Chapter 2

The Sun slowly reached the horizon, its rays finding their way between the high buildings, bathing their windows in the soft morning light. It was early dawn, the never-ending noise of the traffic reached Dave’s ears, but he got used to avoid it. His eyes stung from not getting enough sleep again. He has never been a good sleeper. He was sitting in an armchair in front of the window, a mug filled with steaming coffee in his hand, and he watched the sunrise, thinking about last week. He was slightly angry because of the situation. That debate with Gore… He still couldn’t get over it, he still heard the blonde man’s comments in his head.

But now he tired to avoid that part. He was rather thinking about the information which had slipped Martin’s mouth. ‘So we probably used to go to the same places back in Basildon?’ he thought ‘Fat Gadget? Hm… they had gigs in several clubs… Even in that one…’ He sipped from his coffee and let his thoughts wander further.

If he wanted to be frank to himself, he disliked Martin because he embodied everything he hated back there and left behind when he came to the States with a contract. He hated living in the UK. He felt so restricted there! Especially back in Basildon, which was a hell of a boring city where he couldn’t do anything, where everyone knew everyone and no matter what you did, half of the town knew it by the end of the day. People were gossiping about you whenever they could. He felt his personality was too much for the town, for England. He wanted to be free and do whatever he wanted to do without judging gazes. This was one of the causes he came to the States as soon as it was possible, where no one knew him. He was so young back then – full of hopes and ambitions. He thought when he walked the streets of this amazing city that the world is his and no one can stop him. But soon he had to realize that things weren’t in the way he’d imagined.

Yes, it was a fresh start. He had left a lot behind him when he moved to New York. Even THAT side of his. It wasn’t easy, but he knew that as a bisexual he won’t get far in America.

Soon he had to admit to himself that living here wasn’t the way he’d expected. He had to fight every day, because if you don’t hit first, you’ll be the one who’ll get a punch in the face. This is why he had to change his attitude and bury that other side of him deep. Luckily this stronger, “macho style” as Gore called it was always inside of him, he just needed to focus on that. And after a while he got used to it, it helped him. Even though that contract wasn’t such a big success as he thought, it gave him some money and connections he wasn’t ashamed to use.

Of course the beginning was very hard – new city, new people, new way of thinking. He quickly realized that he has to shut up his mouth most of the time to get what he wanted. But with time he slowly gained back his confidence. At least his work was never labeled as “gay-music”. If his songs and lyrics, which he’d sold for other bands and musicians, would have ended that way, he would have never been able to shake off that category and no one would have taken his art seriously. And in the 80s when he came here – due to people here being so very religious – the risk was high that his music will be played only in gay bars if he lets his work get too soft and girlish, too “bubblegum-pop”. “A slice of Europe”. This was what his music was called a few times. Yes, he couldn’t deny his roots; it was living in him – the way of his thinking, his whole personality, even if he wanted to deny it. But at least he managed to fit in quickly. He even tried to sound less British in his speech. And it seemed that he’ll manage staying in the Big Apple – he became one of the little worms, who tried to get a bite from the juicy fruit. No, he wasn’t like the big fat worms who tried to squeeze out the last drop of its juices. He stayed relatively humble and took just what he needed to survive. He was glad that he could be here.

And although he went through his own personal hell when his music and lyrics had earned enough money for him, he got over that period. Especially when he got together with his wife and soon became the step-father of her son, Jimmy and a few years later his precious angel, Stella Rose has arrived. He got some friends too. And he finally became somebody among the nobodies. He was never taken aback when he had to be arrogant and pushy to reach his goal. He always took work seriously and tried to give his best.

So he got quite far from his young, reckless self, who visited gay bars and lived absolutely for the moment. Though he still had these things faintly inside of him. Buried deep under the surface. He was very careful not to let these things influence his actual life, but he couldn’t deny that it was a part of his personality. Sometimes – when he was alone like this – he let his old memories come closer to the surface. He thought back on those old days. He liked them. Somewhere they gave him more freedom than his life here. As he got older, the responsibilities multiplied and he had to live up to them. Sometimes he just wished he could be that young Dave Gahan again. But every time he reached this thought, he shook his head and started doing something else to distract his mind.

