Chapter 5

“Now... I can finally be myself
Cuz I don't want to be myself…”

Someone was chewing up his left arm. Probably Sid, turned into a shark. No! His left arm went numb. He was sleeping on the couch. He got drunk. Jim was lying on his left side. Jim was drunk too. Oh fuck. Oh yeah, they did that too. Smirking and still with closed eyes Corey tried to wiggle away a bit from the bigger body. And rolled to the right. And landed with a loud thud on his face and stomach on the floor, cursing and groaning.

He dared to slowly open his eyes then. The sun was high and was shining way too brightly. It pierced right into his brain. Yeah, his good old friend, hangover visited him once again. Probably the most stable relationship he EVER had. It never stayed long, but that was okay. But once it appeared he came more and more often.

The singer sighed and rubbed his face hard. Yeah he was slipping back. His hands were already shaking and he felt his stomach in a slight cramp. Oh well…, he thought. It was all right now. He could go into these thoughts once he fetched the bottle from the table and downed the remains in it.

For some reason the guys wanted to change up his mask. They were surrounding him – except for Corey. Jim couldn’t see Corey anywhere and he was trying to see better over the heads of the others who kept talking to him, trying to convince Jim it was for the best.

What was for the best? He was confused as he looked down at the others, Mick holding Paul’s mask in his hands.

“Put it on.”

“What? No. Why?”

“Put it on!” the others demanded too and now Jim was trying to back away from them but they were all crowding him, wanting to put on that mask. Which was fucking disrespectful and he didn’t want that. He wasn’t Paul. They just buried their friend. Why were they doing this to him? And where was Corey?

With a jerk he surfaced and grunted on the couch, cracking his eyes open as he tried to let the dream and its fucked up pictures drift away. Where was he? What the fuck happened? Why was he on the couch? Did he fall asleep? Whoa, headache. The hangover kind. Fuck. And where was Corey?

Turning his lightly throbbing head to the side he saw both bottles empty. He could’ve sworn he’d left nearly one fourth of his in it before… things got heated between him and the singer.

“Cor?” Jim asked hoarsely as he pushed himself up into a sitting position. At least the room didn’t start spinning. But his mouth tasted like ass. Yeah, they got drunk and then they had an interesting conversation that ended up in sex. They had a lot of sex in the morning.

Straightening up he had to stretch to get the kinks out of his back as much as possible. Fucking couch… Water. Toothbrush. Peeing. Corey. Seemed like a legit order to follow.

Inside the music room Corey didn't hear any of the calling Jim made. With his favorite guitar in his hand and a light buzz in his head he was playing melody after melody lost in his world. 
All the thoughts of what was forming and happening between them was trying to enter his brain and make him think it all over to make some sense of it. But he didn't want that at all. He was okay like this. Cuddling close to the love he felt for Paul and playing depressed love songs. And while playing those and lost in his tended emotions the visions of Jim smiling at him and holding him down by his chest kept coming back to him. All the memories of them from years back.... Fuck... He needed more alcohol.

While brushing his teeth then washing his face Jim was lost in his own thoughts too. The disturbing pictures of his dream were coming back time after time, no matter how much he tried to think of other things to stop it. And the slight but familiar throbbing in his head wasn’t helping either.

The dream itself was probably a manifestation of his own insecurities. He’d promised Shawn (and the guys) that he’d take care of Corey. Maybe they even expected it since Jim was the closest to him now that Pauly was gone. But the way they were kinda forcing this role on him in the dream was still disturbing to the tall man. It was additional pressure to this new relationship they’ve started building. Now that the guitarist knew more about this world Corey lived in, he was starting to recognize the hints when they had played in the past.

Of course now Jim would have to pay more attention and he wanted to do some serious research not to fuck this up. But the fact that his… relationship with Corey was different from what he had with Pauly was at least reassuring. Not that Jim wasn’t feeling doubt and some fear. But not because of doing this relationship. It was more about failing Corey. To be good and enough for him. He also had to find a way to come over his insecurities, he knew. So that he could let the other man in more. And let him fuck him.

Groaning Jim ran his hands through the nest of messy dark hair. Maybe he should cut it some time, he thought, but the random thought was gone as fast as it came. Now he had to find Corey and ignore the stones in his stomach. And also that little voice in his head that said some more booze would help him loosen up.

He finally found his friend in the music room. Seeing him there made it a little easier to breathe, because his mind had already started painting some fucked up pictures. Like finding him in a similar situation like in the van, or not finding him at all. Like in his dream.

“Hey ya, Jimmy!” Corey looked up suspiciously cheerful and giddy. He couldn't help it. His heart was doing back flips from the sight of the worn out man. “You feelin’ okay? You look tired. Want to go get some hamburgers?” he spoke fast and underlined his words with some guitar playing. He just wanted to feel good. Have fun. Feel this easy "being in love again" feeling and live it and enjoy it. No thinking. No past. No future. Just right here and now and feeling good. Yep. He is a helpless depressed addict. But who cares now...

