Chapter 13

 "I’ve known you all along...”

It was all fun and love and happiness. For a day or two... 

The big decision of moving together and living as one family and all the mushy romantic shit they just had deep inside sounded lovely. Deep, deep down buried under many layers of raw animalistic obsessed passion... 

The devil in the details, as always. And after the first happy cloud started to ebb down and let Corey think rational again, his blonde eyebrows furrowed more in the early rays of the rising sun. 

He was thinking over what should be done, all the people they have to tell and how to make them two get into one household… Plus Angel and Griffin were there too to deal with… 

He didn't even realize while sitting on the back small terrace that he smoked the sixth cigarette in a row in the short amount of half an hour...

Jim woke up from his sleep alone in their bed. Okay, it was more like a nap, because he woke up earlier too. He liked to nap whenever he felt like it and had time for it. Corey often teased him being his big kitten. Jim liked that too. But he liked to wake up with his love on his side – or often half-way under him in Jim's bear-hug – even more.

Once he got himself together enough for his brain to start working, it flooded his mind with thoughts. Mostly happy ones. He finally dared to believe that this might actually work on the long-run. Being and living with Corey. It was a huge, huge step in their relationship and the last few days were nearly too good to be true. At times Jim's insecurities made him wait for the other shoe to drop. But for now all seemed to be okay.

Right until he went to the kitchen to make some fresh coffee for both of them. He saw Corey sitting on the terrace, smoking. Jim didn't need to fully see his face, he could tell that he was deep in thought and the pace with which he was smoking cigarette after cigarette was telltale too.

Needless to say, the big man's spirit started quickly dropping as self-doubt tried to stomp on his until then good mood. What if...?

Cutting that thought off, he poured coffee for both of them, taking a big mug for Corey outside. As Jim handed it over to him and glimpsed at Corey's furrowed brows, his heart sank even more.

"Morning, love," he said quietly and sat down next to the smaller man, lighting up a cigarette for himself and taking a deep drag before exhaling and taking a sip from his coffee.

"Morning, babe," Corey said with a small smile taking the mug. "Thanks. I need this…" he added taking a long sip from his coffee. "I’ve been up from a while…" the small man sighed trying to put all the racing thoughts into words. And be careful with it too, so he wouldn't make Jim misunderstand what he wanted to say…

"I was thinking a lot about this getting together and moving in thing…" he started.

Hearing that Jim pressed his lips together and tried to rein in his emotions and mind that wanted to panic. By then it was hard to keep his cool, because he had opened up himself too much for Corey. He was the only person who knew and understood Jim to such depths and thinking that now he had so very fucking much to lose made him feel vulnerable and exposed. Maybe that other shoe would drop now... But whatever happens, what counts for Jim is Corey. However he wants things, they will happen that way.

He made a promise to Paul.

He kept repeating that in his head as he looked at his man with an aching heart and a bit sad eyes. "And... you're having second thoughts?" he whispered. "It's perfectly fine though. I'll understand if you do," he added even quieter and swallowed hard, searching Corey's familiar and beloved face.

"What? No… Fuck…" Corey turned shocked to Jim and flicked the butt of the cigarette away, cursing some more. 

"No, babe... I'm sorry I made you think that. I was just thinking how we should move in and tell everyone… Things like that…" he said quickly and moved closer to his man. He was such a fool… Of course Jim would overthink it. He has to be clearer with his words. Things were still forming between them…

"I love you... I always wanted you, remember?" he smiled and kissed the face of his pair.

Sighing raggedly, Jim visibly relaxed and nodded with a small smile. "Yes... I remember. I also remember how I didn't dare to go into a gay relationship in the past. That has changed though. I want this so badly with you," Jim said, leaning into his man. "I'm sorry. I don't want to lose you ever again," he murmured.

Yes, he still felt a bit guilty for backing out of things like that years ago. He knew how much it must have hurt the singer who was ready to take that step, but Jim wasn't. For a moment he thought that this time Corey felt like that. Apparently, he was wrong and it made him feel relieved.

"So... what conclusion did you reach about us and the moving in then?" he asked while finishing his cig too then he put an arm around Corey's shoulders to keep him close.

