Chapter 10

Dave was thinking while he went down with the elevator and he was worried too. But not because he wasn't sure if he would come back to his new family, but because of the old one. It wasn't about the two of them with his wife or the three of them with Rosie, but the four of them, because he was the father of Jimmy too, whose father leaved him once and now he would leave him again, the one he grew up with and was father of his instead of his biological father. He knew how hard it is for a boy and how does it feel losing your father two times. And what influence can it  make  on your life. Oh, he knew it damn, too well and he was heartbroken for Jimmy, for Rosie, for that Jennifer he fell in love with and for himself, who should do it all over again. He took out his cell and dialled Jen's number. It rang and rang and his hand was shaking and he had a heartburn, he felt himself terribly. A traitor, a cheater, a bastard. But he knew well, he is none of them. Just a man who seeks for happiness after it disappeared from his life.

- Yes? - he heard Jen's busy tone.
- Hi. It's me - he wheted his troath.
- Dave, dear, what's up?
- Where are you now? - he asked while walking to the direction of their flat. He needed some minutes on fresh air before he arrives home.
- At home. Working - he heard that Jen was checking some papers.
- Great. Are you alone?
- Yes, why? Did something happen?
- Not really... yet. Anyway...
- Dave!
- I'm at home in a sec. We need to talk. I want to tell you something.
- What?
- It's not something I want to speak about per cell.
- Alright. I'm waiting for you - he felt some concern in her voice.
- Fine - he put it down ungainly.
This will be a hard fight.

His heart was heavy like hell as he opened their frontdoor and entered into the flat. Jen was in her room and busily typed something into her computer. He stood in the hallway, strengthening himself to be able to face to what comes now. He hated debates, mostly he didn't go into them, but this time he had to. No escape, he should have put things right.

- Oh, you're already here? - she asked when she noticed him.
- Yep. Could you come into the living room?
- Sure. But what's the matter? You are awfully pale. Something's wrong - she stood up, and her face darkened a bit while she followed him.
- Take a seat, please - he waved.

When his wife sat down he took place opposite her. – Jennifer - he began and he couldn't hide from his wife that his voice was trembling. - Jen, I want to file for divorce. Sorry, so sorry - he said and he bent his head.
She doesn't said a word just stared at him in disbelief.

- What? - she whispered, but her husband didn't say a word - WHAT?! Why now? Why do you want to do it? If I remember well, you were who begged me not to do that! - she asked him in a hard tone in her voice. She seemed surprised and the pain ran trough her face. - Why? We were going well lately, aren't we?

- We were far from doing fine! - raised Dave his head from his palms - Far from that.
- Who is she? Do I know her? David, do I know her?
It was hard to her to look at David. A sharp pain jolted through Dave's face and his eyes were desperate. Jen started screaming at the top of her voice.
- Who is it you cheater, who the fuck is that slot? - she was raging. David stood up really slowly and straightened his body. He stepped to Jennifer - What did you say? - he asked on a very low voice - Repeat it please for me!
And Jen stepped two backwards and two again and again, until she reached the wall and couldn't go further. She realised what she has done and was truly terrified as she never in her life saw her husband acting this way. Dave was standing right in front of her, his fists clenched, his head bowed, his body tense. He suddenly lifted his head and asked it again in a much calmer voice.
- Jennifer, tell me again...
- Sorry Dave, I didn't mean it - She started sobbing and he turned away.

- Fine - he sad on an icy voice and looked down on his crying "wife" with a cold blink - Never ever say this again about her!
- So.. so there's really someone - she whispered watching the carpet, but she couldn't see a thing.

- Yes, Jen there is someone out there who is waiting for me home.
- This is your home Dave.
- It was until yesterday. But out there someone is waiting for me with tears in her eyes, because she is worrying for me. She is standing in the window and glances down to the street if she heard the sound of the engine of my car. She is already thinking about that she would prepare an omellette for me when I will be back home. And maybe she is very tired because her pregnancy worns her out.
- Her pregnancy? Is it your child? Are you sure? - she asked, but cupped her mouth frightened as he looked at Dave. -You won't hurt me, will you?
- Of course I won't - he answered seriously -, but stop bitching!

