Chapter- V.

                     We  slept like we haven' slept before at all, like mammals who got themselves hibernated for the long winter, our sleep was deep and dreamless.

When I awake it was very cold, I could see my breath as I exhaled.

The fire was almost dead, I put some more branches on top of it and put snow to the airfilter we used as a kettle to make an English breakfast, which meant instant tea only, this time.

He was still sleeping and was talking in his dreams, I leaned to him as I wanted to know what he was talking about, but didn't understand a word.

 Then he went silent, laid there as he was  dead , I felt an urge to check  it if he was still breathing, but after a minute I saw him drawing  a breath in.

Breathe for me, David, I whispered to him in myself.

                While waiting the water to boil I was thinking about his singing for me.

I was caught, lured by his voice as the children of Mannheim in the story about the magical fluter who expelled the rats from the town but hadn't got the money for it, that's why he enticed them with his music.

He enslaved me, no need to deny it.

But does a possible future exist for us?

I saw no perspectives, no alternatives.

I hadn't had a clear concept what he was wanting.

 What happened between us exactly?

Something so common what every people do with or without a good reason.

 I head my reasons and I knew them well. My reason couldn't have been more simple.

 He is the wind beneath my wings.

 I was wondering what Dave's reasons were.

 Doubts were arising again. If I quit I am condemned, if I stay I am damned. No matter which finger I bite it hurts anyway.

I was watching him sleeping, he was just beautiful, with a beard beginning to show, with an unhealed scar on his face, it didn't matter, he was the man of my dreams, the missing part of my soul, with him I was whole. The anima in me needed her animus

Like as Yin and Yang, dark and light form a unit together so did we two.

Last night was a revealing experience for me with him, and for him, too.

I don't know, it was kind of tantric.  I never tought I would opt for it sometime, it wasn't been planned like that, the feeling, the vibration of energies were tantric.

I reached unbelievable hights with him, when the world had disappeared, both of us were dissolving in each other, then only our overflowing senses and heigtened awerness remained. Our minds were engaged with each other and with the Universe itself. We weren't aware of our surrondings for a long time.  We were in the flow.

It was incredible.

His singing came to my mind again, when Dave is singing it is just like God talking about love and sorrow.

Just beautiful, I almost started to cry by it'sheer wonder.

               He started to move, he wasn't fully awakened yet, he was twisting and turning, than he opened his eyes.

 His eyes looked strange, he was obviously startled where he was, after a few seconds he realised.  I was dreaming, he said.

           I know, my eyes has seen you. Was it a nightmare, you were so restless.

          No, actually it wasn't, it was pretty pleasant, I was making love to you.

And I knew he started  teasing me again.

Man, I started to get know him, that half smile at the edges of his mouth meant teasing for sure.

That was also clear something chased him in his dreams. He slept restless most of the time, hardly could fell asleep and he was often awaken at night.

Something wasn't right inside.

I wish I could knew what, I would mend it.  Altough he was smiling he appeared to be immensly tired.

           Hey, Mau, don't you bring tea for your man, he demanded.

His words hit me. To your man, he said your man.

 I wish ...No, I'm not sure I want it... Damn, yes, I want it....thoughts like electricity ran inside my mind, I was standing there like the statue of a disturbed soul.

When I finally looked up he was standing right in front of me and kissed me on the neck.

Now, I was awaken and alert, his kiss made wonders.

           Is  everything okay, you are looking so strangely at me.

          Yes, David, I answered him almost without a sound.

          But, there must be something, your eyes are so sad. Is it last night,  wasn't it lived up to your expectations? Have I hurt you in some way or what?

          No dear, you haven't and last night...I am more than pleased, you know what makes love's wheel turn.

He was grinning again obviously very proud of himself.

There is a little boy hidden in every grown up male, and that boy sometimes shows up. In David, it was always visible.

          What's up then, tell me I will give you comfort, I promise.

          You can't help it, I'm afraid.

          What, am I not able to console you, don't say this...

I didn't answer him but he kept asking me.

I gave in at last and confessed my troubled thoughts to him.

He took my hands and put a hot tea into them then started to speak. He spoke his mind and told me that he felt blessed to get know me and he is grateful that we met. And he told, it was me who encouraged him with my saying: Where there is a will, there is a way.

