Note: This is the 12th part of the “Home Is Where the Spark Is” series. To understand better what’s going on, we recommend reading the previous entries. Enjoy!

Fandoms: Teen Wolf, Sterek

Characters/relationships: Stiles Stilinski/Derek Hale, Chris Argent, Alan Deaton

Rating/category: R (explicit), supernatural, post-Teen Wolf, canon and non-canon elements, slash, M/M, Sterek, hurt/comfort, dark, angst, aged up characters, Spark Stiles, Magic Stiles, Emissary Stiles, Emissary in training Stiles, detective Stiles, matured Stiles, Alpha Derek, switch Derek, top Derek, bottom Stiles, drama, epic romance, love, magic, soulmates, Mate bond, Emissary bond, werewolves, PTSD, trauma, insanity, depression, violence, blood, triggers, temporary disability, temporary blindness, injuries, near major character death, sickness

Summary: The magical wall that was installed into Derek’s mind didn’t miraculously solve the insanity he’s been struggling with. After the ritual the recovery time has its ups and downs and puts the mates’ love to the test again. Not to mention that an accident might draw in even more complications to Beacon Hills.

Disclaimer: This is a product of our imagination and was written only for entertainment and fun. We don’t profit from this fanfiction and we mean no harm or disrespect against any real person, culture or custom that might appear in the story. All original pictures or edits and fictional characters used in the story belong to their respective owners and credit goes to them.

Home Is Where the Spark Is
By Just Jim & Useless-girl

12: In Waves – Part 1

Stiles woke with a start and the leftover that felt like a headache. His limbs were less heavy than the day before when he fainted into a much needed sleep, but they were still weary. Derek was still asleep on his side as he lifted his head and looked around.

“Oh hi...” he said to Chris, who was sitting on the couch not far from the bed, typing away on his phone. “What time is it?”

“11 am. Welcome back to the world of the living. I’ve heard you did quite the stunt yesterday,” he put away his phone once he finished texting whomever.

Stiles blinked a few times, looking at Derek for a moment or two then back to Chris as his mind played catching up.

“Oh yeah... Shielding Derek from going insane and all that. It was intense.”

“So I’ve heard,” the bearded hunter said, examining Stiles as if he was expecting him to burst into flames or something like that.

“Hey, I’m fine. Pretty sure he is too,” he pointed his thumb at the sleeping werewolf next to him. “You can stop babysitting us. Though, thanks for that.”

Chris raised a brow. “Try to get up first. Once I saw that you are capable of walking, I’ll make myself scarce.”

“Jesus, you drive a hard bargain...” Stiles huffed but shuffled to the edge of the bed into a sitting position. He needed a moment or two to find his equilibrium but once he did, he slowly stood and took a few steps towards the bathroom. “See? I’m good. Unless you want to watch me pee and brush my teeth and possibly take a shower, you can go do your own business... I know Deaton had put you on baby watch.”

“Your pack is painfully small when it comes to reliable people so yeah. I’ll wait here until you do the things listed above. And then I’ll go if I think you are okay,” he said on a neutral tone, phone already back in his hand, but he kept an eye on Stiles.

“Geeeez, okay, fine. You’re worse than me when I pester Derek about stuff...” the younger human rolled his eyes and took some more steps. Only the first few were unsteady then he got a hang of it and got himself a clean T-shirt and boxers before slowly walking into the bathroom to go through the things he needed to.

Waking up was considerably different for a blind person, because opening the eyes didn't result in daylight, it was still dark, which made Derek want to go back to sleep because it must be early still. Yet his full bladder and other senses told him it wasn't night anymore, especially the lack of a warm body next to his. Frowning, Derek reached sideways to find the spot still warm and he heard the shower running further away. Which meant the heartbeat close by had to belong to Argent. It explained the scent of gunpowder. Deaton had told him Chris would stay as long as they weren't up for it.

"I'm not going to call you demonwolf," the raspy deep voice said.

A smile tugged at his lips when Derek heard Argent quip, which was exactly the right way to deal with the entire situation because the wolf didn't want pity. "I don't want to be the alpha of alphas, Derek's fine."

There was no immediate answer but the amusement of the other man was felt through chemo signals.