"I need you to help me keep the remains of my sanity… I need you to feel alive and not that much of a freak… So I don't want to lose you ever again either, Jimmy…" Corey sighed leaning against the bigger body, already feeling his mind more relaxed from the closeness of his man. 

"Not much conclusions… More like listing what needs to be done. There are the houses… And my kids… The guys from the bands and my ex-wife… We have to organize this all together somehow... Want to go inside and try to eat something?" he asked moving to stand up and pull Jim up with him.

"Okay. I can do that as long as you accept me the way I am," Jim kissed Corey's forehead after they stood up and he took the much smaller hand in his, lacing their fingers together. It still amazed Jim how such a small touch and gesture could make his heart race and warmth fill his chest.

"We'll figure everything out, Corey. We take one step at a time. First step would be some nice breakfast and maybe ease our minds with some jamming. My fingers are itching to play," he chuckled a bit more awake and calmer – or naughtier?

"Hmm... I bet… You still have to show me those songs, though. I will show you what I put together too after we ate," the singer replied having some ideas about to what use he could put those long fingers to beside running on the fret board… 

The being at home feeling got stronger again just by having Jim around him, telling his fucking lame jokes while Corey made some food for them. 

He would never change his mind over Jim and being with him and living their life as a couple. He couldn’t give space to his darker thoughts. Still... The feeling of another big man being around him started to creep on him stronger again…

During breakfast Jim eased up some more and babbled and joked around about everything and anything both to put their minds off the always lurking darkness and to entertain Corey.

Once among the instruments, Jim started chewing on his lips as he took out a folder from a drawer and sat down next to Corey, picking up his plugged in guitar from the ground. He was a bit nervous, not knowing if the small man would like the songs Jim's been writing for years. But first he wanted to show him his most recent work.

"Okay... so this is still raw and this is the one I put together while you were away spending time with Griff and you grams. It's called... well, Sadist..." he chuckled a bit nervously as he handed the paper to Corey to read the lyrics as he started playing and singing the song on his guitar, looking up from the strings to Corey's face in turns to see his reactions.

The title, of course was perfect and it left Corey smile wide. Listening to Jim's open thoughts in the song moved the singer deeply. It was amazing and honest and perfect. 

"I don't know why you always say you can't write songs… It's amazing, Jimmy…" Corey said moved to his very core. Also from Jim's voice. He never got to know why the big man stopped to be okay with backing vocals, but Jim always sang with the others and Corey always got blown away by the emotion-filled singing voice of his love. 

"I'll show you what I wrote. It's funny because while you played I had the feeling that we wrote the different parts of the same song," he chuckled a bit taking the guitar from Jim, stealing a short kiss along the way and started playing too.

Needless to say, Jim was blushing hard from the compliments and his heart leaped hearing that Corey thought the song was amazing. "Thanks," he mumbled and cleared his throat, looking curiously at his man after that soft kiss.

He loved watching Corey with a guitar. Two of Jim's passions in one picture. Not to mention that he loved Corey's style – let it be playing some instrument, singing or writing lyrics or music.

The more Corey played and sang on his awesome voice, the more moved Jim got too. He could feel that Corey meant every damn word that left his mouth. It was so beautiful how the two parts complimented each other and fit together. They would need only a little work to finish the song. Also, Jim might or might not have blinked a couple of tears back.

"I think it's going to be a great song of ours..." he looked at Corey with deep love in his hazel eyes. "Maybe... we could change up a bit the bridge here..." he pointed at said verse.

"Yeah… Good idea," Corey said and already started playing a different riff, a little bit in between the two songs. 

"I'm glad we write again, Jim. I think… I think he likes this too… Can you feel him too?" Corey asked quietly. He just couldn't shake the feeling that Paul was around them and watching, listening and approving their song and relationship. 

Ever since they opened up more and got closer without hiding their true self and feelings, his soul found more peace with it. He kept seeing and feeling Paul around but felt his love more than his anger. Maybe that anger was not Paul's in the first place, but Corey's own anger with himself...

Jim was easing up even more too as they were fucking finally writing together again. If he wanted to be completely honest with himself, it was one of his most favorite things in his life.

