Note: Some angst, some plot, lots of smut and emotions. You’re welcome! ;)

Recommended album: “I Loved You at Your Darkest” by Behemoth

Fandom: Behemoth

Characters: Adam “Nergal” Darski, Tomasz “Orion” Wróblewski, Zbigniew Robert “Inferno” Promiński, Patryk Dominik “Seth” Sztyber, Dorota Rabczewska-Stępień

Rating/category: R (explicit), slash, M/M, drama, romance, hurt/comfort, angst, dark, rough sex, some (kinda manly) fluff

Summary: Nergal’s sickness has changed a lot of things in his life. Including his relationship with Orion…

Disclaimer: This is a product of our imagination and was written only for entertainment and fun. We don’t profit from this fanfiction and we mean no harm or disrespect against any real person, culture or custom that might appear in the story. All original pictures used in the story belong to their respective owners and credits go to them.

 
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I Loved You at Your Darkest
By S.M.A. & Useless-girl

Part 1

The chanting of the protesters coming through the half-open window was what woke him up the next time from a series of longer and shorter naps. As their voices grew louder in front of the hospital building, Nergal heard movement in his room, but he was still too weak to open his eyes at once or move an inch. Finally, he wasn't nauseous and nothing hurt in that moment – which was rare lately – so he was just enjoying it. Especially when he heard the window being closed and the curtains pulled in, leaving the room in a comfortable semi-darkness.

"Thank you..." he whispered hoarsely and finally opened his grey eyes, his dry lips pulling into a soft but warm smile as he looked at the familiar big form of Orion. "Though their constant chanting resulted in some pretty fucked up dreams I kinda enjoyed..." he joked weakly.

"More new material?" Orion asked in his usual low murmur. "When you feel a little better, I can bring in the guitar again," he smiled at his friend as he sat on the bed. "They are just crazy," he shrugged as if saying to Nergal that he shouldn’t even care for the people outside.

Though Tomasz aka Orion was very mad at them. Adam Nergal Darski fell ill and was diagnosed with leukemia not so long ago. The many who had dragged him to court for blasphemy before saw that as the punishment of their God. And went even that far to chant in groups at the hospital, thankfully for Nergal’s dying.

The truth was he was getting better, though. The treatment worked and that is why he got on the transplant list. Nergal was going to live.

And he was better... Because Tomasz couldn't imagine losing him now that he finally faced and accepted his feelings for the small hyper man.

"Want some water? How do you feel?" he asked softly. The stronger double doses of chemotherapy weakened his always active friend. And for the tall man it started to get painful to watch.

"Let them chant their hatred. It only undermines themselves. Preaching about love and acceptance but spitting hate instead. It's quite pathetic and also amusing to some degree. Don't you think?" he whispered, a spark of his real self finally showing on him after the last days which were spent mostly with puking or sleeping thanks to the radiation.

"Water sounds 'heavenly'..." Nergal chuckled which turned into a few coughs before he collected himself. "Sorry, couldn't leave that one out. Otherwise I still feel like shit, but it's better for now. Nothing hurts at the moment," he added and moved a bit to test his body. It wasn't so bad, thankfully. "And yeah, they provide some new ideas for songs. I'd love to work on them soon. I wrote a few lyrics too since the last time you were here... They are in the nightstand if you are interested."

From the better mood of Adam, the spark of fire glinted up in Tomasz’s dark eyes too. That was the man... he loved.

"Can't rest even in the hospital. And coming back from the dead. Must use that image in some video," he joked on a lighter tone too and held the mug with a straw to help the lying man drink. "I'm gonna look after you better from now on." That line slipped out of his mouth before he could have stopped it and the meaning he felt behind it made his high cheek bones get a faint pink coloring as their eyes met.

"Good idea for the video," Nergal smirked before he lifted his head and sucked the straw between his dry lips to slowly drink some water. He felt his whole being as if it was dried parchment, but knew better than to drink too fast and too much. After all, he didn't want to start puking around Orion again.

But his last sentence made him pause and meet his eyes. Of course, he noticed the slight blush on his friend's cheek and he found it damn endearing and cute. Not to mention that it warmed his heart more than he expected. Should he dare to hope now?

Raising his hand with the IV in it, he put it around the thick wrist, which he couldn't fully circle even with his slimmer and longer fingers. "I'm happy to hear that..." Nergal said softly and on a smoother voice now that he drank. He held onto the wrist holding the cup in place and drank some more but even after he was done and put his head back on the pillow, he was reluctant to let go of it or break the eye-contact.