Derek carefully sat up to test his body's state, which wasn't as bad as it could be. Tired sure, a lingering weakness from all it had been through which was something sleep and a good meal would heal. His head hurt, but it was manageable. It had to feel like that because of the trauma of having a wall built in there.

"How are you feeling?" Argent asked next, genuinely curious.

"Could be worse."

"Sometimes I forget that extracting teeth is easier than you talking."

It wasn't an insult, it was stated as a matter-of-fact and Derek could only arch his eyebrows at it. It wasn't going to be helpful if he was going to admit his feelings because it wasn't going to change anything. He was well enough to handle himself, that was for sure.

"That's true. Even for me, his mate, that's the case, so don't feel bad about it, Chris." That was Stiles coming back from the bathroom, skin pink and healthier-looking from the hot shower he just took. He was rubbing his wet hair with a towel, already dressed in the thick sweater and pair of boxers he had taken with him. He also felt much more awake and better with being clean and all that.

"I won't have sleepless nights about it, I can promise that," the hunter gave him one of his trade mark half-smirks, the steely blue eyes sizing Stiles up again. "You look better."

"Well thanks! I always look good," Stiles snorted. "You staying for breakfast? I'm dyyyying for some strong coffee and food. Lots of food. Who would've thought that tapping into such a big amount of magic would result in me wanting to eat everything that moves – or not? Oh, wait... We already knew that, right Derek?" he asked, not expecting an answer other than a grunt or something. "You're gonna eat something too. No talking yourself out of it this time," he warned his mate on a bossier tone as he walked to the bed and dropped the damp towel on its edge so he could lean on his hands to take a better look of Derek. "Close your eyes, Chris. R rated content coming up," he chuckled but didn't check if the hunter did so or not, just simply kissed Derek good morning on the lips.

"Once you unglued your lips, some coffee would be good," Chris snorted and typed away on his phone again, not even looking up.

"Oh god. Another cock-blocker..." Stiles sighed onto Derek's lips but gave him an extra peck before lowering his voice to a soft whisper. "You okay? I was worried."

As Derek recalled it, he didn't exactly talk himself out of meals, his stomach kept expelling them so when Stiles told him that there were no protests tolerated, he opened his mouth to object. Only his mate decided to saunter up so close, the bed dipped from the added weight and he could feel the warm breath caressing his face. Chris' warning from the younger human was also his warning, thankfully, so he didn't jerk away in surprise when soft lips touched his own. Obviously Stiles felt better with how perky he was after a shower, teasing the hunter shamelessly and even deepening the kiss despite Derek's morning breath.

The wolf wasn't a morning person, adding all that had happened to them both to it and he was just not talkative, even less than usual. Though he had a feeling that unless he would eat, his coffee was going to be denied. Stiles had all these underhanded tactics.

"Some coffee would be good," he agreed with Chris at the question of him being okay. "I feel..." He took the time to think about his answer since he was unsure what word would describe it best. Derek licked his dry lips. "Rebuilt? It's not bad or good at the moment, too big for my skin." It felt weird, unnatural even. "Head hurts." Shame painkillers would do so very little for werewolves. It wasn't a pain from injury so his body wasn't so invested in healing it, as it didn't with smaller injuries either. The reason why Derek had taught his betas to break a bone to trigger their healing. It wasn't so simple for humans to help him with that so he wasn't going to ask. There was no guarantee it was going to work because it was most likely a result from the mental instability. "But I'm not drooling and drawing signs on the walls with my own blood so that's great."

Stiles outright snorted from that comment. "It's fantastic, not great," he stole another soft peck. "It means that it worked. The headache too. It'll hopefully fade. I can feel the wall in you. It's strong," he reassured Derek before he pulled back and stood up. "BTW, I'm feeling better too. I'm not a Christmas light anymore. Skin looks normal and most of the magic is more or less settled too," he informed the other two men. "Thanks for asking. Sooo... alright, Derek, you can get your coffee if you eat at least one buttered toast with it," Stiles announced, his stomach growling loudly just from the image of food in his head. "Down boy, we're gonna eat the fridge in a minute," he tapped a hand against his flat stomach a couple of times and picked up the damp towel to take it back to the bathroom on his way to the kitchen but paused and looked at Chris. "How do you drink your coffee, oh scary hunter?" he grinned.