Those fucking long, thick blond eyelashes fanning out against Corey’s slightly flushed cheeks… That was the first thought Jim had once stopping by the door. He couldn’t help it. He always found Corey beautiful and noticing such small details of the man with his favorite guitar made Jim’s heart beat a little faster every fucking time.

As their eyes met, he saw it. As Corey started talking on a cheerful and fast voice, Jim heard it. That’s where the rest of the booze went… Clearing his throat he smiled at his lover as he walked closer, but somehow it didn’t fully reach the guitarist’s eyes. Jim knew this addiction well since he shared it with his friend. Sometimes there were periods when it was easier for Jim to resist the siren call of booze and coke, sometimes it was fucking hard not to get lost in them. That’s probably why he smoked pot on a regular basis, to keep his own addictions in reins.

“I’m good. Just tired. Yeah, some burgers sound good,” he said as he stopped next to the sitting man and couldn’t help but lean down to press a soft kiss against his lips. Yeah, now he could taste it too. Yet he didn’t have the heart to wipe that smile off the singer’s face. “Let me grab my wallet and keys. I’ll drive,” he said. “Come on, let’s put some food in our stomachs.” With that he took the guitar from Corey and carefully put it on its stand before helping him up so they could get going.

“You're the best a puppy could wish for!” Corey giggled hugging Jim's neck and stood on his tiptoes to kiss the lips of his mate. Jim was so tall, he always adored it. “It's a pity though...” he added as he got some clothes on too while Jim was collecting his keys and wallet. Skipping next to him by the front door he grinned up cheerfully. “Readyyyy… I want cheese fries with jalapeño too.”

"What's the pity?" Jim asked after returning the second kiss. Okay, he had to admit that a drunk Corey was always fun to be around. He often acted as a kid on a sugar high. Or... a puppy. "Puppy, huh?" he raised a brow questioningly as he locked the door behind them and put an arm around Corey's shoulders to keep him close and to make sure he didn't fall flat on his pretty face.

His last word though reminded Jim of a conversation they had had earlier. Okay, a kind of conversation mixed with sex. "Why is that your safe word?"

“That we can never ever fuck just standing ‘cause your hips is around my lower back,” he made a fake pout then giggled. “Ahhhh don't worry. I fucking love fucking with you in other ways too,” he added while almost tripping. As he usually did in this state. Good thing that Jim got him. “Imma puppy. Paul didn't tell you? I always was with everyone. Can't you see? Aaaaannnd... Cause I love jalapeño,” he nodded a few times, like assuring himself and went quiet sitting next to Jim.

"Well... I can always pin you to the wall and lift you to the right position..." Jim mused with a real grin this time and automatically held Corey a bit tighter when he tripped. Once he was sitting in the passengers' seat buckled up and Jim started his car, the other man put his shades on from the annoying (and hurting) sun. His head was still not that clear after the booze and the little sleep. "Yeah well, I guess you're right. You act like a puppy a lot of times. Just never really thought about that," he said putting the car in gear then he focused on the road, humming to the jalapeño comment.

“Yeah… I always was a puppy to my loves…” Corey nodded again, keeping his saddening eyes at the window next to him. Up and down. That's the life and mood of a drinker.

The place they usually ate was not far. And dropping on a seat on the terrace where he could smoke was perfect for the singer. He was still quiet and closing in as the alcohol was leaving his system. He puffed his cig and frowned at the sun. “Can I have an ice coffee too, Jim? Or an ice hat for that matter?” he groaned. Getting hungry and sober was never really making his mood. “And thanks. For… putting up with me,” he smiled up at the other warmly. But he had to eat now before passing out.

The other man simply nodded wondering if he was now one of Corey’s loves too, but he didn’t dwell on that question for long. One should only look at that warm smile (that Jim liked to think was only for him) to see that Corey did love him quite a lot. No news there.

“Of course you can. Not sure about the ice hat though,” he returned the smile. Of course he noticed (and recognized) the signs of Corey coming down from his alcohol-high, but like before, Jim didn’t call him on it, just let him be. Waving for the cute waitress he ordered burgers for both, cheese fries with jalapeno and ice-coffee for Corey and a strong black coffee for himself. The smiling girl scribbled everything down into her notepad before disappearing inside.

Lighting a cigarette Jim could focus back on Corey. “Of course. I love you, man. I like to think you’d do the same for me.”

“I would always. And did too a few times. Vice versa,” the singer smiled again tenderly looking deep into Jim's eyes. “I think… I mean… I love you too, Jim,” he said and bit his lip quickly then nodded taking a long drag from his cig. He hoped the message got through, though. He has to face his feelings for his friend and so tell him.

The food arrived and he just dived into all the tastes and spices with an occasional moan as his empty and alcohol scratched stomach started to get full and happy. Picking up a slice of jalapeño he got lost in his thoughts. “Do you remember Angie's mother? She said that our love is like picked jalapeño. Sour and hot and it burns us, yet addictive and so good. So that's why.”

