They should talk about this, not let it fester between them like a badly healing wound but he had no idea how to even explain himself. He was being selfish and stupid, wanting to talk, to explain, to fix this between them and yet he was so busy thinking about the how that his throat closed off from words. Letting the silence linger between them for a little too long.

"Yeah, sounds good, I'll go get what we need." Because he had said Stiles shouldn't be up on his feet so much when he looked like death warmed over.

It bought him time while he was shuffling over to the bedroom to get the jar and the packaged bandages from the nightstand. Such an idiot, Derek scolded himself, tempted to do it himself so he wouldn't be a problem to his mate, however he knew doing everything by himself would only increase the distance between them. He wasn't making that mistake again. They had been doing so well! The moving, the engagement, their relationship had soared and now a strange alpha strode in and ruined it. What was worse, Derek seemed good at continuing the destruction and it caused a wave of anger. He was so done with all of this, done with being a mess, done having to struggle with his soul back and the bouts of insanity it caused. Stiles deserved somebody better than him.

Pretty much why that alpha’s here, isn’t it? No. He wasn't going to listen to that. Sighing deeply, he returned to Stiles, handing him the objects needed.

The quiet human pressed his eyes together when he felt that wave of anger in his mate. Not towards him but towards himself. He could tell the difference. And it only made Stiles feel guiltier.

I’m such an idiot. Stop it, he scolded himself too. But it was easier said than done when that darkness was feeding on his insecurities and tiredness. He shouldn't be like this. He shouldn't try to close in on himself. He should be supportive, help Derek heal in a relatively calm environment, not add more stress to the situation. Or worsen the strain on their bonds.

He sighed bitterly while waiting for his mate's return. He hated himself when he got like this. When he felt so out of control while the waves felt like clashing over his head. They had more pressing matters. They had to talk. Yet the always babbling Stilinski just couldn't find it in him to open his mouth. It was easier to sink deeper, to feel sorry for himself, for being angry at himself.

Step by step.

He repeated that to hang on as much as he could in that moment. Maybe they just needed some rest. And the first step towards that will be helping Derek change the bandages and treat his wounds. He could do that. It should help. Hopefully. Unless his mate flinches away from his touch. Damn, that fucking fear! Stop it already, Stiles huffed to himself then took a few deep calming breaths just before the wolf returned.

Opening his eyes, he waited for Derek to sit down next to him and he tentatively reached out with his hands to take the bandage off and inspect the wound and stitches.

There was no flinching happening, though Derek did keep a close eye on what was happening, which wasn't anything new. The predator in him always was on high alert, expecting the worse even in a harmless situation. The claw marks looked red and aggravated, the skin around the stitches puffy but the bandages were clean so to Derek that meant it was fine. Skin was never happy with stitches and moving around, it's why Derek dislikes them and would avoid them if he could. Wounds healed better without them but sometimes, like now, it was needed or it wouldn't heal at all.

The wound on his leg though was nasty, the bandage had colored with fluids, infections happened. Sometimes it happened so it wasn't making the Hale too worried. It had to be the combination of a broken bone and dirt. This time he did flinch when the bandage was pulled off but that was more the discomfort of the infection and the pull than Stiles' hands on him. It smelled. Nothing romantic about werewolf healing, it was gory most of the time.

"I don't like magical alphas." They certainly did bring more challenges with them, for all involved. This had been too easy, how long had the fight even lasted? Too short, too much damage. Werewolf fights were always brutal but this one had been completely unfair. And the other had known it from the start and yet hadn't even ripped Derek’s throat out.

Stiles was glad that in the end his touch wasn't unwanted and Derek let him undress and inspect the wounds. He apologized when the leg was revealed and that time he flinched too from the sight and smell, Stiles' eyes staying on the wounds.

"The claw marks are healing well, given the circumstances. Just don't move around too much with the stitches, okay?" he asked but was more concerned about the leg's state. "This one though... Yeah, a bit infected. It'll need some cleaning and I just know the balm and potion for it. Be right back..." he mumbled, getting up easier after the balancing and his mind was distracted enough with the slight worry and the task at hand.

Since he moved around easier now, it didn't take long for the emissary to get what he needed from the bathroom. He also made a mental note to restock on everything they used up from the emergency stash.

"Drink this. It'll help on the inflammation and infection. It also helps you to heal the bone from the inside," he gave Derek a small black bottle containing a strong herb potion. Then he got to cleaning the wounds and smearing the cooling balms on them before bandaging them up again.

"I don't like such alphas either," he finally sighed after his work was done and he was gathering up the used bandages. "We'll deal with that later. You need more bed rest with that leg and stitches," he looked up at Derek seriously.

