16.

Martin needed some days to calm down and see things from a more composed point of view and think through the happenings. Eight. This is the number of the scars that will always be there on his love’s body, thanks to Dave. He wasn’t able to control himself eight times. He harmed her – who wasn’t his – permanently eight times. He could be very angry if someone treated someone or something he “lent” to someone with disrespect. But of course he didn’t see Anita as an object, but Dave had to know that he just “lent” her to him and that she belongs to Martin. He had no right to treat her like this. And this is why he knocked on that certain flat’s door in New York.

Dave was sitting at home on the floor, watching television. He was alone in the flat, cuz Jen and the kids were on a whole-day-long event. He had some time to muse on the recently happened things. He didn’t know how Mart reacted on the scars, but he suspected that he wasn’t too happy about them. He lost control that night. He shouldn’t have, but it happened. He wasn’t proud of what he did. He knew the limits… He knew that sooner or later he has to face the consequences of his act and he wanted to be someone else just to avoid it. In that moment there was a knock at the door. He looked up. He wasn’t expecting anyone. He got up from the floor and reached for the remote to turn down the volume. He walked to the door and opened it. When he saw Martin, he didn’t say a word just stepped aside and let him walk into the flat.

“We have to talk” he gritted through his teeth. His whole being radiated his cold distant attitude “I guess you know why I’m here.”

“Yes, I suspect. And I guess I know what you think of me… again” Dave sighed.

“Really? Tell me what I think of you.”

Dave sat down “That I’m a filthy bastard, who has no respect for the limits and always wants more. A jerk who thinks he’s a god, who thinks that he can have everything… and I could go on. I know what they say about me.”

“You summed it up quite good” Mart said coldly as he stood in front of a book shelf, his arms folded in front of his chest, facing away from Dave.

“It won’t help if I said that I’m sorry and I’ve lost my mind and I rowed myself, would it?”

“It’s a quite weak excuse. If it was the first time, I’d believe you.”

“If it was the first time…” Dave repeated quietly rather just for himself.

“You know what I’m talking about.”

“Probably about one of the million.”

“Yes. Dave” Martin sighed and finally turned to him “I don’t want this to ruin our friendship or relationship, BUT” he emphasized the last word “I want you to see clearly – and mark my word when I say clearly – that Anita belongs to me and with marking her to yourself – like you used to do with your girlfriends, whom you could talk over to do this insanity – you fucking hurt me! What do you think how did it feel when I saw those typical scars on her and I managed to pull it out of her that it was YOU? What do you think how should I have interpreted them? It looked to me pretty much as a message that says ‘look at her, your girlfriend is mine’. And you were the one at the beginning who made it clear that she has to belong to me in the first place.”

“I’m sorry Mart! I just…” he sighed “You know me. You know my beast” he meant his animalistic side, which he couldn’t control or just with great difficulties “I tried to stop it, but…” he sighed again, hopelessly “I will never get rid off it. Ever.”

Martin didn’t answer. He couldn’t, because he knew. They’ve talked about this countless times. “I was a fool to let Anita close to your beast. From now on she’ll always wear the signs of its eight claws.”

“Luckily just that much” he murmured.

“It’s more than enough. She told me that you gave her quite some cuts and then you left her there… But don’t get me wrong, she didn’t complain, she’s too pride to do that.”

“I didn’t leave her there because I wanted to!” Dave burst out suddenly.

“Cuz of Jenny, right?” Mart grimaced.

“Yes” his mate growled reluctantly.

“I see…” he ran his finger along the spine of a book then he rubbed his slightly dusty fingertips together, lost in his thoughts “I don’t get one thing. How did you talk her over? I mean didn’t she protest at all? I just cannot understand this, cuz I don’t know her like someone who’d go easily into such rough things.”

“Haven’t you asked her?”

“No. She was quite shocked. I think she was afraid of my reactions in this topic.”

“What did you do to her?” Dave looked up at him balefully.

“Nothing” he shrugged.

