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Chapter 38
2009.08.12. 15:18
38.
I slowly opened my eyes and I looked at his terrified eyes quite confused then I saw it too. I started whimpering scared, which scared Dave even more. Then I pulled myself together, breaking out of my half-sleep.
“Relax, Dave, I didn’t do anything and I haven’t taken any pills” I put my hand on his, which was grabbing the armrest. I saw that he was still staring at the red patch on my trousers.
“But Mia…”
“It’s alright. I think it’s just my period” I looked into his eyes then managed to stand up and search for some clean clothes then I headed to the bathroom.
“Kitty, after you had your shower can you come out and lay down?”
“Dave, I’m bleeding too much! What the hell is this? And I’m cramping. God, David!”
I was very scared. It came into my mind that it’s maybe a spontaneous miscarriage of an early pregnancy. Since I came out of the hospital I took such meds, which could cause damage to my system if I took them with the birth pills, so I didn’t take them. And of course the boys never used condoms. To tell the truth it never came into our minds, cuz I’ve been taking the pills for years before this. My period was late for a few days, but sometimes it happened earlier too.
Dave poke his head into the bathroom and turned dead pale seeing all the blood under me, which maybe wasn’t even that much, but it seemed much more from mixing with the water “I call our doctor” he whispered with a pale face.
I could just nod and tried to pull myself together as I was standing there slightly stooped. I tried my best to keep my tears from falling. I really felt myself awful and I was ashamed that I just caused another problem.
The doc came quickly and examined me right away. He took some blood and did a quick pregnancy test – it was true. An early, spontaneous miscarriage caused by the intense sex or by the meds… The question came into my mind, who the father could have been and I started crying.
If I wasn’t upset enough yet, this pushed me deeper into my sadness, shoveling more shit onto my head and conscience. Now I felt myself not just like an unworthy piece of shit, but as a killer too. I didn’t take care enough and now I killed a human being… the child of one of them! Fucking meds!
Although the doctor tried to reassure me that probably it was better for the embryo too this way, cuz the meds I took were surely damaging its development – but it still hurt like hell! I was sobbing hard and I didn’t let anyone near to me, except the doc, who despite my protesting, gave me tranquilizers. I felt myself like a last junky, who feels relieved when she gets her dose… Yes, the strong tranquilizer had this effect on me… I hated that it felt so snug and good as its calming effect spread in my body.
---
But I couldn’t keep the boys away from me – both of them were sitting on the bed, trying to comfort me. Now I really wasn’t alone for a minute – Dave always escorted me even to the loo and he waited for me in front of the door. But despite this I was inconsolably sad for days. They had to replace me on a show, cuz I was crying until I was able to then I had no more tears. I sank into apathy then it passed. And after one or two weeks the morning came when I was able to take delight in seeing Dave’s face as he leant over me and finally I smiled at him weakly. He kissed me with burning fire – the fire of worrying and love was in his kiss and not greedy desire. I promised myself there in that moment that it doesn’t matter what’ll happen, I won’t hurt him anymore. I realised the thing he asserted earlier and I gave myself fully to him. I became completely his in that moment.
And now I was able to do the same with Martin too. Although it still hurt, I accepted that it had to happen this way. We didn’t move, I was just lying in the warmth of their bodies and finally I could enjoy being near them. With Martin we were spooning, while I buried my face into Dave’s naked and warm chest.
The boys realised too what had happened – maybe they were musing on who was the father too – but in our not so average love just a DNS test could have had shown us the result. Or time, when the baby’d have started resembling to its father. I never thought about an own child before, but I’ve missed this baby. I love the guys very much and this little life was us with one of them.
Martin brought me every kind of presents – sometimes the funniest things. They wanted to cheer me up. And slowly they managed to do so, cuz they always tried to make me laugh and distract my attention. They made fun of themselves or they sang to me and I felt that I loved them more than ever, despite the remaining spike.