Derek was going to remove the stupid stitches tomorrow, since in all likelihood, his body was irritated with having something in there it shouldn't have. Enough time for the body to heal most damage done. Sure, he wouldn't be up for a big fight until at least another two days but the hellhound had seemed very sure they were getting the time needed to heal. It wasn't the thing he was worried about, he was worried about the two of them together. Sleep meant nightmares, nightmares meant more guilty feelings and if the stupid leg wouldn't heal right, that meant more magic too.

Taking the offered bottle, Derek sniffed it suspiciously, making a face. Why do these things never taste like anything people would want to drink? They always have to be foul smelling and taste like vomit because not even a stick of vanilla or a dash of cinnamon would make this brew any tastier. Something to suggest to Stiles someday to make his potions nicer. Exhaling, he downed the bottle in one go, waiting to actually inhale again after swallowing a few times. Yeaaaaah, they worked great but nothing refreshing about them. Carefully, he put the bottle down, knowing Stiles was going to use it again.

"You need more bed rest. You look better but only slightly," the Alpha returned the serious look with one of his own because they could both use some more sleep. At least there was no demand made about using the magic on the leg. Honestly at this point Derek didn't want to say yes to it and that would give away how he felt even more. A brave face was needed, not a cowering idiot.

Yeah, Stiles knew that even without the bonds, he only had to look at Derek to know he wouldn't be able to take much more at the moment. Hence the reason he didn't offer to heal the leg with actual magic. He probably could've, but wisely resorted to the potions and balms instead.

"Yeah, I know. I'm still very tired. I'll just clean up here then go back to bed. Meet you there?" he asked maybe a bit hopefully and shy as he glimpsed up at Derek.

They were idiots for sure...

He hated walking on eggshells around Derek. It frustrated him how they were back here again. Not square one, but close. Stiles just wanted to... sleep for a week, to get a break from all of this shit. To breathe a little. And no, he wasn't going to have a panic attack. It was just how he felt. He was probably too tired for that too. That's why for now he aborted the idea of going to the greenhouse to start brewing new potions, too.

At least Stiles wasn't going to put himself on the couch in this idea of sheltering Derek from having to be next to him, so there was progress between them since last time. Or Stiles was just too tired to deal with any of it and decided that sleep was something that they could do without making it worse between them. Hopefully. "Yeah, sounds good."

Derek shuffled back to the bedroom, eyelids dropping already. Unknowingly he echoed his mate's thought about sleeping for a week because he felt like it. They were going to get to bed and probably coma sleep for another twelve hours at least. He really should have made Stiles eat more, because they had went a long time without food. There was a pause at the door, pondering if he should get the protein bars and energy drinks for Stiles, entertaining the thought for only a second. He'd get them next time he woke up.

By the time he was settled in bed on his side of the large mattress, and his head hit the soft pillow with their mutual scent clinging to it, the Hale was half out of it. Not fully asleep though, he had to make sure Stiles was actually going to join him and not pass out half-way.

Stiles managed at least a small smile from Derek's agreement and felt a bit relieved and lighter. He wasn't too keen on sleeping on the couch, he preferred their bed and the closeness of his mate, even when there was some tension between them. Not to mention that they both seemed to heal faster around each other. It was a mate thing too.

He watched Derek leave for the bedroom then finished with the cleaning, even managing to quickly eat the rest of his half-eaten sandwich now that his stomach wasn't protesting in that moment. It was a subconscious thing and Stiles knew he needed to eat more. His mate already thought he was too skinny again, even with all the food and regular work out Stiles tried to keep in his schedule.

In the bedroom he felt the half-closed eyes following him as he closed the curtains tight and drank some water before taking off his T-shirt but left his Batman boxers on. He laid down next to his man with a soft groan.

"Damn, this feels good..." he stretched out and yawned. He put his cover between his legs and turned on his side to face Derek without touching him, just watching the steady rise and fall of the strong chest.

"I was so scared of losing you to him..." he said after a long pause. "Got so very angry." Hence his magical outburst. Stiles could only imagine what would happen if the situation was more serious. Or if Derek died. He probably would go berserk.

As soon as Stiles joined him in bed, Derek closed his eyes, but he wasn't asleep. He felt those curious eyes on him, the way he was being studied – they both did that frequently. "His claws didn't nick my intestines, he skillfully went for the most visible damage but as long as there's somebody close by to stitch it up, it's fine." Painful, yes, possibly deadly if it took too long for help to arrive, taking longer to heal. It seemed to be done with intent.

"He took me down fast, and I can't help but feel it was never about me." But if that had been done to aggravate Stiles, to see what he'd do, then what would the next test entail? Killing Derek for real? And why even test them at all? To see if Stiles was going to be a worthy mate? Maybe that was the most upsetting thing about this all. The magic in the alpha had been strong and he knew that bonds could be transferred. Somebody strong was backing him up which meant he could simply take Stiles from him. Sure, Stiles wasn't going to die then, but he'd be stuck in a situation he didn't want while Derek would slowly perish due to a broken bond – if he wasn't killed before that.

