Mirrors and reflections go hand in hand and can be used as tools to discover the real you.
Is Jane Foster brave enough to look deep inside that mirror? Will she be able to deal with what she might find there?

Note: After I watched “Thor: The Dark World” in the movies, inspiration came to me on my way home, but what started out as a short story, grew into something longer and deeper. After some research, I took the liberty to add a few extra elements from Norse mythology and make some changes in them and the characters. I hope you’ll enjoy it, and remember: feedback is always welcomed. ;)

Pairing/Category/Rating: Jane Foster, Thor, Loki. Marvel universe, HET, SLASH, romance, supernatural. NC-17.

Note 2: All quotations are from the amazing Digital Dagger’s albums. I highly recommend listening to their music while reading this story and in general too, because they’re brilliant.

Illustration by Useless-girl

Mirror, mirror

Prologue

“I will keep quiet
You won’t even know I’m here
You won’t suspect a thing
You won’t see me in the mirror
But I crept into your heart
You can’t make me disappear”

(The Devil Inside)

He’s an ass. None of the words he utters are completely true. Lies sneak out of his wide grinning mouth like venomous snakes. One bite can be your downfall. He is selfish, he cares only about himself and his obsession of becoming a king, which – according to him – would be his birth right. But he would prefer to rule over people with cruelty and fear. He would be a terrible king, if you ask me. A real catastrophe. No one should let this trickster get near any power or ally that would help him reach his goal.

Those sneaky looks, those smug grins… He only helps or co-operates when it serves his own purpose – and even then he betrays you and stabs you in the back. What he wants, he gets it sooner or later, the prize and sacrifices made along the way doesn’t matter to him. Just setting eyes on his lean form is already dangerous. You can never know how he’ll get into your head. Before you notice he makes you do exactly what he wants you to do. You can never relax around him. He’d even sell out the only person whom he truly loves: his brother. Hell, he already did that countless times! (I’m sure during their thousands of years there were plenty more of those occasions.)

Thor says that he finally reached the point where he cannot see his beloved brother in him anymore and that he cannot trust him either. And that he’d kill him if he gave him a reason to do so. I’m not so sure about that. Although I’m just a human in most Asgardians’ eyes, I do have eyes. I could see their love-hate relationship from close during my short visit to their homeland, carrying that darkness inside me.

It wasn’t just simple darkness that spread in me like a virus. The ancient substance opened my eyes to many things. For instance, I could see the darkness in Loki’s heart. He was feeding it with the painful memories and the injustice of the past – and with the rage that he felt towards his father, brother and… himself. But still… that darkness couldn’t overshadow an equally strong emotion: his love for Thor. He hid it well, deep under the surface while always doing the opposite of what was expected. But I think Thor can see through his games. They grew up together and he told me that they were very close for a long time. Such a bond leaves traces that penetrates and takes roots in one’s soul.

And when they thought I was unconscious while the three of us were traveling in the dark elves’ world, Svartalfheim, I’ve discovered the strangest and most shocking thing while watching them fight: Thor had a small piece of that very same darkness in him, which somehow connected him to this sneaky man. I don’t really understand – despite everything he’d done – how he can still love Loki so deeply. He considers him his brother, although they aren’t related by blood. But as we know well, family doesn’t end by blood. And Loki feels the same, no matter how many times he’d denied being a part of their family since Odin told him the truth about his real ancestry.

The other thing this Aether has shown to me is something that has been nagging me for a while now. Of course I couldn’t ask them about it. This suspicion that my mind still tries to deny is that they might love each other more than brothers. Is that even possible? Maybe I’ve read too many bromance stories while waiting to get the results during my research projects. But… the way Loki looked at him and the way he ran to save his brother – whom he supposedly hates – were telltale signs. I don’t know what to think about this. Even if it was true, I don’t know whether I should feel threatened by him or not – after all we are in love with Thor. Or it really seems that way. Is that possible that his heart beats for two? And what about Loki’s feelings for him? Could he really put his hate aside and love someone else besides himself?

I saw the happiness and relief in Thor’s clear blue eyes when it turned out that Loki wasn’t really dead after all. Sure, he was pissed like hell that his brother tricked him again, but most of all he seemed happy to know that Loki was still alive.

How should I feel about this? Seriously. I consider myself an open-minded person, someone who searches answers to questions and I think love comes in many different forms and it shouldn’t be limited by age, race and well… gender either. Was the Aether playing games with me and just wanted to confuse me? Is it possible that an ancient substance like that could do that or have such an effect on the human brain – my brain? I should stop thinking about this and about other things as well…

… like the way those silver-green eyes flashed at me when I slapped him good for what he’d done to NYC, or when he reacted the opposite way than I’d expected and right after the slap told Thor that he liked me… I wanted to shout at him what his problem was, but I didn’t have the chance. God, I so wanted to slap him some more! He really pissed me off with that idiotic grin! No one messes with my planet and beloved ones.