Dave snorted in disbelief “I know you when you’re angry. I bet you freaked her out.”

“It’s true that I scared her” he sighed and finally sat down into one of the armchairs. Suddenly he felt himself so very tired and spent. He was fed up with the problems and he just wanted to forget them and drink something strong, but he couldn’t do either of these things. He fisted his hands a bit nervously. They were slightly shaking.

“Mart” Dave touched his knee gently “Are you okay?”

“No, David” he covered his face with his hands as he propped his elbows on his knees.

“Do you want to tell me?”

“I’m tired of all the fighting. I don’t want to compete with you for Anita or for anyone else. I have so much tension in me that I feel like exploding in any minute. I can’t keep order in my head for long…” he leant back, resting his head on the back of the armchair “Oh god, I’d sell my soul for a glass of whiskey…” he whispered the last sentence rather for just himself.

“You’ve already sold it. And by the way, you don’t have to compete with me. Why should you? Everyone gets what he or she wants.”

“Would you explain it?” he asked, not looking up.

“Which part do you mean?”

“You don’t want to take Anita from me, do you?” he looked up at him and it was the first time when fear glistened in his eyes.

“No. You’re really afraid of this possibility, aren’t you?”

“Yes… You know, since my divorce… I had no one whom I loved this much. She’s important to me. I think, very much. We see a lot of things in the same way. David, I think I’m in love with her. And I fear for our relationship. Even from you. I know you. You take things easier. Which can seem just a game to you, it can hurt me fatally.”

“Then let’s break up our threesome.”

Mart swallowed hard. He didn’t see this coming. “You’d want to get out voluntarily?”

“If it disturbs you this much” Dave answered and tried to hide that every inch of his being tried to protest against this.

Martin remained silent for a long minute, musing and weighting what he heard. “Tell me what does our triangle means to you. Please.”

Dave took a deep breath then slowly exhaled, thinking hard. “A company where I can be myself and no one judges me for that. Where I love to be, where I give to the other two persons what they deserve. Where I can be with those whom I love.”

Martin was considering every word of Dave for long minutes again “You meant the ‘we all get what we want’ comment on this?”

“Yes. Or at least it means this to me. I get you – and we can say that it has been one of my biggest desires for years. I can finally love you without limits and on my own way. And then you introduced me to Anita as well.”

“What does she mean to you?”

“It’s very complicated. I don’t know. She doesn’t mean that much like you. She will never mean more than you. I’m not saying that she isn’t important. She’s just… different.”

“I see. Would you tell me if this changes or gets clearer for you? I don’t want to have any surprises. Our situation is very complicated.”

“Sure” Dave answered then looked out of the window.

“I don’t want to break up our threesome. I love being with you two too and I know that she feels the same. I just want you to see the limits clearly. You and your beast” he smiled bitterly.

“Either you accept that it’s in me, or it’ll be better for me to get out.”

“Dave, all of us has their own beast. Some has a smaller, some has a bigger beast. I have my own too, whom I have been fighting for long years.”

“You mean your alcoholism?”

“Yeah” and this time he was the one who looked aside.

“At least you don’t eat up women alive” he grimaced “And you’ve finally realized it. I hope you do something about it. I don’t want to lose you.”

“Dave, since I’m with Anita, I don’t drink. That’s why my hands are shaking, that’s why I’m more tired. But it’s better. She’s worth it. You know it from first hands how hard it can be” he looked at Dave’s face and for a moment it flashed in front of his eyes how the singer looked when he used heavily “I’ve been drinking nearly from my childhood as well. But now I’m in the winning position.”

“Yes, I know. But I’m glad that you start to get out of it” he said then went silent for a minute before going on “But now I ask you to leave.”

Martin looked at him shocked “You throw me out?”

“I wouldn’t put it that way. I just want to be alone. I want to think.”

“Alright. If you feel so, call me” Mart stood up “Stay, I let myself out” he squeezed Dave’s shoulder reassuringly then he ran the back of his index-finger along the stubbly face. Finally he slowly walked out with a sigh.

