Note by Useless-girl: This story is a special one. It starts in 2005 and jumps in time from one era to another as the Dear Reader gets an insight into Dave's mind and memories, before we find each other back in 2005 again at the end. I really-really liked it!

Rating / Category: R / SLASH, angst

Originally published: 09.12.2005

"You know what? Depeche Mode is so fucking weird!" 
Martin L Gore  

Freaks

Prologue

 
Dave laughed, tossed up the coin and caught it in the air. 
- When I talked to Bugs Bunny he always advised me to take life as it is. Life is not good but life is not bad or so other people are thinking. It is hard thought. But it is hard for everybody. Forget your despair. You are not the first but she is not the last. 
The man who was sitting at a table looked at him with the weird expression on his face. 
- Should I take it like that…- he said - All my problems are following the fact that I have never talked to Bugs Bunny? 
He didn't smile while he told that. Dave looked at him, wondering if the rude irony of Martin's words was addressed to him, or to Martin himself. But in case of Martin he used to think that usually his worst suggestions were true and Dave frowned, evidently offended by his words. Martin straightened in his armchair and looked at him again, now his eyes lightened with laughter. 
- Obviously, - he repeats, - Because I've never talked to Bugs Bunny. I am helpless like a child. I haven't got Bugs Bunny. 
- You haven't got Tiny Man either - Dave adds hiding his smile, trembling in the corners of his mouth. 
- No I haven't. 
- And the lion. 
- I am totally screwed up, Dave; - Martin laughed - Life hates me. 
Dave laughed with him and came closer. He stood behind the chair and put his palm on Martin's curly head with all pathos he ever had in him. 
- Dave, I've just improved what I thought was the biggest mistake of my life. Thought I can`t say that I am happy now. 
Dave tapped his hair 
- Your problem is that you want too much Mart, - he said slipping his hands into the pockets and taking a sit on the table - Too much. Unbearable. If one person loves you not the way that you think one has to, it doesn't mean that one does not. 
Martin frowned; he wanted to say something but just bit his lips. Dave made a false laugh. 
- Anyway who am I to judge? Forget everything that I've said before. I must be reminding you some kind of a TV Preacher. 
Martin's teeth glimpsed in a smile 
- Reach out and touch Dave! - He archly piped up the line, it's the one fans always sang at concerts 
- Are you going to stay here any longer? - Fletch appeared at the door, he was all ready with his make-up done and ready for the shooting. 
Martin stood up and went on, Dave Gahan followed him. He thoughtfully examined Martin from tip to toe. Who could think that they would be able not to see each other for that long? He gazed at Martin, absorbing each detail with his greedy eyes. It was easier. It seemed easier this way, from behind, so he could avoid the danger of facing his look. He couldn't explain what kind of danger was that look, but though was panic-stricken of it. As if Martin would start to ask him questions or demand the answer. No, HE won't ask. So why bother? And he kept on staring at Martin's wide shoulders. 
He couldn't remember again how it was the first time. It's not like it wasn't important to him. No, put at all in it. It was just very important. He thought, that there was something hidden that he could miss in this recollection, some kind of solution and some key to all the events. He couldn't wake up without this knowledge. It was hell important. But he couldn't remember how it was the first time. 
Maybe, the problem was that everything connected to Martin involved sex. He always pretended it wasn't like that.That it was just friendship, job and common interests, and some fun. But it was actually sex. And self-esteem, of four of them, four times multiplied by four.

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