---
The tour was moving on – we were close to its end, when the boys announced that the crew got an invitation to a posh party. Dave was totally insane – he was barely at home – he avoided meeting Jennifer even more than on the previous tours and he prevented me to pull my hand out of his if we were in public. It was crazy and it disturbed me, but I didn’t dare to protest, I didn’t dare to hurt him again – I’ve promised myself this. I accepted that he wanted this. Meanwhile I had an enormous compunction because of Jen. Dave was gentler than ever, he was always clinging to me and Mart was jealous and drank a lot. Everything was back to ‘normal’… I tried to talk to Martin, but he was so drunk… And when we drank together, we both got drunk. I gave up the control over myself and let them and the events lead me. I knew that this meant giving up myself and some of my principles on some degrees, but I had no strength to protest. I let them do whatever they wanted to do to me.
Finally the day of that posh party came and I picked that deep purple silk-dress, which I’ve bought back in Las Vegas. I wasn’t in the mood for partying, but Dave didn’t want to hear about me lolling around in the hotel – although Martin was ready to stay with me, but we knew that he can’t let this happen, he had to go and show himself. Martin was doing his circles around me in the last couple of days like a shark staring at his prey. He didn’t say a word, but I saw that he was up to something. But I wasn’t allowed to leave Dave’s side.
The unpleasant feeling crawled up from my stomach again when he insisted on bringing me to the party as his partner. And he didn’t hold himself back from caressing my naked back in an exciting way, which wasn’t covered by the light dress, and meanwhile he was chatting lightly with other people. But after a while I couldn’t take the sounds of my own conscience and neither the hidden, but reproachful looks, which I got. Sure, I was the ‘evil seducer’. I whispered into Dave’s ear that I go out to the bathroom, but I had no intentions to go there. I needed a glass of champagne or something else to ease the cramp in my stomach. By the bar I bumped into Martin of course, who – to my surprise – was sitting in the half-light at the very edge of the counter, an upset expression on his face.
“A martini, please” I waved for the bartender, who nodded then I stepped next to Martin “What’s up, darling?” I asked and stroked his arm.
“You can see, I’ve left alone here.”
“I wouldn’t say that” I noted and counted the glasses in front of him.
“Mia, do you still want me? Me too?”
“Marty! Of course!”
“Then come here and prove it! Here, in front of everyone. As you let Dave hold on to you anywhere we go, you can kiss me too then. You’re my lover too, aren’t you?”
I didn’t answer, just stepped to him, embraced him tightly and started kissing his lips. He was surprised, he never thought I’d really do it. In contrast to my expectations no one idled around us, cuz everyone was watching some stupid show. Everyone, except one man in the room. He was watching us.
Not breaking the kiss I sat onto his lap. I embraced his shoulders with one arm to hang on to him and I rested the other on his chest. This time I let his fingers caressing my naked back. He was kissing me greedily for long minutes then he looked into my eyes with a little longing smile. He raised his glass, which I returned with my martini and we clinked glasses. I drank all of it with one sip and sent another one into my stomach right away. I started to feel more relaxed as I was nibbling on an olive and I felt Mart’s more and more passionate tries to draw my attention towards the thing he wanted the most.
“Come, let’s find some place, cuz I go insane if I can’t bury myself into you.”
“We can’t Marty! It was enough of the scandals.”
“I know, I know. Then let’s go back to the hotel!”
“We can’t leave him here alone like this.”
“True. But now I want to be alone with you and he protects you like Othello did with Desdemona.”
“This can be a disturbing side-effect in a threesome” I caressed his nape, while I was sipping my third cocktail “Sooner or later jealousy appears.”
“It was not a coincidence that I’ve been drinking that much in the last couple of weeks” he planted small kisses onto my shoulder then onto my neck, which made me shiver “Mia, Mia, sweet Mia! I want you so much… Let’s find a room or a saloon, or a corner, or something” he moaned hoarsely into my neck “I go crazy if I can’t have you right now!”
“Alright Marty, let’s find a place, but before it tell me why does he monopolize me like this lately?”
“Maybe he’s unsure again. And he’s like this anyway. He can be very jealous, you’ll realise it soon. Dear Dave, if you don’t pay attention to him for a minute, he starts to think that you’re avoiding and refusing him. He monopolizes you and gets pretentious. He isn’t perfect either.”
“He isn’t. But in turn he’s adorable.”
“Did you meat the beast living inside of him?”
“The panther?”
“No, with the raging storm. In the hospital he’d beaten me up so badly that I could hardly stand up.”
“WHAT DID HE DO????!!!!”
