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Chapter 65
2010.05.15. 19:42
65.
“Dave…” Mart stops, seeing the expression in Dave’s eyes.
“You and Alan…I couldn’t help to hear and see it, Martin.”
“No, your eyes and ears were betrayed!” He needs all his energy to keep himself at bay. David stays calm, his voice quiet and low.
“Don’t insult my intelligence, just be honest with me. You two were naked under that bloody blanket – we do not need to discuss it.”
“Yes, we were skin on skin, but I didn’t have sex with him. Well, he was rubbing against me and came – I didn’t. I was turning painfully hard yet all I could think of was you, my dark angel.”
The blond man fixes the other man’s face with both of his hands, looking him deeply into his olive eyes. “Alan – what can I say? He’ll need his pretty time to get over it.”
“It? You mean us, don’t you?”
“Is there an ‘us’, Dave? The way you seem to doubt my good intentions hurts, you know. Way more than to share you with Trent, knowing it’s just physical for sure. More than to envisage you in Jen’s arms – being aware your family is the most important factor in your life.” He blinks away the wetness that is threatening. “As usual I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. Not a nice feeling.“
„Umh, you can’t deny you’re adding to the confusion.“
„God, David! What else could I tell you? Do you want a complete soul strip, me bare to the bones? Would you believe me at all? I would be all over the place and I assure you one thing – you wouldn’t want the shreds that would be left of me. You would remember only the bitterness and pain.“
Mart’s voice starts wobbling with the extreme effort to control his emotions.
„Do you really want to know why we were naked?“
The brunette man just nods.
„Alan disrobed, stood in front of me, trembling, and just said he coudn’t strip more unless I wanted to rip off his skin. Well, I took it as an offer to be as honest as possible and did the same. Then we ended on the couch, talking – most of the time he did. It was somehow odd, but I listened carefully, my soul was open as well. Dave, it’s way beyond ‚us’ and I really can’t say more not to betray his trust in me. You are just the same, why do you wonder? You didn’t tell me all that concerns you and him and I can live with that fact.“
„He still sort of scares the shit out off me, Curly. I just can’t help it.“
„I know and I understand – better than anybody else. We’re in this together. Let’s not let it have the opposite effect on us now. For how many times did we try to draw a final line under that chapter of our lives?“
„One time too many me thinks.“ Dave lets go a deep sigh and Martin drags him closer against his naked body.
„Well, being skin on skin with you is something completely different though...“ His voice dropped into a lower, darker yet smooth range and some crawlies make it down his lover’s well shaped back. „I just want to be with you, I want you with every fibre of my existence, Dave.“
The addressed closes his lids and softly moans against his friend’s shoulder. Then he suddenly stops in his motion.
„Shit, what about Trent?“
„I was wondering when I would finally hear my name. My ass must be square meanwhile and I fucking freeze in just this bathing sheet.“
The NIN singer appears in the door frame, hair still damp from the shower. The fierce red imprints of a set of teeth are fully visible a little below his throat. Some long scratches along his pale arms seem to glow in the dim light. The stomach area is covered with more little wounds Dave had inflicted on him while wrestling in the sheets earlier.
„Then you better creep under the duvet.“ Mart pats the sheets. „It might look like Dave and me want to spend some time just with each other, but we all know you’re here for a reason, so move your hot bod over here, Reznor.“
„Curly!“
„Dave, relax. I know what I’m in for, so should you.“
Trent slips into bed next to Dave, avoiding skin contact. He just leans his bare back against the headboard and slightly smiles at the two other men, recognizing the reddened cheeks of the brunette one. Sliding his trained fingers over his neck he fixes Dave.
„No need to be ashamed. Welcome to the jungle.“ He winks and continues. „Don’t be afraid to show your feelings, your desires – and don’t expect me to want compensation now. I’m patient.“ He pauses again and his dark-brown eyes glisten a little evilly. „I can envisage me bending you over one of my sequenzers while working on a song in my studio. The offer is up. If you have some time when you’re through with all the recent DM stuff I’d like to do a little collaboration – in more than one meaning.“ He smirks now. „Don’t forget to bring your loverman – he likes to watch.“
Before Dave can complain Mart closes his mouth with his full lips and meets Trent’s eyes. The dark haired man moves closer till the complete side of his body meets the other one’s. Martin releases Dave’s lips to let him gasp for air.
„Do you want us to tie you to the bed and have our ways with you, my dark angel? Do you trust me enough?“ He bends his head and whispers into his right ear. „Do you love me enough to let the animal out off it’s cage?“
Dave can’t help to growl but his mind is still alert.
„You didn’t forget about the tiny fact who’s in the lounge?“ Seeing the faces he nods. „I thought so. Don’t get me wrong, your offer is fucking tempting but the timing isn’t right.“
„I locked the bedroom door.“, Mart cuts in.
