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Chapter 12
2017.06.25. 12:22
Chapter 12
“This is all the pain a man can take,
This is how a broken heart still breaks…”
Corey indeed had trouble with walking or even moving too much after their first day back at home. He was happy about it, nonetheless.
Especially because his mate kept himself busy with nursing the singer. Helping Corey walk around and shower and bring him food and give cuddles when they felt the need for that. And for long passionate kissing and snuggling. Jim seemed to be better with his sadist side. At least Corey saw it that way. But he knew it could be also that they both were busier about taking care of his overworked body to heal than to sink into their dark thoughts. It was good for making them busy with something else. And it was their special dark love they slowly let themselves give into as a pair.
That day was spent with only that and by the night, when Corey got a bit of his strength back, he aimed the question he had on his mind at Jim. "Tomorrow afternoon Griffin comes home for the weekend... Would you be mad if I spent the weekend with him...?"
Indeed it was good for Jim too to be able to take care of his love. He wanted to give him his all – including his dark side which Corey seemed to be okay with so far. But they both needed some time to let things settle.
At least Corey seemed to feel better – not just physically but mentally too. That in itself was very good and important to Jim. He wanted Corey to be okay.
For now they were enjoying their quiet night in bed while watching some movie. To the singer's question Jim's caressing hand stopped on Corey's shoulder for a moment. Then he continued drawing the small circles onto the naked skin.
After a quiet long breath the guitarist hummed. "No. Of course not. I know how limited your time is with him," he said quietly but smiled down at his man. "I'm sure he misses his dad," he added, knowing how very important being a father was for Corey.
"Yeah..." Corey just nodded. It didn't skip his senses how Jim froze for a second. Of course he knew it wasn't because of his son. Despite not really wanting serious relationships or kids – as the big guy always stated it – Jim was super good with kids. Maybe because deep down he was a goofy kid himself.
No, Jim froze from the thought of Corey leaving him all by himself for the weekend. But the small singer thought they and their relationship should bare that much time apart…
"Are you sure? I mean... By tomorrow I probably will walk better and he’s been waiting for me to come back… After all I kinda vanished after... Paul's death. You'll be okay?"
"I'm sure. Go spend some time with Griff. He needs you too," Jim murmured – hopefully – on a reassuring tone, really trying not to give room for darker thoughts. He liked... no, loved this. Being with Corey all the time. On the road it was easy to arrange things that way. But when they were home, they had to divide their time.
Jim just hoped that two days won't fuck up things for them. Mostly for him. He knew he tended to overthink, but he'll try to busy himself with other stuff. "I'll be fine..." he continued. "I'll visit mom and work on my bike and shit. Don't worry," he kissed Corey's forehead, hugging him close for a few moments to inhale the familiar scent and presence – as if wanting to store it for these two days. Jim just hoped Corey won't change his mind about them and that this was truly about his son and not needing to put a little distance between the guitarist and... his other side.
***
The next day the slightly limping singer left his man to himself. He had some doubt that Jim would be okay on his own. At least he will be busy with Griffin.
And honestly, he couldn't wait to hug the slim blonde boy. Corey always saw a better version of himself in his son. Even though the kid was a perfect mixture of him and his ex-wife. On the outside... Inside Griffin was just as geek and energetic and loved music, and even loved to sing... Just thinking about him made Corey smile from ear to ear.
The house was like he left it. It was clean, though… Probably his grandma let the cleaners in. She will also be coming over to be with the guys. But for now sitting around and waiting in the empty house made Corey wander around the place and his emotions.
***
Meanwhile Jim was trying to find his place in the empty house. Frankly, after they kissed goodbye and the door closed behind Corey, he had to force himself to stop staring at that damn door. It was stupid, he knew. They seemed to be making progress in their relationship. Still his heart sank seeing his love leave him.
With a sigh he shook his head and lit a cigarette. Maybe tinkering in the garage could help. He wasn't in the mood to visit his mom just yet. He wouldn't be a pleasant company.