The bigger man stayed frozen too. Bending over the smaller one, holding his gaze and feeling mesmerized by their unsaid feelings. They both sort of knew it well enough, but never said or acted upon any of the sparks that were at times clear to notice by others around them as well.

"I check out the songs you wrote." Orion only whispered that and swallowed hard, gently moving away from the alluring eyes and that weak touch on his wrist. Forcing calmness on himself like so many times before, he sat with now the notebook in his hand and rather stared at Nergal’s messy handwriting, cursing himself on the inside.

"Okay..." That was all the singer whispered back as he put his hand back on the white cover and watched the huge man move around with a calmness and grace Nergal always admired and wondered how it was possible to pull off for such a big man. Still, that calmness was one of the things he loved in Orion. Yes... loved in him.

This moment just now was one of those many sparks they have missed in the past too. And apparently today wasn't different either. Which made him feel... disappointed. Not that he would be strong enough for anything... or even to confess the feelings he's been harboring and suppressing for years. Maybe hope was really a fucking bitch, just like they say...

As he was thinking about these while keeping his silvery eyes on the big man trying to figure out the mysterious scribbles he called his handwriting, his thoughts were interrupted by the soft creaking of the door as it was opened carefully and Dorota's blond head popped in through the crack.

"Oh, hi boys. Didn't know you were here, Tomasz," she entered with a smile at the bassist then closed the door behind her and moved closer to the bed with a nylon bag. "Hey baby. How are you today? I made you some light soup. The doctor said it was okay to eat some if you feel like it," she said, putting the bag on the nightstand and leaned down to peck Nergal's smoother lips.

"Hey. It's good to see you," he smiled up at his fiancé. "It's nice of you. Thank you. I think I'll try some a bit later. I'll live, don't worry," he joked.

"Hi. Yeah I came by to see how he was doing," Orion returned the smile politely.

That was the other reason... Many picked on them all for their views and what they represented. As the front man of the band and his own personal actions, Nergal got that judgment even worse. He had this really caring nice girl as a fiancé. Something normal... A gay relationship especially in the business they were in gets out sooner or later. And the people who already hated Adam would hate him even more.

Dorota was a nice girl, really. Made Nergal happy. What else could Orion wish him more?

"He speaks the truth. Doctor says he will live too," he joked with a chuckle. "Now my nightmares are cured about that. So… I get going. Take care you two," he added and nodding as a goodbye left the couple.

Nergal said his thanks and goodbye to Orion and watched him leave, his heart getting heavy from it. He even felt the room get somehow colder once he left. Though it's been the case for a long while now when he wasn't around.

It also felt a bit like a retreat for both of them, which was made possible by Dorota's appearance. Maybe it wasn't the right time. Maybe there will never be a right time for them...

***

The few weeks after that scene went like always with Adam and Tomasz. The only thing different was Adam's recovery in which his bandmate got a bigger role.

As advised by the doctors, Adam was said that he should pick up yoga and meditation and once he gets better, he should start to build muscle weight.

And the brilliant idea came from Dorota that Orion could help in that. Since he was into such practices and training…

Of course as a good friend who basically swore to look after Nergal more could not refuse that… But maybe this just made things more difficult. As both men have started working on the new songs and work out in the gym together only as friends…

Recovering from a sickness like this was literally like hell sometimes. It also brought a lot of changes and adjustments into Nergal's life, to which he clung with everything he got, no matter what. He was going to beat this shit and prove those asshole haters wrong. He wasn't going to give them the pleasure to see him perish as if their precious "God" struck him down. No, he was going to live and take every obstacle and difficulty that comes along with it.

He had a strong will, he was loved and cared for and he was determined to get back on his feet and in front of their fans as soon as possible.

Whenever he could and wasn't resting, he started with continuing writing lyrics. Then as time passed by, he played the guitar more and taking the doctors' advice, he even started yoga and some working out. Of course, it all went slowly at first, but Orion was more than great in helping him. And it warmed his heart in more ways than he ever showed or said...

It even amused him a bit that it was Dorota who basically suggested with this to spend more time with the big man. Not that Nergal would have ANY objections against that. There was no one else who could calmly listen to his rambling and random ideas like Tomasz could...

The regular gym felt like home ground to Orion. He just nodded to the lady at the reception desk and headed towards the lockers to change. He was a little late so hurried to put on his loose sweat pants and sleeveless low arm cut top to join Nergal.

