moment of awkward silence. Dave swallows hard.

„What exactly did I say?“
„You should remember. I suppose it’s not the first time you had that dream. Those kind come in sort of recurring loops as long as you haven’t dealt with the matter. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about. Sad enough.“
„Martin, please!“
„You talked to Alan...well, you yelled at him, calling him Charlie. Does that ring a bell?“

Mart can see kind of landslide in Dave’s face. He certainly knows by now and the realisation lets the water well in his hazel eyes.

„Dave, baby! What can I do to help you ending the pain?“ He takes one of his mate’s arms and lets his fingers tenderly slip over the crawlies on the skin.
„No scars. So you compensated it with...“ „Sex and drugs – well, count sex as a drug.“ David sighs deeply and then stops Martin’s hand from wandering, grabbing it and closing his fingers firmly around it. „My shrink said I was sort of BPD type. What did he know! He wasn’t by my side when I was a kid! When...you know.“ His voice dies down.
„You used Alan for kinda therapy reasons?!“
„Not consciously and not really willingly either. He just got the signals right and took advantage of the situation. It could have been a fair deal for both of us – getting what we needed.“
„You still need him – want him. Why did you lie to me last time when I asked you the exact same?“
Mart tries to stay calm not to upset his friend even more.
„You asked me if I loved him. That’s not the same and it’s not the case.“
„Are you able to love anyone anyway?“
„Curly!“
„Now that we are at it. Do you trust people enough to really be in love with them? I doubt it seeing you in the state you’re still in. I understand you need to feel with your skin, but is there a connection to your heart and soul? Or is it closer to the truth that you just try to imagine it was there cause you so desperately seek for it?“
„Martin, don’t do this, please!“
„What? Finally facing the truth? Whatever truth that is for you. One thing is for sure – I DO feel for you. That much it rips my heart out watching you like this, discovering you still hide from me. This has nothing to do with my or your sins in the past. I bet if I’d ask Jen I might get some similar feedback. Why did she get herself a lover in the end? Your whole life is a façade, a collossal fake of emotions that aren’t realy there! There’s your hole to feed! Give it more, more, more!“

The man resting against the headboard shortly blinks and obviously has a tough time to keep his composure. Well, that’s the last thing his friend wants, him keeping a lid on it.

“Why is it so fucking hard to trust me, Dave?!”
“Do I really have to list the reasons? Alan? Jennifer? What else would you do to get at me?”
“Did you look into a mirror recently, David?”

The accused bends his head and nods.
“You’re right, I should know better.”
“So we agree that we both have our dark, ugly demons from the past. Can’t we finally stop them ruling the present? What do I have to do to proove you my absolute sincerety? Calling Al?”

Martin turns and grabs his mobile from the side table, hitting a key. Dave is fast enough to wriggle it out off his hand and caps the connection before the call gets through. They both stare into each others eyes.

“What are you so much afraid of, Dave?”
“Do you want to risk the bloody recordings?”

For a moment there’s just silence, a tensed, not pleasant one. Then the mobile cuts in. Mart’s eyes widen when he looks at the display, showing it shortly to Dave and then receiving the call.

***

t.b.c.

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