Closing his eyes, he quietly hummed along to the new blend of their riffs then looked at Corey from the unsure question. He knew right away whom the redhead meant.

"I think I can feel him a bit too," he smiled reassuringly at his man. "I'm sure he's happy about this. About us..." he stroked Corey's shoulder.

"Yeah... Can we… go visit him, please?" that was Corey's next unsure question. The emotions suddenly hit him hard and he just had to make sure Paul agrees.

Searching Corey's face for a moment, Jim saw all those emotions on him. Wanting to give him anything that would help him feel better and make peace with the Paul situation and them together, he nodded with another small smile.

"Of course, baby. Let's go, visit him," he stood and took his guitar from Corey before helping him up. "Let me grab my keys and wallet then we can go," he said leaning down to press a soft kiss onto his man's mouth.

***

He knew the road to the cemetery by heart and didn't mind the silence in the car while he was driving them there.

As they got closer, the darkness emerged around Corey's heart more and more. He didn't even notice when he started chewing his nails one by one with precision, going over his whole hand absently and somewhat numb. 

He still felt guilty and responsible for the death of their friend and lover. And he knew that those feelings would never fully leave… But with the starting of a new life with Jim he found a new propose to channel all that. His man was with him. And he probably clung to Jim a bit stronger and closer than necessary as they walked to the grave. 

For a few seconds he just stood there and stared at the carved smiling image of Paul on the plate. It all felt so long ago yet so vividly painful at the same time…

Kneeling down he swallowed back his tears and slowly caressed the grave plate's image. "I'm so sorry piggy…" he whispered hoarsely.

Of course Jim gave Corey the support the short man so clearly needed as they walked to Paul's grave. His own heart got heavier too. He missed the other big man dearly as well and knew that it wasn't going to ever change.

Staying in silence after murmuring a "hi" to Paul, he lifted his gaze from the plate to Corey's form, staying a step behind as the silent support he's been countless of times during all these long years.

"I will always love you… And will do anything to make the world know that. And how great you are. I swear. I will make you proud…" Corey whispered as his tears rolled down on his face. 

He has to make it up for Paul. He couldn't think of any other way to honor his late lover. 

Looking up at Jim, Corey reached out with a hand for his present lover, the one who has always been there for him. "I will try my hardest to make you happy, Jim. I swear to you too. I don't want to lose you…"

With a quiet sigh and a serious but soft look, Jim took Corey's hand and stepped right next to his man, putting his arm around his shoulder, the other caressing the stubbly face as he wiped off a few teardrops.

"We'll make Paul proud together," he murmured softly. "You already make me very happy, love and you'll never lose me. I'll keep you safe and love you as much as I can. I promised that to Paul as well and I promise that to you too. I love you both."

Corey just nodded as crying took over his shaking body. He felt some kind of a relief as he put these new goals ahead of himself. 

He will have to do everything as Paul wanted. With making music and make Slipknot a band that will always be remembered. And Corey will do anything he can to make Paul be remembered as well. 

Even so, the ride back home was the same as to the cemetery. By the time they stepped into the house again, Corey's stubbly chin and a few of his fingers were messed up with his own blood.

Jim put a big and supporting hand on Corey's shoulder and led him into their bathroom. He guided his man to the sink and began washing his bloody hands and chin with deep care in his eyes. He even tended the badly chewed up fingernails one by one, radiating nothing but calmness and love towards Corey.

Once he was finished, he led him to their unmade bed and stopped Corey in front of it, starting to undress them both without a word. Once they both were naked, Jim leaned down to kiss the smaller man, taking him into his tattooed arms to make him feel protected and loved. He knew what Corey needed.

In turn Corey started to chew on his bottom lip and mumbled many 'sorry' utterly embarrassed while Jim was treating his fingers. 

He should be stronger than that if he wants to be there for Jim…

Only the deep love-filled kiss eased up his tense body as he was holding onto Jim's naked body like for dear life…

"It's okay, baby. I'm here for you. I love you, remember?" he said in between soft kisses then slowly backed Corey to the bed, lying him down with care. He remembered how his redhead kept taking care of his messed up self and fingers during their tour. It was the least that Jim would do the same to the only man he loved more than his own life.

