### P A R T 4 ####

The persistently ringing phone tore into their dreams and woke them. Dave blindly reached for the receiver, knocking the lamp off the bedside table.

“Yeah?”

His voice sounded as sleepy as she felt and she moaned, burying her head deeper in the crook of his arm, not willing to give up her cosy place so easily.

He listened for a few seconds.

“Thanks.”

Then she heard how he hung up with a clank. This definitely woke her.

She sighed and opened her eyes.

“Hey,” she yawned.

“Wake up call,” he explained and cupped her face in his hands. “Good morning.”

His voice was husky from sleep and the look in his eyes sent the butterflies in her stomach fluttering. He pulled her in for a soft kiss, deepening it and rolling them over. She moaned softly at the feel of his weight on her. God, how she had missed that. His lips travelled down her neck.

“Dave, we have to get up,” she said, remembering where they were and what day it was, trying to push him away.

“Says who?” he mumbled, his lips leaving a hot trail on her skin.

She closed her eyes, enjoying his caress. “I’m sure Kessler would have a heart attack for real if you missed the plane yet again.”

He chuckled, puffing his hot breath against her skin. “Kept him on his toes that day, didn’t we?”

She ran her fingers through his hair, loving the feel of it. “He was absolutely livid. Nearly killed me over the phone.”

Dave grinned smugly, looking up and wiggling his eyebrows. “Well, it was worth it.”

She laughed. “Definitely.”

His lips found hers again in a searing kiss. Then he pulled away, looking down into her eyes, tenderly.

“I’m glad I had you flying in, luv. I hate being away for so long.”

Her index finger trailed a path down from his eyebrow over the bridge of his nose to his lips.

“I missed you, too.”

His lips found hers again, but before things could get too passionate, she broke away.

“Come on, let’s get showered and ready, we have a plane to catch.”

“Killjoy,” he grumbled and got up.

* * *

Half an hour later, he was showered, standing by the window, a cup of coffee in his hand as she was blow-drying her hair. Her mind wandered. It had been a short night sleep-wise. She had longed to be with him and literally counted down the days when her job would let her join him for the last few days of the tour. Then she finally had stood in front of him and nothing else had existed but the two of them. They were starving for each other and had satisfied their hunger until the early morning hours, their lovemaking passionate, wild and desperate.

Perhaps they had been a little too passionate or she was getting her monthly, for she felt a certain discomfort in her belly. Like she was getting her cramps. But then, this wouldn’t be the first time she was all sore after their lovemaking, she thought blushingly.

She had adapted to his life on the road, even if she probably never would get used to it. She knew the band and most of the crew from the rehearsals. And she got to watch the show from the side-stage as she wasn’t too comfortable in big crowds. She loved making love to him when he got off the stage. He’d literally drag her into the dressing room, lock the door and attack her right there, still on a high from the show, horny as could be. It was always fast and furious, then they’d go to the hotel and take things more slowly.

At the beginning of the tour they could hardly wait to make love, but now, as he was getting more and more tired from all the travelling and she was tired from all the stress around it, things had quieted down. The last three times when she flew in, she had missed the show (due to some turbulence) and they’d literally meet in the entrance hall of the hotel. They’d go up to his room, shower and go to bed, falling asleep in each other’s arms immediately.

He tried to call her regularly, but sometimes they were so busy travelling, giving interviews to radio and television stations, giving concerts, attending after-show parties (he couldn’t skip all of them) and getting through meet-and-greets that he just fell into bed, too tired to call her. She knew all of that, but sometimes, it was hard to accept. Particularly if she’d had a long day and was longing to just hear his voice.

She had been strictly banned from him for several weeks when she had come down with the flu, their only contact via phone. That had been quite hard on both of them.

Their relationship was put to the test by this tour and the press. They both longed for it to be over and to finally have more time for themselves again. The longer the tour went on, the grumpier they both got. The stress they were both under from the job left its mark. He started to blow up in her face, when she had done nothing at all. She would misinterpret something he said and they’d end up shouting at one another. She knew it was straining for both of them, this being apart thing. But sometimes she lacked the diplomacy and insight – particularly when she’d had a crappy day and was in a foul mood herself – and then they had fights on the phone.

The tour was coming to an end now. Only five more concerts and then this finally would be behind them.

She was so glad she had been able to get to him and would be able to spend the last days of the tour with him and then taking him back home with her. Though home… Home was where he was. Even the most clinical hotel room felt like heaven if he was there with her. She felt at ease again, as always when he was around. He balanced her out.

She sighed and combed through her hair, getting dressed quickly and stepping into the bedroom, where he still stood by the window. She watched him for a moment standing there. His lean body, his profile, his still wet hair combed back. It was amazing how she felt connected with him on so many levels and how deeply she loved him.

