I Don’t Want Your Love but I Want You Now

Part I: Condemnation
By: Rawiya

“Shit, fuck…Simon, I swear…” Charley was in his usual rough fucking mood that morning after a long night of partying. I had wished he had taken the road of sobriety like me.

“Aw baby…I thought you liked a little turbulence when you woke up?” Simon growled at me after biting my neck.

“I do you wanker but yor hurtin’ me. Me bum can only take so much. Not to mention, you did not add enough lubricant to the latex. Fuck…enuff…off me now!” I could not take any more of the pain that came with his love.

Simon pulled out quickly giving my ass a rest. I hated when he left Yaz to succumb to an extended night of debauchery. Only I would take his arse in that state. Good ol’ Yasmin would not stand for it.

“Baybee, I was jus getting started. So we need a bit mor…” He grabbed the lube off my nightstand, opening it.

“No mor Lebon! That is all for now. Besides I need to start getting ready for this fucking meeting.” I moved slightly but he caught my arm before I could go further.

“Wot meeting?”

His beautiful blues met mine. That moment I wanted to put my lips a top his. Alas, I needed to get out of this bed to see someone that I was not prepared to see.

“Wot duck, you have an recovery meeting or…” he said while stroking my cock.

“No. Remember Nick said he saw Martin Gore from Depeche at the Victoria’s Secret party last week?”

“Yeah so…oh Gods yoo ar not goin’ to meet with…” Simon stopped jerking my dick before grabbing my hand.

“Yes Martin and David.” I got up searching the room for my jeans.

Perplexed, Charlie sat there in silence. I am sure he was wondering what the reason for seeing them was.

Gahan and I had not spoken since that row we had in 1993. I was drunk off my ass and Dave was sober that particular evening. He said some crude things about Si that I did not like; we caused quite a scene at that place.

Not only that, people like Depeche had always accused us as being pop tarts; all fluff no bite. They along with the rest of the world had always condemned us after we became successful.

“John, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea. I know Martin and Nick get along but Dave has neva liked any of us, especially me.” Simon sat there running his hands through his hair.

“And that is supposed to scare me? Nick and Martin have always been cordial to one anotha, I jus felt that maybe it was time for us to bury the hatchet.” I pulled my trousers up, buttoning my fly.

“That’s because Martin is a nancy; he has always had the hots for Nick.”

Amused, I chuckled at Simon calling someone else a bender. “Wot the hell ar we? We are not completely straight. Nick neva wanted any part of Martin so even if that shit was true it doesn’t matter. Anyway, Nick said that it was Dave’s idea anyhow and I decided since we ar all older men that we should be able to get along. Aging rockers we ar!”

Simon got up before gripping my sides. Trying to ignore his affections, I turned away from his kisses.

“Si, look. I know you don’t think this is a big deal but…”

“No, I think it’s stupid. Those fuckers in Depeche have neva given us the time of day. We used to catch hell from them, they were so jealous of us.” Simon massaged my back, letting his fingers roam inside my waistband.

“Look Si. Both bands are old and still in existence. We should all be glad we aren’t dead. Me especially and I recall Dave had the habits almost as bad as I did.”

“John, Nigel John…” Simon cooed while caressing my face with one hand as the other was dancing towards my puckered hole down below.

I hate when he calls me that. Simon only brings up my mother given name when he wants my undivided attention.

“You know as well as I know that this is not necessary. I applaud Nick though. I’m sure he is thinkin’ that Martin and the guys might come in handy down the road, the opportunist he is. Ah that Nick such a wanker. Look love, if this is that important to yoo then fine. I want to go with yoo though.”

Surprised at his last words, I peered into those blues I had loved for over thirty years. “Yoo want to go with me?”

“Yes lovie, since this is wot yoo and Nick want. Roger has a DJ gig this week in Italy so I doubt he’ll be able to make it. Ah but really, Roger gets along with everyone. He doesn’t need to be tagging along. Now, wot time ar yoo meeting with Martin and Gahhhnnn.”

I chuckled at the mispronunciation of Dave’s name. Really, I was only doing this for Nick. I never really liked Depeche as mates although I loved their music. Dave had always been one of my favorite crooners. Simon though, caught my heart. 

“In about two hours Charlie. That means you need to get dressed if yor comin’.”

“Mmm…ok love. Fancy a quick shag before we leave.” His hand was still in my trousers as he wore that Cheshire grin.

