Part 3

“Secret, hidden underneath it,
Trying hard to keep it
Safely out of reach.
Creeping, I can feel it breathing, 
Calling to the surface, 
Finally in my dreams.

Sweet despair feel you devour me...
Silently, Oh won't you carry me..
Home..

Taken down I give into what I can't disguise.
I surrender… I surrender…”

(Surrender)

Who decides whom you meet in your life? Do we have a choice in that or we just gravitate towards a pre-made path… a fate to where a web of delicate and countless decisions lead us, sometimes stretching beyond our current life-lines? Are there coincidences or everything happens with a reason? As a scientist Jane’s never believed in coincidences. She thought that even if people didn’t understand something or didn’t see the connection between things, later the pieces would fit together and make them realize what processes triggered those results.

But this time Jane couldn’t find the reason why she was forced to be there with Loki. What possible purpose could be behind him holding her hostage? What would be the outcome? Getting Thor killed by her own fault for being too weak to avoid being taken or not being able to escape? Or to learn how to keep Loki out of her mind? Well, if that was the case then she was failing miserably. She couldn’t believe herself. What was wrong with her? What kind of sick game was her brain playing with her? Why did she see those dreams with him? Why was she thinking about him in that moment too? She strictly refused to believe that she was attracted to the tricky bastard. No, that wasn’t an option. She’d never hurt Thor that way! She loved him, for god’s sake!

She saw what Loki was doing: he was trying to break her will, but that wouldn’t happen in a million years. No, she has to stay strong, no matter what that trickster was whispering in her ear during his visits and at nights in her dreams. She cannot be such a weak woman. A big joke, a cliché…

“Get a grip of yourself, Jane…” she mumbled to herself, standing by the window, shaking from the cold that her dirty human clothes couldn’t fight against. She could’ve killed for a warm bath – which was right there in the next room – but she didn’t want to give Loki the pleasure of seeing her will yield only to feel clean and more comfortable. She’d already decided that she’d freeze to death like this instead of pleasing that snake. It’s been days since she woke up in her prison and she allowed herself to eat only enough food not to faint and weaken herself even more. She’ll need her strength for… What? Fighting Loki? He was already too strong for her and honestly, she wouldn’t have a chance on this planet anyway. She hang on to her only hope, that Thor’d come and close her in his strong arms again. But where was he? What if he never finds her? What if Loki did his homework this time and managed to hide them well? Was Jane prepared to spend the rest of her life here locked up with that bastard? How long would she last?

“He’ll come for me…” she told herself but at that moment her voice was shaky with doubt.

“Are you so sure about that, Jane?” Loki asked appearing behind her from thin air and lightly touched her upper arm, making Jane close her eyes and she felt her doubts getting stronger. What if Loki was right? She just stood there mesmerized by his touch and she wasn’t so eager to move away like she would have done it a few minutes ago. What the heck was he doing? What the heck was she doing? “You think your lover has the abilities to find you here? Do you still believe he didn’t get tired of running after you and save you? Do you believe my dear brother never thinks of you as a burden?” he whispered in her ear, holding both arms now to stop her from pulling away, but Jane didn’t want to move. She just frowned watching the misty landscape.

“Loki… just stop it…” she whispered pressing her eyes shut and not seeing the sly grin of the man near her ear. The silver tongue was working its magic.

“Why should I stop? I am just saying out loud your doubts and fears, aren’t I? Fears of not being strong enough… not being enough for the mighty and legendary Thor. You’ve got a taste of power when the Aether was in you, haven’t you, Jane Foster? You liked that you became more than a weak human… more like us… You felt the power and knew no one could stomp on you… You became the booth and stopped being the ant. You miss that power, I know…” he kept whispering in her ear and stroked out her brown hair from her neck “You desire to have control over your life and what’s happening with it. I can give you that, Jane Foster. You can become that strong woman as you’ve pictured yourself… The only thing you have to do is… ask…” he hissed quietly at the end and pressed a feather-light kiss on her warmer skin, making her take a wobbly breath, which made Loki grin against her skin.