Dave felt arms wrap around his waist from behind and her mouth pressed a kiss to his shoulder, her hair tickling him. He put his hand over hers and turned around. Carefully, he put the coffee down on the table beside him and looked into her eyes. He knew they were shining just like hers and a smile spread over his face.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

There was a short pause and he stared at her pensively.

“I am.”

It was a simple statement and he pulled her into his arms, holding her close and enjoying the feel of her body.

“Now I am,” he breathed into her ear, before finding her lips again.

He broke the kiss after a long moment, resting his forehead on hers. “I wish we wouldn’t have to leave and could stay in this bed forever.”

She laughed at him. “Unfortunately, you’re on tour and I doubt your fans would be very understanding. Come on, let’s go or Kessler will have a stroke.”

She gave him a quick kiss, but he held onto her and prolonged it.

* * *

Four hours later they were on another plane. Dave slept in the seat next to her, holding her hand. She watched him for a while, then her gaze fell onto their hands. His long, slender fingers were intertwined with hers, warming her skin everywhere he touched. It was as if some kind of magical energy was pouring out of his skin into hers, filling her with love. It was still hard to believe that she was actually sitting beside him, after all these hours, days, weeks of longing to see, smell, feel and touch him again.

But most of all, she had missed his eyes. Something so simple and yet so important to both of them. Seeking out the other’s eyes in whatever situation, to find understanding, comfort, support, love. She felt as if Dave could look right to the bottom of her soul and whilst at the beginning it might have been a little awkward, it now was almost vital to her. That he was able to see her like that. Only him. And that he still loved her.

She gently trailed up and down the back of his hand, caressing his veins. Ever since she had arrived, Dave was constantly seeking her touch, stealing kisses or just looking into her eyes. They felt like two teenagers in love. She had longed for this so much and she could feel their bond stronger than ever. It was wonderful, this feeling of happiness. Of being in love and being loved back.

She tenderly watched the man sleeping next to her. Last night, he had looked haunted when he had opened the door. She had been one hour early – despite the delay at the airport – (mostly because she had bribed her cab driver with a LOT of money to drive from the airport to the hotel as fast as he could and that he did) and the way his eyes lit up at seeing her was etched forever in her heart. Last night caught up with her and she rested her head on his shoulder, breathing in his scent, feeling the warmth of his body underneath her cheek and drifting off to sleep.

* * *

She woke with a start. The cramps were getting worse. She felt Dave’s hand on hers.

“Something wrong, hon?”

After all this time of being a couple she still blushed at this. “I think I’m getting my monthly. Really bad cramps. I’ll be right back.”

With that she stood up and disappeared in the loo.

He watched her walk away and turned his head to look out the window. Not much longer now and they’d prepare for landing. Only five more concerts and they’d have more time for one another. He planned on taking her on a holiday. Just the two of them, three weeks in a secluded spot. Dave got a little carried away with that fantasy, until he felt her sit down beside him again.

She was pale and looked tired.

“You okay?” he asked, pulling her to his chest.

“Yes. It’s the monthly. Damn cramps,” she said.

She asked the stewardess for a hot tea, warming her hands on the cup and resting her head on his shoulder. Perhaps all this stress was taking its toll on her and she was coming down with the flu again. She felt Dave kiss her temple and she drifted off to sleep again.

* * *

The drive from the airport to the hotel was quick. Then the usual pre-show insanity broke out. People were whirring around and there were interviews to be given, photos to be posed for, autographs to be signed.

Only one more hour and they’d drive to the venue to prepare there for the show. Dave went looking for her and found her sitting in the lounge, clutching her stomach, ash-white. Alarm surged through him. He sat down on the table in front of her, taking her hands in his. They were stone-cold.

“Baby, what’s wrong?”

She looked up at him, her eyes feverish, grasping his hands like they were her last resort. Finally, finally he was here.

“I don’t know Dave,” she panted. “I think I want to see a doctor. Something’s not right.”

He quickly stood up. “I’m coming with you.”

She got up slowly, her face contorting in pain and he could see how she tried not to show it.

He could feel the cold sweat on her forehead as she leaned into him. He put his arm around her, holding her by the elbows.

“But you have the concert–“

“I’m coming with you,” he interrupted her resolutely.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, tears welling up in her eyes.

He kissed her temple. “Don’t be silly. Come on.”

He saw that walking was painful to her. This wasn’t fast enough. What if she had appendicitis? Every minute would count.

“Wait here, luv. I’ll go call a cab.”

“No, Dave...,” she got out, grasping for him, her hand clutching but air.

Her world was spinning and whirling around her and she felt hot, so hot it was taking her breath away. Her vision blurred and she didn’t hear anything anymore but the pounding of blood in her head. Then the floor rushed up to meet her and everything went black.