- Okay, but this is unfair, don't you think? - she stepped out from Dave's way and started to crawl in the room - Last year I wanted the divorce and you begged in front of me. I thought, I thought... I don't know what was in my mind. And now, you come here and put these things on the table and you want understanding?

- Last year I was still hoping in a wonder of some kind that could save our marriage. I wasn't comfortable with it, but I thought it's better for the kids and I owe you that much, for being around when I was in need. But, see, I am living alone beside you. Don't tell me it's not true, but I am not that damn important for you anymore. I am unhappy. And life is just too short for that. Do you want us staying together like that, Jen, you were afraid of me for God's sake, what abyss we reached! I could never cause you wilingly harm, never. And you were scared!
- But you approached me on a terrifying way!
- I was protecting the one I'm in love with, that's all.
- The one you’re in love with! You had affairs every now and then, Dave and I accepted them..
- I want love, not affairs. We love each other.
- Who is she really?
- You don't know her, she is a stranger here.
- What’ll you tell to the kids?
- I don't know, I don't know... Help me Jennifer to stay friends, I don't wanna hurt you or the kids, I just want peace and love and someone who cares for me.
- I did care.
- Yes, Jen, u did. But you ain't anymore! Am I right?
- It's not that I don't care, but I am very busy with my present job, and....
- Now, you said it... This is the root of our problems and me of course.
- We shouldn't blame each other or ourselves - sighed his wife and wipped off her tears.

He looked at her. He saw how Jen was putting herself together. He always admired her strenght. But maybe this strenght, to be serious and coherent in her job was one of the main problems.
- Alright Dave - she took a deep breath - If you want this... I can't stay in your way. But please give me an hour to think. Go for a walk, or something. I want to be alone a bit. I need it.
- Okay, I'll come back.
- Fine. And then we can talk about the kids, too - she nodded really sadly.

When Dave stepped out the door which used to be his home he was thinking about all those years they spent together with Jennifer. He was unable to stop his tears when the good moments, the laughter and joy came into his mind and he quickly got into the car and closed the door. He spent that one hour right in front of the building in his car.

- Alright, Dave. I'll help you - she said in a sad and husky voice. He knew she was cryig a lot - Because I don't want to be in a tiff with you. Mainly because of the children.
He sat down opposite her again after he closed the maindoor.

He took her hand into his.
- I’m really sorry Jen, I do. But, see, it doesn't work for us anymore. Don't ya think it's easy to me, I'm in a turmoil. I loved you so much - his voice faltered and silently tears appeared in his eyes.

- Me too, Dave, me too. You know this is really strange. I always think about why the feelings must fade away? No, you don't need to answer - she looked up at him - I know well that both of us were guilty. Most of time me, 'cause my work, but I don't want to start a discussion about our faults. Sorry, I was really angry. I didn't want to hurt her or you. Just this is strange for me, that you started a new life already. Without me. You'll be a father again, huh? - tears appeared in her brown and sad eyes.

-Yes, I will Jen, and it makes me immensly happy. A feeling what I wanted and desired. Someone needs me, ’cause her and our child happiness depends on it. She needs me, I am the most important thing in her life.
- And this is what you always wanted, right? And this is what I couldn't give you, right? You never accepted the silver medal, dear - and she stroked his face. Dave grabbed her hand.
- Jen, do you remember the last time you touched me like this? With tenderness and care?
- Well, no, I think...
- Me, neither... - and he turned his teary face away.

She took her hand back - I understand now, Dave. I made a big mistake when I forgot that you're addicted to touches like these. I'm sorry. When will you call your lawyer?
- As soon as it's possible. I think it'll be better for the both of us to close this in a quick way.
- It hurts, Dave. It fucking hurts.
- I know, Jen. For me too.
- And what’ll we say to the children? What do you want?