The tall man’s heart leaped and his hand with the cigarette he was about to take a drag from paused mid-air from that look and quiet words. The brown eyes softened further and a light blush colored his cheeks. The happiness was clear in his eyes from Corey’s words. He always found it strange how a few words could make someone happy so easily. “Thanks, Cor…” he whispered. I needed to hear this, he thought but didn’t voice it.

He thanked the waitress for the food then they ate quietly for a while. It was good to see Corey eating with such joy. He needed the sustenance after all the booze. Focusing on his own food and thoughts for a while, Jim looked up nodding only when he heard his friend. “Yeah, I remember her. And I see. It makes sense, man. Thanks for telling me.”

The smaller man just nodded, still lost in thoughts and eating. Sipping on his ice coffee he looked at his friend for long. They have to talk things over about them.

“How far did you read into these relationships? You asked what we are now. So, since you said you want it, we are mates now. You are my master and I am your pet. And that brings up all kinds of shit to talk over with our brothers and family too.”

The not so unexpected change of subject still made Jim’s hangover mind a bit dizzy. Although he knew that sooner or later they would have to talk these things over. Rather sooner than later, yeah. Thinking about talking to the guys and others about this suddenly made Jim’s palms sweat as he was putting some sugar in his coffee. He didn’t know if he was ready for that. Not when everything was so new and confusing to him.

To buy some time he started stirring the coffee and quickly glimpsed around to make sure no fan or paparazzi was lurking around. “Not that far. Wasn’t sure which sites were reliable. You could like… recommend a few. Or teach me. Or if it’s easier for you, you could put me in contact with another dom you might know. You know, so I can consult with him or something…” he trailed off and quickly drank from his coffee, looking at Corey’s healing shoulder that was hidden under his tee, but Jim’s mark was there nonetheless and the guitarist had to look to remind and maybe reassure himself about the decision he’d made. He can do this.

“You really want this? That's important to know. For yourself mostly,” Corey said on a low voice. He hoped Jim wouldn't dance back. He had decided he would make Jim happy in all the ways he could and the bond that was there during their years was still present. No lie about that. He had some ideas about his mate's struggles with his feelings while he was using him to make Paul jealous or just to keep his sexual energies at bay. But they were always more than fuck buddies. He had lost Paul. He can't lose Jim. They are best friends from so long and been through rehab and so much shit from both bands. He just cannot fuck this up now for Jim.

“I help you in all you need, man. Just tell me. Ask what you need… You know me, right? The stupid geek kid who always speaks his mind and never stops. You can ask anything. I want to make this right for you.”

“Yes. I still want this… Can we just… talk about this somewhere else?” he asked starting to get uncomfortable as a new group of people, some youngsters took a seat by a table not far from them. Their cheerful laughter and conversation was irritating Jim all of a sudden. “Come on, let’s go for a ride,” he said finishing his coffee and putting more than enough money and tip on the table under the saucer.

Getting up from his seat he glimpsed at Corey to make sure he followed and then he was heading towards his truck. If they were going to be talking about this now, he didn’t want an audience or end up in the papers ‘cause of it.

“Okay, man,” Corey understood the worry. There was probably enough shit around now because of Paul and the band. They were in their home town and relatively safe, but one can never know when the friendly neighbor wants to make a few extra bucks by selling a story to the papers.

Getting in the car and taking off, his mind got a feeling he couldn't shake. But first Jimmy… 
“Tell me then. We're alone now.”

Jim’s hands tightened around the wheel as his eyes were focused on the road. He was kinda grateful for his idea of driving around in town. It gave his always restless hands a purpose and since he had to keep an eye on the road, it saved him from having to look straight into Corey’s eyes. It was easier to talk about his insecurities to the windshield. He knew he was probably acting stupid, but he couldn’t help it. There were times – especially after getting wasted the previous night – that Jim’s emotions and insecurities got stronger and managed to mess him up. He could usually hide it well with his silence or goofing around, but Corey deserved better than that. Besides, the singer was right. They had to talk about these things. Jim knew it would only make things worse if he didn’t open his fucking mouth to voice what was rattling in his mind.

“I don’t know where to start with this. It’s huge. As I said earlier, I don’t want to fuck up.” There. It was a start.

“I don't want to fuck this up for you either. So spit it out, Jimmy. All the thoughts while you’re trying to squeeze the wheel to death. I’m listening,” Corey said stroking the long thigh of his mate reassuringly. He had his own issues building up inside. But now he wanted Jim to speak all his mind about this all then he would react.

“Okay… Okay…,” he mumbled under his nose, Corey’s touch on his thigh helping a bit to keep his emotions at bay. “Where do I start this BDSM thing… role? I mean… obviously I have more idea about the sex part of such a relationship… And I can take care of you in our everyday life too. When you let me. But… how do I do the more subtle things? What are your limits? I don’t even know mine yet, I think…” he inhaled deeply and took a right turn then ran his right hand through his hair, a nervous habit, before dropping it on Corey’s that was still resting on the guitarist’s thigh.