„There’s an emotionally instable man resting on the couch next door – who will certainly hear all the telltale noises going on in here. Sorry, but that’s what’s mean in my book.“ Dave gently removes Mart’s arm and sits up. All three men are lost for more words for a moment. The silence is turning to be awkward when a silent sobbing can be heard at the closed door. Following his instinct Dave crawls over Martin and gets out off the bed, heading for the sounds just like he is.
Opening the door he’s not surprised to find Alan standing there.
„Guys, I think it’s my time for some talk now. Don’t wait for me. Get some sleep.“ With these words he reaches for Alan’s hand, his other one grabbing the handle.
***
„Thank you.“
„Huh?“ Dave shortly lifts his face from the other man’s shoulder. Alan’s arm still loosely snakes around his waist.
„You know what for.“
„Knowing – not sure if I ever really have known you, Charlie.“
The hand over his hip slightly wanders, caressing his skin, making his blood pressure rise.
„How could you. I sometimes do not know myself either. I just was hoping you’d understand a little – being the same...concerning that at least.“
„This can’t go on like this.“
„It’s so fucking difficult, Dave!“
„All of our lives are more than just fooking difficult. You do not need to add more to it but try to solve your own problems. And yes, I know it takes lots of time, patience and energy.“
„Perhaps...one day...we all could face each other again...with respect and...love.“ Dave feels the other man trembling again in his arms. „There’s nothing more I wish for. I’m so sorry I messed it up so much with all of you.“
„Then act like a man now – be that man you want to be. Life taught me exactly that lesson – and it’s a tough one.“
Alan faintly smiles at his former band mate, looking deadly pale and exhausted with his puffy, red eyes.
„Yes, you manged. You always had more strength in you than I expected.“
„I had help, Alan – wouldn’t have achieved it on my own, but most of the work needs to be done soley by oneself, that’s right.“ He rests his head back against the other man’s shoulder.
„I will take the next flight in the morning and face the consequences.“
„You have two lovely kids and you are such a talented man with some resources. Get back on track...and give us the space to do the same.“
For a while they just lie there, breathing and contemplating for themselves.
„Dave?“
„Hmh?“
„Kiss me one last time...I mean, really kiss me with all yourself.“
„Charlie, please don’t...!“
A hand comes cupping his face in the half light of the only little lamp that still illuminates the large room. Dave hasn’t got the heart to brush it off this moment. Alan’s hot breath reaches his skin and then his warm, soft lips meet his in a tender kiss. Holding him close the connection between the two stretch in time and gets more and more intense. Before Dave can start panicking how to get out off this the other man lets go and his head slowly falls back onto the cushions.
***
Mart’s blond curls appear in the open door. He’s wiping his eyes to get a clearer sight.
“Morning. Where’s Alan?”
Dave sips at his coffee and eyes his lover who’s wearing a white bath robe for a change.
“I sent him down to the spa with the key-card. After he refreshed himself we had breakfast and now he should be at the airport meanwhile.” He checks his watch. “Yep, his flight takes off in about 30 minutes.”
Martin doesn’t respond but takes a seat at the layed out table and pours himself a cup of the steaming, dark brown liquid.
“I called Jenny that I’ll be back later. Don’t expect me in the studio today. There’s a lot to patch and I’m taking it serious, you know.”
His lover nods and tries the honey melon. His mind obviously is working. Dave knows the signs. Another man enters the room, fully dressed and spruced up.
“Oh, great! I need a caffeine boost.” He lets himself fall onto the next chair. “Everything alright?”
“Morning, T-Rez. Alan left us – for sure this time.” Dave continues buttering his toast. “I didn’t get much sleep either.” Looking over to his blond curly lover he swallows and bites into the piece of crumbly bread instead. Oh, you for sure are dying there to know what happened between the two of us! Keep on waiting a little longer.
After 20 minutes Trent seems ready, chewing the last bits of his strawberries.
“No, stay seated. I know the way out.”
“Bullshit!”
Martin gets up and Dave follows him, realizing he’s still stark naked. A huge grin makes it over his unshaven face.
“Sorry, completely forgot about it.” Trent’s roaring laughter fills the room. He pats Mart’s shoulder.
“I thought that’s Mart’s area – running around naked. I see he’s got a bad influence on you already. Not that I’d complain.” He blinks and then walks over to the brunette man.
“I was very serious about my offer, Dave. Gimme a call.”
After exchanging the usual pleasantries Mart and Dave have the suite on their own again. Martin pulls at the belt of his bath robe when Dave turns his back towards him. Before he knows what hits him he’s at him, dragging him into a tight embrace.
“Baby, I so, so missed waking up with you!”
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