Part 4

Autumn was soon just around the corner, leaving the warm days behind, but the lovers were kept warm by the burning love they felt for each other. That flame within them was burning brighter with each passing day. They tried to find as much time to be together as possible. They had to be careful, but their little hideout proved to be the perfect lovenest where they could retreat from the rest of the world and love each other. And loving each other they did.

After Thomas’ reluctance regarding giving himself to the knight, thus going against traditions of his people, he seemed to overcome that relatively quickly. But then probably Adam's charming and persuasive personality - and his kisses - helped him in that. Because soon he couldn't get enough of the knight and his broad body. Adam was glad he had such stamina, because the little blonde just loved learning what the freckled man taught him between the sheets. He was an eager student, quickly getting addicted to the pleasures the other man introduced him to. The blonde was open to try out new things and Adam couldn't be happier with that. Each night he closed his eyes satisfied, his body still humming with a nice degree of satisfaction.

Sometimes they met up near the gypsy camp to spend only an hour together, making love under the starry sky, but it didn't matter where they did it as long as they were together. For the first time in his life the knight was truly and fully in love. Deep down he knew he found the other half of his soul and he never wanted to part with the petite blond. He often thought about Thomas' question from that first night. Did Adam know this from the start? That the boy would become his and transform into his man? He wasn't sure, but he hoped. He didn't believe in coincidences and he remembered that strange feeling from that time when he saw the blonde boy dancing by the campfire. Either way he couldn't be happier now.

 ***

But as always, all good things had to come to an end sooner or later. Their bubble was about to burst too, because of the news Adam'd recieved that evening not long before he wanted to head out of the knights' barrack. It was about the fate of the Romani, making it hard for Adam to keep a neutral face while his heart clenched. He left as soon as he dared, but he was still a bit late from meeting Thomas in their lovenest. Making sure he wasn't followed, Adam melted into the night and soon entered the hideout, finding Tommy pacing in the small room. Letting his thick cape fall to the ground, Adam stepped to him and pulled him in his strong arms, worry making him frown and press his eyes shut as he deeply inhaled the familiar scent of the smaller man, his love.

As the warmer days began to fade and turn into the cool days of autumn, Thomas found himself falling with each and every day for the knight. It was scary at first, to give himself over to someone who could literally end his life on a whim and go against all that he learned growing up as a boy, but after their first mating Thomas's fears were assuaged and he let himself give over to the idea of belonging to the knight - no, Adam. For if he stopped and thought of all they had been through, Adam had gone out of his way to protect him, make sure he was safe, make sure he was happy. Even in their courtship, Adam had taken care of him and seen to it that Thomas had a way to take care of his most important responsibility - the rest of his remaining Romani clan. It was actually when they parted ways after their first mating that Thomas was eager to return, wanting nothing more than to spend time with his love. Suddenly, things didn't seem so daunting as they had before. For he knew, he would always have someone to protect and guide him.

Days turned into weeks after that night and Thomas was quick to learn all that Adam could teach him. From all the positions and techniques they tried, Thomas believed his favorite was sucking upon Adam's lengthy cock. Of course, he could never answer Adam and that's when the other male seemed to talk to him the most, but despite the ache in his jaw that he usually felt later on, he loved making the knight fall apart with just his mouth. He loved swallowing his essence and tasting him for hours later. Of course he never denied his lover anything he wanted, no matter where they were. Sometimes, he dreamt of what it could be like, not having to hide their love, to be able to walk the streets hand in hand, but of course he never gave into those fantasies for long. For he knew that it was dangerous to even think such thoughts, but it was nice to dream though.

It was well after some time that followed their first mating, Thomas slowly realized he had become somewhat of an important member in the midst of the Romani, for they were asking him to attend one of their meetings. He was shocked to find this out, and when he finally gained the courage to ask the Elders why everyone had come to regard him so highly, they had all claimed because he kept them safe. That they believed he had the guidance from the Gods and Godesses to keep them safe. Of course, he never gave up Adam as a source of information, but he tried to tell them it was simply the stillness of the streets or behaviors of the animals he used as clues as to why they should move, but the all just shook their heads, believing Thomas was a gift from their Gods.