“And what do you want to tell the guys? And family?” he trailed off once more and lightly squeezed the singer’s hand. Yeah, he was kinda scared and today he couldn’t hold his emotions back. Was he already failing Corey? After all he’d told Jim he was like his calm rock on the sea. Something he loved in Jim. But it seemed pieces of that rock were getting loose.

“I think… I think we have to find out those both. I mean this is a new ground also for me. The sex part and taking care of part you do perfectly,” he turned his hand to hold Jim's and squeeze it. “The guys are the easy part. We don't have to tell much. They'll know anyway,” he shrugged looking out on the road. He has to be a better support for Jim in this. Fuck he, himself didn't even know how to dive into this yet.  “Dunno. I will have to speak with Angie…” the singer sighed deep and long. “My limits are very loose. I can't take electric shocks but if the mood is right many other things can come. Maybe... maybe we should just discover all this about how it would work for us together... What is that you have read and think you could never do?”

“Alright…” Jim laced their fingers together, loving how much smaller Corey’s hand was compared to his. The praising words reassured Jim enough to relax some more and stop himself from turning to the left where he knew a liquor store. Instead he licked his dry lips and took the opposite turn.

Corey was right. This was new for him too and Jim couldn’t forget that. “Discovering these stuff together sounds very good to me, man,” he nodded and finally looked at his lover for a long moment, his eyes grateful and calmer behind his shades than they were a few minutes ago.

“Yeah, I’m sure the guys will know it. Especially Shawn,” he chuckled a bit from the memories of all the times Clown had found Jim and Corey cuddling and stuff. “I trust them all,” he said. It was true. They were his brothers through thick and thin.

“Electricity isn’t appealing to me either. Nor is that crazy stuff with poop. No thank you,” he mumbled. “And no serious permanent markings on either of us. I couldn’t do that to you. The kind that… more or less… heals with time is okay though. They are sexy as fuck if you ask me…” he said a bit hoarser remembering again his claiming bite on the singer’s shoulder. “The rest we can figure out together, as you said. Thanks man, I was nearly losing my shit here,” he laughed a bit nervously. They never had to talk about such deep shit with Corey before, but their loose relationship in the past now became something much more and deeper that required such talks. Things were quickly changing. Jim just hoped he would be able to keep up.

“Hmm I think your limits are my limits too. I like role play too. And blood… You know… stuff that comes by instinct. And everyone knows blood is one of my fetishes,” he shrugged. No need to get shy about this stuff when all the band knew and saw him cutting himself and smearing his blood. He was what he was. Gave up long time ago to try to be something else. He will try now for Jim. Hopefully he will be able for a little.

“I… I can't promise I will be stable and okay. But I don't expect you to be different than you always were either. You know that? I mean... It's all new but I want us to be what we are. And you know I couldn't be better than I am.”

“It seems we are quite the match,” Jim chuckled low. “I’m more than okay with role play and blood is okay too, Cor.” Yeah, Jim could remember how the singer could get with blood. Maybe he was a vampire or something in a previous life, he snorted to himself. Not that the guitarist would have a problem with that substance. He was good with substances, remember?

“I can’t promise to be always okay either. It’s fine, I guess. I mean. I don’t want to force a role on you. I want you to be you. Just maybe happier? I want to help keeping your head above the tide,” he whispered the last sentence, rubbing the calloused pad of this thumb against his friend’s hand.

“I'm trying,” the singer held the big hand tighter. Lost in his thoughts for a little. He couldn't promise to stay sober either. But maybe that was well-known for Jim after that being said many times before.

“Please take me to the cemetery,” he said low, lowering his eyelids. He had to be with Paul on his own. Not with all the people around. “I have to...” he whispered looking up at Jim.

They slowed down by a red light so it gave Jim some time to lift Corey’s hand to his lips and kiss it without thinking. “I know you’re trying and I’m proud of you for that, Cor. I really am,” he smiled reassuringly at him then let the singer’s hand go to lean over for a peck on the lips.

Then he glimpsed up at the changing light, but looked back down into Corey’s sad blue eyes. “Sure. I get it,” he said and only understanding and support radiated from him. When an asshole honked twice from behind, Jim simply pushed his long arm out of the open window and flipped the bird at the asshat while putting the car into gear to turn on the road that would take them to the nearby cemetery. It seemed Jim was already subconsciously nearing the place. He himself wanted to “talk” to Paul and say goodbye on his own. But first he’ll let Corey do that while hanging back.

After murmuring a "thanks" Corey got lost in his emotions.

***

He was grateful that Jim let him go ahead and be alone with Paul a little. When he reached the grave he couldn't stand. He immediately dropped down to his knees before the big sealing plate that had his smiling mate's carved image on it. He can't come back now. Not like he was, not to that body and person. He wanted to tell him all what was going on in his brain but no words came out of his mouth. Only a muffled sorry every once in a while as he lowered himself into a ball over the grave, crying low. No words needed anyway. Paul probably knew. He always knew without words. And Corey told him everything through his soul that he felt still connected and calling for the spirit trapped in that monument.

The guitarist hung back and watched Corey at the grave from afar. It was fucking hard to stay put and not go over to comfort the crying man, but Jim knew he needed some time alone with his lost love.