Dave didn’t look back when Martin closed the door. He sighed and let his head fall back to the back of the couch. He seriously considered getting out of this. And not really because of himself. Martin told him so many things! He would be happy with Anita. Dave saw on him that he really loved her and his presence in the picture was just frustration for Mart. The blonde man didn’t know how to stay faithful to both of them, or how to handle his relationship with Anita. Dave didn’t want to cause more trouble. Martin even stopped drinking because of her! He does something about it! Anita managed to do something that he and the band couldn’t reach for years, no matter how many times they tried! And now the man – whom he loved and would do anything – could be happy. No matter what, he’ll do anything for him. He won’t cause any more trouble.

---

Anita was sitting on the huge balcony, where Dave had spent a lot of time when he was in Santa Barbara. But she wasn’t mesmerized by the landscape now. She was lost in her thoughts. It has been a while since Dave called and she was afraid that after that last conversation Mart had with him, Dave misunderstood what the blonde man tried to say. She knew that Martin just wanted to protect her from Dave’s “beast” (later Mart gave her a detailed explanation what this meant by the singer), and Mart didn’t want to get rid off him. But it seemed that the singer got to this latter conclusion. Probably this big idiot loves Martin that much that he rather gets out from this relationship, not wanting to hurt Mart. It’s very noble of him, but stupid as well. Anita saw that Martin was suffering because he didn’t know anything about Dave. Maybe he was afraid that the singer will do something stupid? And she missed him as well – she had to confess this to herself.

The blond man missed his friend too, but he wanted to give time to him. He hoped that sooner or later he’ll come back to them, because he won’t bear it without them. But he was afraid that he used the wrong words a few weeks ago in New York when he visited him to clear things up. It hurt that he wasn’t there. Mart was just sitting days long in his studio, thinking about the happenings and he wrote down his thoughts in the form of lyrics. He didn’t know what to do. In his mind he suggested the singer to check in finally. He nearly died sometimes from the longing to call him. He was in constant waiting. He was waiting for Dave.

On one of the especially quiet days the phone rang.

“Dave?” he sighed with relief, but a bit still tense. It was a good sign that at least he called him. He was just afraid that he did it to tell him that he’s out.

“How did you know that it’s me? You see in the future now?”

“No, I saw that it was you” Mart smiled “What’s up? I’ve heard of you awfully long ago…”

“Well, yes. I had to think a bit. I just thought I ask what’s up with you two.”

“We both miss you.”

“Really?”

“I wouldn’t say it if it wasn’t true” he smiled again, which Dave could hear just in his softened voice “Where do you wander nowadays?”

“Well, now I’m around SB. I had some errands to run here and I thought that before I fly back to NYC, I give you a call.”

“Really? Then why are you wasting the time? Come here right now!” Mart’s face lit up even more.

“Right now?” he repeated with a smile.

“Right away, you silly!”

“Maybe I can jump in for a few minutes. I go” and he hung up just to wait in front of the door after 20 minutes.

Mart was already waiting for him in the door and greeted him with a tight embrace “I nearly went crazy from your long silence!”

“I think you’re already insane enough” he answered with a faint smile when Martin let him step in “Anita?”

“She’s cooking inside. I didn’t tell her that you were coming. I thought you’d be a nice surprise.”

“To tell the truth I came here cuz we have to talk” he looked at Martin seriously.

The smile faded away a bit from his face “Yes, I think the same. Come in, don’t just stand here.”

Dave followed him into the living room and sat down onto the couch until Martin went out to the kitchen to call Anita in.

“Come, sweetie, I have a surprise for you” he took her by the hand “Turn off the stove.”

“It’s such a big surprise?” she asked back, but obeyed.

“You’ll see” and he led her into the living room, where Dave was waiting for them.

“Dave!” she screamed his name and soon she ended up in his neck, as if she never wanted to let him go. There was no chance to get free from her grip. She nagged gently at him for disappearing like this and she told him how worried she has been and asked him not to dare to do something like this ever again. Then she slowly let him go and sat next to him.