His eyes opened to slits so he could look at Stiles. "I will lose you to him if we don't figure this out." And there were going to be more coming. Derek was going to have to train harder, be better and stronger and faster.

"We will figure this out. I... can't lose you. I don't want anyone else but you..." Stiles whispered hoarsely as he buried himself more into his cover but reached out with his right hand to touch his fingertips against Derek's hand. His gaze fell on the now black engagement ring on his finger and swallowed hard, fighting with the burning of his eyes again. He sometimes got emotional and frustrated like this when he was overtired and didn't know what to do about a situation.

"Yes... I’ve noticed that he could've gone for more damage, maybe even a killer blow in that moment..." he closed his eyes, even that thought making the lump bigger in his throat. "And we both know that this is all about me being a Spark. I'm the source of our problems, Derek. It's how he told us: he is just the first of many more to come to try to test us, tear us apart or try to even kill us. For power, for territory and whatnot..." he sighed bitterly, the whiskey-brown eyes looking at Derek with a deep sadness as a vague idea started forming in the Spark's mind.

"I don't know what to do yet. But... as I said, we should talk to Tyr soon. And maybe you should start thinking about whom you had told such intimate details about your past. My first and obvious guess would be Peter, to be honest. But I might be wrong about this. We have to figure out who talked. The alpha sounded like he knew too many details about us. Especially you."

"They would have come anyways, the Nemeton attracts them no matter if there's a Spark or not." Derek didn't want Stiles to think this was all on him, but he had made it a lot more attractive to take on a Hale alpha. Especially if details about Derek's past were hanging out to dry like dirty laundry. It made him look weak, one of the many reasons it was supposed to be a secret, because werewolves weren't as sympathetic to such happenings. Men didn't get raped, they got put in place, and Derek used to be an easy target seduced by a pretty face.

"Well yes, the Nemeton is obviously in the game too. But this is clearly me-related..." Stiles looked at their barely touching hands with a sigh. He wanted more contact, but didn't want to push his mate, so he pulled his hand back a few inches.

"Peter knows, Scott knows about Kate in a way but I doubt he put together what happened with the darach, Cora knows, Marin knows." Derek sighed, thinking about the way the alpha had said it. He mocked what happened with Jennifer, something about the wording he used suggested though that he knew it had never been consensual, same as using ‘sweetie’. Kate's trauma had been something he had given a place, his fear of her was more an exasperation these days, she always finds ways to get to him. "Kate knows, she mocked me for it all the way to Mexico." Peter would be a good bet, the man had firmly believed the fire was Derek's fault but he had never mocked Derek about the darach, one of the many things they all simply didn't talk about.

"He didn't mention Lucifer. If he wanted me to snap within a second, he would have said something about that. So Marin is out, she's been helping me at therapy. So that leaves Peter, Kate, Scott, you, Cora..." He couldn't think of anybody else. Noah had suspicions, but didn't get the full story. Lydia had never even thought to think about any of it since it didn't concern her. Isaac only knew about Jennifer and thought she had been a fling. Chris? No, he had no idea about the full extent of what Kate had done, for him the crime of setting the fire had been probably enough of a crime and he had no idea Derek had even been involved with Jennifer. This shouldn't even have gotten out at all.

"Maybe he doesn't know about Lucifer and Hell. Or he can hold back that information for now and try to trigger you with that in the future. You have to be prepared for that. Keep yourself in control, Derek. I don't want to see you get hurt like this again..." Stiles mumbled, staring at his ring, but not really seeing it as his tired mind was trying to fire up and think through each people in the know.

"Peter and Kate are the most likely candidates, but I'm not sure. Do we even know anything about them nowadays? It's been a while since I've heard of them. Scott... no matter how... uncertain he might come off nowadays... I doubt he'd betray you like that. Same goes for Cora. She's your sister and even if she walks her own path, unless it was tortured out of her, wouldn't speak about such things. Besides, I think you'd know if she got into trouble because of you or us... And I'd die first before betraying you. I hope you know that, even if it wouldn't be too effective because you probably died soon after too," he said with a small shrug, finally looking up into Derek's half-open eyes.

Keep himself in control. Right. Of course Stiles had a good point, Derek was here in stitches because of his lack of control. He had let himself be pushed into his anger and he had lost control of the situation. The alpha knew how to get to him and would no doubt try it again. If he used the Lucifer knowledge, then they'd know who was the one who was telling things, but Derek couldn't promise control regarding that. He'd have to figure out a way to have it under control even if for a moment, long enough to not let himself be baited and have Stiles jump in to let Derek steam in anger.