And no one will mess with my head with contradictory behaviour. Seriously, what was he doing protecting me on that godforsaken planet after the Aether was sucked out of me and Thor tried to destroy it? Feeling dizzy and confused didn’t stop me from noticing how instinctively he moved towards me to shield my weakened body. And then the Oscar-winner act came with his fake death. We didn’t have much time to get away and for Thor to grieve, but later it wasn’t easy for me to console my blond love. He tries to look strong and invincible, but he’d already let me close enough to be able to see through that mask. As I was holding him in my arms, my heart was breaking from seeing him so sad about the loss of his mother and brother. And as he talked about them in the darkness of the room, where we were lying in bed and I kept running my fingers through his long hair, my suspicions only got stronger.

It’s not easy to be in love with someone who lives in a different world and completely different culture. Especially because he can rarely visit. I had long distance relationships before and neither worked out… but this one feels different. I don’t know, maybe he’s the One with the capital O. To be honest, I’m confused what to believe in and how to look at the world. Everything turned upside down the minute I hit Thor with my car for the first time in that storm and he and his world entered my life, changing everything I’d previously known.

And now he’s away again to rebuild Asgard after the attack of Malekith and to capture Loki, who’s yet again on the run. Surprise, surprise, huh? I hope he and his friends will be able to capture him soon, because I’d rather not see his next plotting unfold and endanger the people I care for. Especially Thor, of course. I wonder though what Loki is up to now. How he’d want to resist and complicate things for us. And how things will be now between Thor and me. Will our relationship overcome the difficulties that we will have to face? Will Odin let us be together? My first impression of the Allfather wasn’t a charming one. I know he is the king and has to look at what’s best for his and the other realms and of course for his son, but would it be such a terrible thing to find his pair in another realm? Why would I be less than for example, Lady Sif? Yes, I saw her jealous looks when we met in Asgard and I know that she’s a fierce and experienced warrior. I cannot fight the way she does, but I’m trying. Thor has started to teach me how to defend myself and when he’s away, I make sure to keep in form and learn new tactics with picking up some martial arts. I want to be able to defend myself and stop being a dead weight, whom Thor always has to protect. If I want to stay on his side then I’ll have to become worthy to that position. I don’t desire to be queen, I just want to prove myself to him, his father and everyone who doubts that our love is strong and true. I’ll have to change from the bookworm scientist to a new Jane and I will. I know I will. I’m determined and I draw power from the love I feel for Thor and what I see reflecting in his blue eyes when he looks down at me. God, I miss him so much already.

It’s been only a week since Heimdall took him back with the fascinating Bifrost, but I know I have to be patient and believe that Thor’d be back sooner than the last time. Those two years were like hell and I still couldn’t forget him. But this time I won’t try at all and no more dates. Now I know we are bonded too deeply both through our emotions and what we’d been through together. I just hope nothing bad happens to him while he’s away from me. Or to me because of the idiot brain I have!

“Stop thinking about that asshole…” I mumble to myself as I get up from my desk, where I’ve been trying to read the same page of the physics book for the last hour. I walk to the window to look down on the busy streets. I really should get through this and pull myself together – and stop having dreams about those sneaky green eyes. I love Thor and there’s no place for anyone else in my heart. Especially not for such a bastard, who had only confused and betrayed me so far. I have to find a way quickly to stop the fantasies my subconscious creates in those dreams about that snake.

Determination flashes up in my brown eyes again as I pull down the sleeves of my pullover and fold my arms around me, watching the first snowflakes fall on the grey streets. Darcy is late again. Probably held up by her “intern” or something. We’ll have a lot of work to do once they get here. Sighing I watch the people running with bags on the streets. Christmas will be here soon, I realize. I’ve been caught up in work so much that I forgot that. But somehow I have a bad feeling about it. Maybe because probably Thor wouldn’t make it back by that time. He was kinda cute when I explained and he tried so hard to understand what this holiday was about…

The memory and my thoughts gets suddenly interrupted when my eyes catch a way too familiar figure standing down on the corner, looking up straight to my window with that hated sneaky grin on the pale face, the snow sticking to his usual green and black leather armor. Is my mind playing tricks on me or I’m just simply going insane? But no… he is real, the intrigued looks of the people who pass him makes it obvious that he is standing there in the flesh.

“Oh shit…” I mumble as my eyes widen and quickly try to pull back, but I know he already saw me. I run for my jacket and keys. I have to get out of here before he can try anything. I run to the door and nearly tear it open just to stop abruptly from the grinning figure already standing there. “How…” I start but rather stop and try to close the door, but he puts his foot in the way and forces me to step back as he pushes it open. “Leave me alone, Loki and get the hell out of here!” I tell him on a calm voice but it comes out shakier than I want.

“Nice to see you again too, Jane” he says on his velvety voice and the grin doesn’t leave his face as he steps into my flat and quickly looks around with dismay on his face, kicking the door shut behind him.

“What do you want here?” I ask already gripping the pepper spray in the pocket of my jacket as I back away from him, ready to fight.

“You and I, Jane, will make a little trip. Now come and don’t make this harder than necessary. It’ll only make you get hurt and I’d hate to see bruises on that pretty face of yours” Loki says and steps closer and my survival instincts kick in.

The next couple of minutes become a blur as I try to fight him, messing up the room and although I manage to spray some pepper in his eyes I land on the floor, knocked out from the edge of the coffee table. The only thing I can hear before I pass out is Loki’s distant cursing and then I feel that he lifts me up and takes me with him. Then complete darkness.

Part 1

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