- Well, I'm uncertain yet - said Dave cautiously not knowing what is Jen wants. - Jimmy obviously would stay with you.
- And Rosie? Where would she live? With you? With me?
- I think we should give her the chance to choose between us.
- Oh, the poor thing - cried Jen and started wheeping again.- I don't want to loose her!
- Me neither. You should think about it, where she would feel herself better. I can leave her here at you if she chooses you. She would be in good hands - he said with a sad smile on his face - But also, I would love to have her at us. I love both kids so much, Jenny. And I think the problem won't be Rosie, but James.
- Yes, he grew to you, he loves you, loves you because you were his father. Who'd tell them?
- I bring home Rosie from school and I’ll tell her - answered Dave - And I think you should tell Jimmy.
- Oh my god, what are we doing to them?
And they were just standing there mourning on the ruins of their marriage.

Dave stepped out from the flat with a heavy heart to bring back Rosie from school. It was time to go for her. He really didn't want to hurt Jen, but they had to face the truth. They were living in the same flat but not together. It will be better. This is right. He didn't want to live in lies. No, no more.
But the children... He was really sorry about them. He never wanted to hurt them, and they were palling that thing right now. He was so sorry about Jimmy, 'cause he knew that he'd stay with his mother. That wasn't a question. And there's a chance that Rosie'll choose him... and Nat.
He drove very carefully. And at last he arrived at the school. He put his sunglasses right and got out of the car. His heart was pounding a bit faster as he beheld his shiny star. She was running with a big smile towards him with her schoolbag on her back.
- Daddy! At last! I thought, that you’ve forgotten me - she caressed his neck and gave a big kiss on his chin.
Dave's heart wrung together.

- No, my little angel, no, lil Rosie I would never forget about you. Rosie, dear, what about having a walk on the riverbank and having an ice-cream before we go home to mummy?
- Oh, yeah, dad, that's fun! Wanna walk with you and talk with you, I got an A from English, see? And I had been invited to Laura's b-day party and I drew something to you!

And she held out a drawing about her family on a beach, she neatly adressed every person, writting the name beside them. Their last holiday just a month ago. There were the four of them. He felt a sharp pain in his heart, it was sudden and strong as the fists of death when its fingers grab you.

- Beautiful, Rosie! - he said with a shaky voice and tried to hold back his tears. - I'm really proud of you, my little star!
- What's wrong, daddy? - she asked with an unsure expression on her clean face, and grabbed Dave's free hand.
The pain in his chest wasn't going away, it was still strong, helding his heart in a strong grab. - I need to tell you something. But first let's eat that ice-cream - he smiled really faintly and started to walk with his daughter. Her drawing uprolled was still in his other hand.

She was a real woman. She sensed trouble at the first hint. - Daddy, I don't want that ice-cream, just tell me why are you so sad! Is it mummy? Is she working again? Dad, tell me something!
- Rosie, my beautiful, it is the both of us. Not your mother alone, the both of us. We are.. Oh, Jeez - he went on his knees beside her and closed his daughter into his arms – Rosie - he said again moved, almost crying.
- You want to separate, daddy, you want to go away from us, you don't love mummy anymore!
- Rosie, you are a big girl now - he looked straight into her eyes - I tell you the truth, I won't hide away anything. The answer is yes. It's not that we hurt each other with mummy, but, remember to your friend from kindergarden? What was her name?
- Tammy.
- Tammy, yes. You said you don't want to play with her because she has changed, she is not like you anymore and can't play together, you are debating on the smallest things.
- Yes, Daddy, I remember. So, you and mummy are like me and Tammy, right? You think you are different too much  and don't want to be together anymore, because you have new friends.
- That's my clever girl! Yes, darling, exactly as you said.
- And, and what is going to happen with me if you go away daddy, I am afraid when you are not around. I couldn't sleep when you were touring, because you didn't tell me your tale about the brave little rabbit.
David couldn't hide his tears anymore and Rosie noticed it. - Don't cry daddy - she said crying herself - Don't you cry daddy, I love you!
- Rosie, Rosie, you can stay with mummy or with me, or you can decide it week by week. One week at my place, one week at mummy. We are staying friends, your mummy and me, a bit distant friends but friends, okay?
- Okay - she sobbed - Daddy, do you love your new friend?
- Yes, Rosie, I love her, she is nice, kind and gentle. And she loves me, she is at her home waiting for me.
- Can I meet her?
- In some time, you can. Not right now, but of course somewhen you can.
- I love you, daddy! - she nested herself into his arms and caressed him.
- I love you too, my little star! - he was still crying - And I didn't want to hurt you, mummy or Jimmy. I'm so sorry, dear! So sorry...
- Don't ya cry! - she reposed him.
He felt himslef like Rosie was the adult and he was the child. It was a strange feeling.