"Black. With two sugar," Argent looked at him as if he was still monitoring him. Or maybe trying to see the magic around Stiles? He could never know with this man.

"See, Derek?! Even our intimidating hunter here doesn't drink his coffee dark and without nothing! Thank you, Chris!" Stiles huffed and marched towards the bathroom.

"Previous argument?" the other human raised a brow.

"Yeaaaah," Stiles chirped and man, all of a sudden he had a lot of energy despite the dull tiredness in his bones. "I don't get it how he can stomach that. Okay, I'm gonna start making breakfast. You are welcome to join us. Meanwhile could you help Derek to the bathroom? He's starting to stink from yesterday's potentially lethal activities. Thank you!" And with that he was padding to do what he planned to do.

"Like you give me the time to ask…" Derek muttered with an eye-roll, which was a motion gone unnoticed with his blank eyes. Stiles would rattle on and on and the Hale didn't feel like interrupting the stream, usually let him babble on. The magic didn't smell nor feel as settled as the other made it sound. Sure, maybe his skin wasn't showing it anymore to the ones able to see but Derek knew better. Either Stiles didn't take his medication or he was hyper on the jolt he got from all the overload of magic after a good night of sleep.

Of course, there was the anticipated demand to get his coffee, he knew Stiles too well which wasn't a bad thing at all but it still made him pause and think about it when it happened. Something to marvel about, how well they fell into a life together with even the smallest things, like it was normal and not something which only started a few months ago.

"One toast," Derek agreed, realizing the moment the words left his mouth how much he sounded like a certain petulant toddler with the same last name as his. Around lunch time he was certain he'd devour a full meal, but right now, when just awake, food wasn't on the mind, coffee was!

Coffee he wasn't getting because apparently he also stank. Derek growled at that, somebody was feeling like his old self already and it wasn't the werewolf. Chris was too busy chuckling under his breath at that, even more at the deadly glare Derek threw his way, missing its mark completely because he glared at empty space.

"You heard the man, Derek, I think you're supposed to shower." Argent was still chuckling when he said that. "I'm going to put your arm around my shoulders so you can get your bearings."

"I can shower alone," Derek retorted, unknowingly echoing Stiles' statement from before. Could he shower alone though? Only one way to find out. On unsteady legs, he made his way to the bathroom, Chris forcing him to at least try to walk to the shower and stand in it to prove he could. It took some time and careful wall-touching to guide himself but he managed. The Argent made sure there was shampoo there and a towel within reach.

"You can call me when you're done, I'll be right outside."

Meanwhile Stiles was humming to himself while he put on a big pot of coffee and began loading food onto the counter. It's been a while since he felt so energized and frankly, it was a welcomed change after the weeks of worrying and exhaustion. It also put him into a significantly better mood. Even with the perhaps sharper comments and all the teasing he fired off.

It was probably also caused by the successful ritual from last night. It took a big weight off his chest and even breathing felt easier. He also felt somehow... stronger. It had to be the magic. As he was putting bread into the toaster and also began scrambling some eggs, he thought about that for a moment. He wasn't stupid. He knew that what he did yesterday was more than any of them thought was possible. The emissary also recognized the magic he had tapped into. He saw the Nemeton in his dreams again. He had borrowed magic from that ancient powerful tree. And he knew there was the possibility to tap into the lay lines too. He remembered feeling them last night. Enticing him to get to more power.

But frankly, both the Nemeton's power and that possibility were scary. Stiles knew it would be so easy to get drunk on that kind of power, to get lost in it. But he didn't want to. He did what he did by accident and not to gain more power for himself, but for Derek, who was also tied to that tree. He just wanted to save his mate. Maybe the Nemeton 'let' him tap into that force to ensure they both survived. So they'd be able to keep protecting the land.

He often wondered why them? What was so special about them? Seemingly they both got connected with that tree by accident. But Stiles didn't believe in accidents or coincidences. He believed it was bound to happen. But why? To bring Derek and him together? To become the protectors of this land? He knew that Hales were such protectors in the past too. Talia the greatest and strongest until her untimely death. Were they destined to follow in her footsteps as an even stronger mated pair? A Spark and his wolf?

