Chapter 11

They slowly strolled along the riverbank and reached the car while chatting with each other. Rosie was talking and talking and Dave was listening her smiling. „Oh, my girl, right, she is my girl” - he thought.

She stepped into her home quietly in front of her Dad. She didn't make a yell like "Mom, I'm here!" as usual. She stood next to Dave and looked up at him questioningly. She didn't know how to act.
- Go ahead, I'm at your back - Dave said.
They entered the living room, where Jenny sat next to Jimmy, who seemed terribly pale and sad.
- Hi, everyone - Stella said and went to her mother nesting herself into her arms.
Jimmy looked at Dave accusingly.
Dave hasn't said a word, he stepped to Jimmy and hugged him. And surprisingly Jimmy inspite of being a raging teen stayed in his arms, and pushed his face to his chest: - Dave, please, don't go, you are my step-father, remember?
David sat there, his body was stiff and he was wondering how much pain could his tortured heart take, before it stops beating.

- I'll still love you. This goodbye is not forever. I don't go far away. We can meet anytime if you need me - he whispered into his ear.
- But that won't be the same...
- Jimmy, listen, I need to go. Someone is waiting for me too. It'll be better for us all. Your mom understood it. Please, try to understand it ! I know how painful it is for you. But I don't really leave you at all. Remember, that I'll be always your "father". No matter what.

But his stepson remained silent and literally clinged to him. Dave was moved at the brink of collapse.
- Jimmy, son - he didn't really called him like that at all, but now he felt a need to do so, he remembered how much he wanted someone to utter this word and he never did - I have a flat right in the next street, come along with me kids if you want to. Jen, may I?
- Yes, Dave, you may. I never thought I will say anything like that for you after this afternoon, but thank you being their father.

Dave put a sad smile on his face and stroked Jen's hand once.
- Thanks, Jen. You can't really understand how much it means to me - he stood up. - I'll bring them back after a while.
- Alright.
He tought it'll be good for Jen to be alone with her thoughts a bit.

- Dave!
The adressed one turned back from the door.
- Are you sure, that....err...Wouldn't it be..
- Don't be afraid, it would be alright Jenny. It won't mean any prob, she loves me, accepts me and all my weaknesses, my kids and Jen, she accepts you too. She never wanted our one night stand turn out serious, on the contrary. She was the one who tried to persuade me to stay with you, for the sake of the children, at least. She wanted to take all the responsibility and deal with her pregnancy alone, which was actually accidental.
- Al right Dave, you know her. Take care of the kids!
- Sure.
- Hi mum, dad will bring us home - said Jimmy looking at Dave.
And Dave had to turn his head away again. Oh, that he had to experience this now! Jimmy calls him Dad for the first time during the long years they spent together, exactly when he is separating from his mother. Well, life is strange!

I was sitting on the couch. But just for 2 minutes again. Since Dave has left, I was a big mess of worrying. I was crawling in the rooms after I put everything to its place, discovered the flat and made some dinner. Fortunately there was a little shop nearby where I could buy foods.
The music was on, but I couldn't really listen to it. I felt myself awful. Yes, I was worried again. But everyone would be it in my place.
What is he doing right now? How would Jen react? What'll she say?  And the kids? Rosie and Jimmy? And how can Dave handle this situation? Won't he fell into  dangerously deep depression again? Please, God, if you're there, help us!
To pass time away, I took a shower, too. I couldn't do any reasonable thing. Couldn't read, couldn't watch TV, couldn't listen to  music. Nothing. Absoultely nothing, just thinking about Dave and what he was doing...
I stood up again and stepped to one of the big windows. I was searching on the street for his familiar figure, while I was stroking my belly. I knew that it wasn't good for the baby such a big dose from worrying and fears. But I couldn't calm myself. I hoped that Dave won't do any stupid thing, and he'll come home in one piece!
And then suddenly my eyes cought him. But he wasn't alone! He was walking with two kids. Jimmy and Rosie!
"OMG! What's going on? What sould I do? He brings them here! Here! How to act? What to say?" - I thought agonized and was standing in the middle of the living room. "Don't panic, Nat! Don't panic! Just be nice, be yourself. That's all." I prepared  some drinks on a plate and was waiting for their arrive.

And there was David in the door. - Kids, this is Natalie. Nat, here is Rosie, and the big boy is my son Jimmy.
- Hi kids - I said tentatively.- Please do come in!
They all did and Dave showed them around. They were followed him a bit shyly.
- And Rosie, this is your room in our flat. And this is yours showed a smaller one, designed as a study to Jimmy keeping his arm on the boy's shoulder.
- Thanks dad, that you were thinking of me and that you still want us.
- Jimmy, son, what are you saying? I never for a moment in my life ceased wanting you two!
The two kids were under his arms and he cuddled them.