Jane was confused and her mind felt hazy from all the whispering of this dangerous man. She was fighting with herself now. What if he was telling her the truth? What if he had the power to make her powerful? He wasn’t completely wrong. Since her little adventure with the Aether she had a dark longing in her. There was a black hole left inside her soul. The ancient substance has changed something irreversibly in her. And that hole wanted to feed. On her lonely nights when she was laying awake in her bed she felt that darkness grow inside. It was fed by her dark thoughts, her disappointments, her failures and her longing for something more. That longing eased up only when Thor was by her side. His warm body and love made it fade away nearly completely – but yet a small part always stayed. Was Loki trying to trigger that part to reach his own goals?

“Stop it. You are just trying to use me and deceive me with your dark whispers…” she turned around, anger flaring up in her brown eyes that got darker as she looked up at the taller man “I won’t be your toy. I won’t betray Thor’s love. I won’t become someone so twisted and insane like you. Just. Leave. Me. Alone. Loki!” she pushed him back with so much anger and frustration that made her ear tingle. All the built up rage, hopelessness and fear burst out of her and she channeled it against the man in front of her, who made her feel insecure and weak again. The tears of anger were choking her and threatening to fall as they burned her tired eyes. She was suddenly so tired and angry. She tried to hit him, but he grabbed her wrist with an amused expression.

“That’s it, Jane. Let it out. Let it take over. I know you want to hurt me. Try harder! This isn’t enough!” he provoked her laughing mockingly.

“You fucking bastard!” she shouted frustrated at him and tried to free her wrist from the strong grip, while her other hand reached into the pocket of her jacket to pull out the knife she got with her lunch and without thinking she stabbed forward with it.

For a moment she saw the surprise on Loki’s pale face, while her own was burning with her raging emotions. He hissed. Although he grabbed her other wrist too, he wasn’t quick enough to stop the tip of the knife from cutting the skin on his side. Fear flickered in Jane’s eyes as she saw his suddenly furious expression while he twisted her wrist. She cried out from the sudden pain and dropped the knife on the floor. In the next moment she found herself pressed against the nearby wall and she thought it was over: her life’d end right then and there, in an unknown land, far away from those people who cared about her. She tried to fight Loki, but he was much stronger as he pinned her hands against the wall and stopped her legs from moving so she couldn’t even kick him. The glowing green eyes looked straight into her soul, the danger and fury clear in them. Jane was bracing herself for the worst, still trying to break free, but she stopped moving when she suddenly felt the smooth lips pressing against hers.

Her body and mind completely froze not just from the unexpected turn of events, but from the way it made her feel deep inside. Saying that she was even more confused was an understatement as she tried to decide what to do. She couldn’t push him away and as she felt his lips kiss her again, she wasn’t really willing to do that anymore. Jane had the chance to look in Loki’s green eyes for a second when he broke the kiss to watch her reactions. She didn’t understand that dark fire in them that wasn’t only anger and fury anymore. What was going on? This was the only question that was able to form in her mind before she got another rough and demanding kiss from him. And this time those lying lips wiped out everything else from her mind and she kissed back just as passionately. She couldn’t decide why. Anger? Frustration? Fear? Lust? A moment of weakness?

Even if a small voice was shouting at her in the back of her mind she couldn’t deny how good and right Loki’s tongue on hers felt in that moment. She had no explanation why she felt as if a weight was lifted off her soul. A weight that has been older than the effects of the Aether, and reached further back in time, to forgotten lives and memories. It felt very familiar to that moment when her lips touched Thor’s for the very first time, but it was still slightly different. Thor! Jane opened her eyes and broke the heated kiss panting and staring at Loki as she came to her senses, watching as his eyes cleared up too and the edge of his wet mouth curled upwards. He looked satisfied with himself, which triggered her anger once again. “Let me go, Loki” she asked coldly, but under the surface she was already beating herself up as she tried to finally break free.

“You look beautiful when you are angry, Jane Frost…” he whispered slightly hoarsely as he let her hands go and stepped back, reaching to his bleeding wound on his side. He smeared his blood on his fingertips, his smile getting wider “I like you like that” he looked up at her.

“Just… go. Now. Leave me alone!” she demanded and instead of a fight this time Loki nodded as he licked the blood off his fingers.

“Take a bath and change your clothes. You are starting to stink, little Midgardian…” he chuckled and disappeared before she could say anything.

Jane just slid down on the floor with her back against the wall and buried her face in her shaking hands, trying to calm her breathing. What did just happen?

Part 4

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