05.

Nervously she twists the straw of her drink, nearly spilling the contents of the glass with the next move. Damn, I can’t be that bloody nervous?!
A smooth yet firm hand snakes around her grip and gently loosens the fingers from the cold surface. Moving them up to his face he kisses the back of her hand lightly, blinking at her. She’s a bit perplexed as she didn’t expect him at the bar, left alone so early. Not letting her hand go his eyes behind the leather mask tell her to follow him. Strange enough she can’t shake off the feeling she will enter sort of ‚Twighlight-Zone’ soon. This is all so weird, so out off her general experience.

One of the compartments in the dark area is deserted. With a confident gait he enters it, waiting for her and then closes the bars with the provided lock, signaling it’s a one to one session. She starts to feel like in a cage now, her eyes sort of hectically flickering up and down the metal elements. It will not take long and some bystanders will poke their faces through. If you go to this sort of place you usually want to be seen and observed, heating up your own excitement. Moreover it’s for your own safety.

She still stands at the spot she stopped. He waits a few inches away, letting his eyes wander over her voluptious forms. No, she never was the skinny type which isn’t a disadvantage now as she realized a little while ago. Are we already playing or not? I’m lost and I don’t like it! He’s not following the usual rules, doesn’t fit into the little clichées she always tried to avoid but couldn’t help to build up anyway. It’s all in the mind – me arse! Why do I want to touch him then?! Why do I yearn for his touch?!

„You want to be the one in control...the one with the power...the one who is beyond any need to be touched.“ His remark burns itself into her conscience. He’s not ready. „You can’t keep up a distance from yourself when you never really got in touch with yourself...your skin and soul.“ The words weigh heavy and she’s close to crumble. And he still has more. „A personality is not that easy to decipher like ‚top’ and ‚bottom’. You have to free your mind to free your body.“
„How?“, is all she weakly can whisper. This possibly means how he could see all this in her or how she might achieve a state like that. She hopes he’s alert enough to catch the right notion. If she’s honest she needs to know both.

He shakes his head silently and moves closer, going down to his knees in front of her. Tightly embracing her hips he rests his head against her crotch – motionless from now. She’s glued to the spot, waiting, listening to the uproar in her system – the blood pounding in her ears while her heart beats in an accelerated rhythm. The moment stretches into endlessness. She’s not sure what to think neither what to feel. It’s all mingling up in a constricted ball of sensations. No idea how he manages to stay that calm. The whirling irises she drowned in before gave away a lot of his own inner torment. Then – like a bolt of lightning – it dawns her: He’s worshipping her, the female source of life and energy! Why can’t I switch off my brain?! Fuck philosophy again!

The arms start to move and soon he’s up to his feet again, reaching for both of her hands, holding them firmly in his.
„You have to be patient with yourself.“
Another squeeze of his fingers and then he breaks the contact, unlocks the bars and disappears without another word in the dim hallway.

She sinks down onto the floor and starts crying heavily, her desperate sobs bouncing back at her from the walls.

***
He still is in the corridor. Her heartwrenching sobs reach his heart yet he swore to himself to take it slowly. Woman, don’t break my heart! I’m not prepared, it’s too early for that.

Szólj hozzá te is!

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