---

Finally she could open the door and dragged her heavy suitcases into the flat. Within a minute her husband was there and took her luggage.

“Mornin’” he grunted back after Jennifer greeted him “As I see there’s a break in the shooting…”

“Yeah, a week or so. And I thought I come home to see you and the kids” she put her last bag down and glimpsed at her husband. Yeah, he was in a bad mood again. She got used to his mood-shifts, though sometimes she couldn’t handle them properly. And to be frank, sometimes she was too tired or busy with her own problems to try and console her husband.

“Too bad… cuz it seems that the kids got quite used to live with your parents” he muttered under his nose, but he knew Jen heard it. She caught that, but just sighed and rolled her eyes.

“Someone has to pay for the bills” she noted and while she started undressing, she glimpsed at Dave, who sat back into his armchair in the living room and started pouting. For a few minutes – while Jen packed some things out – it was silence between them. Then she sat down next to him.

“So what’d happened since I’ve left for the shooting?”

“Well… while you were sunbathing in California, I’ve got a serious job.”

She wisely let the first half of the sentence pass and managed to smile and stayed cool “That’s great. What kind of job?”

Dave filled her in into the details on his own arrogant way. She knew that he wouldn’t let her go and do her business until she listened to what he wanted to say. Though she didn’t seem to have high hopes about this job. She’d lived through rough periods with Dave, when his plans backfired or didn’t bring the expected results. She got tired from that and while she was listening to him – or at least pretended to be listening – her head was full of her own work. While Dave was still talking, she risked a glimpse around and added cleaning-up to her “to-do” list next to bringing the kids home and arranging some other stuff.

“… so the work goes quite well, though if we hadn’t have that annoying Gore – you know, our new work mate – it’d go better. Jeez, that jerk has no idea what’s going on in the music business nowadays. He lives in his own dream world… Naïve bastard…” he went on, but couldn’t stop his thoughts, which got back to the previous question: did they visit the same bars and concerts? This was bugging him all the time since that debate. “And the funny thing is that it seems we used to come from the same pathetic town.”

“Basildon?”

“Yeah…” he grimaced. He went on with giving some more details to Jen, who seemed to listen, but Dave wasn’t convinced about that. She just nodded and gave such reactions like “uh-uh” or “I see”. ‘Whatever’ he thought ‘Though Gore’s lyrics are quite good – and he’s not totally lost in the studio either…’ he confessed to himself while he went on with blabbering something to Jen – it had its advantages that he could do multiply things at the same time. ‘And… to be frank he’s not ugly… his face has nice little features… his lips and nose… and those hypnotic green eyes are quite pretty… and his build-up is neat too with a fine round…’ he mused but suddenly he dragged himself back to reality ‘What the fuck are you doing, Dave?! You’re not that little British punk kid you used to be! Why the hell am I thinking about how he looks like?! It doesn’t matter. I should rather fuck Jen, if she’s into it…’ he looked at his wife ‘It was a while ago since we had time for that…’ he admitted to himself, but as he examined her, he knew that she’ll turn him down. ‘Whatever’ he shrugged.

“I go and take a shower” she announced after Dave finished talking and she made some comments “I’m very exhausted. After that we can pick up the kids, if you want to come too.”

“Okay” he nodded and let her go. ‘So no fucking today either, huh?’ he shook his head and stood up to search for his cigarette.

---

The vibes of the studio was far from that first night when Mart had arrived to meet his new workmates and they were laughing around the piano. The blonde man was sitting by a table, some papers around him, but he just pretended that he was working on some lyrics. This was clear for Dave from the first moment he walked into the room. He could sense the tension in the air and as he looked at Christian’s gloomy face – which he could see very rarely – he knew that something wasn’t right.

“What’s up?” he sat down next to the blonde musician, who was drumming on the table with his fingers.

“John’ll be here in a minute.”

“Why?”

“Dunno, but he seemed rather tense.”

