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Chapter 14
2010.09.29. 00:31
14.
A few days later Dave was walking in Martin’s garden, deep in thoughts. Time after time he needed to march off like this to clear and make his thoughts simpler and put things to their right places. Usually his lyrics and music came in this state as well. Now he was thinking about the situation and the last few days. They barely slept – they loved, enjoyed and exploited this kind of freedom this much. He felt a bit exhausted, as if he was in his twenties after a party with his friends. It was a bit strange to feel like this now that he was closer to his fifties, but he didn’t mind. As he noticed Martin and Anita felt the same.
Sometimes at night when they let each other alone, he heard Mart and Anita enjoying each other’s company. It didn’t disturb him, but on these occasions Jennifer and his kids came into his mind and with this his worries arrived too. Of course he was here with a cover story – he came here because of some work, or at least his wife knew this way – but Dave’s inner fears were focused now on the problem what’ll happen if this turns out. He wouldn’t be able to bear it. He’d realized a long time ago that in that case everything’d be over: the band, his marriage, friendships… Was it worth it? Well, it didn’t really matter anymore. The secret that can turn out was already there. The scandal is prepared and they have to be very careful not to let it explode. And this whole thing just grows.
These thoughts weren’t on his mind all the time, but when they were then they made him really worried. But what could he do against it? There aren’t any safety regulations he could follow and avoid the exposure of this. They have to pay attention on the lies, the places where they meet and on the dates. This is all he can do. He hated lying to his wife. He didn’t think that his relationship with Martin was cheating – it was more like a supplement, because a woman cannot give him the thing a man can. And no other man can give him something like Martin. But now Anita was in the picture too and lately he has been in her quite often… and this… this is cheating. He trusted his wife and she trusted him, but there wasn’t anything else as a proof of their faithfulness. Knowing that he’s cheating on Jen was awful, but still it made him think. He does this so there’s something wrong in that marriage as well. And so far none of his marriages worked. Somehow he’s not the type who can live in harmony.
He had to smile bitterly from this. Living in harmony… what does that mean? Is he happy? Yes, he is. But in what kind of relationship? In a love-triangle where everyone has sex with everyone, no matter if it’s a man or a woman. It’s a quite grotesque picture. A normal life, a normal family isn’t able to make him happy? He loves his kids and he’s quite sure that he’s a good father – if we don’t count Jack’s childhood. Those times weren’t easy and he charged it on the fame and his own weakness. But… is something wrong with him because in normal situations he feels himself as if he was playing a role? Did something go wrong in him thanks to his past? Or he had been damned from the moment of his birth? He became successful, but his life seems still desolate. Sometimes he just wishes he could only be a regular guy with a regular life in a simple American house with a dog, a cat, kid and wife. Or maybe it was a mistake to leave England. But he cannot change his past and maybe he doesn’t even want to do that, no matter how hard he tries to find the reason why he became like this, why he had the relationships he had and why he enjoys this kind of sex. He sighed and got lost in his thoughts again. He stared at a point between the flowers with his glassy eyes and he just listened to his inner voices.
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Martin was standing on the balcony with his arms folded in front of his chest and watched the thinking singer unnoticed. He just got out of bed and his messy blonde hair just proved this. He was holding a cigarette between his fingers while his steaming cup of coffee was on the banister.
“Good morning” suddenly he heard Anita’s still sleepy voice and felt the familiar hands sneaking around his waist “What’re you looking at?”
“Morning. It’s Dave” he turned back to the singer after a kiss.
“What’s wrong?” she frowned, because she knew Martin well enough to know when something bothered or made him think.
“Something bothers him… He’s very lost in his thoughts…” he narrowed his eyes as he watched Dave’s sunken shoulders.
“How do you know this?”
“You know, I know him more than anyone” he shrugged and sipped from his coffee “I had nearly 30 years to figure him and his body language out and even from his slightest move I can guess what’s on his mind or what he wants.”
“What can bother him?” she looked at the restless singer worried too “Do you… do you think that this situation?”
“You learn fast, although it wasn’t too difficult to figure this out” he embraced her waist with one hand and pulled her closer.
“Well yes, you don’t have to be a genius” she laughed and from this the man in the garden looked up at them.
Martin was curious how Dave could see them up there, what could cross his mind seeing them like this as he rested his arm around Anita and they both looked down at him. Dave looked aside and went into the house.
“It seems that he doesn’t want to share his thoughts with us” Anita noted “Is he always so reserved?”