Damn, he could've killed for a bottle of something strong. But he couldn't. Usually this was the point where he'd chew up another bruise somewhere onto Corey's perfect body before fucking him or letting him fuck the thought out of Jim's head. But now Corey was gone. He was with his family. Griffin needed him. And Corey needed his time with his son and grandma as well. Jim knew that.
But still. He felt lonelier than for a very long time.
***
Of course grams complained how thin Griffin was… And that Corey could use a few pounds on him too. It's all the better. The small man loved to eat good home food and a lot when he couldn't satisfy his other addictions.
Listening to all the stories from school while watching Dr. Who was awesome with his son.
And meanwhile the being at home feeling came back while they were speaking about all the new music they found since the last time... The feeling of home he only felt with Griffin and Jim…
***
Time seemed to slow down even more, making Jim curse and turn grumpy and moody. Tinkering didn't keep him from his darker thoughts for long. As night fell, he found himself trying to focus on some game he was trying to play on his Xbox. Without much success.
His mind kept wandering back to Corey and his deepest worries. Was he really okay with how Jim truly was deep down? Sure, he seemed to love the pain and even asked for more during their "welcome home" session. But... what if in the future Jim goes too far? Would Corey leave him again? Like when Jim pulled out of the threesome in fear of seriously hurting the small man? That was a very fucking difficult time for the guitarist.
Seeing Corey with Paul... well, he didn't mind that because he knew that Paul loved Corey too from the bottom of his heart. But not taking part of that and watching them get closer (and then very up and down) was very fucking hard. Jim remembered how he used to long so damn badly after the redhead. But he was too terrified to get close to him again. So... he let them drift further apart. The results weren't too bright.
Like now – as he paused his game to stuff a slice of pizza into his face – he returned to stress-eating. And then there were the drugs and alcohol. And even darker and twisted lyrics and songs he's never shown to anyone.
***
By the night the feeling of missing Jim got stronger in Corey. More because he was talking about their forming relationship to his grandmother. Griffin was asleep and the only person to fully know him and accept him was his second mom.
"What are your plans, Cor? He was always around and coming back. Did you think about maybe asking him how serious this 'officially together' thing is now? I remember how hurt you were back when he backed away from the two of you… And don't forget your kids. Griffin would need you more around. I see you getting yourself together with Jim. And I'm happy about it. And I don't want you to have any more downfalls, Cor," his granny said with a caring tone as they sat in the kitchen eating some leftover pie.
"I know… I was just thinking about that all day today when I came back here. But for now I should first sort out what I want for me and my kids’ future…" Corey replied thinking.
***
When he realized that trying to watch some movie or catch up with his series didn't work either, Jim retreated into his... their... bedroom in an attempt to catch some sleep for himself. The tiredness from being on the road and all the emotional roller-coasters were catching up with him. And probably his depression was making a comeback too. Either way his body felt like lead and exhausted. Still... after hours of tossing and turning, that damn deep sadness that descended on him continued to keep him up and his mind running a mile a minute.
He kept thinking about Paul, Corey and what he had with his lover now. But the future was still so damn uncertain. Will they make it? Will Corey come back to him? Will he leave? Will they fail? Or will they be happy?
Jim was starting to give himself a headache with all the questions and different scenarios his mind was painting for him. So after a while he grabbed onto one of the memories in which Corey was bleeding for him and he reached under his boxers in an attempt to jerk off to that in hopes of falling asleep afterwards.
***
After a restless sleep, Corey and his little family headed to an activity park to have a fun day out.
Corey really was looking forward to put his mind at ease and only focus on his son and to have fun with him.
His grandma's words wouldn't leave him alone all night and even while driving in the morning. But he has to give the kid what he deserves. He will sort out his messed up emotions later on..
***
"What's on your mind, darling?" Jim's mom asked him as they were sitting in her living room, pretending to be watching the TV, but they both were more interested in smoking the medical marijuana and catching up.
"Corey," Jim mumbled and took a hit from his own roll, keeping the smoke down.
"As always," his mom chuckled shortly. "You together again?"