“I see. I bet it’ll be about our little debate with Mr. Dreamer” he puffed out some smoke, sending a disdainful glimpse towards the curly man.

“Maybe…” Chris sounded unsure as he frowned.

And Dave was right – in the moment Kessler walked into the studio, wearing a serious expression on his face, he greeted them and called Martin to join them for a little conversation.

“So, gentlemen, I’ve heard about your not so grownup debate. And I wasn’t happy when the guys filled me in. Dave, don’t look at them like this. You know that they were right. They know that this work is important. And you should know that as well. You’re here for work and not for bickering. I don’t want to hear about such clashes anymore. Understood?” he looked at the two guilty men.

Martin seemed to understand it – he bent his head and nodded time after time while John was speaking. Dave risked another pitying look at him, seeing the guilty look on the angelic face – and the blonde curls made the picture even worse in Dave’s eyes. ‘He has no poise…’ he thought.

“Dave?”

“Yes?” he turned to John.

“Did you understand?”

“Yep” he grunted.

“Good. I’d like this to stay that way, so I’ve had a little chat with Christian. He’ll be in charge when I’m not here. He’ll take care of things so that the work can go on without problems. So please, both of you, behave. We have a tight schedule here, we can’t afford any delay.”

“Yes, John” Mart chimed in with an honest expression. This work was important to him.

“Alright, guys. I don’t want to seem too bossy, but someone has to kick your asses if necessary. I give this role to Chris and I go now, I’m in a hurry” he nodded and shook hands with the three of them.

Dave watched their manager disappear then looked at Mart, who avoided his gaze and he had to smile off-hand, seeing the slight blush on Gore’s face. ‘Unbelievable…’ he thought and his faint smile stayed in the corner of his lips. Chris was his friend, there won’t be any problem. He felt safe and didn’t take this little warning too seriously.

---

After Phillpott’s arrived too and they’ve started recording Martin’s guitar solos, Chris and Dave went out for a smoke and to clear their heads.

“Dave, you know that you’re my friend, but I’ll take this seriously. You’ve heard John – we know you, that’s why he wanted to warn you. We don’t have time for your little games. We have to finish the third track today and we are nowhere with the others. So please, don’t provoke him. You’re my responsibility now and I don’t want to disappoint John.”

“Hey, hey, take it easy pal. No need to worry” he frowned.

“No, I’d like you to know the rules I’m playing with in this situation. And besides you should give a chance to Martin, because he has talent and his ideas and themes are good. Your lyrics complement each other and they are stronger and more complex together. I don’t want you to screw this up. Until now the work has been going well. So don’t have such a big face, only because I’m your friend, I won’t take your side if you’ll act like a jerk… You should help him, don’t set him back. He tried so hard so far. You’re not fair with him.”

“Okay, okay. I promise I won’t screw it up…” he sighed then lit another cigarette.

“Good. I’ll be inside. After you’re ready here, we’ll start to work on your vocals in the next song.”

“Sounds good.”

After he was alone again, he started thinking. Chris was right again. He can’t project his negative feelings and dislike for his hometown and England on Gore. Mart has nothing to do with that. And yes, he was a talented songwriter, he had to admit. He didn’t know why he let himself get lost in these negative feelings again. It was good to have Chris here. He could always drag him back to the ground. And this was why he liked him – he could always count on the blonde drummer and his judgment. Since day one there was a good vibe between them. They became friends quickly, because the always positive Chris managed to stay calm and handle his mood-shifts. He could trust him. He always saw him like their personal sun – always smiling and being kind and creative. He was kinda support for the restless and hot-headed singer. So yes, Christian was probably right again – he overreacted things. And even of for none other, he’ll try to behave for Chris, he doesn’t want to let him down or cause any problems for him with John. He took a deep breath and slowly exhaled it. It won’t be easy…

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2010.09.13. 21:01 Lylyan I can't wait to read a new chapter! Válasz: I'll try, but now I'm very busy with the university and other stories. But I haven't forgotten this one! I'll continue it for sure! :)