“No, not always, although he opens up more on stage and in front of us. He’s distant with other people. He’s seen and lived through too many things. He gave to them more than enough from himself. I think, if he didn’t hold himself back on the tours, when we’re always in a hurry and we meet many strange people, he’d feel that they’d tear him apart until there was nothing left from him… I know this feeling…”
Anita just looked up at her love without a word. To tell the truth, it never crossed her mind yet how hard it can be to be famous. She always saw just the good side of things.
“Hey, don’t worry. We’ve got used to it. Sometimes it’s easier, sometimes it’s harder to live with this. If I can do, I don’t give it too much thoughts. Aren’t you hungry? Come, let’s have something for breakfast!” he stroked her upper-arm and gave a kiss onto her forehead.
She just smiled and followed Martin. Although she was worried about Dave, she suspected that Martin’ll help on him, because he knew him better.
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The blonde host – after the three of them had breakfast together – asked Anita to leave him alone with the other man for a while. He wanted to talk to him, because he saw that Dave wasn’t in a great mood. He saw the confusion on his face and Mart didn’t want to let the singer’s dark thoughts flood his mind too much. He had to search for him for a while. His friend hand great skills in disappearing without a clue – just like a cunning cat. Finally he found him on the smaller terrace next to his studio. Dave was sitting in one of the comfy chairs, smoking.
“Do you mind if I join you?” Mart stepped out from the dim house.
Dave looked at him “No” he smiled faintly.
Martin got comfortable in the chair next to him and examined his mate’s face. He did this countless times during the long, long years.
“What?” the examined one asked. He knew Mart’s deep looks too well.
“Something bothers you.”
Dave sighed “We’re on an unknown field now… Doesn’t it worry you?”
“What do you mean exactly?” he frowned.
“Well… you know, until I was only with you, I didn’t feel that I was undermining my family, but now that Anita got into the picture too… And anyway what kind of a man goes into such a relationship, with a family? There’s something wrong with me… And what if it turns out? How can we protect our beloved ones, the band and each other from the world?” he looked careworn at the blond man.
Martin sighed deeply. He gave some thoughts to this too, although he tried to put it aside and live just for the pleasures. “I don’t know, David. There’s no guarantee that it won’t get out. This is why we are this careful. Does it bother you that we showed this side of our relationship to Anita?”
“No. It’s just still odd. And I’m quite concerned that something’ll go wrong. Three people are more than two so the risk is bigger too.”
“You’re right about this. Sometimes it comes into my mind what if my relationship didn’t work anymore with her… what’d she do… would she keep our secret or would she run to the first paper?” he mused staring into nothing.
“She is better than that, Mart.”
“Yeah, I know” he shook his head “But you know me, you know what a chaos I have inside my head” he shrugged.
“Well yeah. We aren’t easy personalities, me thinks” he mused too “Do you think we are normal? I mean… isn’t there some kind of a tendency in us?”
“Being normal is relative. If you mean that we don’t live up in some questions to the expectations of society then we aren’t normal. But I don’t mind, I’ve been always like this. There was a time when I wanted to live up to them at any costs and when I failed, when I couldn’t process a lot of things, I’ve started drinking heavily. But I’ve changed in this. But I’m still drawn to some things. Yes, we can say that I have a tendency to certain things. Maybe you too” he looked at his mate again.
As an answer Dave nodded “It’s still strange. But I enjoy it way too much than to get out of it, so as I know myself, I’ll stay until the very end. And let’s hope that nothing will come up” he smiled.
“I hope so too, Dave. You know, I like pleasures too much to stop. I love you both and I don’t want this relationship to change. I wouldn’t be able – or just with great difficulties – to choose from you.”
“It’s good to hear this” he laughed.
“In the ‘Jen-question’ I cannot give you and answer. You have to deal with that alone. I count as cheating too, don’t forget that, even if I’m not a woman.”
“I’m concerned more cuz of the kids. They wouldn’t be able to get over it, ever.”
“Over what? That you cheated on their mom or that you cheated on her with me?”
“With you and Anita. It must be horrible to realize that their father cheated on their mom with a woman AND a man. Especially with a man who is close to them and love him as a friend.”
“Well, yeah. You’re right. Cuz it’d be a shock to my own children as well… But let’s don’t talk of the devil, cuz he never sleeps, you know it well…”
“I agree” Dave stretched. He felt a bit better. “And now?”
“Dunno. What do you want to do?”
“I hoped that you have some ideas, but I like the idea of searching for Anita” and his lips curved up into a kinky smile.
