Chapter 11

“Let me in for one more long disgrace
Just forget the same distractions you refuse to face...”

True to Corey's words the following days and even weeks were really fucking hard. They were back on the road with the tour. Dealing with the loss of their bassist (and the mates' lover) was not the only thing Corey and Jim had to deal with. Like Corey mentioned on that important night in that hotel room, coming off the booze and drugs was something they were both struggling with. The other band members kept their worried eyes on them too. And then there was Sid and the press too, making things even harder.

Not that Sid would do much more than be all pouty and make remarks to Jim or circle Corey during the shows, but it was additional pressure on the couple.

Sometimes Jim thought he couldn't do it anymore. And he was sure Corey felt the same. On those days – when they weren't in a hotel – they tried to find a corner or some space where they could be alone and get physical. Those couplings were quick and desperate in search of the one thing that could ground them. Both because of their needs and to help somewhat on the withdrawals.

In Jim's case the latter manifested in some slightly paranoid behavior (Sid's lurking only fuelling it) and occasional panic attacks, tense muscles and shaking. It was like going through hell all over again. The only thing keeping him hanging on was Corey... keeping him together. They were truly hanging on each other like two drowning men.

The voices in Corey's head didn't just vanish from their confessions to each other. But coming clean about how they really were and what they really wanted surely helped a lot. 

He felt more determined and focused because finally he knew why Jim has changed so much, and held back so much. 

Still the coming clean and dealing with all turned the struggles of the tour into a daily rollercoaster ride in the purging fires of hell. He could only hope they both would come out better and purer in the end. At least to bear themselves... 

The first biggest, almost month long break got them back to Jim's house. Once they stepped in and closed the door, Corey dropped his backpack in the hall and just looked over the place like it was alien for him. They started again there. Got back to drinking together and closed up again there. And all that has happened before, including the things with Paul, just hit the singer hard in the chest. 

"I just can't..." he whispered to the empty room while Jim walked behind him.

The tall man wasn't sure that the break was going to help on them or make things worse, but not being on the road all the time was something. They loved what they did and got used to traveling so much, but having one steady familiar place under their feet for a while was a nice thought.

Or so Jim thought until he stepped behind his man and heard Corey's comment. For a moment his eyes widened and his heart sank, but forced calmness onto himself before he'd overthink based on those three words. "What do you mean?" he asked, putting his big hands onto Corey's shoulders from behind, just resting them there as if wanting to ground him already with the steady touch.

"I'm suffocating under this all. And I always wrote it out of myself. But now… I just can't... And the dark songs on stage just makes it worse…" Corey said turning and looking up at his mate. "Maybe I'm just overtired. But… as I entered here I just have this strong panic from the thought of going back… And from facing the memories here too," he looked kinda desperate to make Jim understand what he really meant and felt. 

He indeed was more paying attention to build up Jim than to deal with his own demons, and while on the road hanging onto each other as a new addiction worked well. The singer now felt lost all of the sudden with the thought of resting for a month with his memories...

Jim stayed in silence for a few moments, but used that time to slide his long arms around Corey's back to pull him against his tall body. Not in a sexual, but more in a protecting way. As if he could protect Corey from his thoughts. It was already big progress in Jim's eyes that the singer shared these thoughts with him. Usually he buried these too in him, not wanting to appear 'weak'. But since that serious and open talk, things were changing between them. Trying to stay open for each other was one of those changes.

"We'll find a way to help on you to face and bear those memories, baby. I promise. We've come so long since the last time we were here. We won't go back there..." Jim said softly, reaching up to caress the back of Corey's head and neck. "We are stronger together. I'm scared too, to be honest. Terrified even. Because I don't want to fall back to those patterns and memories either. How about I kiss you first then we order some food as first steps?" he smiled down warmly at his small man, hoping that first easing themselves back into their everyday life and environment might help.

"Sounds good," Corey smiled a little and rose up on his toes to give Jim the kiss ahead of him. 

Once they could let each other go the small man went into Jim's... or more like their bedroom and plopped back on the bed while he heard the other man ordering the food for them. 