“I see they kept this as a secret in front of you” he said on a bitter tone.
“But…”
“…why?”
I nodded.
“Cuz you’ve died then came back. We nearly lost you because of my fault and he lost his head on the corridor.”
“He was able to beat you up that badly?”
“He even escaped from Jen’s side to be with you. Practically he’d spent every night next to your bed. He was talking and singing to you until you came out of the coma.”
“Holy Jesus!” I put my hand in front of my mouth.
“It’s a wonder that he was still able to do the concert after all this. Well, come on, let’s drink this… you’ll have less complexes.”
I was still thinking of what he’d said to me and let him order another round then he took my hand and with a hot look he led me out of the room. My balance was a bit unsure in my high heels after those drinks, but I managed to follow him without stumbling. We sneaked into a closed saloon after we carefully looked around.
He went for my lips greedily and I could feel his hands sliding on the silk dress, which was covering my body. I barely could breathe from the fierce dance of his tongue, while he led me to a table and put me onto it. He was grabbing my thighs as if he was afraid that I could vanish in any moment. I took his face into my hands and returned his kisses.
He tucked the dress up over my waist impatiently and he moaned from the sight. “Mia, you’re wearing garters? I’ll cum right now” he sighed.
“This turns you on, Mart?”
“Insanely!”
He pulled my thong aside and he was already inside of me. He let me know with his fervent thrusts how much I could turn him on with my black lace lingerie.
“Ahhh… Martin… I’ve missed you!” I moaned and propped myself on one hand, the other grabbed his hair by his nape as my upper-body arched a bit and I put my legs around his waist to feel him even closer.
“Oh god, Mia, you can’t… imagine how much this… means to me!” he panted and quickened his pace, trying to sink into me to the tilt.
We didn’t notice the slim shadow sneaking into the room. The figure, who fisted his hands, hogging his head like a bull as he was standing there in silence.
The waves of passion washed over us. There was no one else in the world just the two of us. I looked deeply into Mart’s cloudy eyes when I felt both of us very close. Our panting filled the room then the walls echoed that I love Martin before the moment I had to cry out from my powerful orgasm.
David was thinking whether he should go there and if yes then what should he say. What can he say? He knew that Mia loves Martin too, but knowing about it is not the same as accepting it. It was a stupid thing, cuz he loved Martin too and he wasn’t jealous in the other way. Confused thoughts were chasing each other in his head. He started walking towards them but stopped. Those two were panting on each other, Martin was fondling ‘HIS MIA’ still moving gently INSIDE OF HER BODY! He was shaking from the suppressed anger, but he knew that he had no right to say anything because of what they’ve done. The settlement between them was clear to him, it contained this too, he couldn’t take objection to anything here. But he wanted to take! His pique and his strong jealousy were blinding him and slowly a purple haze fell onto his thoughts.
Mia slowly slid Martin out of her, but she pulled him back by his nape for another sensual kiss, before she caressed this beloved face with her thumb.
“Is it better?” she whispered hoarsely.
“Oh yes, much more. I adore you!” he stroked along her long thighs, playing with the suspender “You’re maddeningly sexy. And now finally just mine…” he whispered back.
“Well this is a mistake” said a hoarse voice from the dark. It gave us a jump.
“David, even you could respect someone’s personal sphere” Martin glimpsed at him.
“Personal sphere?” he snorted.
“Dave, darling…” I straightened up as I was still sitting on the table and put my panties back to its place and arranged my dress. With one hand I was still holding to Martin’s shoulder “Don’t be selfish, please…”
“Selfish? Maybe. But, but… Guess what! Make each other happy! But without me!” and he stormed out. We looked at each other, but what could we do?
He didn’t say a word to us. And right after the concert he flew back to New York.
---
I had compunction again, although I didn’t know why. Maybe because I’ve hurt him again, although I didn’t mean to and I knew that we were right. I was musing a lot what to do. Should I call him or not? The only one good thing in this situation was that he went back to his family, whom he’d seen a long while ago.
I was thinking about this again, sitting on the balcony, a blanket wrapped around me. Martin was sleeping inside. I was holding my cell in my hand, staring at the screen, which showed me Dave’s number. My finger was over the ‘call’ button, which I pushed after a sigh. Maybe this time I’ll be lucky – not like in the last couple of days. Finally it was ringing out.
