Chapter 41

Busying himself rinsing through a few things before placing them in the dishwasher he ran through a list of jobs to do the next morning in his mind, air the kids rooms, juice, bagels, cereal, condoms...

"Shit" he muttered softly under his breath realising he hadn't had chance to go fetch them, the way that Callan had been so insatiable that afternoon had left him with no time to get them, being reluctant to leave her for even a few minutes and interupt their love making. Taking her the way he had had seemed to unleash a new part of her, her wanting him to make love to her again and again until they'd both fallen asleep. Dave chuckled remembering how he'd only just woken up and dressed in time as Jack had returned to the apartment way too close for comfort. Wiping his hands on the towel he decided he'd make sure she was okay before slipping up stairs and seeing if Chris had some with him or nipping out to the pharmacy. Hearing a scream from his room he dropped the cloth into the sink and shot down the hallway.

"No please... don't... don't" came Callans voice from behind the half open door.

“Calli?”

"What the hell are you doing Jack?" he yelled as he heard his voice bursting into the room and seeing him standing by the bed whilst Callans form trembled under the bedding.

"Dad nothing" he answered shakily looking from him to the bed "I heard Callan cry out as I passed the door and came into check on her .. I think she's having some kind of nightmare."

"No please don't .. no please .. Dave please don't... don't" she muttered as she tossed and turned.

"Dad, do you think we should wake her?" Jack whispered

"No just leave her for a moment" Dave replied his mind going back to the nightmare she'd had before and the conversation afterwards with Nathan.

"Dad?" he looked down at her as she became more and more agitated "Perhaps.."

"No don't let him die Anna...Dave.. David no Anna...Anna"

"Dad do something" Jack said begining to look upset as he watched her.

Dave sat down next to her on the bed, wrapping his arms around her, "Shush it's okay I'm here” He whispered kissing the top of her head I'm here.. I'm here."

"No Dave" she cried out, her eyes suddenly flew open and she lay frozen for a few seconds

"I'm here, I'm her he soothed stroking her hair. "It's okay you were dreaming again."

"Dave... accident...you Anna..."

"Baby it's okay I've got you, you're safe, look I'm here, I'm okay everythings alright" he looked over at Jack "Jack go and make Calli some hot milk will you?”

“Dad she hates the taste of the stuff.”

“Well put some honey in it then, make it sweeter.”

“Dad, I can't honey makes her vomit like hell.” he whispered looking at her unsure what to do.

“For Gods sake Jack stop gawping at her and just go and make her a bloody drink.”

"Is she okay?"

"She'll be fine, go make her something"

“Okay I'll go and make her some of that tea she loves.”

Dave stared up at him wondering how Jack knew stuff about Callan that he didn't know, he couldn't remember her ever mentioning anything like that to him about the honey.

"Okay." Jack looked down at Callan once more before turning and heading towards the kitchen.

“David?” she reached up and touched his cheek “You're okay? ...”

"Baby shush" he soothed as she began to cry.

"Dave it was horrible, you were dead ..the accident..."

“It's okay I'm here no one has died, we're all okay,”

“Anna...the accident.....”

“Which accident baby?" he whispered stroking her hair

"The car... you and Anna you were both dead, it was horrible ." She looked up at him and started crying harder burying her head into his chest "Dave, I miss her, I miss her so much."

Dave looked down at her everything suddenly beginning to fall into place in his mind "Baby you always talk about her in the past tense" he began gently "Why?"

Dave felt her tears soaking his shirt as her tears fell harder. "She was in the accident with you wasn't she?"

Callan nodded "Yes"

"Tell me what happened sweetheart"

"I can't."

"Yes you can..tell me what happened to her.."

Callan pulled away from him slighty and looked up at him

"Calli tell me what happened, tell me about Anna and the accident"

She looked down at her hands still sobbing "Anna was killled and it's all my fault, it's my fault she's dead." she managed before breaking down in his arms.

"Dad?"

David looked up to see Jack standing in the doorway holding a steaming mug of in his hands.”Is she alright?”

"Jack, could you leave us a lone for a while please?"

"Is she okay?"

Dave shook his head "I'll explain later son, just leave her tea on the side table" he nodded to the table at his side.

"Okay" he placed the mug down on the side watching Callan weeping in Dave's arms. “I made her her fave Chai” he whispered "Do you want anything Dad?"

"No I'm fine" he looked from Jack to Callan desperately wanting to comfort her more than he could with Jack in the room "If I need anything I'll give you a shout okay"

"Okay, I'll be in the lounge."

"Thanks, we'll be a while I think she's got a lot to get through, I'll come and find you later."

Once Jack had pulled the door closed, Dave lifted her head from his chest and placed a hand either side of her face his thumbs wiping away the hot tears that were flowing down her cheeks.