"Yes..." the guitarist nodded as he exhaled the smoke.
"I could guess. You looked more balanced on stage too. What's the matter then?"
"I'm afraid of myself. And of losing him again. There are stuff I... we have to deal with. Some heavy shit. About Paul's loss... and us. I'm afraid of the future. What it might hold. I want this to work between us. But there are so many ways to fuck up."
"As always, Jimmy. But you both are clever boys. As I understand things have changed around you. And sometimes everyone is afraid of the future. It's natural. Take a leap of faith. You love him, right?"
"More than anyone," he whispered with a bittersweet smile and took another drag, letting the smoke numb his mind a bit more.
"Then jump. Fight for him and what you have. Fight yourself. Your insecurities and doubts. You've been in love for so long and always found your way back to each other. Sounds like you two were meant for each other. It's very rare. Just... try to go with the flow and take things as they come," she patted Jim's tattooed arm.
To that the tall man looked at his mother and smiled, feeling moved to the core from the support and love he'd found. "Thanks mom. It's just what I needed to hear..."
"It's a mom thing, darling!" she giggled. "How's the music writing going?"
***
By the afternoon all Corey could think of was that he was too old and bruised for all the climbing and jumping up and down with the super energetic boy. But at least they had fun.
During the whole ride back home Griffin was talking about song ideas. Mainly based on songs he loved and old horror and Sci-fi movies both the Taylor boys loved to watch. In the older one the feeling of not being able to keep his son back from the spotlight for much longer crept in again. Well… Griff has his personality and it seemed talent to play music and write and the passion to sing too. Time will tell…
But all ideas of the boy brought back Corey's dark thoughts about his lack of muse lately. Damn he really has to sort his shit out to be the best dad this great kid needs.
"Want to show me your ideas on the piano at home? Maybe we can work something out of it," he said when they entered the house.
With a big smile Griff started to drag his dad to said instrument and adjusting his glasses, like some serious composer, started playing a simple but catchy melody.
***
Back at home Jim woke from a nap all sweaty and disoriented. It was another dark dream his subconscious created to torture him. Of course it was about Jim going too far – again. Rubbing his face and his messy hair out of it, he sighed bitterly.
Lighting up a cigarette he just sat there on the edge of his bed and tried to focus on what his mother had told him. Maybe she was right. It wouldn't be the first time. The woman has been giving him quite a few good advises during his life. Especially since their relationship got on a good term.
They kept talking for quite a while after that first smoke. And Jim was glad that he could confide in at least his mother about his relationship with Corey. She had some good insights and questions and also a few suggestions. Of course Jim didn't tell everything to her, but revealed enough so that she had a vague idea about the problems her son was trying to find answers to.
"Maybe she's right... Might as well try..." he hummed to himself and got up to make a big pot of coffee and order some spicy food, preparing mentally to descend into his darkness and try to write it out. He could already hear the first few lines in his mind...
***
Corey had to admit that his son was talented. The ideas were good and the more he helped Griffin to work out the song he had in his mind, the more eased up Corey got with his own feelings towards writing again.
By the time the boy fell asleep, Corey got his guitar in his hands and was sitting in the back room with papers all around him while playing some unsure rhythms.
His grams brought some hot choc, just like old times and patted his grandson's back smiling proudly as Corey got more lost in the music he wanted to hear back from his guitar.
***
Meanwhile in another house and another room a tall man was hunched over his own guitar and stack of papers too, crossing out lines or crumpling up some papers.
"Still not good enough!" he huffed and scratched his head, tossing the pen back on the most recent attempt just to refocus on that stubborn riff haunting him.
"Bury your head inside this and gather the darkness that binds it... I think I’ll die if you deny me…" he mumbled under his nose once he found the right melody and then quickly scribbled down the words onto the paper.
He's been at it for hours and didn't seem to tire as his muse was strong with him. Jim knew that he wasn't going to sleep until he finishes the song he's been writing for Corey – again. Even if dawn finds him awake.
***
The dawn found Corey sleeping on the floor with a blanket over his back and slowly coming around to the loud singing of his son.
