Bridgycat
With your glass jaws

You'd drop everything if he kissed you again. What everything, you have nothing, there's nothing there anymore. Even better, you have nothing to lose.
Sometimes you try to end up alone with him someplace so you could maybe just say something or touch him a little out of mistake because you're drunk and you're high and you're you and you don't know what you're doing so it wouldn't matter, you'd just take his hand or lean your head against his arm or something to see if he'd pull away but you're never with him like that, there's always someone there or he leaves too early or you twitch and go find somebody else because you can't fucking stand watching him with a girl around his neck or whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever, whatever, nothing matters when all you see is that wall and the hands on your hips become everything and you don't have to think about anything anymore.
One time you get him on his own or maybe that's just you and your imagination but you walk up to him and start fingering his jacket without knowing why, you don't give a fuck about that jacket, you just want him and you lean against his chest and your breath traces his collarbone and you feel his warmth so closely and you can't help yourself, kissing his bare skin and he grips you by the roots of your little bleached curls and pulls you away from him and it feels just like when he used to do that for completely different reasons and he looks at you and you look back up at him and you hold that jacket so tightly and you're trembling by now and he's so pretty, he's just so God damn pretty when he's close to you like that and he puts his hand by your waist and for a moment there you really think he's gonna kiss you and it slides to your stomach, goosebump all over, feel his heat throb through your shirt and it's his skin on yours all over again as he grasps the fabric, clutching it in his palm and you put your little fingers on his hip and he parts his lips and he's so pretty, he's so pretty, he's so godforsakingly pretty as he grabs your skull tighter, tilting it up to his features and he's so close you can hardly stand it. And luckily you don't have to anymore.
Feel his lips move in the airless, intoxicating void separating your mouth from his as he speaks.
"Piss off."
And he lets you go and shoves your little body away from him and you can't really breathe, as if you ever could, there's this really big, hard, writhingly evident slash somewhere deep in your gut, slicing through your everything and he walks away and it's just you and the wall as most things seem to shatter all around you and you're numb, you're all numb by now.
Don't know what you do with the rest of that day. Kind of like that time when he didn't want you anymore.
It's a very strange life, isn't it?

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