“Si, we can do that when we get back or ar yoo going home to Yaz afta…”

“Noo John. I told yoo she would be out of town starting today. So, I was hopin…”

“Yeah Simon, yoo can stay ‘ere. It will be nice to wake up to yoo like we do when were on tour duckie.”

As we kissed, the ringtone for Nick sounded from my Blackberry. I knew he would ask if I had changed my mind. As much as I wanted to, I had not. I would do this for my old pal Nick regardless of how I felt about Dave and the others.

                        ~*****~

Simon and I drove to a spot in south London for the meeting. Nick was there along with Martin and Dave. Fletcher had decided to forgo this occasion because he never liked any of us anyway; the feeling was mutual too.

Once we got to the little pub, Simon looked at me befuddled. “Baybee, ar yoo sure yoo want to do this? I mean, for years we have not been the best of friends and believe me if either of those two say a word about us I’ll…”

“Si, please. I’m not ‘ere to cause a scene. We ar too old to have spats. At this point in our lives where death is around the fuckin’ corner, we all need to clear our paths as they say.”

“Oh Gods Taylor don’t give me all that religious bullshit! Yoo know I hate it. What the fuck has doing something completely unnecessary hafta do with gettin’ to that fictional place called heaven?” Simon rubbed my knee causing a stir in my groin.

“Lebon, I’m not doin’ this to get into heaven. I’m doin’ it because everyone should not have regrets when they ar over the age of forty. Besides wot’s the use of hating one anotha now, huh? Both bands ar not drawin’ the crowds like the Jonas Boys or Miley Cyrus…” I chuckled placing my palm on top of his hand.

Disgusted, he shook his head. “Ick, don’t remind me. Come ‘ere yoo.”

Immediately, his lips engulfed mine making my dick strain against my clothing.

“Shi…Simon…ah…not now!” I screamed while trying to open the door to his antique Aston Martin.

If his windows were tinted a little more maybe, I would have let him go further but that day I did not want to be the Mirrors latest story.

When I got out, Simon slapped my ass before I could walk. I had always enjoyed Simon when he was playful. Yasmin and I both agreed about that. Not only was he awesome in bed, he was just a fun bloke to be around. God bless Yasmin for accepting our “setup.”

We trotted into the pub called McFahey’s. The smell of cigars along with fish and chips permeated the air. At that moment, I wished I could have a beer but I have not had one of those in almost seventeen years.

“Ah there is the trio ova there love. I have not seen Dave in years, he actually looks rather healthy.” Simon bellowed as he took hold of my waist.

Obviously, Nick or the guys from Depeche had asked for this place to be clear of patrons. The workers and us were the only ones in that place.

Nick smiled as soon as he saw us. Martin did as well but it appeared to be more of a smirk. Dave on the other hand had a blank stare on his face.

“Well hallo loves, glad you could make it. Albeit a bit tardy but…” Nick pulled out a clove and lit it.

“Sorry mate, Simon and I were…” I stammered as I could feel Dave’s eyes on me.

“Oh, so you and Lebon ar…” Martin took a sip from his glass after leaning forward in the booth.

“We ar, Martin. Both of us have the wives but we very much ar…” Simon growled while cupping my ass.

Dave cleared his throat before shifting in his part of the seat. “Isn’t that quite the arrangement? Martin and I only do the bender thing when were on tour. The rest of the time, we cannot stand being around one anotha. Must be nice to get the naughty bits of a woman and man on a regular basis, huh John?

“Oh sod it, Dave. Look, jus because yoo aren’t gettin’ enuff of it at home…” Simon snapped.

“Dave, Simon, please. Can we let the crude jokes go? We ar ‘ere to bury our differences in lieu of a possible British Legends tour. If we can’t get along jus bein’ ‘ere in the brewery how on earth will we last togetha during a show?” Martin quipped.

Silence befell our space as we heard what Martin just said. Nick had not mentioned that.

We had been doing corporate gigs to make quick cash since we were without a record deal. A tour with us, and most likely Spandau, would bring in a lot of loot.

“Well is that so. Hmph, couldn’t hurt I suppose. Howeva, there have been plenty of times where the bands supporting one anotha had issues…” Simon pulled a chair from another table putting it right by my legs.

“Oh Lebon enuff. You heard the man. I don’t like this anymore than yoo do. I neva liked your commercial friendly band that sacrificed integrity for money!” Dave chortled before gulping down the contents in his glass.

