VI.

She sinks down onto the kitchen floor, unable to cry or catch a reasonable thought. Bumping her head against the doors of the cupboard she wishes it was just another horrible nightmare.
The door bell chimes again. When she doesn’t answer there’s a constant knocking now. With a sigh she gets up. Her hand at the deadbolt she asks with a shaky voice.

„Who’s there?“
„David.“

Opening the door she looks into two male faces.

„You didn’t really think I would leave you here in this state, did you?“

Dave drags her into his arms. Before she can complain he compliments her back into the living room, placing her onto the couch.

„I brought John with me. Let’s get your stuff – come on!“
She tries at least
„Who do you think you are?! Walking in like this!“
„The one who thinks straight here as you are in shock.“

As she didn’t unpack her suitcase so far and just spread a few of her belongings around it doesn’t take long to collect the things. She watches the two men fiddling around with her notebook case and the huge trolley suitcase. David hangs the camera bag over his shoulder, Jonathan maneuvers the other gear into the hallway.

With another bewildered look around she tries to get up from the sofa. Her legs seem to deny proper action and she falls back.

„Just a moment, baby! We bring your stuff down to the car. Back any minute!“

When both guys return she rests there, eyes closed, in the cushions – some cold sweat drops on her forehead. There’s no reaction when Dave gently nudges her shoulder.

„Poor thing – come, let’s carry her downstairs, John!“

***

A cold, wet sensation lets her move her lids. It takes a little till she can focus clearly. David’s concerned expression and his hand, holding a little white towel.

„What the frigg...?!“
„Hey, there you are again, Deb!“

She feels kinda dizzy. Where the heck was she?! He seems to read her thoughts – again.

„You’re at my place. Don’t worry – Jen is away on a business trip. She won’t be back for the next three days. And the kids are at their granny’s.“

He reaches for a glass of water and helps her drinking.

„I can’t stay here! I need to find another flat!“

She wants to get up but he gently holds her back.
„You’re going nowhere in that condition, angel! Don’t you think it’s time to stop running away?“
He looks at her with knowing eyes.
„Strange enough it was the first thought I had after you so hastily jumped off the subway – that you weren’t just running from that situation.“
After a short pause he goes on, watching her closely.
„It’s as well in the way you make love. The desperation, fragility – and anger. I can tell you one thing for sure: It will not end if you don’t let go of some things in the past.“

She turns her face away – not saying a word. He gingerly caresses her cheek.
„You don’t need to be strong and tough all the time. There’s no need to defend yourself now.“
„Why should I put my trust in you, Mr. Rock-Star-with-a-bleeding-happy-family?“
„You can try as much as you want – you will not hurt me and push me away. I can be like a disease – very adhesive.“
Now she looks back at him – a tiny smile in the corners of her mouth.
„I can’t help to recognize that.“
Then she turns a little in the bed, adjusting the pillow behind her neck. Like talking to herself the words start to drop off her like unwanted dust flakes.

„The one who begot me – not sure if I should call him my dad – treated my mum like shite. Every day and night the same terror. When he got too much of the booze he simply forgot about all human qualities and mutated into a violent monster. I once tried to jump between him and mum – I was seven that time – and I ended up in hospital for a week. The broken arm and nose were the less painful experiences. It was the fear that was nagging at me. Not so much about myself and my little brother – but my mother wasn’t exactly what I would call a strong personality. Lots of nights she came into our bedroom in the wee hours, cuddling onto the couch to have at least a few hours of sleep. I heard her weeping silently on numerous occasions. I have no idea how she could stand it all the time – with a bastard like him. Well, he had a few normal moments – but when he lost his job all went worse. I was twelve when I found my mum covered all in blood on the kitchen floor, when coming back from school in the afternoon. I thought she was sleeping or unconscious and dragged her into her bed – washing away the stains as good I was able to – being so used to is. It wasn’t the first time I had to comfort her. As she felt a little cold I slipped next to her under the covers, moving close to warm her – like she used to do to us when whe had the flu or were sick. I think I went for a hotty, too. Nex thing I realized was two guys getting me away from her and bringing me and my brother to relatives of ours. I had dozed of next to my mum – and she already was dead when I entered the house. At least that’s what a doctor told me later. I spent some time in therapy – that bastard went to jail. They can’t lock him up far and long enough – he’s still in my head.“

She pauses and longs for the water. David sits at the edge of the bed – pale and kinda paralyzed.

„I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to blurt it out all like this, David. If I appear angry towards you it’s just my jealous heart and soul – as you have what I never had – and you simply take what you want. I’m not like that – I even can’t accept if someone’s generous to me – as my experience reminds me not to trust in things like love and understanding. And in the end it was and is always me that pays, is used, is hurt. So I have to be strong on my own – to survive. It’s just that sometimes I don’t know where to get that energy from – and then running away seems the only option. I am so tired – you have no idea.“

He still does not move an inch, but the horror he just listened to mirrors in his eyes. Then he seems to wake up from his trance and moves closer to her.

„I really don’t know what so say now, Deborah. All I know is I want to be close to you. Would you let me hold you for a while? You for sure need some more rest.“
She reads in his deep green-brown eyes and all she seems to see there is sincerety now. He gets off his shoes and slips under the sheets next to her – offering her his arm to cuddle into. Slowly she follows his direction. He pulls her cautiously tighter, kissing her forehead. She closes her eyes and breathes in deeply, trembling slightly.
„Shush, all is fine – you’re safe here, baby.“

As long as you need and want – he adds in his thoughts.

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