"Tell me, Corey..." he broke their deep kiss to stroke the flushed cheek and look into the blue eyes. "How do you want me to love you now?" he asked on a soft tone.

Corey swallowed hard looking back into the hazel orbs and hugged Jim closer. 

"Just love me as you want to… I just want to feel you… Feel you loving me…" he whispered feeling small and a mess. How come such an amazing incredible man loves him? And Paul? He was always so worthless and useless and Paul loved him too. It was something he thought no one would give him after feeling rejected by Jim. But even Jim came back all the time… "I don't deserve any of you..." Corey whispered leaning his face more into the caressing hand, closing his eyes to keep his moved tears back.

"But you do. I'll tell you this every time you doubt yourself. I could say I don't deserve someone like you either, but I believe that things happen with a reason. We found our way back to each other. Again. And this time it'll last. I'll love you for who you are and what you give me. You love me like no one else ever did. You accept me like no one else," Jim murmured softly while planting sweet kisses all over Corey's face as he gently pushed the singer's legs apart to be able to more or less lay on top of the much shorter body.

"And we'll start a new life together. We belong together. I dare to believe that now. You are my everything... and I'll make love to you now to show you how deeply I love you," Jim whispered at the end, kissing into Corey's thick neck, inhaling that beloved scent as he began bucking his very interested cock against his man.

The singer didn't dare trying to speak, as he was afraid his emotions would get over him. He was moved and grateful for Jim's words and just caressed the head and nape of his pair. 
His thighs opened more and his hips bucked back against to feel the hardening flesh against his own.

True to his words, Jim began worshiping the pale (and here and there flushed) skin of the redhead all over with his kisses, licks and gentle nipping. Soon his plump lips closed around that perfect leaking cock to suck it slowly, his lubed up fingers playing with the tight hole Jim couldn't wait to get inside once again.

He took his time, wanting to make sure Corey felt his love in every way possible. Jim had no idea what he'd do without this man. Or how he could live without Corey ever again.

Corey indeed felt all the gentle feelings Jim wanted to share with him. So strongly that all the usual hunger for pain and roughness was nowhere. He enjoyed the loving care his big man treated him with and only soft moans of pleasure left his lips. 

His arousal was growing slower but steadily with the tender touches. The feeling of those amazing fingers making his hips come alive and push against them, wanting more. "Please Jimmy… Give me more… You feel so good. Always… Please…" he whispered starting to get dizzy with lust.

That's what the big man was waiting for. Kissing and nipping along the inside of a muscular thigh he licked along Corey's balls and flushed shaft once more while pulling his fingers out. 

Quickly slicking himself up, he was soon watching Corey's reactions as he began sliding steadily into his love, his lips finding the other man's for a deep sensual kiss while Jim was circling his hips.

With soft grumbling moans he began rolling his hips, keeping the steady and deep rhythm. It was nearly hypnotizing for both. Like getting into a trance, letting their love flow freely between them to enjoy it to the fullest.

Corey kissed Jim back like a drowning man that can be kept alive only by that deep love-filled kiss they shared. 

Picking up Jim's pace, his hips moved in sync while holding onto the bigger body covering his own. Feeling belonged and wanted by his man, even loved and be worth of loving as their passion got higher.

"You're so perfect for me, Corey... Love you so much," Jim panted onto his lips as he began quickening the pace of his thrusts, knowing that he has found the perfect angle to stimulate the pleasure spots deep in his man. "You're the love of my life. I'm so happy with you," he whispered, caressing Corey's flushed cheek with adoration and pure love in his moves and eyes.

"Whenever you're ready..." he added, loving the way as that perfect ass and thighs tightened around him even more. He didn't mind the slickness of their skin as sweat was forming on their bodies, which were moving in perfect sync.

From all the stimulation Corey could only moan deeply as a reply of some sort. The burning for joining his pair in their orgasm was slowly and maddeningly and just beautifully climbing up on his nerves. 

He was melted into a moaning sweaty puddle under Jim, feeling the wave of electric shock-like joy wash over him more and more with each one of those hard thrusts. Making his pleasure rise higher till he reached his peek and fell into the blinding bliss, pulling his man with him with his cramping body and burning soul to become one once again.