Thomas didn't know what to make of it, but as soon as he attended the meeting, which was surely about leaving Paris once again, it wasn't until the blonde realized they were all waiting for his opinion on the matter for what they should do. They were looking for his guidance, as much as an honor it should be, right now all it did was make the blonde feel like he was drowning. For he wanted to agree that yes, it was time to leave... but he wanted to be selfish and stay. For he couldn't make Adam uproot and leave, nor would he be able to leave him and their secret lovenest. He was torn, simply claiming he had no idea what they should do, but he agreed that if they did move, it needed to be before the winter months.

So, with more deliberation from the others, they finally came to a consensus. They would pack for now, and try to leave before the winter months arrived. For even he had to agree that they wouldn't survive. The raids of their money or supplies from the knights, the constant moving in hiding to avoid such things, and the lack of money and food the cold months brought, he knew it would be too much for the older members and the children. They wouldn't survive. It made the blonde's heart clench, and as much as he tried to assuage his own feelings, his heart sank. He would be leaving. How much time did they have left? Would Adam leave with him? Would Adam find a place for the Romani to stay? Could Adam convince the others that the Romani were not worth the hunt? His heart broke as each question rose only to be shot down by his self. Still, he went about his day, later he would meet with Adam. They needed to talk about this. 

Later that night, when he made it to their lovenest, lighting a few candles for them to see, his own cloak still tight around him, but his hood was down as he moved about. He prepped them a small meal of fruits and berries since his stomach was in knots so he knew he wouldn't have been able to hold in something heavier. While he waited for Adam, he was trying to figure out how he would bring up the topic of the clan leaving; briefly he wondered how it would go. He felt like he wanted to vomit. It was as if The End was approaching him, ready to take all that he had now that he had something. Once Adam had arrived, despite how strong he planned to keep himself together, he instantly broke apart in his lover's arms, crying with ugly body wracking sobs. He was barely able to let the words of his clan finally deciding they should get ready to leave escape him as he was clutching to his knight, their words of greetings becoming lost as he held on tight, unwilling (or maybe unable) to let go.

Adam picked up on his lover's mood instantly and although he got scared that he was already late and something'd happened to the gypsies, his muscular arms tightened around the small frame protectively. He was caressing the back of Thomas' head, listening to the broken confession of them leaving Paris for the sake of survival. The knight felt his heart sink, as if suddenly there was an iron grip around his broad chest and his blue eyes glistened with sorrow and tears, but he knew that it was the only solution - especially after what he'd heard earlier that night.

"Yes. You should go," he murmured into the blonde hair once the violent sobbing of his lover ebbed down. For a moment it might've sounded as if the knight was ending their relationship, but then he continued. "It'll be the best for you and your people," he pulled back enough to be able to cup the pale face in his big hands. The face that he found breathtakingly beautiful even with the fat teardrops running down on it. With his thumbs he wiped away some of the salty drops and looked dead serious into Thomas' eyes. "I was late tonight because of a meeting with my commander and the other knights. We recieved new orders. About the gypsy situation in Paris," he sighed with a heavy heart. "It's not good. You and your people have to get out of the city as fast as you can, because no mercy awaits you here anymore. By the time winter rolls in, the city has to be purged from your people. At any cost and by any means," he whispered, the pain intensifying in his blue eyes. He knew Thomas would understand that staying would equal with certain death.

"I was devastated by the news, because it's basically genocide. That's not why I became a knight. I never swore on that. But don't you fret, my beautiful Thomas. I'll help you and your people to safely leave the city. But it has to be done tomorrow night. Under the darkness of the new moon it will be easier to slip through the woods undetected. I'll make sure everyone gets away safely," he promised and suddenly his heart started beating faster from the suggestion he was about to make.

"But I can't live without you anymore. I wouldn't be able to bear a life without your smile, touch and laughter. You are my love, my dream, my life, Thomas. So if you'll still have me once you are out of Paris and France, I shall come after you and be with you. I swear on my immortal soul that I'll find you wherever you go," he whispered, emotionally moved and vulnerable - and not knowing that this oath was one that lasted and would last longer than just this life. "Do you want that? Do you want me to do this for you and your people?"

