Question of Lust
Rawiya

“Nick, I said, wot the hell is going on,” said my good friend and fellow Duran, that other Taylor, Roger.

“Erm, hey mate, nice to see yoo again…” Martin said, as Roger approached us.

“Fine. Nick, why were yoo two kissing?”

‘Wish I knew.’

“Uh, erm, not very sure just kind of…happened. Look I thought yoo were in Italy for that deejay thing?”

“It got cancelled, so I decided to come to yoo with some new ideas I had for the album, but, I was not expecting to walk in to…this.” Roger glared at Martin, trying to keep his cool.

Roger was quite the jealous one; there had been many times where my lover would fight for me, regardless of whom it was.

Ever since 1980 when he joined the band, Roger and I had a “mate ship,” ‘bromance,” whatever you want to call it. There were plenty of emotions but we always kept them in tact because of Duran. I always loved my drummer; he was the main companion amongst all the other men I fancied.

“I’m sure yoo weren’t mate, Martin was jus leaving,” I said while pushing Martin out my house. “C’mon Mart, I will walk yoo out.”

“Yeah, I…I guess we can finish this conversation later. Nice seeing yoo again, Roger…”

“Same here…” Roger said with a disgusted expression.

‘Oh boy, I am in for it now…’

As we walked back outside to Mart’s Benz, he gave me a long hug that for some ungodly reason, I returned.

“We’re not done yoo know…” he said pecking me on the cheek.

“Oh yes we ar, mate. The things yoo jus said…”

“I know, I know, they were totally inexcusable and wrong. I was jus tellin’ the truth…” he interrupted knowing he had fucked up twice today.

“Well, quite frankly yoo ar wrong about everything yoo said. I don’t appreciate yor insults. I’m not sure we can get passed this…”

“Nick, please don’t say that. We have somethin’ here and I…I want to explore it. I’ve always liked yoo Nick, yor a genius, a fuckin’ Einstein, ya’ know?”

“Thanks for the compliments, but, I am afraid they will not help yor case at this point; the damage is done.”

“I know Nick, however, I can repair any hurt feelings yoo may have. Despite wot I have thought about Duran, I have always felt for yoo. Yoo always been on my mind, yoo know.”

“Doesn’t matter Gore, yoo have neva been on mine. Yoo need to leave, immediately…”

“Nick, I…”

“Nothin’ else needs to be said, leave now before I call the billies…” I said with disdain.

Martin opened his car door with a sad look. “Nick, yoo have my number. When yoo ar ready to chat and resolve this, because I truly do want to make it up to you…I’ll be there…”

My response was a nod as he got in starting up his engine. Watching him, I stepped back so he could pull out of my driveway.

‘The nerve of that idiot, insulting me in my own home.’

Quickly, I sprinted back inside to meet with Roger. The moment I walked in, he threw the papers he had in his hand on the floor.

“Wot the fuck, Nick. Wot was that about,” Roger hissed. He was quite upset, his brown eyes narrowed giving me the same look when he found out I was marrying Julie.

“I’m not really sure, lover. Roger, it doesn’t matter it meant nothing. Yoo mean everything to me…” I said taking him in my arms.

“Yeah? Not so sure now, ar yoo gettin’ bored again,” Roger smirked referring to what I said when I slept with Simon and Warren: together.

“No, my sweet, neva that. Yoo ar the love of my life, yoo should know that especially afta I finally told Julie to take a hike…”

Roger softened his stance after I placed a single kiss on his lips. “Yoo needed to do that. Nick, I mean, the last person I eva would have expected yoo to be lockin’ lips with would be fuckin’ Martin Gore. I mean, I love Depeche but, he has about as much sex appeal as Andy Taylor.”

‘Oh dear God…’
“Bleech, I might as well be kissin’ a donkey arse in that case huh?” I chuckled, patting Roger on the back.

Roger giggled as well, “Yeah. So, yoo say it wasn’t nothin’, I don’t hafta worry about a thing?”

“No, not in the slightest, my dear. By the way, nice job there catchin’ on to my lie. I had told the fool that I was havin’ dinner with my daughter thinkin’ that would get him out of here…”

“Nick, yoo know I am good at following along, we have been doing this for years, covering up for each otha. Thirty years Rhodes, hard to believe isn’t it?”

“Indeed, my love. Our relationship has lasted almost as long as all of our marriages combined.” Again, I kissed him, this time with more fervor; I needed to assure him that the Martin episode meant nothing.

“Mmmh Nick, that’s because we love each otha, is why. I love yoo more than life itself.” Pulling me in close, he devoured my lips again while gripping my ass.

“I love yoo, Roger,” I said without hesitation.

‘This is my man…’

“I love yoo too, Nick,” Roger answered, holding me tight, running his slim calloused fingers through my hair.

As I embraced him, my mind could not help but drift back to the conversation Martin Gore and I had.

‘He claims to have feelings for me?’

How can you have emotions for someone when clearly you hate what that person adores? I mean, we aren’t talking some hobby, we ar talking my life outside of Roger and my Tati, Duran Duran.

Although Martin and I had always been cordial, we knew that the personal relationship between both groups was strained because of the comment that Fletcher made back in 1981, about us having no soul.

Such is the reason all of us hated Fletcher more than all of them, but somehow, Martin and I got along; we saw past the bullshit and stayed relatively friendly.

Now, he claims that he has always fancied me. That cannot be true. If anything, it was lust and nothing more.

Moreover, I have never felt the same. Martin never did anything to tickle any sexual emotion in my body. Just as Roger and I had just joked, he really was not all, that attractive; truly he looked weird.

Nonetheless, when he kissed me, something sparked. I could write it off as just a feeling that seemed to come due to the uniqueness but, then again, maybe something occurred, something real, something wonderful.

I was being honest with Roger when I said I loved him more than anything, that would never change, but I lied about being bored.

Since Roger had married Gisela, he had been spending more time with me, thus making the excitement due to the time we spent away from one another, turn dull.  The hunger that I used to feel when he was not with me sexually had now disappeared.

These days, because his bride is so aloof, he can say anything and she will believe him. A pretty gal she is but not too intelligent, moreover, she worships the ground he walks on. Gisela never questions Roger about his whereabouts; obviously, he has her whipped.

Not I, Roger knows how I am and my refusal to let anyone take over my life. Still, he has come close, so much in fact, I almost asked him to move in with me after he divorced Giovanna.

While still in his arms, my mind drifted back to Mr. Gore, why I don’t know. Even if there was a little thing there for him or for the idea that something new was in my life, I had all I wanted right here. I have fame, fortune, a band that is still relevant, and a lover who cares for me more than his own self.

Why would I think about spending any time with Martin fucking Gore? I had no need to. As I said to him, it would never work.

The kiss only says it was someone new, touching me. Quite exciting actually knowing that you could have emotions fly like that at the age of forty-eight.

Obviously though, this was lust. That dangerous emotion or feeling that gets people into trouble; breaks up happy homes all because they want to do something different, unique. I would not disrupt my perfect life with Roger for some fling with Martin Gore, a man that does not respect me, or my band mates.

‘The lustful embrace with Mart is still on my mind…’

“Nick, let’s go upstairs, yeah?” Roger said before enveloping my lips once more.

Just as I thrust my tongue into his mouth…

“So that’s why yoo didn’t want anything to happen between us, huh Rhodes…” Martin’s voice came out of nowhere; I had forgotten to lock my own door.

Our eyes met and Roger turned as well.

‘Caught…’

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