He was only two steps away when he heard her call out his name and turned around to see her eyes roll back and her knees give in. He caught her just before she hit the ground.

“Shit!” he said in a panic, lying her still form down softly on the floor, bending over her.

“Luv, talk to me,” he begged. “Somebody call an ambulance, quick!”

* * *

Dave hated hospitals for several reasons. One of them was the smell of disease. Another was the smell of disinfectants. And yet another that it brought back very painful memories. He was pacing the waiting room, totally oblivious to Kessler, who sat there, trying to comfort and console him, keeping a sharp eye on his watch, because they possibly still had a concert to give.

He worried. He didn’t even know for how long she had been in there. He remembered the questions the paramedics had shot his way. What had she eaten, when had she last eaten, did she have trouble with the heart, was she allergic to something, when was her last monthly, when had the cramps started, did she have any illnesses or operations recently, etc. He didn’t understand how this was relevant, but then he wasn’t a doctor.

He was just worried out of his mind. And to be banned to this room… Dave sat down next to Kessler, biting his nails, his foot tapping nervously.

That moment the door opened and a woman in hospital clothes came in.

“Mr. Gahan?”

Dave shot up from his seat. “How is she? Is it appendicitis?”

“I’m doctor Marshall. Mr. Gahan, please do sit down,” the doctor said with a questioning look to Kessler.

“It’s alright, he’s family,” Dave said automatically, still standing, hands hanging to his sides, clenching and unclenching nervously.

She nodded. “Your girlfriend’s appendix is alright. The examinations, however, showed that she has an ectopic pregnancy.”

Dave’s world stopped just then. His mouth went dry and his heart skipped several beats, before it started pounding painfully against his chest. He felt weak in his knees and heavily sat back down in his seat, staring at Dr. Marshall as if she were a ghost.

“Pregnant?” he whispered.

“Yes. Well, your girlfriend didn’t know she was pregnant either. She’s lost quite some blood and we need to do a laparotomy on her right now, otherwise she might die of internal bleeding.”

Dr. Marshall saw Dave turn pale and heard him suck in breath.

“Will she be alright?”

She calmly said: “Her chances are very high. We gave her something against the pain. She’s being prepared for the operation as we speak.”

“I wanna see her,” Dave mumbled, his head shooting up. “Can I see her?”

Dr. Marshall smiled. “No, sorry. We have your phone number and will call you immediately after the operation is over or you can wait here.”

“We’ll wait here,” Kessler quickly said.

Dave shot him a grateful look and ran his fingers through his hair. “How long will it take?”

“I really can’t say, it depends on what we find,” the doctor said.

He sighed heavily. “Can I see her then?”

“Yes, but not for long.” She got up. “I’ll come find you as soon as she’s out of the OR.”

He nodded absently, watching her slip out of the room again. He buried his head in his hands, trying to stop his reeling thoughts.

“Pregnant,” he whispered, “I didn’t know she was pregnant.”

He tried to breathe calmly and suddenly felt Kessler’s hand on his back.

“She’ll be alright, mate,” he said, eyes compassionate.

Dave stared at him for a long moment, trying to understand what he had just said. He swallowed down his tears, finally nodding. There was a long silence.

“What am I supposed to do?”

His voice was thick with emotion.

“Pray for her, buddy,” Kessler said, sighing heavily. There was no way he’d get Dave to perform tonight and he would personally knock him out cold if he did.

“I’ll go outside and make some calls. I have to cancel a show.”

Dave nodded absentmindedly and now was all alone in the quiet room.

* * *

The light bulb right above the door had started to flicker half an hour ago. Every fifteen seconds flicker. And the tick tacking of the clock on the wall was so very loud.

Dave sat in the uncomfortable plastic chair, counting to fifteen. Flicker. Then he started again. One, two, three…

His entire body felt sore and was aching. Like he used to when he was partying all night, drinking and doing drugs, waking up in a place he didn’t know.

And this room! It was driving him crazy. Why was it that all waiting rooms in this world didn’t seem to have any real windows? Okay, he’d only seen two or three so far, but still. This one, too, had a fake window. A mirror actually. It was all the room’s fault. It was way too hot in here. Didn’t they have AC in here? This was the goddamn best hospital in town and they couldn’t afford AC? Not even a bloody fan?

His hand wandered to the collar of his shirt, pulling it away from his throat. It had never been as tight as right now. It had never deprived him of breathing like it did now. What if she died? The room was getting smaller and smaller by the minute.

He had had the whole hospital experience from the other side. The one where you wake up again and find yourself in a room, tucked in a bed, wires coming in and out of your arms, machines bleeping around you, the soft squeaking of the nurses’ shoes as they quietly do their job.

Never had he imagined just how straining it could be to be in the waiting room. His mind kept replaying her fainting over and over again. How she had looked so pale on the plane, her icy hands clasped in his, her still form in the ambulance. He closed his eyes, trying to shake free of those images.