Adam knew that he was practically giving up being a knight - something he'd dreamed of becoming ever since he was a small child - to be with his one and true love. But he was ready to make that sacrifice. He didn't have to think about it. He was deeply in love. He knew Thomas was worth it.

"I'm nothing without you, Thomas Joseph Ratliff," he murmured, closing his blue eyes, not being able to see the rejection in the blonde's eyes in case he said no. Adam knew and understood that the top priority of his lover has always been and will always be his people, but the famous knight was now ready to throw everything else away just to follow and be with Thomas. As he bared his soul, he propped his forehead against Thomas' and felt two teardrops escape his own eyes, landing warm and wet on the pale cheeks of his love.

As he held onto his lover tightly, Thomas relaxed into his soothing touches, his painful cries slowing down into small sobs then into plain sniffles. He wiped at his face for most of the tears that clung to his cheeks, but new ones quickly arose when he heard his knight agree that he needed to leave. How could he? How could he leave Adam behind? Before he could open his mouth to protest, Adam had stopped him, carrying on with his reasons as to why, informing Thomas of what had happened earlier and what would happen later should the Romani stay. His heart ached, but he knew he had no choice. He'd have to leave Paris, for he feared not even the doors of Notre Dame would offer them Sanctuary any longer.

His heart ached heavily in his chest and he rubbed at it as if to soothe the pain, but when he finally looked up into the blue-grey eyes of his lover, Thomas knew he couldn't argue. Despite the tears that still escaped, Thomas smiled, trusting Adam's judgement in this, because so far, Adam always knew best. Once Thomas let him guide him, he never lead Thomas astray, never once made the pale Romani feel inferior. So, he trusted him.

"Why? Why after all this time are they so eager to get rid of us? What have we done that is so wrong to banish us from Mother Paris? Please, if you don't know… ask them that. For my people, along with I, will wonder until the end of our days," he continued to listen to all that Adam had to say, saddened for his people, for Adam's dreams of being a knight becoming twisted, but mostly he was surprised at the very end, listening to his lover promise to not only help them escape, but to find them and be with him.

It surprised Thomas, of course. For one to abandon all that he knew for him, a mere Romani, but it made Thomas happy. That this knight, no, Adam was willing to give it up and risk it all for him. While yes, he was afraid, he grew calm at the thought that no matter what, he would still get to love this beautiful man before him. That despite all odds, their love for one another could continue to blossom and grow and become something beautiful once they fled the tyranny of Paris.

Only when the tears of his love dropped upon his own cheeks did Thomas reach up with shaky hands, clasping Adam's hands within his own, gripping them tightly as he let his eyes slip shut as well, tears of happiness escaping his eyes now. "Yes, you monkey. I want that. I want you. Never again shall I be happy unless I have you by my side. I was dreading to leave Paris because I didn't want to leave you, I couldn't leave knowing you would stay. I… I love you, Adam Mitchell Lambert. Once we Romani are free from Paris, we will camp out and wait. Leave you a trail until you join us. Or I will stay behind and send the clan ahead. I don't care if the clan leaves me, just as long as they aren't left for dead... and with you by my side, what do I have to fear, my dearest love?" he smiled, Adam's forehead against his own a calming presence for him. However, if they were going to leave under the night of the New Moon, then Adam and Thomas needed to plan right away, for time was against them and the clan would need to hurry and prep to be ready by nightfall.

Kissing Adam briefly, Thomas pulled back, yet kept his hands intertwined with Adam, as he now looked at the opened eyes of his lover, his heart burdened even as he spoke: "We need to figure out how to get the clan out, my love. For... we cannot take any risks in delaying."

Finally forcing himself to pull back, Thomas went over to the writing supplies that Adam had used to teach him to learn his native tongue, English. With a fresh clean paper at the ready, Thomas sat it between the two, handing the writing utensils over to Adam since he had more experience with them than Thomas did.