He really felt tired to the core and just wanted to curl up and fall into that semi-sleep state he usually was in when his depression took him deep and forced him to isolate himself from everyone he felt like damaging with his mere existence. But now he has Jim, and can only wallow inside his head for those few minutes... Food and rest will be good to help him balance back a bit…

Jim felt a bit hopeful from Corey accepting his suggestions, although he knew it wasn't going to be easy. For neither of them. For a long minute he was even contemplating on going to a hotel or even to Corey's house to be around Stef and the kids. They could distract the singer for a while at least. But maybe he came here first because he wasn't ready for that yet.

Staring out of the kitchen window, patting his cell's edge against his chin, Jim was lost in his thoughts. He was trying to figure out what to say or do to help on Corey whose depression was creeping back stronger in the last few days. 

Giving him a few minutes and some space, Jim was waiting for the food to arrive there and called or texted a few people to let them know that he got home safely. Then he served the food on trays for them in their bedroom, switching on the flat screen to have some background noise.

"Bon appetite, my love!" he clicked his chopsticks together with a goofy smile and attacked his food.

"Yeah… Banzai or whatever..." Corey giggled at he started poking the food with his own chopsticks and peeked absently at the screen from time to time. 

"You know that you're one of the handful of people I don't fake that ‘always happy goofy guy’ thing? Feel special, my love," he smiled up at Jim just looking at the big man, thinking.

With some pasta still hanging from his mouth, Jim looked up and quickly stuffed it into his mouth to chew and be able to answer. "I know, baby. I don't want you to fake it and I do feel special," he smiled back at him. "Especially since you showed me that picture of me in your wallet," Jim added, reaching out to rub Corey's knee for a moment. "I just want to love you. No matter what or how you are."

Putting his tray away almost untouched, Corey slid closer to Jim still munching being and leaned his head onto his shoulder. "I love you. Sometimes even want to write silly dark love songs about it. And sometimes just want to ask for your darkest fantasy…" he moved to see Jim's face and reactions.

"Maybe..." Jim thought for a moment, automatically putting his free arm around the small body "maybe you should write those silly dark love songs... I... hm... well... I do that.... About you. Have dozens of them... hidden away..." he mumbled under his mustache, turning redder and redder.

It was something he never told or showed to Corey. They've been piling up during the years, ever since he fell in love with him. Of course they got even darker when Jim pulled out of the threesome. "Maybe we should write together again..." he blurted out, but trailed off when Corey's words actually reached his mind.

"Huh... my darkest fantasy?" he looked at Corey with a silly expression on his still flushed face. Then his eyes darkened a bit and paused with the eating too, humming to himself for a moment. "It'd... probably be that eating you alive thing. But obviously... that will stay just that. A fantasy," he swallowed hard but gave Corey a small smile.

"You gotta be sitting me!!!" Corey's eyes widened with a huge grin over Jim's confession. "You never told no one you have actually written songs and lyrics," he blushed too, feeling moved as his mood swung the other way around, like always when he got a bad day and his emotions were unbalanced.

"You know that you have to show them to me, right? And yeah... We should write again… I just..." he signed turning dark again inside. "I’ve always been writing all my stupid thoughts and feelings into my songs. And I feel that some of those actually... actually made Paul get worse or feel bad. I don't know. Maybe it's stupid and just my guilty conscience… But it stops me in a way, as I said. Writing is my way to let things go. And I can't now," he looked Jim deep in his hazel eyes. "I can only let go and feel free and alive when I am with you and we lose control in bed…"

"Yeah. I did write some. Mostly about you, my love for you or how I've been pining over you," he chuckled a bit dryly. "I understand though why you might feel like that about your songs and the ones you wrote for him..." Jim smiled a bit bitterly. "I remember those songs clearly. I know exactly which ones you wrote for or about him..." he said, half-hinting at how they kinda hurt Jim too. But he didn't want to make Corey feel worse. "They are beautiful, though. Full of those deep emotions. Let it be love, pain, disappointment or anything else. You have a real talent for writing lyrics. I just dabble," he snorted. "But I'll show them to you if that's what you want..."

He glimpsed up from staring at Corey's shirt while talking. "I want to work with you again, but I don't want to force you. Just think about it for a while. We'll have to get used to being at home again. It'll take some time, like always. But I can make you feel alive and free... and loved whenever you want it. I'm yours and you're mine..." he whispered the last sentence, keeping the eye-contact with his love.