Stiles couldn't answer any of these questions with certainty. He could only guess. But now they had time to eventually figure this out. The immediate danger of Derek going insane was warded off. Which was good. It allowed them to breathe and heal.

So with that he sighed and started pouring coffee into three mugs, letting the fresh aroma fill his nose.

For Derek it wasn't as easy to get used to being blind when it came to the little things like finding out what was body wash and what was shampoo. He didn't have Beth's strawberry stuff here and the male ones tended to smell all the same. After sniffing the two bottles in his hands repeatedly without knowing which one was for what, he picked on instinct. He doubted it even mattered. The hair was lathered up, body carefully washed, especially the more potent parts like his armpits and crotch. Derek didn't mind the scent of bodies, it was normal but even to him, and with his sensitive nose, bodies could start to smell. If a human had to point out Derek was the one smelling badly, it had to be impressive.

Drying himself off, he padded over to where he knew the sink was, carefully feeling around until he was there so he could brush his teeth, picking a toothbrush without knowing if it was his or Stiles'. It didn't matter as long as it did its job. Finding his deodorant was easy because the wolf had an unscented one which smelled like alcohol while Stiles had one of those popular ones, Axe? Something like it. It was all so normal, no whispers in his ear, no pressure in his head. Leaning on the sink, he breathed a few times, inhaling deeply, exhaling slowly. They were fine now.

Wait, where were his clothes? Somewhere on the floor, and the bathroom was too big to look for them. Back when he had been working on renewing the room, the largeness felt nice but now it wasn't as useful anymore with the way he had placed the huge double sinks in the middle to shield off the large bathtub also placed in the middle. For a blind man it was confusing because he needed the wall to guide himself to find the door. There was a momentary flash of panic, which Derek quickly pushed down, making himself think. If the sink was here, then the tub was on the other side near the windows which meant if he kept the sink at the left side, he could stride ahead to find the wall where the door was. He had no idea how long he had taken to reach the familiar rusted door but he had managed and that was all that mattered.

Completely naked, he strode back into the loft, feeling two pairs of eyes on him. "I lost my clothes." And he had no idea where Stiles had put the bags with fresh ones. Argent's eyes were fully on him. "What? You've seen me naked before."

"Unmarked," Chris replied as he had spotted the two runes on the werewolf. "It's interesting that those did scar."

"Yeah well... Stiles needs them." A little uselessly Derek stood there, not sure if he should go left or right or where Stiles was exactly. Some clothes would be good too.

The eggs were fried so Stiles abandoned the kitchen with a small smile and walked to the bags with their clothes. He hesitated only for a moment, not knowing if Derek still preferred wearing his clothes or his own, but it didn't really matter either since it was going to be only sweatpants and a Henley so he picked from his own pile and took the clothes to his mate.

"Correction, I really need only the one on your arm. For the magic balancing," he added so Chris would understand. "The other was to seal his soul back to place," he said, helping Derek dress, though he really didn't mind the nudity. He found his mate gorgeously hot, but for Chris' sake they bothered with clothes.

"Alright, my big bad wolf. It's breakfast and coffee time," he announced and took Derek's hand in his to lead him to the table. As much as he didn't mind helping Derek move around and everything else that came with him being temporarily blind, Stiles could hardly wait for him to be able to heal his eyesight. It was interesting to him that the magic didn't do that last night. But maybe it 'felt' that it wasn't time yet.

Derek didn't need to ask, Stiles was there with clothes helping him into them even though he had already discovered how to get into clothes without having them on the wrong way. There was always that little label in the back so he'd look for that, check if it was on the inside or outside and made sure it was on the back when pulling clothes on. Henleys were even easier because they had buttons at the front. The sweatpants were comfortable though, even without underwear. No chafing happening.

"It takes quite a lot to mark a werewolf like that," Chris stated the obvious as he followed them to the table and took a seat, but Stiles detected something like... respect(?) in his eyes when he looked at him. It was weird.

"It's magic..." the emissary whispered on a mysterious tone and wiggled his long fingers in the air, obviously trying to joke it away. And he definitely didn't have some color on his cheeks or felt a bit embarrassed by that. Instead he opted to serve the coffee and breakfast like a good wifey would. Or a kitchen fairy. Both were fitting options in his opinion.