"I do not know the real reason why they hate your people so much. But I'm guessing you being different is the why behind it. I can't understand why people have to hate each other when living next to each other would be just as easy despite the differences. As you know, I'm kinda an outsider here too. I'm English, not French and it's a wonder that they don't hate me the way they often dislike my home country. But I guess people will always have their reasons to hate one another. Let it be about power, cultural or racial differences..." he shook his head and sighed with a heavy heart. "But I can't ask them these things for it would come off as questioning my orders and that might only cause more problems and would make getting you and your people out of France even harder."

Adam had to smile when Thomas called him 'monkey', which he didn't mind, because what he said meant that he still wanted the knight and it was all that Adam needed. "No, I want you to leave with the clan. I can't take the risk of you getting caught because you chose to stay behind," he shook his head with a serious expression, squeezing Thomas' fingers a bit. "You go with your people and I'll come after you as soon as possible. I'll make sure that the rest of the knights stay occupied with other things. At least as much as I'm able to burden them with other tasks," he added then kissed the blond back before following him to the small table and taking the writing utensils.

"Alright, let's see..." he sighed and started writing while explaining his plan to Thomas, considering his input on the safest way to get the Romani out of Paris and then France, because Adam wanted to make sure they wouldn't be chased on French territory. It took a good hour until they were done with the planning and then there was nothing else left but to take action. But before their ways parted, Adam pulled his love into his strong arms to kiss him deep for long, long minutes. Then outside their lovenest he watched the caped figure disappear in the dark of the chilly night before he headed back to the barracks. They had a lot to do to ensure the mission's success.

***

As they worked out the plan to his people's escape, Thomas slowly let his worries take a backseat for the moment, instead focusing on the plan. He trusted the knight's judgement, but he did question a few things or told him secret locations that Romani did like to hide. True, maybe he should have been more on board with the planning, but wasn't this Adam's expertise? Wasn't this all part of being a knight? To save people and lead them out of danger, even if it was by planning ahead? Clearly, his experience showed as he spoke, because the more clues Thomas gave him (about washed out bridges, secret Romani lairs, etc.), it seemed the knight could easily work them in, instead of be thwarted by it.

Whenever they finally called a quits to it, planning out every route, possible diversion, blockade, and so on, Thomas trusted the plan be safer with Adam than with him, knowing he'd be too busy helping the Romani pack to guard it properly. Besides, it'd be a great way for Adam to gain the trust of his clan. So, despite it being with a heavy heart, the blonde cupped his knight's face, burning every feature into memory, a sudden sensation running wild within him.

He felt as if this was the end, something deep inside of him was telling him to stay, just for a little while longer, but he simply kissed his Adam goodbye, ignoring his instincts and believing it to be nothing but want. For he knew tomorrow was going to be a busy day, and he'd need all that he could to rest up if they were going to ready to move.

With his hood up, Thomas began walking his streets of Paris again, trying to get back to his clan as quickly as possible, but he heard footsteps following close behind him. He turned, expecting it to be Adam to have forgotten something, but he was quickly proven wrong seeing it was two other knights. His breath came in short gasps, and the blonde turned and quickly began to run.

How?! How had they found him?! Thomas didn't dare to turn back as he ran, he had to get away! He had to get away! He had to! He couldn't stop! With a few twists and turns Thomas stopped and crawled under a cart full of hay to catch his breath, hoping he had gotten away from the guards. When he finally deemed himself safe, the Romani slowly peeked his head out of his hiding spot, only to be dragged out the rest of the way. Despite how much he was wildly squirming and protesting, Thomas was bound and gagged by the larger hands soon falling unconscious due to a strong blow to the head.

When he awoke once more, Thomas found himself in a dark dungeon, nothing but a small light from a nearby torch flickered giving the blonde a sense of his surroundings, making him obviously frightened. Despite being sat on the floor, the blond's body ached all over, but once he remembered what happened to him, the blonde ignored his pains and tried to focus on how he could escape.