Corey felt the hidden pain in Jim's tone over those songs he poured his soul out in. But before he could sink into that new guilt he saw the glint in the ever changing beloved eyes. And his aching and lost self couldn't resist the predatory shine.

"I am yours. With all my being… What if... you don't eat me up… just a little bit...?" he whispered back, keeping the eye-contact and stroked Jim's long back upward, leaning in for a kiss.

"That sounds... okay..." Jim admitted, catching Corey's lips only for a short teasing peck. They've been working on letting Jim's... sadist side more to the surface, but it wasn't easy to do so while on tour with very little privacy. And Corey asking for Jim's darkest fantasy with him was big and kinda scary for Jim. But his love asked for it. The guitarist could see it in the nearly desperate eyes, already begging for it without words.

How could he resist that look coming from the only man he ever loved this much? He'd do anything for him.

Lifting a big hand, he stroked along the familiar face. "You really want that..." It wasn't a question, just stating the fact. "Tell me your safe word..." he added. Not because he forgot it, but because he wanted Corey to remember and use it if needed.

Yes. Corey was in a desperate need of that almost maniac way of possession Jim could let loose over him and make him feel wanted and belong like nothing else could. But beside his needs he wanted Jim to be freer too.

Since that first honest talk they did not have any time to really get intimate like that. Only quick stolen moments for the tightening of their bond. And now as the topic came up, Corey realized that maybe he, and also Jim were missing their fix of what their urges were craving for. 

"Jalapeño. My safe word is jalapeño. And I am your puppy," he said swallowing and kept looking into Jim’s eyes.

"That's right. You are," he grabbed the curls at Corey's nape and jerked his head into a painful angle so he could force his tongue past the slightly trembling lips and push deeply and possessively into the singer's mouth. Jim could taste the spices and most importantly Corey's own flavor under that. And he kept kissing him breathless until only the latter stayed.

Then as fast as Jim attacked, he pulled back enough to push the trays to the side and manhandle the small man onto his stomach. "Don't worry... I'll give it to you good. You won't be able to walk tomorrow..." he chuckled on that weird maniac-sounding tone as he gave more way to that chained up darkness inside.

His moves weren't gentle as Jim reached under Corey's front to open then drag his jeans down. The bigger man was already taking the air raggedly as more blood was rushing down between his legs seeing that pale perfect ass. He didn't stop until Corey was fully naked from the waist down.

As instincts took over, Jim forced the meaty thighs more apart and was quickly unbuttoning his own shirt. "Fuck, you look mouthwatering... I'll make sure to tear that soft skin up. Mark it as mine..." he outright growled deeply, like a beast ready to devour his fine meal.

Corey stayed as Jim wanted him. Shaking lightly from the waiting. His body got painfully aroused just from the way Jim sounded and what he said. Corey always liked to test his own limits and just how far they could go before he would feel too much. 

He had a hint that it would be very deep into his darkness. They were all sober now. There was only them and the darkness that always worked under their skins and urged them to become one and complete. 

Closing his eyes, still with his tee on, he was lying on his belly and panted with closed eyes, waiting for Jim to give him what he needed the most.

"Such a good puppy..." Jim chuckled dirtily and unexpectedly spanked an ass cheek just to see it start turning red in the shape of his big hand. "So pretty... I'll give you a brighter red color tonight too..." he mumbled, maybe more to himself than to Corey as he opened his own belt and pulled it out of the loops, before dropping it onto said ass.

To add to Corey's waiting and tension, now it was time to quickly get rid of his own remaining clothes as well. "I think you don't need this anymore..." he leaned over Corey, licking into his ear then the loud tearing of the back of the tee could be heard as it gave in to Jim's force.

Not caring to fully take it off, he simply stroked along the smooth tattooed back then forced Corey's hands over his head to tie his wrists together with the belt. "That's much better... Now where were we? Oh yes, the appetizers..." and with that he moved down to bite hard into the red ass cheek.

The small man muffled his cry by biting into the sheets. This escalated fast, but he knew Jim would be like that. All those dark urges piled up inside him getting free so sudden. Corey loved it. It was matching his needs. And that bite in his smacked ass flushed his brain numb so beautifully for a few seconds...