That moment, I caught Simon’s arm, as I knew that statement would send him over the edge. “Wot the fuck…” Simon snarled trying to get at Dave.

Dave stood up before Martin hit his leg. “Stop it both of yoo. Fuck Dave! I thought you said that this was a good idea for Depeche. I care about our reputation as well but we aren’t getting any younga. No one can condemn us for trying to survive right now.”

“Martin, I know wot I said. Howeva afta seeing these two, I’m thinkin’ this is not such a good idea. Besides, everyone knows that Lebon would be the least talented on this bill…”

“Hey! That’s enuff Gahan. I’m not that excited about coming to see yoo either afta that row we had years ago. I thought yoo could be mor grown up about this…” I snapped.

“Fuck this John, Nick. I need air. I’m not going to be around this wanker any longer then I hafta. For yor information Mr. Gahan, I can hold my note quite well thank you. That amount of talent yoo speak of made us the most popular band in the eighties. No one fuckin’ gave a rat’s arse about Depeche Mode. John, I’m leavin’. If you want to stay and do this I can’t stop yoo!”

That minute, Simon got up walking out of the bar. Nick turned to Martin with a worried look.

“Well, I see this is not going to work huh? Dave yoo are quite an ass for coming off like that yoo know. Simon had nothing to do with that argument that yoo had with John all those years ago.” Nick put out his clove before rising from the booth. “I’m going to have a talk with ‘im. John, yoo stay ‘ere and speak with Dave and Martin.”

Within seconds, Nick ran out the bar. Martin gave me a wry smile coupled with a gleam in his eye.

“I think it’s wonderful yoo and Lebon ar able to have such a great relationship afta all these years. I’m happy for both of yoo. I take it the wives dunno…”

“No both ar aware…”

“Oh let me guess, and they are okay with it? Of course,” Dave said with a hint of malice in his tone.

Instead of flying off the handle, I decided to meet his smugness head on. “Yeah, I mean, Simon’s worth it yoo know; he has always been in my corner. Through the drugs, alcohol…who was in yours Dave when you lay in the hotel room almost dead, huh? With all due respect Martin, were you there when his heart stopped?”

Martin squirmed a little while twiddling his fingers. “John…”

“Yeah, you weren’t right? Simon was there with me, as he has always been. Years ago, I was fucked up outta my mind. Simon and Nick were the only ones there for me. Not my ex, not any groupies, just good ol’ Si and Nick. The best bandmates, friends, and lovers anyone could eva have. So Dave that is the reason we had that row back then. I will not allow you to talk badly about the man I love without fighting words. If it comes to fist- a-cuffs, guess who would win Dave?” My eyes narrowed and I leaned upwards in my chair waiting for him to respond.

“That is not necessary John. Dave and I have our differences but we been…”

“No Martin, John might be on to something ‘ere. Back then, we were all too deep into our own personal quarrels and shit to give a care about one anotha’s health. Every person deals with their mates differently John. You choose the bending way, while Martin and I do it the manly way.” Dave said after crossing his legs.

“Fuck off Gahan. Call it wot yoo want. Martin, I’m sorry…”

“Noo no John listen. I will not have Dave spoil the plans of a possible opportunity to have more pounds in the bank because he can’t control his emotions, I…”

“Martin, can yoo come ‘ere a minute?” Nick had stepped back inside asking for him.

Martin rose pointing a finger at Dave. “Behave yorself Dave…”

I got up as well only to have Martin reach out putting his hand on my shoulder. “No John, please. Stay until I can see wot Nick wants. I’ll be back in a few.”

Once Martin left, I sat down slowly. Dave and I were silent exchanging glares at one another. If we were in battle, daggers would be flying at that moment.

Dave sat up in the booth taking a cigarette out of his pocket. “I always hated Duran yoo know. That teeny bop shit that yoo fuckers put out had no soul or substance. Wot the fuck was so damn interesting about Rio as opposed to Construction Time Again huh?”

“Hmm I dunno, record sales maybe. Yes, maybe Rio was not as deep or heartfelt but it made us a shitload of fans and notoriety. I don’t remember seeing yor aforementioned disc on the top one hundred albums of all time.”  I said after ordering a glass of cranberry juice.