His ankles were in shackles that attached to chains and rings on the floor. His wrists were in similar shackles, however, they kept his arms taught above his head, not letting him move away from the wall. Knowing it was useless, Thomas tugged restlessly upon his bindings, cursing as they dug and cut into his skin, but he needed to escape! He needed to find Adam, to warn him! He began to tear up, a deep part of him knowing this would be the last time he would begin to see life. Stilling at the sounds of footsteps, Thomas took a few deep breaths.

Adam would save him, Adam would save him, Adam would save him...

Adam. WILL. Save. Him.

Now seeing Commander Lima with a few of his guards and The High Priest stand before his cell, the fear Thomas held drained and grew into anger. He began to spit curses at them in his own tongue, warning them they would regret this, that no matter what, they could never hurt the Romani. He continued going on in his tongue, only to still at the punishment they deemed for him.

What was a Baptism of Fire? Fear began to grow anew. Thomas was left alone once more, his fear causing him to scream out again. He screamed himself hoarse in both English and French, demanding answers to what it meant, what they could possibly 
mean. His mind supplied the answers, he'd seen it before, but he couldn't and didn't want to believe it.

"YOU MONSTERS!!" he screamed into the silence before he broke down into heartbroken and tearful sobs. His family, his friends, his Adam... he'd never get to see them again. He'd never get to see if the clan even made it to safety. Or… was Adam even out to help Thomas or himself? Fear and doubt began to plague Thomas's heart. Adam knew where his clan was. Adam knew his clan was planning on leaving. Adam now knew all the Romani hideouts and allies. Adam knew how to put a plan into action. The blonde began to shake, wanting to hold himself, to tell himself he was wrong… but if he wasn't? Adam was a knight, and not just any knight, but the right-hand man to Commander Lima. What if Adam had planned all along on using Thomas as a pool for information and now that he got it, well... Thomas swallowed as he looked around.

***

Unknowing how much time went by, Thomas once again heard footsteps in the hallways of the dark dungeons. He sat up straight, ready to finally demand answers, but he was stunned silent seeing his cell door opened. Yet again he was bound with bindings too tight, but he was not knocked unconscious this time. Instead, he was flung over the shoulder of a large muscular guard no better than a sack of potatoes.

He was taken down corridors and was soon brought outdoors and set upon a small stage with a single wooden pole. He fought with all his might, trying to run, trying to break free, but in the end, the Romani was tied to the pole, watching with horror as hay, sticks and grass was laid upon his feet. It was the beginning of dawn and people were gathering around, watching The High Priest speak about how the Romani was someone to be feared and how this Baptism of Fire was to send him to "Hell" for the crimes he's committed. Wishing the Priest would go on, the blond only began to scream as Commander Lima lit a fire to the hay, his eyes darting around to everyone, anyone, to help.

"HELP ME! PLEASE! SAVE ME! DON'T LET ME DIE!" the young man teared up, crying his pleas over and over. People were held back by the knights, and his stage was off the ground, but the more the fire began to grow, the more desperate Thomas screamed. Unbeknownst to him, the more he screamed the more he caused his body to inhale the smoke, killing him from the inside. His eyes darted for Adam, for surely he knew this was happening!

"ADAM! PLEASE! ADAM!" he screamed one more time before fighting into one last coughing fit, his body growing weaker and weaker as time wore on the higher the sun rose.

Adam never showed up… and despite how much his heart wanted to hate the raven-haired knight, he couldn't, bitter tears leaving his eyes as he fought for his last gasps of air, his body growing more and more slumped, the smoke choking him from the inside. Maybe it was better this way, for he wouldn't feel the burning of the flames or what he believed to be Adam's betrayal.

***

 In the morning Adam woke and prepared for the day as if nothing was out of the ordinary. He did his duties and patrols like he always did and waited for nightfall to come. Once it was nearing to the time when he had to meet up with Thomas by the edge of the forest, close to where his people were hiding and hopefully ready for departure, Adam went back to the barracks on his horse and left it there for the stable boy to take care of. He didn’t want to go on his horse, because it would draw more attention. He changed his cape to an older and more worn brown one that hid his armor then snuck out with the escape plan tucked safely over his heart.