"Nonononono! No muffling your sounds! I want to hear them all loud and clear!" Jim warned him, smacking the just bitten cheek hard again. Then right away moved to leave vivid bite and scratch marks on the bared back. Taking his sweet time with making sure they would be visible for a while. Positioning himself to rest his long erect cock on top of Corey's ass-crack, he lapped up that sweet blood oozing here and there. His moans were shaky and deep like an addict's.

Corey couldn't muffle his short painful hisses and cried from that, anyway. His hands turned into fists as he gritted his teeth till his body turned the sharp pain into euphoria and it washed over his tensing and shaking body. 

The overwhelming feeling of being wanted more than anything filled his senses from Jim's words and actions over him and the small man whined loud. Partly from wanting more but he was moved and in his depressed mindset accepting that Jim wanted and needed him so much was wrestling with his self-loathing. 

The almost shooting and loving way Jim licked his blood and back gave him some time to let the cloud lift somewhat from his brain and express his own needs by slowly moving his ass, rubbing his cheeks to that hard meat for some friction and to urge Jim.

Jim was getting more and more lost in Corey, mumbling half- thought through words of praising, need, hunger, pain, pleasure and primal needs.

By the time Corey started moving against his cock, the naked back was decorated with countless bruising and bloody marks.

"You love this. You want... this..." Jim growled sitting up to pull the firm ass cheeks apart and rub his dick's whole length against the crack.

"Oh yeah..." Corey breathed shaking for it as Jim teased him more. Moving his small butt more against it panting and feeling drunk with lust and want he whined some more. "Please... Give it to me, my master… Please..."

Jim just laughed. Low and cruel, hearing the pleas and whines – which were music to his ears. "No. Not yet. You wanted more. I'll give you more. The question is..." he leaned down to Corey's ear, rubbing his dick against the crack harder, slicking it up with his pre-cum. "can you take it?" he chuckled again and bit Corey's shoulder hard.

"Because..." Jim continued in a few moments as he sat up again, pressing down on a bruise at the small of Corey's back "I'm just getting started..."

And with that he climbed off the small man just to flip him onto his back. He pushed the tied together arms back above Corey's head and firmly grabbed the thick thighs to open them.

Then Jim started to slowly stroke down on the tattooed chest and stomach. Before it could reach the tip of Corey's flushed cock, he replaced the big hand on the goose bumped chest and repeated the same straight path downwards – but this time it was a scratch, not a caress. "Beautiful..." he breathed raggedly and licked his lips as he was watching both the fair skin turn pink and the pain turn into pleasure on Corey's sweaty face.

The world around Corey started to fade as Jim was playing with his body with such perfect precision like with his guitars. The sounds that the singer made were music, nonetheless... The continuous small doses of pleasure-turned pain pushed his senses higher and higher and craving more like any addict getting a taste of his fix.

One stroke, one scratch. One stroke. One scratch. Stroke. Scratch. Blood.

Leaning over the out-of-it singer, Jim's long tongue darted out to agonizingly slowly lick up from Corey's bellybutton to the middle of his heaving chest. He was like a big cat playing with his food, only getting small tastes before devouring it.

The satisfied groan and smug expression on his dark face only added to it. Watching Corey, his fingertips found a small nipple and started playing with it then nearly right afterwards his teeth's hard bite contrasted the gentle rubbing on the left one.

He so wanted to keep tasting his man like this all night long, but maybe in a few days. Now it's been too long and his own cock was starting to throb and ooze more pre-cum from Corey's sounds of pleasure and pain. Jim wanted more too. So much more.

The short gentle periods were good to let Corey breathe and his brain to recover a little bit from the constant stimulations. 

Still that burning itch to get higher and explode started to spread in his body. His brain was only able to focus on Jim. There were no worries or doubts, just his mate and the addictive painful bliss he got from him. As it should be…

"You taste so good... So responsive... So tiny..." Jim whispered hoarsely and very horny. "You want my pain so badly..." Jim groaned with hazy dark predator eyes and he bit Corey's stomach, suckling and chewing on the tender flesh hard.

Again and again. Moving lower and lower. Even growling like an animal as Jim was acting nearly completely on instinct. His hands opened and pushed the "thunder thighs" up to fully expose the beloved body.

And then finally he licked along that perfect cock with the same repetitive method, moaning from its taste and the fact just how hard Corey was from all this. Not that it would be a big surprise, but Jim needed to see and feel that just as much as inflicting the pain on the small man.