“Oh you little pervert…” Mart laughed as he stood up “You can’t get enough of pleasures, can you?”
“Do you know me like that?”
“Well, not exactly… Come then!” he grabbed Dave’s butt “Let’s chase our little girl…”
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The long weekend extended nearly to a week before Anita said goodbye first to Dave, who got home a few days earlier, then to her love. She was happy about those two days at the end of their little fling which she could spend with Mart. A lot of things have happened and she wanted to process them in a little calmer environment. She could see into the two men’s special and deep relationship. It wasn’t that burning-kind-of-love, she could see it. It was more about deep love, lust, fallibility and no matter how strange in can sound, but about respect as well. Now she saw the bigger picture – she had an affair with two music icons… Yes it was still a bit odd for her, but she tried her best to get used to the thought. She wouldn’t have thought that Dave’ll be able to open up this much in her presence, but it seemed that the singer has accepted her and later he was the one who wanted more and more rounds. Sometimes he seemed insatiable, but Anita didn’t mind. She liked being with him too, although until now Martin was always there, watching them or joining the game.
She sighed as she put her hairbrush down and checked her waitress outfit once again in the mirror. Today she has to work on an event again. She was satisfied to see that she’d lost some weight lately – thanks to the intensive exercises in bed and to the hard work. She quickly made a simple ponytail and was already on her way to work her ass off.
Although a few weeks have already passed since the sweet days by Martin, a few times she met her love. Yes, now she considered him her love. She was finally able to believe that they were together and she was happy that they could go on well, although it was still a bit hard to reconcile their lives. But Anita didn’t care about this that much, because she thought that the circumstances didn’t matter until they could meet.
She took a cab now, because she still had some money from her previous jobs, and excited it in front of the elegant building. Upstairs on the who-knows-which-floor she took her place and listened to their boss.
In his black suit Dave watched the crowd calmly. There was Jen by his side in a gold dress and was talking enthusiastically to their friends. He watched his wife with a musing look. He loved the way she gesticulated and as he watched her explaining her point of view a broad smile appeared on his face. He rested one of his hands at the small of her back.
Anita was very busy, but lately she liked it this way, cuz it meant that time was passing by quicker and she didn’t get bored in the colorful crowd as she passed the rich guests. She’d noticed that since she’s been together with Mart, she became a lot more open to people and somewhere she felt glad about this. This way she didn’t have to suspect the worst from everyone.
After she reloaded her tray and returned the short smile she got from an older couple for the served drinks, her eyes got stuck on someone standing between two columns. She recognized the slim black figure right away and she suspected that it was Dave’s wife on his side. A little thorn pricked into her heart as she sized up the slim and perfectly looking woman. She could never compete with such women. As her gaze jumped from Dave’s embracing arm up to his face, her uneasy feeling got stronger, because she saw the love in his expression and from this those nights came into her mind which the three of them have spent together. Suddenly she felt herself like a cheap slut, who couldn’t fit in any way into the relationship she was watching. She rather quickly turned away and tried to stop this strange feeling. It wasn’t jealousy. Maybe she wouldn’t be able to describe it even to herself what it was, but she knew that it was an uneasy and lousy feeling.
Dave was still in his calm observing role as he was listening to the conversation next to him, but slowly a thought came into his mind. He should drink something. He turned around to search for a waiter nearby so his eyes met Anita’s. His eyes didn’t reflect anything, although he was a bit surprised that they are in the same place this evening – especially when Jen’s right next to him. He rested his eyes a bit longer than usual on Anita’s face, examining it and he saw that sad expression she had.
She hesitated for a few moments. She tried to force a neutral expression on her face and decide what Dave wanted. Should she go there and offer some drinks or would it be better for her to avoid every little risk and ditch him and his wife during the evening? She stood there motionlessly, waiting for her answer from Dave’s look. He nodded barely noticeable. Anita was a bit unsure on her way to them as she concentrated hard not to look into his eyes. She rather tried to concentrate on balancing the glasses and clear her mind.
“Champagne?” she asked on a neutral tone as she approached the chatting group, where Dave watched the happenings from the side.
“Oh yes, thank you!” Jen laughed and nuzzled to her husband “And you, hon?”
“Well, I don’t know… maybe one” he looked at Anita, took off the glass from the tray and sipped.