But now pictures of her were bombarding his mind. Her dimples when she smiled. Her tousled hair after lovemaking. Her flustered cheeks when she got home on a cold winter night. Her concerned eyes when she spoke on the phone with her mother. Her tender lips kissing away his nightmares. The first time they’d had a really bad fight and he had made her cry. The mischief in her eyes when she had something planned for him. The contrite look on her face when she had told him she had ruined his best shirt, because she had ironed it too hot. The way her eyes were flashing angrily when he had poked fun at her favourite film. The way she threw her head back to laugh out loud and heartily at some nonsense he’d said. How she’d look at him, eyes all tender and burning bright with love.

What the fuck was going on? Why did no one come and tell him how she was doing? He looked up to the door. He didn’t dare going anywhere, for fear he might miss the doctor. Sighing frustratedly, he buried his fingers in his head again, closing his eyes and trying to breathe calmly.

“She’ll be alright,” Kessler said.

Dave almost jumped at hearing his voice. For a moment he had forgotten about Kessler. Then he nodded as if on autopilot.

“Yeah.”

It had been the same over the past two hours. Kessler had come back in after a while, looking rather tired. Dave credited him highly for not bothering him with details now. Instead, Kessler had frequently hurried off, getting them something to drink or answering his phone.

They sat there in silence the rest of the time, until Kessler would break it occasionally by saying: “It’s routine for them. She’ll be alright, mate. And then you two can miss as many planes as you want to.”

Which always had him thinking of that day and Kessler’s tantrum. Usually, it made him laugh. Now uncried tears were burning in his eyes and he blinked, nodding numbly.

“Yeah.”

Dave had pulled out his ciggy pack about a hundred times, each time cursing and putting it back in his pocket. This was a hospital and smoking wasn’t allowed and he was not sure whether to be glad about it, as it kept him from chain-smoking, or angry about it, because smoking would calm him down some.

Suddenly, the door opened again, Dr. Marshall coming in.

He shot up from his chair, knocking the empty Styrofoam cup to the floor, his heart in his throat.

“How is she?”

Dr. Marshall smiled tiredly. “She’s doing alright, Mr. Gahan. We had to take out the affected Fallopian tube with the pregnancy, that’s why it took so long. Everything went fine. She should be able to get pregnant again, however, with just one tube the chances are lower. Your girlfriend woke up from narcosis just a few minutes ago and is being brought to ICU this moment. We’ll keep her there for the night and move her to her own room in the morning.”

Dave took a deep breath, trying to digest the news and filtering out the most important bit to him: she was alright.

“Can I see her?”

“I’ll come get you as soon as she’s settled in ICU in about a quarter of an hour.”

Dave nodded and she turned to walk out of the room.

“Thank you,” he called out, and she stopped, smiling at him as he struggled to remember her name. “Dr. Marshall.”

“You’re welcome.”

A faint smile, then the door closed behind her and Dave fell back onto the chair once more, closing his eyes and feeling Kessler patting him on the back.

“See, she’s alright. She’s alright.”

God, how he wanted to believe those words.

* * *

The nurse woke her when he entered the room. Much as he hated the smell of blood (and it definitely was there) and hospital and the beeping and whirring of the machines, he loved them just as much right now.

The nurse stepped out, mumbling something about “only five minutes”, but he didn’t really pay attention, his eyes transfixed on her form in the bed. He was frozen on the spot, taking everything in. She looked tiny and fragile. Her eyes were tired and sad and he could still see the pain in them.

She silently reached out her hand to him and he moved to the bed, sitting down carefully. Her grip was strong and he saw how she was fighting back the tears.

Dave didn’t find any words. He was happy just sitting here with her, seeing for himself that she was indeed alright. He cupped her cheek with his other hand, feeling the softness of her skin, feeling her breath puff against his thumb and he swallowed hard around the lump in his throat.

It was odd how he could be so relieved and sad at the same time. Relieved to have her back, sad about the baby. To have something so precious, but to only get to know about it when it was already lost again. It hurt.

He watched as a lone tear spilled from her eyes. He felt the wetness as it slipped between the skin of her cheek and his hand.

“Dave,” her voice was raw with emotion and conveyed everything they both wanted to say and couldn’t at the moment.

He leaned forward, carefully, resting his forehead on hers, closing his eyes, breathing her in, just feeling her, his hand clutching hers to his heart. Love and grief welled through him and he took a shaky breath as he opened his eyes again, his vision now as blurry as hers.

“I know, luv,” he said hoarsely, kissing her lips softly, laying all his emotions in the kiss and then locking eyes with her again. “I know.”

They didn’t hear the nurse walk in, opening her mouth to say something, but upon seeing them quietly stepping out again.