Jim was a master of all this. Corey with his needs has been around guys with violent sex. But Jim was a natural... Not just the plain sadist, but the love they shared made it even more special. Jim always knew when Corey needed what, and when to go along and switch tactics to keep the small man on the edge of constant ecstasy. 

Feeling that long tongue lapping at him with slow strokes, made Corey lift and buck his hips against it. Moaning long and loud in pleasure in his deep voice that echoed back from the bedroom walls.

"Such a tasty cock..." Jim grinned, those loud moans still ringing in his ears then he sucked the slightly curved shaft deep into his mouth, his long hair falling forward as his head was bobbing up and down, holding Corey in place with a bruising hold on the thick thighs.

He loved listening to the singer's noises. He was so damn sexy with all these pleasure-filled and needy expressions! To that thought Jim let the glistening shaft slip out of his mouth with a loud pop just to greedily slide lower and suckle on the other man's testicles, nails scratching along the insides of Corey's thighs.

"Still not enough?" Jim panted, coming up for air and flicked his tongue against the exposed hole.

"No… Please give me more... I want to feel you… Please…" Corey moaned pushing his ass more to Jim with ragged breathing and flushed skin all over his bloody and sweaty body. He was starting to totally lose his mind.

"Such a good boy!" Jim huffed against the twitching wet hole and then started rimming Corey for real, moaning and groaning nearly as loud as his lover. It didn't take long for Jim to be able to push in and wiggle his tongue in his victim then as he pushed two wet fingers in, he licked along Corey's balls and watched his reactions. "Fuck yourself on them!" he grunted so very horny he thought he'd blow from just the sight and the tight hotness around his fingers.

Whining his answer, Corey's hips moved even without Jim's order. The need for release was burning him even more as he got more sexually stimulated. His moans turned to deep hungry growls as his hips were rolling back and forth faster, taking the long fingers even deeper. His cock throbbing and leaking like crazy.

"Fuck..." Jim grunted under his nose while watching his man squirming in need. "So pretty on my fingers. But will look even better on my cock. Begging for more..." he slurred, beads of pre-cum slowly sliding down on his own cock too, but this waiting, this "torture" were all part of building up towards their climax.

And curling his fingers to rub hard against Corey's prostate only added to that as Jim started rubbing it to milk his victim for the first time that day...

His victim cried out cursing from the intense rush of pleasures shaking his body but kept moving against them nonetheless. Even picking up speed, frantically pleasing himself while gripping the sheet under him and panting till his body arched and got washed away by his first smaller orgasm, howling like a suffocating beast.

To that a guttural moan was Corey's reward and while Jim was quickly smearing his pre-cum and some lube down on his own dick, he pulled his fingers out. Then it was time to force those legs more up and apart as he practically bent the small man in two. Huffing he brought his sweaty face to Corey's and while he pushed down the tied wrists into the mattress, he fucked up into the pulsing hole before Corey's first small but intense orgasm could end.

Fuck, it was perfect. That slightly shocked pain/pleasure on the redhead's face, the dying sounds and the tight heat around his aching cock... Jim then stopped holding back and unleashed the beast on his man, pinning him down and ramming his long dick home with every fucking move. The force of it making the bed lightly creak under them. If it wasn't such a massive one, he was sure it would be banging against the wall.

That thought made him chuckle raspy – sounding more manic than anything else – and with his free hand he grabbed Corey's jaw to tip his head a bit upward so Jim could stare into his face and also immobilize him completely. He could move only his legs, otherwise Jim was forcing the singer to take it all...

Corey opened his lust-clouded eyes and groaned and moaned watching Jim above him, trying to keep his eyes open as he knew his master loved that so much. 

The hard fast way he was being fucked made the air press out of his lungs and push him into an even higher state, panting more breathless and desperate as his body arched and trembled almost violently. The world fully vanished. Only Jim's moves remained and the singer’s blue eyes slowly rolled up from the second wave of small bliss hitting and milking him hard.

Satisfied with that and the tighter grip and pulsing around his leaking dick, Jim kept hammering that wet hole, his balls slapping against Corey's ass loud as sweat was rolling off their bodies, making their skin glisten.

Biting and sucking on the singer's bottom lip he tightened his grip on Corey's jaw then turned his head to the side to expose his thick neck. And then Jim was back to the biting and huffing onto the salty skin.