Anita noticed that the singer watched her from behind his glass, but she didn’t care about it. She wanted to disappear from his near as soon as possible. She didn’t want to risk her guilty thoughts to show up on her face. If she imagined that Jen gets to know about what her husband did to her several times, she was sure she wouldn’t be so happy to accept her drink.
“Can I bring you something else?” she asked for the last time, but she suspected that she’ll get a ‘no’ as an answer, giving her the opportunity to finally disappear. And as she expected, she got a nice ‘no’ from Jen, but before that she asked a question from Anita, which proved her point on her side of the conversation then she let Anita go.
Anita sighed nearly with relief when she could finally leave them behind to serve the rest of the drinks from her tray. She hated such awkward situations, but she could thank this one only to herself. She tried to close out Dave’s presence as best she could and concentrate only on her job. After about ten minutes she could finally rest a bit, which she did in a hidden corner of one of the balconies. She hoped that the little cooler air will clear her mind a bit. She didn’t understand why seeing Dave with his wife mixed her up this much. Maybe she realized just now that what they were doing is wrong? And even if she knows this, lust doesn’t care. And her lust wanted Dave. As she closed her eyes she could see him in his adored black suit, she could see that sly glimpse which he gave her from behind his glass.
“I’m going insane…” she murmured under her nose.
A shadow fell upon her and a familiar scent hit her nose, which was soon accompanied by a well-known voice “You have a break?”
“Dave? Uhm… yes, but maybe it’d be better for me to go back.”
“No, no, stay” he pressed his victim gently against the wall “I don’t know whether anyone has told you…” he leant to her neck “but you’re fucking hot in this waitress outfit.”
“What the hell are you doing, Dave?” she hissed quietly and looked around with worry in her eyes.
“Are you at a loss?” he gave her a melting smile.
“We can put it that way” and she tried to push him away.
“And what’d you say to the idea of giving me some time tonight after this whole party thing is over?”
“What are you talking about?” she looked at him shocked, forgetting that she was about to push the singer away.
“Dear Anita, I mean that after this party is over I’d love to fuck you” Dave whispered on a pervert tone.
“Alright, alright, just let me go! Anyone can see us” she whispered quickly, but she couldn’t deny that her heart sped up from Dave’s sentence – especially because she sized up him in his black suit once more. It was like a second skin for him.
“I don’t think you were this worried about it when you had sex with Martin in that restroom.”
“That was something else, because he has no…. Hey! Did that bastard tell you?” she stopped, but next to the ‘shock’ there was a little smile on her lips too.
“You know we share everything with each other. And the fact that my wife is here… isn’t it a turn-on for you? Honestly” he asked while he gently pulled her closer by her waist.
“Not at all! It rather concerns me!” she protested, resting her hands on his chest, but as Dave’s scent reached her nose again, she felt her whole body shaking and her nipples hardening under her shirt.
“You shouldn’t worry this much. On these kinds of parties Jen is totally charmed – she doesn’t see or hear.”
“Really?” she whispered a bit dazedly from his closeness.
“Really” Dave leant closer again.
“Do you want me?” she glimpsed up into the darkly glistening eyes from Dave’s inviting lips.
“Don’t you feel it?” he pressed her against his body.
“Oh my god!” she moaned when she felt that certain pressure.
“Yes?” he pressed his groin even more to hers then leant to her ear “I’d do such dirty things to you… I’d tie you to the bed and pamper you… I’d tear up your body and you’d bleed from several wounds and I’d lick down your blood then I’d fuck you until you scream for me to stop…” he whispered on a lower tone.
“Jeez, Dave, you know how to turn me on…” Anita swallowed hard as she enjoyed his hot breath by her ear.
“You think so?” he laughed quietly then licked along her neck.
“Do you want to come back for me or should I give you my address?” she moaned faintly while her hand slid onto the front of the black trousers.
“Give me your address. At least this way I’ll be able to visit you more often” he murmured and his right hand was already under Anita’s skirt.
“You should rather memorize it, we shouldn’t leave any clues” she said then leant to Dave’s ear and whispered the right address into it. Then she quickly freed herself from his embrace and without looking back she left him there. She was afraid that in case she looked back, she would have run back to him and end up in his neck. She already had difficulties with not letting herself blush – especially when she thought about the things that were still waiting for her that night. This’ll be the first night when Dave’ll make her his own alone. This’ll be the first time when there’ll be just the two of them and this scared and turned her on in the same time. She hoped that he’ll give her a start so that after arriving home she can take a shower and tidy up her small place a bit.
to be continued...
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AJÁNLOM AZ OLDALT
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can't wait... :-)