Bridgycat
Tendency

You don’t really think about him anymore. Not really.
Only when you breathe, when you sleep, when you walk, when you drink, when the words carve and you’re up against the wall, when you dye those little soft curls of yours and when you suck for all it’s worth, only in times like that, you swear to God.
Sometimes you want him so much your teeth practically carve through your flesh to the bones in that little skinny wrist of yours, you bite it so hard. You’re not a cryer, never was, never gonna be, you don’t cry and that’s fine, mr Manly Man, but would you care to explain the aching in your skull from sitting on the bathroom floor and banging your head against the wall just because you’d like to know who’d be the one to find you because it could be him and you’d never let him go again, you’d never let yourself fall from him like that again. Never displease him, never want more than what he’s willing to give, never look at anybody else ever again if that’s what this is all about but you know it’s not, you sad little bitch, it’s more than some guy’s cock up your ass this time around and you can bite all you want, he’s not gonna want you back.
He doesn’t want you anymore.
You know that.
So grow a pair, accept the shit out of it and get on with your life, for fuck’s sake. Start a family. You could be a family man.
You’re not a man, you’re a little girl with very sharp teeth and contrasts of red and white going on your wrist.
You’re a nice boy so find a nice girl, you don’t wanna fuck her and she doesn’t wanna fuck you, you’ll get on fine. Or suck yourself into a comatose or get wasted or high or just whatever, get the fuck on with it already, it’s been four days.
A week later you see him with one of those girls at one of those places and you don’t know what happens between that and waking up on some filthy floor with some filthy guy you don’t remember and you sort of finally realize somewhere in the back of your head that he really doesn’t want you anymore.

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