“Fuck…” he huffed hoarsely, sniffing a few times as he fished a cigarette out of the pack and lit it up. He sat down on a marble grave’s edge and propped his arms on his knees, head hung low. Running a hand through his hair he kept puffing smoke into the air, his own silent tears escaping his burning eyes. He thought he understood and felt Corey’s pain. Or at least a part of it. Losing a soulmate was the kind of pain he could only imagine, but seeing his friend in such a state was horrible for the tall man.

Not to mention that his own grief was choking him up too. Looking out for Corey has been helping Jim to focus on something, but he knew it wasn’t healthy to lock up this pain inside. Though he tried not to think of anything just focus on his second cigarette while listening to the chirping of the birds and the distant sounds of traffic. Fuck, he hated cemeteries. Especially when they held dear friends and family. Trying to fight his guilt he was feeling about not being there enough for Paul, he wiped his face and sniffed a few times, waiting and trying to collect his thoughts about what he was going to tell Paul.

As the pain tried to swallow him up again, through his tears Corey saw the picture of Paul. Sunglasses and smiling. Always smiling. He was helping them all and wanted Corey to be happy. To be confident and encourage them all to do what they feel like and want. Slipknot could thank so much for Paul for the ideas to make their music special. And even Stone Sour for that matter, that Cor and Jim went back and started a different thing with that sleeping project. He was the force that kept pushing them further. Telling Corey to write it all out. The nightmares, the pain, the insanity, all that was inside him… He has to.

 “I'm sorry Piggy...” he started on a whisper. “I will look after the band and the others. I will make you proud of me. I will never leave you again. I promise. I promised before and failed you. I'm so sorry… I will continue your work here and make everyone know how great you were. I swear Piggy,” he breathed looking over the flowers around the statutes and many cards from the fans. They have to carry on. He has to do as he just promised.

Trying to gather himself he took a deep breath and wiping his face he started to talk about Jim and him. Not really coherent just what he felt and as it came to his mind. Paul will understand. He looked over only seeing Jim afar then leaned down pressing a kiss to the plate. No matter what, Paul would be a part of him forever. So he has to do what he promised. He stood and walked to Jim.

Jim’s eyes were probably as red and puffy as Corey’s, but he didn’t care just stubbed out his cigarette and stood once the singer got to where he was. With an understanding look he stepped closer to him to cradle his head in a big palm and press a long comforting kiss on the shorter man’s forehead. “Back in a few minutes. Wait for me,” he said then left Corey there to walk to Paul’s grave himself.

He took a deep breath, re-reading the carved plate, his eyes lingering on Paul’s smiling picture as Jim slid his hands into his jeans’ pockets. “Hey, Pauly…” he cleared his throat and looked into the distance. “I’m sorry, you know. For not trying to help you more. But then again… I’m not sure you’d have let me… or any of us. We’ve been all battling with our demons. I’m just… sorry it came to this. We’re gonna fucking miss you, man…” Jim’s voice failed him and he needed a few moments to collect himself and be able to go on.

“I’ll try my best to keep Corey safe. I know how close the two of you were and… he’d probably talked about us already. I feel a bit guilty for getting together with him so soon after you… but I’m afraid he wouldn’t make it if there wasn’t someone he can lean on. You know him better than anyone… you know how he can get... I promise you to help and love him in any form he might need and I can give. I’m gonna try to stay strong for both of us… Fuck… This is so fucked up!” he looked down at the carved portrait and could practically hear Paul’s laugh he’d fucking miss too.

“I hope you’re okay with that, man. But then you always wanted what’s best for Cor. Even if it meant pushing him away. I’ll try to help him, although I can’t guarantee anything. He’s gonna love you the most till the end, you know. But I don’t mind. What you two have is a special bond I accept. I won’t ask much from him. Only what he can give. He’ll be looked after. Not just by me but our brothers and family too.”

He kept talking for a couple of more minutes then he thanked Paul for taking such huge part in all of their lives. Crouching down he stroked along the portrait then wiped off his tears and cleared his throat as he walked back to Corey, automatically sliding an arm around him to hug him close. This visit was fucking hard for both of them. But necessary at the same time.

***

Months were passing by and the show had to go on, as always. Corey went to the graveyard daily, and tried to be as what he promised to Paul. Be there for the others, be a frontman the band needed. Handle the fans, work with the bands. At times it was easier than at other times.

He has practically moved in with Jim. They had their ups and downs and drinking sessions as well as fuck fests. The singer kept his more rapid drinking and his inner guilt and insanity hidden enough. Or Jim didn't say anything about it. No matter. The bands were rolling, and he put his sadness into songs, which was assuring everyone that he was healing.

The truth was that he was falling more and more for Jim and it horrified Corey. It came so easily to feel love for Jim. The sex was out of this world. They ended up just making love a lot more than doing it rough. But the rough was also on higher levels. Mostly playing roles of a bad puppy being punished, which got more and more bloody and raw with time, satisfying the singer's appetite to deeply live out his hidden guilt. And for Jim to feed something darker in him.