         Don't be afraid, he said, we would find a way to stay in touch. We can see each other frequently and.....

 I interrupted him. Are you sure, you want this, I mean I'm just a ...

          Don't you start it again, please. You are unique and I do want you. I would miss you. I make my decisions quickly, I hadn't need much time to realise, you have a place in my life. It was clear for me from the start, that I have a place in yours. Your eyes gave the game away. One can find that look only in the eyes of a woman in love.

         How can you be so sure, when I am not sure myself.

          In what, in loving me? I told you that words are useless and actions speak for themselves. Look into yourself, what is you thinking right now.

          Do you want a sincere answer?

          Of course I do.

          Are you sure you want to hear it?

         Mauka, you're trying my patience. Please, tell me now, I want to know, I want to hear it from your own lips.

          I was thinking about you, what's happening inside you and was worried, you spoke in your sleep.....

         What have I said, he demanded.

         Don't know, I didn't understand a word, but I could see something was aching inside you. Wanna talk about it?

          I'm not sure, don't want you to be frightened off, those dreams are not nice at all, chasing me always and he stared into the fire.

         You can't frighten me off, I love you as you are, whatever you'd do I would love you. I did and I will love you until the end of the world, I told him passionately.

          Thank you so much, he sighed and he hugged me, I will tell you about it later.

  Mau, I see you wanna running away from me, I won't let you, I would go after you, you can run but you cannot hide.

          I don't want to run away, I am happy you want me, I just feel insecure, that's all.

         Like me sometimes.. Now let's start making a plan if we want to see the bright sun rising up tomorrow.

And he took out the travel brossure from his pocket again.

I sighed, but knew,  patient is a nice virtue and probably he hasn't lost his mind yet.

So I did wait.

He was very preoccupied with his little piece of paper, he studied it about five whole minutes humming in himself.

 I was still waiting.

         You know what? Here is a sketch of a map, just to introduce the region, but it shows a lodge upper, it's about approximately ten miles further to the North, maybe fifteen. We have to reach it somehow without being lost or freeze to death or die of hunger. By the way is there anything for breakfast?

         Well, you can choose beetween a wet Hershey's or a handful of keshew nuts, which one would you like?

         Let me see, what about a fish and chips or kidney pie or a plum pudding or...

        Hey, hon, but there is no room service this morning.

Damn, he cried and he was laughing now.

         You know I love you, don't you? You can cheer me up even on a bad day. And let me tell ya, it is not easy, not so easy, I'm not the devil-may-care type anymore.

        Good, let's eat! Come to table My Lord, and showed him place by my side on the sleeping bag.

We ate what little was left and drank our tea.

Nothing remained no more supply.

           Here comes trouble, I said showing him the empty rucksack. No more water, no food.

            We must earn our living from now.

            David, have you ever hunted?

           You mean chasing chicks?

           Dave, I was serious, we have to find something to sustain us.

          Well, no, never. I fished once or twice but never hunted, not even foxes, only aristocrats and snobs do it, anyway.  We can try it with somekind of a trap, but it takes time and we should go. I'm afraid we'd go on a diet now.

           Nice, I could eat a horse in one.

 He was looking at me in awe.

            Would you eat horse meat?  I heard a thing or two about you ,wild Hungarians, but never believed it. Do you even drink kumis?

I was rolling on the floor with laughter,   no, never, he just believed it.

            It is just a saying in my country, eating a horse in one, meaning you are pretty hungry.

            We must leave for better now, the packs won't be that heavy anymore. Perhaps we would find something to eat during our way. Let's go, Mau. You like DM lyrics don't you? Let me take you on a trip.....

            I let you take me, we can be off now.

With the so called map in his hands we were headed for the lodge. As it was a hunter's shelter maybe there would be supply and radio to communicate.

                  But that lyrics also consists the very line: We won't need a map, belive me.

 It felt good to tease him.  He was just frowning and slap my back.

           I started singing Depeche Mode happily:  Though we maybe the last in the world, we feel like pioneers, sharing hopes and fears with one another.

He just smiled, when I asked him why he wasn't singing he answered: It is Martin's song, he sings it, but feel free to use it as you like. Keep singing.

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