He sat up rubbing his face and smiled. He wrote a new song... Well sort of anyway...
Forcing his body to move and stand he sighed knowing it was the last day with his family. But also the night brought new emotions to surface in him. Maybe he knew what he would want for the future after all.
Coffee and some of grams cookies first for sure. And to make Griffin's day happy. And to keep these people who he loved close and safe and happy. He just have to be more brave.
"Ohhhh!!!!! Fruit loops... Gran, you know my oldest addiction," he giggled kissing his son's head then fetching a bowl and serving himself from his favorite cereal. "Griff.. What you say to spending the next weekend with Jim and all three of us write music?" he asked thinking, just be brave..
***
Jim slept in. No wonder there, though. He was up till dawn, as expected. And he also let himself drift in and out of a series of naps, because that way the day was passing faster than sitting somewhere in the house and moping around, wondering if Corey would come back. And if he was going to like the new lyrics and rough music to it. And his other lyrics he'd promised to show to him. If he was still interested in checking them out...
All in all, Jim spent most of the day in bed, not knowing exactly when his man would be free again. He at least hoped that Corey had fun with his family. Jim still had some worries, of course, often thinking that maybe Corey was where he was supposed to be. With his family. Maybe he would be better off with them than someone like Jim.
But then again... Jim could always ask this question once Corey was there and read his lyrics. Maybe he was going to hate them and after the weekend he might have came to the same conclusion. Even if he loved Jim...
"Arghhh! Shut up!" Jim punched his pillow, talking to himself. Again. That was surely the sign of going crazy, no?! He was so fucked up... He just should take a shower and eat a little. Or a lot. Fuck he was missing Corey so badly. And it's been just two fucking days... Still, he felt incomplete without his small redhead... Love could suck so fucking much...
***
By the time Griffin was taken away by Corey's grandmother, the singer's mind was all made up.
He put his backpack on his shoulder and pulling a cigarette out started walking to Jim. Maybe he brings some lunch for them along the way, he thought walking in front of the diner. The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach after all...
After that shower Jim found himself in bed again, wearing just a pair of boxers under the cover into which he cocooned himself in in an effort to nap the rest of the time away until Corey was supposed to return. He found this tactic working so far and he also had some catching up on sleep to do, so... That's what he continued doing.
The house was very quiet. Corey just smiled to himself. His big cat of a man probably decided to nap through the day. He only hoped that Jim was feeling okay.
Also he realized what he was missing all the time... Pets. He surely will suggest that to Jim.
After packing the food onto trays and making fresh coffee, he brought all to the bedroom and made the door swing open and bang on the wall behind not so gently while giggling softly.
“Good morning, sunshine! Guess who brought chili and pork ribs for you...”
The soft snoring stopped abruptly from the loud noise, nearly giving Jim a heart attack as he sat up with some cursing under his nose. But the second he realized who it was – and that there was coffee and food too – he smiled a bit, rubbing an eye.
"Hey..." Jim yawned then eyed Corey coming closer. "You're in a good mood..." he murmured, letting the cover slide off his shoulder to pool around his middle. "You came back..." he added more to himself than to Corey.
"Of course I did," Corey stated putting the stuff down and climbing on the bed, almost up in Jim's lap, kissing the sleepy face.
"We need pets," he said giggling and straddled Jim after all, hugging his neck and resting his forehead against his man. "How are you? I've missed you… Griffin keeps writing songs. And I made something for you…" he smiled into the hazel eyes.
"Pets?" Jim asked a bit confused with his still sleepy mind, but welcomed the kiss and Corey's closeness. Frankly, he could feel his chest already getting lighter that his man was finally back.
"Missed you too, baby. So much..." he admitted, kissing into Corey's hair as he put his long arms around the small man to keep him close and inhale the beloved scent. "I'm really happy to hear about your son. He's a very talented boy. I'm sure he'll make a name for himself in the buiz someday..." he added then smiled. "What did you make for me?"