They tried not to think much. Just be and live day by day as it came. The next day they were going to take off to play the first gig without the lefty pig, and that caused mixed up emotions in all of them.

Looking over the bags once more and trying to think what they would forget, Corey walked over the rooms and looked at the shelves. Then dropped down on the bed with a giving up sigh. That's that. Jim went out for some dinner, he should be back soon. Then his eyes caught a strange glint from the half-open drawer from Jim's nightstand. Opening it he could only whisper a surprised curse as he held a framed picture of him and Jim from years back. What a romantic...

It wasn’t easy. In the first few weeks since that day in the cemetery most of Jim’s energies were spent on keeping Corey together (which of course wasn’t a burden, he was happy to help him), learning more about the BDSM world (and himself), dealing with some press and updating the other guys on some things. He barely had time to play his beloved guitars, so he often slid out of bed in the middle of the night after he was sure Corey was fucked into oblivion and padded to the music room to give in to his biggest passion (and addiction): playing one of his guitars.

Other times things were good when they were both in a better mood and were just hanging out either with each other or sometimes one of the guys or family. Jim even showed a few chords to Griffin one time. He kept his eyes on Corey too. He seemed more collected and motivated to write his sorrow out in his songs and music. He practically threw himself into the bands’ stuff. Which most would consider progress. Jim wasn’t that sure about it, but he didn’t want to call Corey on it in fear that he’d clam up and push Jim away. They were doing well in their relationship and Jim thought he was getting better in the Dom role too. Once he knew more about the basics, he quickly got a hang of it. Now he could do the more subtle things too. Like a calming, comforting or exciting touch or gesture, making sure Corey ate and slept regularly, got his favorite brand of coffee and so on.

To tell the truth, Jim was falling for him hard. He knew it and finally dared to admit it to himself. While Corey was away taking care of his kids and spending time with them, Cristina came for a few days long friendly visit to Jim. It didn’t take long for her to figure out that something was up with Jim and the guitarist finally cracked open and told her everything. Well, she already knew more or less about how Jim was with Corey. Jim considered himself lucky to have someone support him like her – especially when she told him not to feel guilty about his feelings for the singer but rather embrace it since both men needed each other so badly at the moment.

So after that conversation Jim was calmer about this at least and he let himself love the short man. It was liberating – and yeah, sometimes painful but all in all he was happy with Corey. He wondered how things would go during the tour they had to do now since they already had stuff booked before their break to start working on the new album. That was going to be hard too.

Everything was packed for their departure and they’d decided that Jim would run out for some dinner since neither of them was in the mood to cook. On his way back home the musician was going through a few lists in his mind, making sure that all his equipment were taken care of. He checked his bags three times already so he was set with those at least.

Entering the house he put the bags of food down in the kitchen and went to look for Corey. Whom he found in the bedroom on the bed, looking at that framed picture of them. Jim instantly blushed, but tried to play it off as if it wasn’t a big deal. “I love that pic of us,” he shrugged after clearing his voice and walking to the bed to sit down next to him.

“You kept it next to your bed and fantasized about me, admit it!” Corey pushed him with his shoulder, playfully laughing. “It's so old,” he kept looking at it smiling, he had a bit more than shoulder long hair, the light blond bleach half-way grown down; Jim without a beard, from around the time Audiosecrecy. It was crazy Jim had it. “I am the love of your life, huh?”

“Fantasized? Nah, I regularly jerked off to it,” he pushed Corey back laughing then his eyes wandered back to the picture. It was his favorite of them. Corey’s expression was so damn cute. Really puppy-like. And as always, Jim was standing behind him like the silent support he was considered to be. Even back then. And he liked it too because he was much less heavier in the stomach department back then, but he’d never say that. It would only ruin the mood.

Another shrug. His eyes darting up to catch Corey’s. “Maybe…” he said much more serious and out of breath than he wanted. Damn. He was like a lovesick giant.

“Maybe it gets you into so much trouble. Believe me…” Corey put the picture down and crawled into the giant's lap, his arms crossing over Jim's neck as he nuzzled him. It seemed like a loving act if he didn't grind his small round butt to the groin of the tall man.

“Oh really? I think someone is already in trouble and it’s not me…” his eyes darkened from feeling Corey’s weight on him and yeah, that teasing ass right over his cock that seemed very interested in this turn of events. “I know a bad puppy, who was poking around where he shouldn’t have while he was alone…” he lightly slapped Corey’s ass.

“Puppy doesn't feel sorry for that yet...” Corey teased lightly biting the long neck, sucking the skin between his teeth and pressing his butt more against his awakening buddy, who seemed to be very interested. “Let your long dick out to play, Jimmy… I'm afraid bad puppy would only learn from that…” he moaned on that low voice that he knew would make his mate go crazy.