"Of course you're not a suspect in this, Stiles. You didn't even confront me with it for a long time, let alone others." Yeah, there had been a confrontation over it, back when they were fighting the alphas and Stiles had thrown it in his face right in front of Peter and Scott that Jennifer was the second psychopath he dated. It was from the worry for Stiles’ father, Derek hadn't taken it to heart, hadn't even reacted at the time. Stiles would use it, sure, but only in anger and only against Derek personally. "Cora and Scott won't either."

As much as Cora would dislike him and had chosen her own way in South America, she wouldn't betray him, he knew that. "Last I talked to Kate was right before you and the FBI came to hunt me down, and she shot me in the gut. Repeatedly. Then wanted to put one in my head but Chris stopped her. So yeah, she would betray me. So would Peter if it would gain him something." The two were the most likely suspects. "Making sure my... past is something talked about among packs and other werewolves so alphas can come take me out because they consider me weak? Either one would do that."

Stiles sighed a bit relieved. He knew Derek wouldn't suspect him – he would simply just know if he betrayed him – but it was nice to hear it. Scratching at the sheet between them, he thought over the things Derek just said.

"Yeah... I agree. That bitch and prick of an uncle would both do it without any hesitation. The former to mentally torture you some more, the latter for gaining something. Perhaps the alpha spark and territory which comes with it. I never liked or trusted him. That's why I always keep my guards up around that asshole, to be honest. And releasing this information about you... yeah, it would be a nice way to get you out of the way for either of them..." he huffed. "I give up for now. Can't think clearly enough. I feel like I haven't slept in days," he admitted, the tired buzzing in his head getting stronger as exhaustion was taking over.

"We get back to this... Try to dig up stuff on those two. Where they might have been lately and such. Won't be easy because they're good at covering their tracks, but maybe for once we get lucky. And perhaps get some clues about this rival alpha too on which we can start our investigation. We have to learn as much about him as possible," he yawned.

Derek agreed on needing the rest, he couldn't think like this either, because the reasons why Kate or Peter would do it made sense, not the way it happened. What, they'd send around an email to dirty his name? Whisper in a few ears and hope for some gossip to be spread? What would they gain from all of this besides making Derek's life miserable without even being there to enjoy it? Gerard would use others, Kate was too impatient and too invested in him, she'd want to have her fun herself. She was all hands on. Too hands on. Frowning, he pushed it all out of his mind, not now, he didn't want to think about any of it right now.

"He's our first focus. The attempt at damage control of the information leak can wait. It's too late now anyways. I will have to learn to handle the slurs we'll have to hear over time." If those taunts had no impact on him, then they would lose all control and he'd take his back. The werewolf sighed deeply, for the first time in a long while thinking about them running away and not dealing with all these problems. Beacon Hills was a cesspool of problems as always. But it was home, their home.

"I promise I'll try to ignore the slurs too. Not because of me, but because I might lose my shit because they hurt you," Stiles promised. He hated it when Derek was hurting in any meaning. And now he had enough of pain from both the mental and physical kind for a while. Stiles knew that he could be easily triggered to rip a new hole to anyone who dared to hurt his mate. He kinda demonstrated that with the alpha too. "But yeah, you're right. We have to deal with this asshole of an alpha first."

Lifting his arm to rub at his eyes, Derek tried to chase some of the fuzziness away. "That potion is making me sleepy," he grumbled and reached for Stiles to caress his cheek, almost knocking him in the face. "Are you going to sleep all the way over there?"

"Good. The potion is supposed to make you sleepy so the healing rest can come faster," he said then couldn't stop a small smile from the caress and the open invitation. "I wasn't sure..." he mumbled but cut himself off. He wasn't going to pass on an opportunity of a good nuzzling to his mate. Especially when his unsure and overtired self craved physical contact. To feel close and safe and warm, surrounded by his mate's familiar scent. So without another word he scooted over and wiggled under the same arm to rest his head on Derek's shoulder, inhaling his scent and warmth deeply. He dragged his cover with him, of course, and cocooned himself against the werewolf, careful to avoid the injuries.

Once he was settled in, he sighed a bit more satisfied and less sad, the magic staying way in the background as a half-heard buzz or static, but it felt somewhat calmer too and didn't try to creep over Derek.

"Could have warned me," Derek protested but he should have known. Stiles wasn't above using something to knock him out to help his healing, knowing full well the Hale wasn't a very obedient patient when it came to healing. Mostly because he wasn't used to things taking forever, not even with alpha wounds which he had handled a lot over time.

Stiles sidled up to him carefully and Derek gave into the pull of sleep immediately once the human was safe and secure next to him. This had only been the start of their talks but the hound had been right, their focus for now was on healing. Only after that could they work on how to deal with the alpha and then concern themselves with the rest of the problems which were going to happen in the future, maybe even in the near future.

Next part

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