Letting Stiles lead him to the kitchen since that was quicker, Derek could smell eggs and coffee. Derek took a seat after patting the chair so he wouldn't land on his ass because he had missed the chair. Maybe he should ask Melissa about borrowing one of those sight sticks to move around so he had more of a warning with walls. Reaching out with his hand, he had nearly knocked over the mug with coffee if not for Stiles' quick reflexes who was used to his own spastic moves. Then he burned his hand on the hot pan of eggs when his mate was serving them up and he sighed at his own clumsiness.

"Toast, Derek? Let me get it for you," Chris offered after rescuing another mug from being knocked over so the wolf wouldn't attempt to do it by himself and ruin the food he looked like he needed. Something hard plopped on his plate, smelling like butter and bread, followed by eggs when he was told to lean back so Stiles wouldn't melt his face off. Derek scooped the eggs on his toast with his fingers because he had no idea how to use utensils yet. So far so good. Taking hold of the slice of bread, he attempted to eat, unknowingly tipping the bread to one side too much so it all fell off again. This was why he hadn't wanted to eat in the first place!

"I got it!" he told the two men, when he heard chairs scraping because they wanted to stand up to help him at the same time. Derek decided to eat the toast like it was because look at that, he could take a bite even though the angle was off and there was butter on his cheek. Maybe the scrambled eggs were easier with a spoon so with some feeling around, he used the one near his plate, carefully scooping a few morsels on it, slowly guiding the spoon to his mouth, only for it all to fall in his lap. So much for clean clothes. There was a deafening silence from the others.

"Jesus," Derek huffed with laughter. "You two can laugh you know, I won't bite. Today."

Stiles knew that his mate was stubborn and didn't like to appear weak or clumsy – especially not in front of a hunter, even if he was kinda like a friend and ally to them. But Derek's attempts looked funny. Even if a part of him wanted to help, but definitely not pity him because Derek deserved more.

"Thank fuck! I thought I was going to burst..." Stiles giggled and even wiped a teardrop from his eyes. "Though I wouldn't mind some biting later..." he added on a dirtier tone, making Chris roll his eyes.

"Please, keep the sexy time for when I get out of your hair," the hunter grunted before taking a sip from his coffee and eating some more eggs.

The grumbling of Stiles' stomach urged him to pay attention to his own hunger. Which was big. The kind he always felt after an extensive use of magic. Despite now feeling energized. So after drinking half a mug of coffee at one go, he finally dug in with his usual content little sounds. "Fuck, I can do a mean scrambled eggs and bacon combo..." he praised himself and bit into a toast too. "So how's the gun business going?" he asked the hunter with a full mouth, some morsels landing on the table.

Argent didn't seem to mind. He had his usual calm and neutral – okay, maybe a bit intimidating – look on his face while first chewing then swallowing his bite. As if he wanted to pointedly show Stiles what the right order was. "Business is booming. Thanks for asking."

"And the hunting?" Stiles asked in the same manner like his previous question, one leg moving constantly under the table and the slight fidgeting seemed to be back too along with some restless energy.

Derek left the eggs alone. It was too much of a hassle to keep trying. Instead he ate the dry toast as promised to 'earn' his coffee but to also test if his stomach was ready to deal with something inside of it. Of course he knew he had to get himself ready to eat without making this kind of a mess, and to actually nourish his body instead of avoiding food because he had no idea how to eat. However, in front of Argent, he wasn't going to ask his mate to help, he was going to eat later.

"Hunting has been slow. There wasn't a pack around until Derek came back. Small cases I've handled with your father before that. I've been babysitting a lot these past months." The Argent threw a look towards Derek, who didn't feel guilty about it, because if Chris hadn't wanted to help, he had been able to say no.

"Chris here is reluctant to admit he likes my company."

"What's not to like? Snarls, growls and a smart ass mouth. I liked you best when you were sleeping all the time."

"I liked you best then too." The werewolf shot back easily, at ease with their usual banter, which could get quite acerbic at times.

Stiles chuckled on the banter, eyeing the two males while he was shoveling food into his mouth. There was no other way to describe it. He was also immensely enjoying it. Which was a nice change after the last few weeks when he had to force himself to eat to keep his strength up. Even so, he had lost a couple of pounds, but given the circumstances he thought it was understandable.