"Yeah, he will. I can't keep him back forever…" Corey said moving his head and kissing into Jim's neck with a satisfied moan. "I've made you a song… Well half song, sort of…" he mumbled suddenly feeling anxious about it all. He has to do this… So he took a deep breath and pulled back to face his man. With a little more color on his cheeks he bit his lip before starting it...
"Yeah… I was thinking about a dog… Maybe a cat too. But I know you like dogs. Also, I was thinking about next weekend we could have Griffin here... We all could play some games and music and you two get along great..." Corey said in one breath, trying to focus on his goals. "I was thinking about many things. Mostly us… And how it will be… Or how I want it to be… And… if you also want it… well… we can be together as a couple… Like… for real...? If… if that's not too much for you..."
Jim was utterly speechless and was just staring at Corey with a slightly shocked expression. He didn't know what to address first from the things Corey just said. Also, he could feel his heart... no, his whole being melting from what he believed Corey just asked him... It sounded awfully like a proposal to him…
"I... I wrote a song for you too... about us... and my dark side," he admitted quietly, his mind already running a mile a minute because he didn't dare to believe that Corey meant what Jim understood from his words. So he chose to first address the other things, skirting around the big question.
"I'd love to have a dog around. And a cat is fine too," he continued, his hands never stopping caressing Corey's back. "And Griff can come over any time. I like spending time with him. He's an awesome kid," he said getting redder and redder as addressing only that one topic was left.
"You were thinking a lot about us, indeed..." he whispered, gazing into the hopeful blue eyes. Jim lifted a hand to caress the beloved face. "Nothing would make me happier," he said with a small smile and leaned forward to kiss Corey with all his emotions put into that kiss.
Corey smiled wide and kissed Jim back, moving even closer to the bigger body. He felt the room spinning already and his heart racing. Soon he had to break the love-filled kiss to pant for air.
"You mean it? You say yes to having me, and probably my son in your life from now on as a couple? Geezee Jimmy!" the small man laughed wholeheartedly and light headed. "You have no idea how happy you made me... I love you so much. I want to keep working on this… on us and to... to make him proud… I don't want to drift away from you again… or lose you…"
Chuckling too from seeing Corey so happy, Jim cupped his lover's face in both his hands to look his man deep in the eye. "Of course I mean it. I was so afraid that you'd leave me after the weekend. That you'd realize that you're better off with your family. And now... now you want to practically start a family with me... with Griff and getting pets and going official with us being together..." he sighed happily. "It's more than I could ever wish for, baby. I love you more than I can tell, too. I want this so much. I'm yours. Body, mind, heart and soul..." he said with a surrendering and admiring look in his hazel eyes, a cute blush painting his cheeks.
"You and my son are my family. I lost Paul… But I won't lose you. Not again," Corey replied and kept stroking the long neck. "I can't say it with words either how much I love and want you… I guess I will have to show it," he said getting off Jim's lap and pulled the blanket off him with an approving hungry growl. "Lay back, big kitty… Puppy will make you feel loved…" he winked pulling his Spiderman tee off fast and started to get rid of his jeans too.
Melting to the core made Jim go pliant and obedient much faster and treasure Corey's words as he obeyed and watched his man getting naked. Lying back, Jim's fingers were itching to push down the pair of boxers he had on and which were already starting to tent a bit.
"Yes, sir..." he breathed, eyes darkening as he stretched out his long body for Corey.
Corey licked his lips and pulled the only piece of cloth off his man. Getting up on the bed again and part the long legs to get between them and pull them around his hips, he laid upon Jim and gently caressed the beloved flushed face. "You're so gorgeous... And tall... I want to make sure you know how much I need you in my life…" he whispered onto the plump lips before kissing them with all his wild passion and love for Jim.
If possible, Jim only blushed more from the praising words and practically melted into a puddle from Corey's words, letting him take control over his body and their kiss. He loved to surrender to this man so very much. He was the only one to whom Jim could ever imagine doing this.