“Yes?” I’ve heard his crabby voice.
“David, it’s me, Mia.”
“I saw it on the screen. What’s up?”
“David!”
“What?”
“I, I…”
“You?”
“I just wanted to say…”
“It isn’t necessary to say anything. Tomorrow I’ll be there right before the concert. Bye” and he hung up.
He’s still angry with me, I sighed bitterly and lit a cigarette. I’ve started getting all nerves again and I had a hangover too. Yesterday we were drinking again with Martin. I made a face. Instead of trying to drag him out of it, I join him. Wonderful, I puffed the smoke with irony. What should I do with Dave if he doesn’t want to listen to what I want to say? Oh God, why did you make him this sensitive? I put my hands under the blanket too and was watching the grey clouds on the early morning sky.
Martin grunted in his dream, he was tossing and turning and protesting against something then he suddenly sat up “Mia, Mia, where are you sweetie? Mia!”
“I’m here” I jumped up and went into the room, the blanket still around my body “It’s alright, I’m here” my voice softened when I saw the relief after the fear in his eyes.
“I… I had a dream about you leaving me. That you wanted just him. That you’ve chosen him!” he said on a complaining voice while he pulled me closer with the blanket and took me into his arms.
“I wouldn’t do this to you, Martin” I looked into his eyes and caressed his pale face “As easy the beginning of our relationship was, now it’s so very complicated. Sometimes it isn’t easy to get along with each other, is it?”
“Yeah, you’re right” he bent his head onto my lap. “I’m scared what he’ll do tomorrow. It’s so awful when he bristles up like this. He’ll be able to bring his wife, dragging her around to torture us.”
“I’m sure he won’t do this!” I laughed bitterly.
Martin nuzzled to me and I did the same. We were waiting for tomorrow. We were waiting to see what the man’ll do, whom we loved passionately.
---
It turned out that I laughed too soon. David did the exact thing which Martin feared. I think, this wasn’t the first time when he tortured Mart this way after they had a debate. I couldn’t speak to him, he didn’t let Jen go from his side for a single moment, who – it seemed – didn’t mind this at all. She looked at me a bit strangely – we can say she eyed me as an enemy – and she let her husband show me clearly that he still has her.
We hid the pain from our eyes with Martin, we just looked at each other and knew: we felt the same. We were watching Dave during the concert, who willingly provoked us and the crowd with such an expression which said ‘look at me, this is what you can’t have’. It hurt what he was doing and he knew it well. After the show I went straight into his dressing room, closing the door silently behind me. I wanted to talk to him before Jennifer could appear again and Dave could disappear with her.
“What do you want from me?” he barked towards me as he was standing there half-naked, his skin still sweaty. He was removing his make up.
“Don’t do this Dave! You hurt us with this.”
“Just as much as I you’ve hurt me.”
“But David, you were the one who said that I’ll be your and Martin’s lover too. I, I… for me…”
“Even so… I’m standing there alone and you two are fucking each other in a dark room!”
“David, you didn’t let Mart near me for a week! You were guarding me like a dragon.”
“Oh Draco Draconis – I feel myself like that. Like a dragon. I want to possess you, love you” he sighed.
“David, no one possesses anyone! You can’t possess me. And don’t hurt Martin! I’ll protect him if you want to do something against him!”
“Tell me how! You’ll lock me into my room, like a bad boy?”
“Would it hurt you, Mr. Arrogance, if you lost our love? Would it hurt? Would it hurt?” I shouted at him and slammed the door behind me.
Martin grabbed my arm, when not seeing from my anger I nearly passed him without noticing him, and he pulled me into his neighboring dressing room.
“What’d happened?” he asked worried.
“I’m fed up with him! I’m fed up that he thinks that only HE can have emotions, that only HE can suffer!” I shouted still very pissed off and I felt that anger blinded me “What does he think about himself? Torturing us like this! The ones who love him! This is beyond selfishness!”
“Please, Mia, keep it low” he tried to calm me, but I shook his hand off of me and went on with the crawling in his dressing room. I was seriously considering that I grab Martin and leave this whole circus behind me.