“That’s because the world did not know brilliance when it stared them in the face. All those slags wanted was to get in yor pants…”

“Yeah and I enjoyed every minute of it. I’m sure even the great Depeche Mode had their share of groupies. What did yoo do Gahan, did yoo lecture the ladies about life and the sadness that goes along with it before shaggin’ ‘em?” As the waitress sat my juice on the table, I drank it like I would have a shot of liquor.

“Fuck yoo Taylor. Hell no! If I did, at least I would have some intelligent things to say besides harder, faster baby!”

“Piss off you wanker! At least I had enuff between my legs for the slags to say that if we want to go there.” I knew that would get him.

I was referring to a story from an American groupie that I had met again at a party some years ago. She told me she tried to shag Gahan and was disappointed at the length of his genitalia.

Dave sat there motionless after that, I had really struck a chord. “Wot did she know anyway? I hope you used a condom with that bitch. I had heard that she had bonked anything from Marilyn to George Michael mate. She’s a legend ‘ere ya’know.” He knew exactly the one that had said that about him because he had attended that gathering as well.

“Oh yoo betta believe I did. Did not want my bollocks to swell from the likes of her…”

“Oh but yoo ar ok with bonking Lebon? You know he was one of the biggest sluts in music.”

“Don’t turn this conversation back to Charlie, Dave. He is not ‘ere to defend himself.”

“Charlie? Is that wot yoo call ‘im? Is that a pet name or…” He sneered while putting his smoke out.

“Sod off Dave. That is his middle name actually. Oh wot the fuck am I tellin’ yoo for? This is it I am leavin’.” Just as I was grabbing my wallet to put money on the table, Dave stood up.

“Look John, shit, I’m sorry okay, Simon was right yoo know.”

Our eyes met as I placed the change on the tablecloth. “Wot ar yoo sayin’ Dave?”

“He’s fuckin right about me being jealous. I always hated that Duran was a success while Depeche could barely crack the charts. Besides that, Simon had something I always wanted.” Slowly, he eased back into the booth.

Wondering what his answer was, I sat back down drumming my fingers against the wood. “And wot would that be?”

Sitting upward, his mouth turned into a slight smile with teeth showing. “Fuck, yoo John. Damnit. I always liked yoo! Really, who didn’t…”

Once he spoke those words, I leaned backward. I felt as I had been knocked over by a boulder.

“No way Gahan, yoo neva…” I ignored his last part because back then it was true. A lot of people wanted me; at least that’s why Si and Nick always said. Not Dave Gahan though.

“Yes John, I did and still do. That’s why this is so uncomfortable for me John. Afta all these years of admiring yoo, wishing yoo would stay away from that bugger Lebon. No one was happier when yoo went and done yor solo work. Not to mention, the rock band that included Steve Jones. Yor true talent shone through baby. Yor music was filled with emotions of either love or hate. It was moody much like ours. Yoo write ten times betta than Lebon but yoo neva would have known that if yoo had not decided to leave Duran.” He pulled out another cancer stick offering me one.

Although I had been trying to quit, I took it. “Dave, there is a reason why Simon is the lead singer. I showed that during my solo gigs. He is a showman I’m not. Listen, no more bad words about my man alright. And anotha thing, thanks for all the kind words but the feeling is not mutual. I have always respected yor work, even loved a lot of Depeche’s songs but I neva had any feelings for yoo. Regardless of the shit yoo are spewin’, that won’t change, I’m afraid.”
 I lit the smoke before placing it between my lips.

Dave smiled wryly before rising off the plastic cushion. With his cigarette still between his fingers, he moved closer to me angling downward to meet my face. His breath smelled of the Marlboros we were smoking.

The scent of his cologne infiltrated my nose. Within seconds, I felt his breath on my cheek. I tried to retreat but his freehand caught my chin. As his mouth came towards me, I closed my eyes. Instinctively, my lips parted as his nose nuzzled mine. Although I was Simon’s man, my curiosity told me to let him do, as he wanted.

“John…I’ve wanted this so long.” He breathed as his mouth encompassed mine making my cock stand at attention.

Panicking inside but completely calm on the outside I was as he showered me with his affections. Slowly, my fingers lingered in his straight locks as the other hand dropped the cigarette to the floor. 

“Mmmhhh…oh…” I moaned as his hand caressed the back of my neck.

“John, Dave…wot the…” The voice of Martin came out of nowhere.


@Copyright 2010 All Rights Reserved Rawiya

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