"More?!" he groaned starting to completely lose it too. It was such a liberating feeling. His long body was shaking violently too and was getting at the brink fast. He wanted to prolong it even further but at the same time wanted to make Corey completely fall apart while giving him what his heart wanted the most.

First the singer couldn't answer properly. Only incoherent groans left his swollen and bleeding lips. He was so very close to his final blow, yet needed something more. He moved with Jim's merciless thrusts and tried to focus on the other man to open his eyes. After a few attempts his blue eyes, pupils fully blown, looked up at his man while he kept peeking at Corey in-between chewing up his neck. 

"Give me more... P-please... "

"You truly are my special one..." Jim purred admiringly and licked some blood off Corey's trembling lips. "Take a deep breath, puppy. You're gonna need it..." he winked with a dark grin and slid his big hand down onto Corey's just chewed up throat and squeezed until his air was cut off.

Needless to say he put some more power into his thrusts and finally let his own voice out too now that Corey was more or less silenced, only some lovely choking sounds were coming from him. Until Jim deemed it long enough.

"You did so well so far... Give me what I want and you'll be rewarded with Master's thick cum..." he leaned to Corey's face, never pausing and talking loud enough for him to hear his words through the drumming of blood too.

"In 5 seconds I'll release your throat and as oxygen floods your lungs and mind, I want you to cum for me. Nice and hard! Understood?" Jim asked louder and firmer and was satisfied with the needy strange sound Corey made, his blue glowing eyes meeting his for a moment.

Then Jim counted back slowly and then released the thick and now quickly bruising throat...

From the sudden rush of oxygen Corey's almost unconscious brain pushed him into a high euphoria and his body was thrilled with a new height of pleasure. It made the small man whine and moan as his body trembled hard and convulsed around the leaking rock hard meat. Exploding hard and pulling Jim with him into the flames.

That's when Jim's moans became desperate and very loud too as he started cumming hard, pumping the pulsing hole full, his tightening grip leaving more bruises on Corey's tied arms over his head.

The blinding bliss made him close his eyes too as they were riding out their shared orgasm, the wetness on his tummy a welcomed feeling as he forced his eyes open to watch the pure pleasure and bliss on his small man's face.

"You're so perfect! I need you so much. Love you so much!" he managed to pant then kissed Corey with all he got.

Corey kissed Jim back on autopilot as his brain was totally flushed with the ecstasy that pushed him onto the edge of fainting. He was just panting and whining low as some relieved tears ran down on his face. His body couldn't stop trembling even after Jim let him loose and left his weakened body.

Jim gently kissed those salty tears off and freed Corey's wrists, leading his arms around his bigger body so he could hold on to him if he wanted. As suddenly that darkness was released on Corey, as fast Jim's gentle side was back. He felt sated and a bit dizzy still, but his hands never stopped caressing his man in a soothing manner, murmuring soft words of love and praising to him as their bodies were trying to calm down.

"I'll never let you go..." he whispered to the small man in his arms. "You belong to me."

"And you belong to me too..." Corey whispered when he started to come around and pushed his face into the chest of his man as new tears escaped his eyes from all that frustration and pressure he just got rid of. "How do you feel? You kept your promise... Im already sore all over," he added with a little light-headed giggle.

"Yes. I belong to you," Jim kissed the sweaty and messed up hair and tightened his hold around his man as they were lying on their sides, facing each other. Okay... Corey hiding in his chest.

"I feel... freer. Lighter. Accepted. Loved and needed. Satisfied. You? I didn't go too far, I assume...?" he asked a bit concerned although he knew that Corey would've used his safe word if not. "But I had to take you like this. On your back instead of on your tummy. That would've reminded me too much on my nightmare of literally eating you alive."

"You were perfect, my love... And it's good. I needed this..." Corey said hugging the bigger body even closer. "I want to stay like this. Can we....?"

Jim smiled over Corey's head. He still had some fears about releasing himself on the singer like this, but true to his words, Corey loved and needed this just as much as Jim did. It was a massive release for both to be able to ground themselves and to keep going.

"Of course we can. I'll clean your wounds later, my perfect love," he murmured with all the love he had for Corey in his slightly hoarse voice.

Next chapter

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