“I don’t care, if anyone, or he hears it! Do you hear it, Dave? I don’t care ! I HATE you when you’re like this!” I shouted, my hands in fists. My whole body was shaking from anger, I’ve lost my head.
Martin pulled me to him and embraced me tightly “Be more patient kitty, he’s Dave Gahan, you can’t handle him as you’d do to an average man.”
“I don’t give a shit that he’s a fucking celebrity! I never cared! I love you – the men inside – and although fame walks with you, until now it just caused problems to us!”
“Well, yes. That’s true. Kitty, let’s disappear for two days – just you and me. I didn’t care that he’ll search for us. It’s time to teach him a lesson. It’ll be bad for him, but I do this, cuz I love him. He wouldn’t love us either, if we were his doormats! So we shouldn’t. Let’s go, come, we disappear. We’ll buy clothes and everything else somewhere. We go to the mountains, I’m sure we’ll find some nice house to rent.”
I just nodded eagerly and stopped by my dressing room. I quickly changed and packed my stuff. It’ll be good for me too spending some time alone with Martin – far from every hotels and familiar faces. I hoped that we’ll be far from any civilization too in a small and nice summer house. I wanted to disappear for a while. Martin was right, we had to teach a lesson to Dave. We jumped into Mart’s car and we hit the road. We told nothing to anyone, just Mart said after a few minutes that he told Kessler that we disappear for a couple of days so he shouldn’t be nervous and there’ll be no need to search for us.
Sitting on the passenger seat I slowly calmed down then we exited the car on a gas station. We filled the tank and bought a map of the surrounding area. We asked whether there was a summer house to rent. Luckily the workers could speak English quite well and they happily helped us. Spanish people are kind. Then we moved on and arranged the house on the phone. It was a nice house in a valley, next to a small lake. We took it out immediately and after we stopped to buy some clothes and food, I became the navigator. Finally I felt myself better as I was directing Mart where to go.
The Sierra De Gaudelupe was simply beautiful. None of its mountains were over 1500 meters, but from the rocky serpentine the sight was breathtaking. In the dark we could see the lights of the towns. It was wonderful. We had to hurry, we wanted to reach the house by midnight. It wasn’t easy to find the way in the dark – we nearly got lost twice. Finally we stopped in front of Rancho de Trinidad, which was the estate’s name and it seemed huge even in the dark.
“Finally here no one’ll bother us” Mart sighed as we parked.
“That’s for sure, my prince, look!” I showed him my mobile phone – the mountains shadowed the signal. Just the emergency call was allowed.
“At least we won’t shout at each other through the phone.”
“Did you tell Kessy where we were going?”
“No, I’ve just said that up to the mountains. This won’t help him, cuz Spain’s middle is full of mountains.”
“Now Dave can sit in his own trap” I added a bit sadly. I felt sorry because we had to do something like this, although I was excited about these two days with Martin.
“Well yes, he can” Mart sighed “But maybe this’ll help him. Come, let’s check out the house” he smiled and waited for me to take his hand. Our fingers interwove as we stepped into the house, which had been built in a Mediterranean style. The furniture was simple, in the style of the rural ranches. Simple, which meant functional and as we saw quite expensive. It looked so like an old hacienda that I was waiting for Zorro to step in from the porch with his sword in any minute. But Zorro or his black stallion could be seen nowhere. Just Martin and I were here. Finally some tranquility. We stepped onto the terrace with a faint smile. We could see the whole valley and the towns around from here. The little villages were like small firebugs with their shining lamps in the night. I embraced Martin and bent my head onto his chest.
“It’s beautiful here!” I whispered inhaling the balmy night air deeply, which was heavy from the flowers’ sweet scent.
“Enjoy the silence!”
I laughed quietly then looked at Mart. I turned his face towards mine and caressed it. I felt his little stubbles, but it didn’t disturb me at all, I just sank into his eyes, which seemed nearly black in the night. I couldn’t speak, but I didn’t want to at all. I just wanted to love my blonde prince. He deserves it. And I tried to chase away the black panther from my head, who always sneaked between my thoughts.
Martin bent down to me and kissed me tenderly “Let’s drink something, sweetie. I bought a bottle of Tequila. Let’s relax a bit, okay? Now we do whatever pleases us.”
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