He got to the randevous point in time and waited for his blond lover to show up. Which he didn’t. The longer the knight waited, the more worried he got. But maybe Thomas was held up by the camp with all the preparation and gathering his people. The tall man decided to go and check it out himself, although he expected the Romani to get frightened when he would appear.

Adam wasn’t wrong about that, but he held out the escape plan and the purple scarf Thomas had given him and has been carrying on him ever since. He explained to the tribe that he was the one who’s been helping the Romani avoid getting caught and inprisoned – or worse. After half an hour or so the Elders decided that they would believe Adam, because he knew things about Thomas and the clan that no other would know. Then they sat down with Adam and he explained the plan. He thought that the blond was absent because of gathering the rest of his people from the city, but when the last Romani arrived too and Thomas was still nowhere to be seen, he voiced his worries. The answer he got made him worried more than ever, because no one has seen the small blond since last night when he headed into the city – to meet Adam, but they didn’t know that.

No matter how much Adam wanted to go and search for his lover, he knew that they had very little time to move the clan out of Paris and set them on the safe path Adam and Thomas have found for them to leave France. So the knight and the Elders have decided not to wait, but to move. Adam agreed to escort them for a while, to make sure they reached the first safe place – some forgotten caves – well before dawn. They had to move quickly and as fast as possible under the darkness of the night.

With each passing minute, Adam’s uneasiness and fears were growing, but he tried not to show it. Where the hell was Thomas?! Luckily the shadows have protected the silent karavan and they got to the caves safely in time. Adam entrusted the map and the escape plan to the Elders and one of them pulled him aside.

“I can see that you are genuenly worried about our Thomas. We all are. We cannot be grateful enough for your help, Death Knight. We all probably own our lives to you and him. Please, go find him and bring him back to us, if you can. We’ll be fine from here since we are a good distance from Paris now. We’ll stick to the plan and to show how grateful we are to you, borrow one of our horses for the way back. I am afraid, Thomas is in trouble. If he is, save him,” he said and waved a boy over who was holding the reigns of a brown stallion.

“Thank you and I wish you the best of luck on your journey. I am glad that I could help you escape the cold grip of death. I will try to return with Thomas, or die trying. Killing innocent people like you is not I swore to do when I became a knight. I’ll try to save Thomas if he’s in trouble. I promise.”

With that he said goodbye to the grateful but still worried clan, mounted the horse and raced back towards Paris the fastest way he could. At least Thomas’ people were out of immediate danger now. But Adam’s heart became heavier and heavier while his eyes were scanning the forest and roads for a glimpse of blond hair, but he seemed to be out of luck.

By the time he reached the edge of Paris, both he and the horse were exhausted, but Adam had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that made him gallop across the streets. He didn’t think, just scanned the streets and when he saw black smoke rising towards the sky to the left, his heart skipped a beat. He knew what was in that direction. He saw it a few times when that stage was occupied and criminals burned to death on it. That bad feeling made it nearly impossible for the knight to breathe and he turned the horse into that direction.

In a few minutes when he arrived there, he reached the edge of the considerable crowd, eyes glued to the flames that were licking a motionless figure tied to the pole. His eyes rounded when he saw blond hair catch on fire and his stomach turned smelling the awful scent of burning human flesh. In the blink of an eye he jumped off his horse, heart beating wild and eyes tearing up.

“Thomas! Thomas! NO! Stop it! You can’t do this! THOMAS!!!” he screamed without thinking as he pushed his way through the crowd until he reached the line of kinghts, his men. “Let me through! Put out the fire! He did nothing wrong!!!” he shouted as the first teardrops slid down his sickly pale face, but his tortured looks didn’t receive any understanding or will to stop burning the love of his life alive.