"I need you so fucking much too..." he whispered in-between their passionate kisses, tightening the hold of his long thighs around the wide hips, his cock throbbing and jumping against Corey's skin. It was standing proud and hard by then, making Jim shiver with lust and need as he started burning for his man.
The wide hips began gyrating against the hard cock under him. Corey kissed Jim's face and neck all over, giving the latter some teasing bites. But for now his violent needs were overwritten by all the gentle emotions to love his man with everything he got.
Slowly he slid lower on the long body and attacked the nipples one by one to coax some deep grumbling moans out of Jim. He wanted to hear those broken cries and begging so much…
"You want it, baby? Want me to bury my dick in you?" he asked gasping for air already as he got to the eagerly jumping hard meat and licked along it slowly.
Needless to say, Jim gave Corey those sounds and when his aching cock was finally licked, it jumped under the skilled tongue and Jim's upper-body arched a bit. He stretched out his long arms above his head to take hold of the headboard in fear of touching himself or Corey without permission.
Lightly bucking his hips, thus making his leaking cock rub against Corey's tongue, Jim looked down at his lover with pure lust and need in his now greener eyes. "Yes... Yes, please. I want that perfect cock in me so badly... Please, Corey... take me as you wish. I'm yours... Please, I need it so, so fucking much..."
Who was Corey to deny something that Jim clearly needed so fucking much??? It didn't take long for him to move lower and open his needy man up with his tongue and fingers.
He couldn't wait to feel Jim from inside and make him moan his name again and again. "Give me the lube," he rose up from between the long thighs, panting and so very ready to give his lover what he needed.
Reaching out blindly and already slightly out of breath, his mind really dizzy from the way Corey's been rimming and opening him up, Jim finally fetched the lube from the nightstand and handed it over to Corey.
In his need to help and feel said perfect cock impale him again, he pulled his legs even higher, exposing himself shamelessly to his love. "Please... give it to me... Please..." he whined going crazy from that certain fire only his pair could ignite in him.
"You’ll get it, alright… Hard and good… I can't wait so hold onto the bars," Corey said, his blue eyes almost glowing with wild lust. He slicked up his rock hard and dripping cock good and laid back over Jim to push those legs he is crazy about onto his shoulders and positioned himself to Jim's loosened hole, moving inside with a swift move and a throaty groan.
Jim cried out loud, his knuckles turning white as he squeezed the bars hard. He loved how his "shocked" body turned the slight discomfort into intense pleasure within seconds, making his hips buck back against that wonderful, wonderful cock. It was stretching him and made him physically connect to Corey so perfectly that he wanted to cry.
But instead he moaned again, meeting Corey's amazing thrusts half-way as he looked up at his concentrating lover. "Love you in me so much... Fuck me... take me..."
"Anything if you ask this nicely…" Corey moaned as he circled his hips and slowly moved deeper into the insanely tight pulsing hotness, moaning and gripping into Jim's thighs more.
"I love you... Touch me... Come here, so I can kiss you..." he looked up at Jim with desire and love, starting to give his man slow but deeper and harder thrusts.
Jim gave him a half-smile that turned into another long moan as he could feel Corey move deeper into him. He could barely comprehend what he was saying, but after a moment or two, Jim pushed himself up onto one arm, the other going behind Corey's nape to hold onto him. Gasping from the deeper and harder thrusts, he closed his eyes for a moment before looking into Corey's from close. "You're so perfect... I'm yours..." he panted onto his man's lips and offered his for the taking, feeling his hard dick ooze more pre-cum.
Corey just kissed Jim deep while his hips bucked forward harder. Hitting Jim's prostate with every move, biting the plump bottom lip hard before moving to suck and bite the neck of his man too.
Soon they were just two fired up beasts huffing and groaning as they were chased their release desperately.
It was so perfect. Corey was so perfect... That was the only word repeating on Jim's mind as they were moving together, moaning, panting and tasting each other as they were climbing higher and higher until only falling fast and hard was left for the lovers. And that's exactly what they did, crying out in ecstasy as they rode out the blinding waves of their shared orgasm, leaving them tangled in each other.
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