"That's it baby, let it go." holding her tightly he rocked gently back and forth with her, kissing her forehead and murmuring gently "Come on let it go." eventually her tears began to slow and her sobs quietened. "Shush that's it I've got you. Ready to talk about it?" he asked gently. Callan nodded suddenly needing to tell him everything she'd kept bottled up for so long.

"Okay take your time there's no rush, we've got as long as it takes okay?
“Okay”

He reached over to the side table and picked up the mug and peered into it “Jack made you some Chai latte, he said you like it. Here drink a little.”

“Okay” gratefully she took the mug from him “Thanks, fancy him remembering me telling him that, I usually drink it black but I much prefer it like this.” she took a small sip before handing it back to Dave.

“Ready to talk?”

“I think so.” Swallowing hard she slid her hand into his and gripped it tightly “I told you about the accident didn't I ?”

“A little sweetheart” he placed his fingers under the vest top she was wearing and gently against the scar on her back “The one where you got this?”

“Yes” she nodded “That's the one”

“Anna was with you?”

Callan lookd up at hima nd nooded “Yes she was driving, David the accident was my fault a car hit us and she was killed outright.”

Dave took her hand in his “Baby it couldn't have been your fault not if you weren't the one driving.”

“I know that but it was my fault she was there in the first place, if I hadn't have been..” she paused as the tears began to threaten again.

“If you hadn't have been what? “ Dave coaxed gently

“Such a spoilt little bitch.,...” she let out a sob as the tears finally came.

“What happened sweetheart” he murmured quietly as her tears slowed again.

“I had an argument with my Dad that morning about what time he wanted me home, I was going into town after school with a bunch of friends and he told me that he wanted me home at 9pm, Jus and the others we're being picked up later but Dad wanted me back before then” she gave a soft sigh “You know what it's like when you want to be like the others don't you?”

“I guess” Dave nodded “Although it was a hell of a long time ago since I felt like that.” he leant down and kissed the top of her head.

“Anyway we argued over it, he said there was no way I was staying out later and I'd better be home on time, I was so angry with him so to get back at him I waited until the last bus back home had gone. I knew he'd be out at an evening meeting and that he wouldn't be able to pick me up, so I phoned home to leave him a message saying that Jus's Dad would bring me home.” She reached over and picked her mug taking a couple of small sips of chai.

“Here” Dave whispered taking the mug from her and handing her a tissue.

“Thanks” she sniffed looking up at him and giving him a small smile before wiping at her eyes and blowing her nose “Anna answered the phone, she shouldn't even have been there, she was on a course from work, she wasn't supposed to be home until the following day, but” Callan burst into tears again.

“Shush sweetheart it's okay” Dave immediately wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tightly against him “It's okay baby I've got you, stop if it's too painful.”

“No it's okay” her voice muffled against his chest, the material of his shirt soaked with her tears, “I need to do this Dave, I've kept it bottled up for so long.”

“Okay, just take your time yeah?” he soothed stroking her hair “Take as long as you need.”

“Anyway Anna had come home early,” Callan continued looking down at the covers “She'd bought me a top, the following day was going to be a non uniform day at school and she thought that I'd want to wear it, She was always like that, always doing stuff for me like that....Anyway she'd decided to drive back that night, just so she could give it to me early.”

“And so when you rang she said she'd come and get you?”

“No, I asked her to collect me, I could have said that Jus's Dad would bring me back but I couldn't wait to see her again, I used to really miss her when she was away. I know she wasn't really my Mom but she was to me.. I couldn't have loved her anymore if she had of been.”

“I know sweetheart of course you would have, she had been your Mom.” He took her hand in his “Just because you're not related doesn't mean she wasn't your Mom you know, Blood ties mean nothing when you love a child so much it hurts, same as when the person bringing you up isn't your natural parent and you love them.”

“I know,” she whispered “I was so lucky having Anna as my Mom, anyway I couldn't wait to see her so I asked her to collect me, Dad had taken her car, she'd needed petrol and he said he'd fill it for her so that she could take a bath and relax, anway she used dads car that night, she always hated driving it, said it was too powerful and too big for her to drive.”

“But she came out in it anyway” Dave murmered

“Yes, anyway it was wet and windy, we were heading back down the lanes towards home, catching up when....when....”

“It's okay Calli take your time, wait until you're ready.”

“I'm okay Dave” she sniffed “There's not that much left to tell now.”

“If you're ready baby...”

“We...we rounded a bend, Anna was going really slowly she wasn't speeding or anything like that she was always a safe driver, never took any risks.... there was a car coming the over way, it was on the wrong side of the road going to fast... and.. and...”

“It hit you?”