He wasn’t wrong about it because Jim had to groan from that voice as he slid his hand on the back of Corey’s neck and squeezed, pulling him away from his own neck despite the fact that he was enjoying the biting there. “Quite the bossy puppy we have here…” he chuckled low then squeezed again. He lifted his chin and looked down at Corey along his nose. “Kneel on the floor,” he grunted, his own voice lowering a few octaves. To motivate him to move Jim even pushed Corey’s shoulder after letting his thick neck go.

The puppy moved to kneel in front of the bed and his owner with a shit-eating grin on his stubbly face. Sneakily rubbing his chin into the front of the other. “Give it to me!”

Jim stood up, towering over Corey. He looked even taller from the kneeling man's perspective and Jim knew how much he loved that. That huge grin on his face... that was doing just as much to Jim as the rubbing against his bulge. Pushing Corey's head a bit back to give more room for himself he did a quick job of opening his pants and letting them drop to the floor as he freed the requested long cock. He took himself in his hand and pulled on it a couple of times, Corey’s hungry look making himself throb in his grip. 

"You want this, huh? I can see how much, my little bitch," he grabbed the back of Corey's head and brushed his sensitive tip against the singer's bottom lip and chin, the stubbles adding to the heady feeling. "Ask nicely!"

Corey moaned loud and tried to quickly lick the head of the dick that was rubbed against his lip. He held his hands behind his back to seem like a good puppy and moved his head after it greedily. “Give it to me... Please...” he even peeked up with a naughty glint in his blue eyes.

Why was it that each sound the singer made was so arousing to Jim? He guessed it was a question he’d never get an answer to. And he could see behind all the naughtiness that Corey really needed it. So that’s what he was going to get. And then some more. “Better… Take good care of it!” Jim grunted as he pushed himself into that wet hotness, his hand on Corey’s nape keeping him in place while feeding him more and more of his cock.

The singer gulped down on the long meat with happy humming and moaning, again some sounds to drive his owner crazy as his rich voice resonated around the pulsing shaft. Flattening his tongue he sucked like there was no tomorrow and only here and now he could get this divine feast, so he had to make the best of it to taste even the smallest part of it. Making love to Jim's cock and losing himself in the process.

Jim couldn’t look away. He had to watch the fantastic picture of Corey sucking on him so eagerly. It was driving him insane how much he could lose himself in pleasuring his master. He was fucking beautiful and if anyone said otherwise, Jim would beat the shit out of them on the spot. He also knew that they needed this to unwind a bit before a very tiring and hard period that was going to come with the tour dates. So he wanted to give his all to Corey to help him relax as much as he could.

Stroking the singer’s short hair Jim pulled out then started pushing back faster and deeper, his other hand sliding down onto Corey’s throat to feel just how deep he was going. “Just look at you… so eager to suck dick. Deep-throat it then. Show me what you’ve got, puppy!” he pushed him.

He was eager, that was sure as fuck! He focused all his senses on the cock he was pleasing. He loved that in these sessions all his troubles and thoughts vanished. It should be a Buddhist meditation technique. Close the outside world and its troubles out and find inner peace in a long dick down your throat! Squeeze it tight and moan on it. Don't think about anything else just to not gag and do it as smooth as you can. Well he could picture the poster for that and THAT almost made him gag as he couldn't hold a chuckle back.

Fuck… That’s all Jim could think. No wonder. Corey has always been amazing with his mouth and Jim felt lucky to be able to experience his skills first hand. He was contemplating on just coming down on his pet’s throat and pleasure him afterwards, but then that chuckle made Jim lightly frown and pull himself fully out of the eager mouth.

“What’s so funny, huh?” he lightly slapped Corey’s nape. “You were to focus on pleasuring me, but I see you had the time to find something more important. I’m gonna have to punish you for that too, you know it, right?” Without waiting for an answer Jim took a step back with a neutral face he forced on himself. “Stand, strip then hands on the wall and ass out.”

“Yes, master,” Corey tried to say serious, but being an obedient puppy was not easy for him tonight. He stripped as fast as he could and stood as ordered to please Jim a little and hide his smile.

Something – as a good Dom – Jim had noticed, but it didn’t bother him as long as Corey did as he was told. And he did otherwise beautifully. The sight was mouthwatering to say the least. A very naked and very hard Corey Taylor waiting to be punished in one of his favorite ways. Jim knew how much the singer loved to be spanked by his big and strong hands and that’s what he was going to get.

“Five slaps for the snooping around without permission and three additional ones for losing focus while pleasuring master. Count for me!” Jim ordered as he took his position next to Corey’s left hip so that he could hit him as hard as the singer liked. Then the next second a loud slap echoed in the room and the familiar tingling in Jim’s palm and fingers started. Truth be told, this was just as addictive to the guitarist as it was for his lover. It also tickled that deeply hidden side of Jim.

Trying to stand still while that big hand slaps you with that force is not easy. Especially counting loud instead of moaning from it while his dick was leaking a good long string of pre-cum already till the slaps stopped. Leaving the younger man groaning low and shaking, utterly aroused and ready to beg for something rougher.