I looked at them with a smile on my face.
- Do you want something to eat? I made some Italian pasta with sauce. I don't know if you like it.
The kids were just looking at me with big eyes. Rosie pulled Dave's sleeve.
- What's up, dear? You can eat, if you're hungry - he looked down at her.
- Daddy... can I  rather have a coca?
- Of course honey - he smiled, and looked at me with an apologizing look in his eyes. I nodded with a faint smile, and he disappeared with Rosie in the kitchen. I was alone with Jimmy, who was looking at me with his big brown eyes. I was a bit at a loss.

There was silence for a while and then he asked me: - Can I have a sandwich, please?
- Oh sure. What kind of sandwich do you want?
- Well, hawaian toast would be nice.
- Of course. Come with me to the kitchen to your father - A broad smile appeared on his face - You love him very much, like I do, do you?
I looked at him smiling - Yes Jimmy I love him more than my own life.
- Good then. I was scared that he would get hurt and...
- It's okay Jimmy, I would do everything to make him happy.

- Alrigt, Natalie. I put my trust in you. He needs a lot of  attention.
He spoke like an adult. I was a bit surprised but then I remembered that I heard that children can see things more clearer then adults.
- I know that, and he'll get it from me, don't worry - I stroked his shoulder - And I'm so sorry, that we only could meet  in a situation like this.
- Don't blame yourself. My mom told me that you asked my father not to file the divorce. Is it true?
- Yes. Mainly because of you and your sister.
- Thank you, Natalie - he nodded and went to the kitchen quickly.

I was relieved he had such kind and cute kids. They could have tear me apart but they didn't. That means something. It means that they love their father very much, so Dave is pretty good of a father. Secondly, because they see their father thinks I am important to him, they accepted this, ’cause this makes Dave happy.

I made that sandwich for Jimmy while we glanced  at each other occasionally with Dave. I know that the boy noticed these moments.
We had a great dinner. Jimmy and Rosie ate sandwiches, Dave and me the pasta. The kids were a bit shy, but I answered gladly the few questions which they had. After a while Rosie sat into Dave's lap and nearly fell asleep, so Dave decided to take them home to their lonely mom.

- Thanks darling - he whispered to my ear when they left.

They arrived home just ten minutes later and Jen waited them in the doorway. The kids were smiling and were chatting with each other. Jen seemed to be relieved.
- How it went?
- Fine, just fine.
- When do you want to call your lawyer? I already have called mine.
- Well, what about tomorrow morning?
- Fine. I was thinking a lot while you were off and yes, probably this is the best solution for us. Dave, I must admit it wasn't going well lately and partly because of me. I was engaged elswhere.
- Do you have someone?
- No. Not yet. I was just thinking about someone for quite a long time, but I didn't make any steps toward him..
- Why do you tell this to me?
- I don't want you feeling guilty for cheating on me and leaving me.
- I do feel that way, with or without your confession.
- Seems the kids like her.
- Thanks God, yes they do! I must say a prayer, I was so worried.
- David!
- Yes?
- You should know that I loved you. I loved you so much. Maybe, I still do.
- Jennifer!
- I, I ...it is so terrible loosing you...
- Jenny, the kids!
- They are in their rooms – his wife wiped her eyes. - Give me a last kiss Dave. A farewell kiss and then just say goodbye to me!

Dave was standig there full of doubts and was looking in Jen's deep brown eyes. He felt himself a litle bit strange, but then he stepped to her and kissed him on the shaky lips. It was a really short kiss.
- No, Dave. This wasn't a kiss.

- Jen...
- Kiss me like a man kisses a woman!
- Jen, I'm not sure...
- Do it for me Dave!
David kissed her tentatively, but Jennifer kissed him back passionately and David allowed her at last to explore his mouth inside out. And slowly he felt desire for her. And she knew it. And she was desperately wanting him. They were already on the red sofa, Jen unbuttoning his shirt and Dave hadn't had the will to deny this from her. When her hands were already tucked in his pants, he gently, but firmly gripped her hand.
- Jennifer, sorry, but I am not able doing this. I already feel myself guilty as hell. I have to decide what I want. I had to decide what I was choosing, I've made my decision.
- David, dear!
- No, no Jen. I know you want it as a goodbye, but it's not working.
He stood up and tucked his shirt into his pants. I must go now.

Jen stayed laying on the sofa. She was crying and hadn't had the strength to cover up her tears.
Dave went on his knees beside her and kissed her once more. - Goodbye Jenny, goodbye to you. I won't disappear forever. We live in the next street.
He said goodbye to his kids as well and drove his steps toward his new home with a burden feeling in his heart. He was sad.

I was laying on the couch in the living room with eyes closed and was listening to the soft music. The light of the only and one candle came trough my eyelids. It was quite peaceful. I was much more calmer now. The worry started to cease inside me. By applying some relaxation technics I calmed myself. But it was much easier now that the kids weren't mad with me. They were just a bit shy.
I was waiting for Dave submerged into a  half-sleep. He arrived home at last.

He stepped to me without a word, grabbed my hands and drove me into our bedroom. He made me laid onto the bed and he  laid down beside me. He still didn't say a word just took me into his arms, put his head to my chest and breathed agitated there, as if he was at the brink of crying. Then he put one hand to my tummy and started to talk to our child.