"As much as I love listening to your bromance blossoming and also we are grateful for your help, Chris, we don't want to keep you from your important allegedly legal deals or whatever you do nowadays. As you can see, we'll manage and promise not to stick our noses out of the loft..."

"Are you kicking your babysitter out?"

"Yes," Stiles said with an innocent smile after he swallowed his last bite and washed it down with the rest of his coffee.

"Rude. Derek, you should teach your boy some manners."

"Oh, I'd like that," Stiles chuckled. "Or see him try," he shot a hot look at Derek, leaving his gaze on the wolf a bit longer. He knew that his mate would feel it as well as the slight shift in his mood.

"And that's my cue to give you some clearly much needed privacy..." Argent drank the last of his coffee too then stood. "Thanks for breakfast. Call if you need anything."

"I'm not going to try to teach him, there's more chance of the Nemeton turning into a full tree than Stiles learning manners." It was a light tease because Derek didn't want it any other way, Stiles was fine the way he was. Not perfect, not even close to it but neither was the Hale. That's why they worked so well, because they were far from perfection and understood one another's brokenness. At the Argent announcing he was going to go, Derek wasn't even going to try to see him out, it would end up with more embarrassment.

"Thanks Chris, for all of it."

"Sure, I'm keeping a tab," Chris joked as he left, no need to see him out because the loft wasn't that big and he knew the way. Derek meanwhile inhaled his coffee, feeling like he had earned it because he had finished the stupid toast. And his stomach wasn't protesting either so that is what he called the win of the day. Food and Derek always had been at odds. Werewolves wouldn't get overweight but they could lose weight. Peter had already been complaining months ago about his nephew looking gaunt, so it was a good thing he had left town again without more of his useful comments.

"You chased him off fast...?"

"Yeah, because I prefer spending my time with you alone and without a babysitter," Stiles shrugged and began cleaning away the remains of the breakfast to do something with his hands. He had other ideas about how he could make his hands more useful, but he wasn't sure Derek was ready for anything like that. Which was a bummer, because Stiles felt... restless. Buzzing with energy and anticipation that he couldn't really put a finger on. Or calm down.

Yeah, well, he knew what he wanted, but he was trying to push that down in favor of his mate getting used to both the blindness and not being so overwhelmed by insanity. He secretly checked on the wall again while putting the dishes into the sink and starting to wash them in silence. The wall was strong as he said before. Working as it was supposed to.

But all of a sudden, Stiles went silent compared to his previous behavior as he was scrubbing the plates under the running water. It was easier to focus on everyday deeds than facing lingering problems – or desires.

"Stomach okay?" he asked, remembering the times he sometimes literally had to jump to the side to avoid being vomited on.

Stiles was jittery and restless, moving around the loft to clean up, shooting glances at Derek he thought the older man wouldn't pick up on since they weren't lingering. But he still felt the way he was looked at repeatedly, as if he should know what was going on. It could be a result of all the magic, it could be Stiles realizing he had a mental patient with severe PTSD as his mate now and he kept looking at him to make sure he wasn't going anywhere. There were many things going on, many reasons possible for Stiles to be so restless and though chemo signals helped him, Derek wasn't a mind-reader.

"So far so good." The potions weren't in his body anymore, nor was the taste of ash or blood. Coffee had tasted like actual coffee and the toast tasted like burned bread, like toast always did to the werewolf. He knew that his body hadn't been in Hell for three decades, he knew that he had been eating food and everything was fine but to his memories, it had been a long time since he ate. The fact his stomach was agreeing was a good thing for him. For them both. Derek hadn't enjoyed throwing up on the human all the time even though it had been his own fault for forcing the Hale to eat despite repeated warnings.

"Maybe you can explain why it feels like you've overdosed on coffee and energy drinks, because there's something going on." Was it the arousal? Was Stiles ashamed for having bodily functions? Derek could smell it lingering around the human, one of the reasons why Chris was fine with leaving. "Is it because you want to have sex?"

Stiles' scrubbing paused for a moment or two then he finished the last plate and closed the tap before drying his hands, thinking for a moment or two.