Storing the fucking arousing sounds and sight into his memory, Jim kept slapping him until all eight was landed on the now bright red ass cheeks which he kept rubbing soothingly to ease the stinging a little bit. Leaning to Corey’s shoulder he playfully bit it then took a deep breath from the familiar scent of his lover’s neck. “Good puppy…” he murmured on his lowest voice.

After the praising Jim moved around the shaking man and dropped on his knees behind him to pull his ass cheeks apart and lick into him without any further preamble, groaning from Corey’s taste. His beard rubbing against the sensitive parts only added to the sensations, not to mention the first one then two fingers which were quickly opening him up as Jim bit the warm ass hard just to feel Corey contract around his long fingers.

Gritting his teeth together and groaning while trying to stand on his very unsteady legs took all the strength the small man had. He wanted it. Wanted it so fucking badly. Jim’s long fingers were great but just not enough now. Yelping and trembling from the bite he started to whimper in need.

“That’s it… give in to me,” Jim stroked along Corey’s ribs and hip as his fingertips brushed against his prostate teasingly. But then he was pulling them out to stand up, take off the rest of his own clothes and bending his knees step behind him. Some more spit and he was pushing in while steadying the trembling man with his hands on Corey’s hips. Jim didn’t give much time for him to adjust because he knew by then how much Corey liked that extra drag until he loosened up enough. Fuck, the sounds he was making were fucking with Jim’s head as he got into a nice steady rhythm, knowing that it wasn’t quite going to do it for the singer.

Who had to bite and chew hard on his lips to not curse, but his pleasure filled cries escaped anyway. All that manhandling just the way he needed it the most. Fucking mind-blowing as fuck. He was whining and growling from the stinging pain rushing through his body and making it stiffen, then loosen up from the pleasure. The big hands on him gripping tight made him remember that he was held up and safe, owned for the better and he started to really lose his sane mind. Thanks again for Jim and his just perfect ways.

Some of his control was slipping but Jim still managed to focus most of his attention on Corey. Their moans mixing and the tight grip around him made Jim leak into the singer, making his way easier. Then after a few more rough trusts he completely slid out and grabbed Corey to turn him around and press his back against the wall. “Hold on to me,” he gave him permission to touch the first time that night and when Corey did, Jim grabbed his thighs to lift him off the ground and lead Corey’s legs around his hips. From there only a few more moves were needed to feel Corey slowly sliding down on his length until the guitarist bottomed out.

He was panting too now from the intense feeling, his tattooed arms tightening around Corey’s thick thighs, nails digging into his ass. While collecting himself a bit instead of blowing his load right then and there, he roughly pressed a kiss against Corey’s lips. Tongue pushing in and taking and taking and taking until they both had to come up for air and that’s when Jim fucked up hard into Corey.

The singer threw his head back with a throaty yell, banging it hard and loud against the wall but he didn't care. The dizzier, the merrier… His short back was arching from the force Jim was thrusting into him again and again, his cuddly round belly pressing to his body as the long strong arms were holding him up and close. Corey couldn't help but press himself closer and kissed and chewed on the sweaty neck moaning and cursing between the delighted cries. “P…please let me cum... Please, master...” he whimpered on a voice Jim probably never heard before. So much on the edge and needy, filled with a desperate cry.

Even in the heat of the act Jim’s hazy eyes looked at Corey a bit concerned hearing that loud thud, but since the singer seemed to be okay afterwards, Jim continued and let his own eyes roll shut as Corey chewed up his neck, which only made his thrusts come harder and faster, starting to fall out of rhythm since he was so fucking close too. What nearly became his undoing was that tone Corey used to beg him. He’d never heard it before but Jim already knew he wanted to hear it over and over again in the future, because it was the most beautiful thing he’d heard from the singer so far and it was something to say that!

“Yes! Give it to me… Now!” he practically growled and then cried out, his cock throbbing and shooting his cum deep into his pet. Just the way they both liked. To muffle his own cries Jim’s teeth found that spot on Corey’s shoulder he liked to mark up and he bit on some healing bruises there. He was re-marking what was his, because tomorrow they would go into the outside world and Jim had to know his claim mark was on his singer.

The barked command made Corey lose it all. His body jerked as he shot his load onto their bellies right when Jim came deep inside him, the feeling of his teeth marking him owned again made his mind buzz further away into the blinding tingling bliss. It was all he ever wanted to feel, and much, much more…

It took them longer to come around this time. Jim doubted they managed to slip into headspace so deeply before. It made him feel proud of both of them. They’ve been working towards this for months by now. Dinner completely forgotten, carrying the floating singer to the bed on shaky legs and cleaning him up came as second nature by then. Afterwards Jim cuddled Corey from behind, holding him tight and secure to his chest, one long leg mingled with the singer’s. He probably loved this part the most, because it was just the two of them with sated bodies and minds, all their problems and sorrows forgotten for a little while.

“And you said we cannot fuck standing because of our height difference…” Jim finally murmured when he could tell Corey came down enough to understand.

Corey just smiled and practically purred. Yes, purred and moved more against Jim's warm chest. “Okay. I was wrong. You can punish me for that later on,” he chuckled light-headed and turned to ask for a kiss.

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