I nearly melted from his words and stroked his hair. My eyes were watery  from his soft words, although I felt his muscles and whole present strained. I smelled that he smoked a lot. I think he didn't came to us right after he has left the other flat, his other world.
- What's wrong, darling? - I asked and gave a kiss on his forehead - You're so strained...

- Well, how should I put it? It's not easy to say goodbye to your wife, who is the mother of your children and whom you loved and who loved you. Waving goodbye to your previous life, leaving your flat, leaving your dog! Natty, it made me so sad! And I don't want anything else just love and reassurance. Comfort me with your words, with your lips, with your whole being!

- Then come here, dear - I lifted his head and gave a kiss on his lips. He stroked my upper arm and closed his eyes. - Come, turn over - I asked him.
- What are you planning? - he asked back while he moved  as I ordered, his voice tired.
- It's time to uncover what was that thing that I always wanted to do with you. Remember? You tried to pull it out from me back in Budapest.
- Yes, I remember.
- Then close your eyes. I've told you that it's not a big thing for some people, but I want to pamper you a bit, to give you some relaxing moments - I stroked his naked back after I took his T-shirt off.
- What'll you give me? - he looked at me after I came back from the bathroom with some bottles.
- A nice massage with fine oils. I think this time it'll be with lavender. It has got a relaxing effect on the body and the mind. Just lay here, and I'll help you - I said and sat on his bottom astride, took the bottle and poured some fragrant oil onto his back and started to smear it on his back as a start.

- Yeah, it feels so good - he moaned. - Baby, the back of my neck, it's tight like hell. Would you be so kind...?
- Sure Dave, does it feel good if I do it this way? - I asked while I kneeled his upper back.
- Yes, yes, yes. It's divine.
I applied massage on his whole body from head to toe. I haven't noticed when he fell asleep, I covered his beautiful naked body with a blanket and went out to the bathroom to have a shower, ’cause the hard work made me sweat.

After it I was just standing in front of the mirror a bit and checked my tummy. It started to grow a few days ago, but no one could recognise it under the clothes but Dave. I smiled and stroked my belly. It was a bit stiffer, and I recognized that my breasts were more sensitive. I liked the changes in  my body.

Soon I'll know who is growing in my womb. A little girl or a little boy... I was curious but patient. I tried to do everything what's good for the little one.
After a while I put a towel around my body and my thoughts turned back to Dave and Jen and the whole situation, and broke my happy mood down a bit. Soon everything would be on its new way. I, we should be patient. I didn't know how a divorce looks like exactly, it seemed it won't be any serious complications.

I laid down beside the sleeping David Gahan. Beside the  man I was living with.

I was watching him for a while as I was stroking his forehead and temple to smooth the crinkles of sorrow. He was sleeping soundly, but gave a big relieved sigh. I smiled a bit and after a few minutes I fell asleep too.

The next day came with bright sunshine and Dave awakened just after me. I had ten minutes in the morning to adore him in his sleep. I loved him.

- Hmmm... honey, I feel myself better... a bit - he looked at me laying on his belly - I can feel my muscles! I should have asked massages like these before and after every concert! I feel myself as a newborn. Thanx baby!
- You're welcome. But Davie, if I give you so much massages in the future, you must pay for me...
- What? Pay? Are you serious? - he smiled.
- Yep. It's  exhausting, you made me sweat!

- Well, well, well. No more sweat than there is on my back when I am inside you - he replied playfully. - What is it you want in exchange?

- I think you know it well... - I stroked his nacked back and bottom - Move your ass, baby! - I smiled.
He laughed.

-Yes, Ma'am, I bring your breakfast in no time - and he slowly walked through the room naked and he was yawning. I heard him in the bathroom, what cosy noises it gives when a man is having his time in your bathroom. Then he went to the kitchen and put sliced bread into the toaster, put on the cattle and started frying some bacon. I could smell these nice smells, the dry scent of the toast, the fragnance of earl-grey tea and the juicy bacon from which scent I started to be very, very hungry.

- Come on Dave, we are starving! - I called him laying on my side in the bed still naked and rolled into a ball. I felt myself playful and somehow happy. HE was preparing breakfast for us! I could get used to it.
- Comin', comin' - he answered from the door where he appeard with a tray.

-Your breakfast, Mylady - he said and put the tray in front of me to the bed. There was a little blue vase in the middle and there was a rose he made from a napkin in it. He melted my heart. He wanted to see me happy, he was so....so human, I felt him so close and it hit me, that this feeling is not new. I slowly becoming to the realisation, that I live with the love of my life, indeed.

- I love you - I said as he sat down opposite me with a smile on his face.
- And my breakfast?
- Too. But you much better! - I stroked the little rose with my fingers - I can't say how much! - I smiled - I just wanted to let you know about it.
- Thank you. So if I bring your breakfast into bed every day, I'll get confessions like these? - he asked smiling.
- Dave! - I rather started to eat. With wild hunger.

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