"That's part of it too..." he said carefully and finally turned around to face his blind mate. Yes, he was positively gorgeous and alluring to him, making his body react to the sight so he forced himself to look at the floor instead. "I miss you like that. It feels like it's been an eternity." Yes, their last real coupling was before the rut. During the heat it didn't really matter because Derek was kinda absent since the instincts completely took over. Not to mention the aftermath with which both of them have been struggling with. Then came the soul mending and the insanity, so yeah... Stiles did miss their intimate times, but more the reassurance of being cherished and loved instead of being just a tool for an in-heat alpha and a useful instrument of helping with his magical abilities.

Not that he'd ever say anything about that since he helped in both cases as best as he could and didn't expect anything in return.

"I think... it's also the pull of the upcoming Full Moon... and the effect of the magic from last night," he confessed. If someone would understand that pull then it was Derek with him being a born wolf. At some point of his life he had to have struggled with that. Right?

It wasn't something on Derek’s mind but he would be a liar if he didn't admit that he missed them sharing that. To Stiles it had been a while; to Derek it had been forever. It was easier for him to go without it, to slip back into old behaviors but he hadn't forgotten what Stiles had done for him, opening him up to a world of sex Derek had found out he liked. A lot.

The pull of the Full Moon was different to the Hale. The sexual awareness had dimmed after Kate and his control during one was excellent. Usually. They had no idea how his control was going to be this time but with the wall in place, firmly, it shouldn't be a danger. Still, he could understand why Stiles felt the pull of the moon in that way. The younger man had a healthy sexual appetite and was bonded to a born werewolf. All the urges Derek had learned to suppress were probably ones the human felt all the more.

"I'd like to try, if you want?" It probably sounded hesitant but that was mostly for Stiles' safety. "If we take it slow, if you let me be in charge, if you're okay with me taking my time since I can't see and I need my other senses to help me. I need this to be..." He amended his words. "I want this to be love, not lust." Derek wanted to try. After everything Stiles has done for him, he wanted to help him get grounded as well. There was a chance they wouldn't get far, that there were triggers but he knew Stiles would stop as soon as Derek asked him to. He trusted him with that.

The younger man looked up at that and studied his mate for a long moment. Not that he really had to do it. He could feel the sincerity and carefulness through their mate bond, after all. Then he nodded. Then he had to remind himself that Derek couldn't see that so he said it verbally too. "Okay, I'm very good with trying and I'll let you lead. I need this to be more about love too. It's been so very long since it was about that..." he said softly, obviously hinting at the mindless, lust-filled (and often unpleasant and painful) sex of the heat.

Pushing himself away from the edge of the kitchen counter, he slowly walked to the table, stopping next to Derek, feeling a bit lost all of a sudden. "I want to try as well to help you reconnect with me on a physical level. We both might have triggers to avoid, but I'm sure we'll find our way. Plus... I've never been with a blind man, so that part sounds more than intriguing to me too," he chuckled softly at the end because of course he had to half-joke away the seriousness of the situation.

Next he slowly held out a hand for Derek in the air between them. "Come then. I'll take us to the bed," he said with a suddenly drier mouth so he instinctively licked his lips. He felt so stupid for being so careful because Stiles knew sex always worked like a charm between them, but the logical part of him understood the whys behind that hesitancy.

"If... if there's anything I do you don't like, you have to tell me too." It was silly, to be as hesitant as Derek was. They’ve been together for a while now, but yet it almost felt like this was going to be their first time. Derek's memories were mostly blocked, trickling in at a pace which would limit his insanity which meant he didn't know what kind of triggers he had until they actually happened. Same went for Stiles who, unfortunately, had all of his memories intact of the time together where it hadn't been pleasant for him. Something Derek had done so there was a chance sex wasn't going to be working at all for them. If it didn't, that was okay too. There was no pressure with this.

Derek wasn't the only one nervous though. Stiles felt jittery and unsure of himself, maybe because they knew this was possibly too soon or this would actually be the thing for their bond to settle. Standing from the table, the wolf knocked into a hand which had apparently been held out for him to take, but Derek could only sense an ember blob, not any distinct features such as hands or even a face. Stiles had no face, he was a vague shape because of his strong aura. It was better than nothing but it meant he did need help. The loft was spacious and mostly empty, which actually didn't help moving around it because there were no distinct points of recognition besides the hole in the wall and the few doors. Well, and the metal poles he had the pleasure of walking into once already.