Adam’s eyes were glued to the pale and beloved face and he was sobbing freely now, not fighting the other knights anymore, because he knew. Deep down in his heart, in that darkness within which was howling now deafeningly, that his Thomas was dead. His cries of pain were loud and full of agony as his heart was shattering into a million pieces right there, watching that flawless white skin turn first red then black, stealing away all the beauty that the once innocent face had held…

The pain was excruciating as the other knights dragged their sobbing captain away to lock him up and Adam let them, because all his strength has left his body. He failed Thomas. He was too late and now his love was dead because of him. If they didn’t meet last night, he wouldn’t have been captured and burned alive. It was all Adam’s fault and he wanted to die. He hoped they would execute him too so he could join the one person in his life who could complete him.

He wasn’t worthy for his title – for his life anymore.

***

 He had no idea how long they have kept him locked up in a dirty cellar, legs shackled to the floor while his wrists were chained to the wall. He received a fair share of beatings when he refused to tell them about the Romani clan that managed to escape Paris and – judging by their words – France too. At least they are safe now, Adam thought and he wasn’t going to help these men, whom once he thought of as friends and family. Now they all turned against him, even Commander Lima, who spit on him and called him a traitor for aiding the filth that managed to get away.

Adam didn’t care. He told his mind to them – that he considered them bloodhounds and murderers, not worthy of calling themselves knights. It resulted in another beating, but it was worth it. After that Adam went silent and whatever they did or threatened to do with him have had no effect on him. They couldn’t possibly take anything else from him. He had no family and friends left. They took away the only beam of light in his life and now the darkness was wrapped around him completely. He had no reason to live anymore.

But his hopes for an execution were crushed when one cool morning they came for him to roughly wash him down and make him wear some plain but clean clothes. His armor was taken away the day he was captured and he knew he’d never wear it again. Now – with some heavy cuffs and chain binding his wrists together, the broken man was taken to his trial.

The previous proud stance and strong presence of his was nowhere to be found now. He was already a shell of the man he used to be. His shoulders were slumped forward, head hung low as he was standing in front of the Commander and his higher ups. They read out his crimes, but he didn’t care. They were true and he pleaded guilty. Anything to make them leave him alone or just simply kill him.

He wasn’t so lucky, because his sentence was the following: he was stripped from his title as a knight, all his assets and belongings taken away. Because of defying his orders, aiding and having an intimate relationship with a Romani, he was to stay on the streets of Paris to be humiliated. This way he couldn’t go after the escaped people he’d helped. If he tried – which he wouldn’t because he didn’t want to accidentally lead the other knights to the gypsies – he’d be beaten and dragged back to the inner-city.

He accepted, because he couldn’t do anything about it anyway. He knew that someone would always watch him from now on, but hoped that once winter came full force, he’d finally found peace and join his beautiful love in the afterlife.

***

The weeks that followed after he was kicked out on the streets were harder to adjust to than the once proud and handsome knight had thought. He had nowhere to sleep, no one to turn to, because the knights made sure that not a single soul could help him. At the beginning, when some people tried to slip him some food or water, they were beaten and chased away and after a while no one tried or cared.

His thin clothes didn’t provide much shelter from the winds or rains that were getting colder and colder with each passing day. He used what he could find on the streets. An old torn jacket and blanket kept the little heat his starving body could produce. He drank the rain when he could and scraped up some food behind inns or from the waste. He was being humiliated, but Adam felt he deserved it for letting Thomas down.

He tried to escape the city once, but true to their words, the knights that were assigned to follow him were from the cruler ones who never liked Adam – they probably even volunteered for the job – and they beat him up so bad, that he didn’t move for two days from the dirty alley he was tossed in. But they didn’t go too far. No matter how much he tried to provoke them to beat him to death, they stopped and let him suffer.

Pain, mysery, hunger and thirst became the once shining knight’s constant companions now as he became the beggar of Paris, the slow shadow in the stinking back alleys. With time the once fitting clothes started hanging off his frame as he was losing more and more weight. His hair and beard grew longer and got dirty as well as whatever he was wearing and dark circles appeared under his often blood-shot eyes. It was clear to anyone who wasted a glimpse at the rat of the streets that he had no desire to live, but they didn’t let him die. Yet.