Jim couldn't stop kissing Corey once they were fighting for air after their intense orgasm. His plump lips found not just the soft ones but Corey's face, neck and shoulders too.

"I love you. I need you," he murmured hiding into the thick neck, moved to the core, his long arms wrapping around the short sweaty singer.

It was mushy and full of pink fluff and gentle romance and perfect.  Jim made Corey not just accepted but let himself enjoy being loved and worshiped by the big man. 

"I love you so much, baby. Thank you. I need you more than you will ever know," he whispered moved deeply and was just enjoying the peace and safely of the big arms around him for a little while longer.

***

It seemed fate or luck or the universe was on their side, because soon Corey's worries about the house question was solved when one of Jim's friends let him know about an offer down in Florida. There was a ranch on sale through an auction. Jim fell in love with it the first time he saw the pictures of the ranch and the forest that belonged to it.

After some serious discussion with Corey, he decided to buy it and sell his current house in Des Moines, practically moving in with Corey, who made room for Jim in his house.

Of course all this happened after talking to Corey's kids and their family members, going public with the 'being together and starting a life together' thing. In general no one was bothered by it, which made the couple relax some more.

Probably everyone was thinking 'Fucking finally!!!' in the singer's opinion. 

Honestly everyone knew about them. So his ex-wife only rolled her eyes at Corey saying that she was scared he was going to tell him something new about Griffin. 

They convinced Jim's mother to move down to the ranch as it would treat her health better being in a more humid and warm place. 

And really... Corey's house got a room for the kids and a soundproof room to jam, or be naughty too. It was good that way and Corey felt happy seeing everything finally falling into place.

Living with Corey wasn't such a new thing for Jim. After all they've been doing that for years on tour and sometimes crashing at the other's place off-tour too. But still, once Jim officially moved out of his house, it was still completely different. It was a commitment from both sides and he was so very happy that those who counted accepted their love and decision. Maybe one day they could even marry somehow. But that was just a well-hidden little fantasy of Jim – for now.

Soon after Jim let Corey's... or rather their house swallow up the few shit he owned and wanted to keep, his love brought home a four-legged gift for Jim. It was a husky female puppy, whom Jim named Roxy. Needless to say, Griffin was probably just as smitten with the energetic girl as Jim.

Of course with Roxy a cat and a very jumpy little fox terrier mix came too. She was all over Corey and demanded to be always close to the singer. 

The jokes came too with the 'wifey' having a lapdog… How cute. But they didn't mind. Especially as more and more song ideas started to come and they could enjoy working together or making music once again.

Which was a really good and healing thing for both. Not to mention that it only deepened their connection. They still had a little more than a week before they had to hit the road again, and decided to go down to the ranch to help Jim's mom settle in. Not just the boys but Griffin too was excited about the family trip, because he was going to be able to spend more time with his dad, Jim and the new pets.

Also, it was nice for the pair to get out of Des Moines for a while and focus on building and settling into their new life.

"They love it here," Jim smiled taking Corey's hand as they were walking among the trees, Griff and the dogs running and playing a bit ahead of him. "Mom likes it too. Are you happy?" he looked down at his man, with some worry, because that's all Jim wanted to make Corey. Happy and better.

Having that little bit of forest as their own was amazing. And even the house was in a good shape. Corey knew Jim's more hippie side would enjoy it fully, and he loved the outdoors too. Especially seeing his son so happy with the dogs, running around freely. 

"Yeah… I'm very happy with you here. From the forest it feels like we are really hidden away. Are you happy, baby?" he asked back as he turned to hug Jim by the small riverbed while the puppies made friends with the water.

"I love this sense of privacy too. As well as being close to nature. Mom loves that the most in this place too," Jim nodded then hugged his short man tighter. "Yes, I'm very happy. We've been through a lot of shit to get here. We totz deserve it," he giggled and leaned down to seal that statement with a kiss.

Although they both knew that they were far from healed and maybe they will never fully get over things, at least they were on the right path. It was going to be rocky at times, but Jim had hope that they would find the strength in each other to carry on with their lives and make Paul proud, like they promised.

THE END

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