"Stiles..." Derek breathed, "I know where you are because of your aura. I can't see anything." Testing him for sight was useless at this point. "I don't even know where the bed is." Somewhere in the other area outside of the kitchen. "I don't know where your lips are." Or those he would have claimed already.

"Sorry, I had to test it. You know me," Stiles chuckled a bit nervously, stepping into Derek's space just to lift one of the wolf’s hands and place the fingertips against his lips. "My lips are right here... And... I promise I'll stop you if something doesn't feel right and I'll stop if you ask me to as well," he whispered, letting Derek's fingers trace his perfect bow-shaped lips then his cheeks, nose and face as he was relearning his features with his touches.

It all sent pleasurable shivers down his spine as the slightly shorter druid loosely slid his arms around Derek, his long fingers finding their way under the Henley’s edge to touch warm smooth skin. His breathing hitched a bit and his heart skipped a beat or two from the intimate closeness and heat of the body in front of him. He's been longing for it more than he thought. To be touched, caressed, explored and kissed by the only man whom he loved with his whole being.

The second Derek's lips tentatively brushed against his, he closed his eyes and immediately felt a bit calmer and less shy. The uncertainty was slowly fading too as he opened his lips for his mate, letting his tongue slip into his welcoming mouth. Stiles inhaled a bit sharper through his nose and quietly moaned into the very much appreciated gentle kiss, his arms tightening a bit around the muscular body to feel Derek even closer.

This was good. So good...

Unknowingly Derek had the same thought: how good this was. To let his hands see and explore as if he couldn't draw Stiles from memory alone because the human's body was branded into his brain. He didn't need to see to know and yet exploring all the soft skin without his sight was different. It felt more intimate to be standing here in the kitchen, gently kissing one another with the careful love they both deserved. They both needed badly to touch and hold.

Derek's hands went under the thick sweater to touch the skin there, feeling coarse hairs run their familiar path down, the softer hairs on the chest between the pecks, not nearly as much as the wolf hair but Stiles certainly had matured to having a nicely toned body with masculine hairs. His thumbs brushed over the nipples, caressing over them a few times to make them pebble even more, the small nubs easier to roll between his fingers. He was quiet, focused on exploring the warm mouth his tongue had invaded. The taste of Stiles was fresh, mostly coffee and food. The wolf was glad though that he had brushed his teeth along with the shower, or he wouldn't have been so enthused right now.

There was no rush to get their clothes off, this was about taking it slow, about getting closer without pain being involved. No more pain for either one of them for a bit if possible. Derek didn't want to think about touching this skin and feel tendrils of black snaking up because of him. None were happening now, Stiles was completely pain-free, physically. Their souls were still raw and bleeding, aching for the love Derek was determined to show. He had his whole soul now, it was all his love and not Stiles'.

The younger man trembled from what he started feeling through their bonds. It was warm and moving, making Stiles melt more and more into the kiss and touches. His nipples lightly throbbing from the rubbing, each roll sending a wave of lust down into his groin, making his already awake cock grow harder under his boxers. His toes curled in his thick socks and held onto Derek a bit tighter for a moment.

How come he could get so dizzy and lose his balance while standing completely still? Oh yes, because Derek's kiss and touches. He nearly forgot this man could have such an effect on him. And it was so wonderful to feel like that from his wolf again. His wolf... who was now devouring every inch, every nook of his mouth maybe a bit possessively while pouring his love into Stiles.

All of a sudden the kitchen felt so hot. His sweater felt so damn itchy and too warm. Stiles wanted it off, but he didn't dare to move his hands from Derek's hips, his fingers splaying out to slide under the hem of the boxers Derek had on, caressing and lightly digging into the firm ass. His tongue was eagerly dancing with the other man's, the soft wet smacking sounds breaking the kitchen's silence – along with tiny sizzling sounds in the air. That was from the unsettled part of the magic reacting to Stiles' stirred up emotions.

His heartbeats were faster now, his groping a bit more desperate, his head dizzy from the deep kiss and Derek's touches and scent and closeness. He was falling. Deeper and deeper into his pair and he wanted more. So much more.

Next part

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