Dave waited until Martin sat down as well and started talking. “I had more reasons for my disappearance. I’m sure Martin told you” he looked at Anita “that we talked and I had to think. I had a lot to process. The thing I did to you is unforgivable. I had no right to do so, not to mention that I hurt you. We cleared the limits at the very beginning and I stepped over them. It’s not right. Martin loves you very much and I feel that I’m just disturbing this. No, don’t get me wrong, you two are not the ones who let me feel this” he said when he saw that she wanted to say something “I see it. You, Anita, managed to do such things which even I couldn’t do. Just your love was enough for Martin to stop drinking. Did you know this? Did you know how long he has been trying to do something against it – alone or with our help? How much he drank? I ask this just to clear how important this act of yours is. Marin became very upset when he saw your scars and I know that you did the same. I’ve seen Martin when he was angry, I had several opportunities. I know that both of you fret yourselves cuz of me. What, when and how to do; whom you love better, whom you belong to; is there a contest for you or not. And I don’t want this. I don’t want to stay in the way of your happiness, so I think I’ll step aside. This way you won’t have to live under such pressure and you can finally have a normal life – and I think both of you deserve that.

His audience stared at the singer in shock then Anita was the first who started protesting. “Dave, don’t do this!” she was really frightened that she can lose him “I don’t want you to feel guilty cuz of us! Although I don’t see everything as well as you two do, because you have a long history – well, you already knew each other when I wasn’t even born – but despite this I’ve managed to realize that your relationship is special and I find it beautiful. And I don’t want it to be ruined cuz of me or the other things you said. Dave, Martin loves you too and he needs you! You’re each others’ support and if one of you isn’t nearby, the other wavers. Your lives are too interwoven just to cut it this way. I’m not mad at you because of what happened, cuz I enjoyed it and I would’ve taken more, if it made you happy” she took one of his hands “Tell me Dave, do you really want to quit our threesome or you just want to ‘sacrifice’ yourself for us?”

“I don’t want to become a martyr and it’d be quite difficult for me to deal with a life without you, but if it’s for your sake… And don’t sell yourself for my happiness.”

“You say silly things, Dave… I think I can say that our interest is to see you happy as well. Dave, we need you. Don’t ask me to watch you walk out that door, showing your back to everything we have, where we can be free” she said and tears were welling up in her eyes.

“David, she’s right…” Mart whispered quietly.

“You really want this?” he looked at them seriously. They nodded in the same time. Dave laughed, honestly “Well, then if you love me and stick to me this much, I think I’ll stay.”

“Yaaaay!” Anita squeaked and landed in his neck again to give a smacking kiss onto his lips “You silly, don’t you dare to play with our nerves like this ever again!”

But Dave couldn’t answer – he just laughed and laughed. He got rid off a lot of tension and he felt himself finally free and happy. He was really happy.

---

After they finally cleared up the fate of their threesome, they tried to spend as much time together as possible. Commuting from here to there made it a bit hard, but they’ve got already used to that. When Martin was busy or Anita couldn’t go to Santa Barbara, she met Dave, because New Jersey wasn’t that far from New York City. Of course now Dave didn’t push his limits, he learned his lesson. At the beginning when he was with Anita, a few times he seemed a bit unsure – especially when he spotted one of the eight scars. Once he even offered her that he’ll pay for the reconstruction surgery, if she wanted to make them disappear, but she laughed out loud and asked why she should want to get rid off this memory of Dave. Because as she’s said on that other night she gave a part of her to him and that’ll always be with him. Of course she asked him to keep this between them. So slowly the singer eased up and he tried to control his “beast” as best as he could. And the other couple – despite a few debates – had no problems either. But of course the boys found some time for themselves as well, because thanks to the band’s issues they had to meet a few times and travel here and there, and they visited each others’ studios, too. This time Dave managed to keep the balance between his life at home and with their threesome. Finally everything seemed perfect

to be continued.....

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