Callan looked up and nodded “It all happened so fast, Anna tried to stop I know she did, they said in court she had but..but...she couldn't do anything she never had chance.. after that I don't remember anything else.”

“And Anna?”

“They said that... that.... she ..... she was killed instantly...”

“Oh sweetheart I'm so so sorry.” Dave answered simply, not knowing what else to say to her as she began to shake in his arms “I'm sorry. That's it baby ” he soothed as the sobs began again “That's it, that's it let it all go.”

“Dave” she whispered a few minutes later as her sobs began to subside again

Okay baby" he asked after a few minutes.

"I think so" she whispered

"Good," he kissed the top of her head "It must have been hard for your Dad I guess, you being in a coma and grieving for Anna."

"It must have been, not that he's ever said anything. But I know sometimes he asks himself whether he could have saved her if he'd gone to her before me."

"Pardon" Dave looked at her confused pulling away from her slightly , "I thought it was just you and Anna in the car."

"It was" she answered in a small voice "Dad was following behind us, we didn't know at the time, he didn't want to flash his lights or anything because he knew it would have scared Anna, so he was behind us... he..he saw everything"

"Jesus Christ" Dave whispered "I can't even begin to imagine how that would be.. to see your daughter and girlfriend..." he closed his eyes and inhaled sharply "God it doesn't even bear thinking about, the poor guy." softly he placed his lips against her cheek " Baby you know it wasn't your fault though don't you?”

“It was though David if I hadn't have behaved like a spoilt brat that night she'd still be here wouldn't she?”
“Callan you can't live your life with what if's sweetheart you'll just drive yourself insane.”
“But ..but.”

“Callan it doesn't work like that, what if she hadn't have come home early, what if your Dad hadn't have taken her car that night? There are too many things that could have happened that night, you do see that don't you?”

Callan turned away from him “No David all I see is the look on her face as she realised what was going to happen.” She turned away from him and burst into tears. “I close my eyes and I just see that expression.”

“Sweetheart please don't” he whispered placing a hand on her shoulder “Please don't do this to yourself, it happened, it's just one of those things in life sweetheart.”

“I know it is Dave, but I can't help thinking of it.... I've tried....”

“What about Anna, she wouldn't want you to be like this would she? She'd want you to get on with your life wouldn't she?”

Silently Callan nodded.

“Well do it for her then, Callan you have to let it drop, you can't let it eat away at you like this, you have to try and put it behind you, if you can't do it for yourself then do it for Anna.”

“I know but it's so hard to.”
“Shush it's alright we'll get you through this.”

“Okay”

“Good girl, come here.” Dave pulled her back against his chest and kissed the top of her head “I mean it Calli I know the next few weeks are going to be hard for you, but I'll be here for you, I'll help you.”

“Thank you Dave” she whispered softly “Dave?”
“What baby”
“Do you think she knew she was going to die?”

Dave breathed in slowly carefully forming his reply “I don't know sweetheart, I honestly don't.”
“Thats the worst part of all this, not knowing if she knew she was going to die, I ....”

“Calli Darling” he interupted her gently “Please don't torture yourself anymore, you'll never know what went through her mind in those last couple of seconds and you'll never start to move on if you don't leave it.”
“I know, it's just so hard.”

“I know baby but you have to do it now, you just have to.” his hand reached up and wiped away the tears on her cheek gently “Let her go Calli then you can move on too.”

“Dave” she whispered a few minute later as her sobs began to subside again
“What sweetheart.”
“Hold me and make love to me.”
“What now?”

Silently she nodded

“Baby are you sure?”
“Yes...Please David I need you, I need to feel you.”

“As long as you're sure baby” he whispered his lips finding hers softly “As long as it's what you want.”
“Yes” she replied in a small voice “I need it more than anything right now.”
“Okay”

Gently he pushed her lace thong to one side and began caressing her gently surprised at the way his touches seemed to affect her as she began to become wet under his fingers almost immediately. Breathing in the scent of her made him respond in the way he always did, the tingling in his groin telling him that it wouldn't be long before he felt himself growing hard and needing her as badly as she was obviously needing him right now. Two minutes later he found himself pulling her gently onto his lap, Callan wrapping her legs around his waist as he slid himself gently inside of her.

Thrusting with gentle almost inperceptable movements as she sat astride him, her face buried against his shoulder as he twisted her curls around his fingers, his own face buried in her hair inhaling the smell of her. He felt her tightening around him and he pulled her tighter to him knowing she was near, none of the franticness their love making usually entailed. She began to shake and Dave felt her fluids coating him. Almost at his own climax, he thrusted gently twice more before exploding inside of her, his own fluids mixing with hers.

Letting his breathing slow he realised she was crying again her tears hot against his chest, unable to think of anything to say to comfort her he held her in silence until they stopped..

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