They stayed there for a minute like that and then Dave slowly stood up.
- What about that ice-cream now, Rosie?

- Alright. But only if you you eat one too! - she said in a bit happier tone.
He tought maybe she couldn't really realize yet what will happen, but he let her to led him to the Café.

But he felt himself a slightly relieved after he told what he had to told to her. He lead Rosie exactly to the same table at the café where he and Nathalie were sitting a few hours ago. After having ordered their  ice-creams they were eating it in silence.
- Daddy, what did mummy said? Does she know it already?
- Yes, dear, she was the first I was talking with about my decision.

- And Jimmy? Does he know it?
- I think your mother is talking with him about this right now.

- Poor Jimmy! I think this will be very shocking for him. He loves you, daddy.
- I know, dear, I know. I love him too.
- And now we must live apart from each other?
- It depends on you - he looked at her.
- I must choose? Why?

- We don't want to decide instead of you. We both love you, both of you. You can stay with Jimmy if you choose living with mummy. But if you choose to live with me you still will have plenty of chance to meet with Jimmy and Mummy. We will not move into another town or something, we live in the next street, Washington street, where there is that good Italian restaurant .
- Really, daddy, so you don't really go away?
- No, I will be close to you, to Jimmy and mummy anyway.
- Oh, so good. I thought you would go far from us.
- No dear, no, I am always around if you need me.
- Daddy, will mummy be angry if I choose living with you?
- Angry? No, she won’t. She would feel herself a little helpless, like we all do now, but she won't be angry. She is nice.

- But I'll hurt mom, if I choose you, I know - she looked at him with sad shinig in her eyes.
- Probably, yes. But she'll accept it. But I don't want  to influence you. You'll have time to make your decision. We'll be patient. First you'll stay by mummy. I'll go there often not to feel my absence, but I'll live with my girlfriend, Natalie.
- And...
- Yes?
- How is she? Can you talk about her a bit, daddy? - she asked shyly - And what will she say if I want to be with you? Won't she hate me?

- No, no at all. She already loves you, because you're a cute little girl and she saw your photo, and she loves you because she loves me very much. So much that she was crying when I left her home alone.
- How she looks like?
- Well, she is tall and slim and has grey eyes and brown hair. And she likes drawing like you.
- Really?
- I will show you a pic she painted, okay?
- Yepp.
- You always told mummy that you want a younger sister or brother, right? Now, if you want, you can have one.
- Really? Really, Daddy? Does she have a kid?
- Not, yet. But she will have one in some time. She will be his or her mummy and...
- You will be her or his father, right?
- Yes, Darling.
- Like Jimmy and me, right?
- Yes, honey, right. You are a very clever little girl!
- Like you and mummy.
- Like me and mummy - sighed Dave a deep one.

Stella finished her ice-cream and cleaned her hands with a serviette.
- I'm ready, daddy. Do you think we can go home now, or should we wait for a while because of Jimmy and mum? - she asked with a serious expression on her face again.
- I think, we can go now. We walk back to the car in a slow way and see what's going on at home, OK?
- Okay. I hope they won't be angry - she replied in a low voice and grabbed Dave's hand.
- I hope the same, dear, I hope the same.

Súgó Még nincs hozzászólás.

Új hozzászólás Frissítés