There were days when he’d sit down somewhere out of sight and just watch the people he used to protect pass him like he never existed. Less and less of them recognized him and Adam didn’t blame them. He wasn’t worth to be recognized as a human being anymore. During these days his tired eyes would catch a glimpse of something that’d remind him of his Thomas – a colorful scarf, an apple on a stand or in someone’s basket and he’d shed a lone tear, remembering the better times. The happiest time of his life. From a flash of blond hair he’d nearly feel the softness of Thomas’ hair under his fingertips… From the sight of the pale skin of a small young man Adam’d remember the warmth of his lover’s naked body – such memories hurt the most, because he knew he’d never be able to touch his beautiful boy again. Maybe just in a next life.

But the worst was his fitful sleeping. He could barely grab some and was never rested. He was afraid to close his eyes, because nearly all the time he did, Adam saw that motionless figure burning on the stake as if he was a witch or criminal and Thomas was neither. He was the most caring man Adam had ever known and not being able to protect the love of his life was the biggest failure of Adam both as a knight and a man.

It was all his fault. He brought this on Thomas’ head. He should have desired and loved him from afar. Maybe if they had never met, the gypsy would’ve been able to flee with his people. Adam pushed him through death’s door far before it was Thomas’ time. And he hated himself for that more than words could express.

And that hatred only intensified with each passing day. By the time winter rolled in with its cold winds and dropping the temperature so low that breathing in the air outside would burn one’s lungs, Adam was very sick.

It all started after he was beaten by some drunken young men – of course the knights watching him didn’t do anything to stop it. It was a rainy day and the cold water falling from the heavens soaked him to the bone as he was lying on the cobble-stones, blood and water dripping into his eyes. It was nearly dawn when he felt enough strength to pull himself under a dirty gateway, curling up on and holding himself as best as he could while his body was shivering uncontrollably. The fever and dry coughing came soon after that and without food, water, a warm room and some medicine, Adam’s condition got worse.

He began wandering the empty streets sweating, his temples burning and the air whistling through his mumbling mouth. The fever made him hallucinate too. He thought he saw his blond lover on some corners, but by the time he stumbled there, he was gone. He pleaded with him to wait for him, told Thomas how much he’d missed him and how very sorry he was, but of course, no reply came, only haunting pictures and snippets from their old conversations.

By the time the freezing cold set in, Adam had pulled himself under a bridge on the Seine for some shelter from the cold winds. He could barely move anymore since he was half-frozen, sick and hopeless. He was praying for the only one thing he always did: death.

After an especially violent and loud coughing fit his hand came away bloody again from his dry mouth, but he felt nothing about that, just wiped it into his dirty clothes and through his fever tried to focus on keeping his eyes open. He smiled a bit when he saw from under the bridge that white snowflakes have started falling from the grey winter sky, covering this cruel world in a white, pure blanket, maybe making things a little better and more beautiful with hiding the dirt underneath.

He suddenly felt the urge to get covered by it, to cool off the burning pain. So he struggled himself up on all fours and dragged him out from under the bridge and down to the river bank, his agitated breaths forming small white clouds each time he exhaled with a whistling sound. He had no idea how long it took for him to get close to the water and collapse on the snow blanket, but when he did, he rolled onto his back and opened his eyes, enjoying the flakes landing on him and melting on his face.

Adam stayed there like that for a long while before cracking his eyes open when he heard the echo of a familiar laughter. His breathing had slown down and now he didn’t feel the cold anymore. He just noticed that nightfall was already there, but he could still make out the huge white flakes falling from the sky. When he heard the laugher from a bit closer, accompanied by faint gypsy music, his blue lips pulled into a tiny smile. Snowflakes and colorful clothes were dancing in front of his tired eyes as the tiny figure was swaying and laughing to the music, throwing his blond hair back. Then he caught the gaze of those warm brown eyes and Adam reached out with a shaky hand, a huge wave of relief washing over his broken body.

“I’m coming… my beautiful… Thomas…” he whispered hoarsely, a single teardrop slipping from a burning eye as the music and laughter got louder. Then his hand fell back into the snow and along with his last wheezing breath life left the blue eyes. Finally his suffering has ended.

Finally he was on his way again.

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Frissítés

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