They will try to meditate and do some yoga. But from the worked up hyper way his friend spoke on the phone he had doubts they would succeed.

As he walked into the smaller practice room they rented for themselves, he had to smile on the wildly back and forth pacing, a little slim man lost in his thoughts. He only turned around when Orion stopped behind him and cleared his throat.

"Oh. Hi! Sorry, was completely lost in my... thoughts," Nergal suddenly turned around to face his friend and wasn't sure if he got a bit dizzy from that or the way Orion looked in his gym outfit. Not that it would be the first time he saw him in such clothes, but this look was definitely Nergal's favorite and it always struck him just how big and muscular Tomasz was... As he let his eyes feast on how the low cut shirt showed a lot of Orion's bare sides and huge muscular arms, or how the loose sweatpants gave out the muscular butt's shape so nicely, Nergal had to swallow hard. Frankly, there was very little left to his imagination and he had to really pull himself together if they wanted to get some work done today.

It seemed to be harder to do so that day, but somehow he managed to take a step back towards the yoga mats he prepared for them – instead of like... pulling the mountain of a man onto himself right then and there.

Damn, this work out will be difficult... He could already tell...

"How are you? And hope traffic wasn't so bad. What are we going to do today?" he asked quickly to distract his mind and stop his body from reacting to Orion's closeness too much.

"Traffic was usual. I'm late because I worked on a riff a few minutes too much," Tomasz smiled and followed Nergal to the mats.

He looked much better but still very skinny. More even than before the illness and he was also a little pale. And the similar loose thin pants did not help to hide the interest in them for Orion.

"I'm good. We try to relax first. And how are you? You seemed to have some upsetting thoughts?" he spoke low and his deep velvety voice turned into a soft soothing purr again as he sat in an arm's reach from Nergal. Just taking a deep breath and hiding the fact that he smelled his friend.

"Oh, you'll have to show me that riff that kept me waiting like this!" Nergal chuckled, maybe to hide his slight nervousness. For once it came in handy that he couldn't blush that much for now being still a bit on the lower side of being healthy.

Sitting down cross-legged, he hoped being half-hard for his friend wasn't going to be THAT obvious. Though he doubted as Orion had sharp eyes like a hawk. Especially since his sickness came to light. Damn...

That purr-like way of talking which seemed to smooth his nerves every time wasn't helping either. He concentrated so much on acting normal that he totally missed that smelling thing from Orion.

"I feel... energetic and... restless today. It's been a while that I felt like this. It's good. But it also makes me tenser and I guess a bit snappier," he shrugged a bony shoulder. "There's... a lot of things on my mind lately."

Adam was cute when he tried to fake it that everything was normal. The bulging pants and his light eye flapping around like a trapped sparrow made it all even more obvious.

It was always like this. Ever since they met and discovered that their way of thinking was similar plus both of them played in metal bands. Orion felt at times how much of a shame it was that things were still that way and nothing happened to improve that mutual attraction.

"We are here to help you get relaxed. You’ve known me for so many years by now. You can tell me anything that is on your mind, Adam. I hope you know that…" he paused and took a deep breath before adding. "You will always have me for you... I’ll never leave you and you can tell me the weirdest desire or thought that crosses your mind."

Nergal stopped breathing for a moment as the meaning of the words uttered on the familiar (and beloved) voice made sense in his brain. He just... wanted to hug his friend for that and probably never let him go. But he didn't. Instead he was just sitting there staring at Orion – maybe in a bit of a weird way – as he was trying to decide just what to tell him.

This would be the moment to just... open up and unload it all... Or at least a part of it.

"I know and I thank you for that. You have no idea how much that means to me... You are the best, I swear..." he finally said and deliberately left out the word 'friend'. Because Orion has been much more to him for a very long time.

"I just... this sickness... nearly dying made me see many things in my life from a different perspective. You might say I reevaluated a lot of aspects in it. Like... what is real fear... and real fighting for a goal... How my relationships with people around me are and might change. Future plans, songs, music and art about the band are all rattling inside my head. It sometimes feels overcrowded. But it's a sign of me getting better. Back in the hospital... I was so weak that at times I had no thoughts at all. Or only just one. To get through this... and see you... all..." he mumbled and forced himself to add that last word. Even if he didn't want to as he was so unsure about things lately.

Orion listened interested like always when Nergal spoke. He stayed quiet only humming when the other man added very hesitantly that last little word.

"That all is... understandable very much. Don't worry about speaking your mind on these. I know how you always say like 'it's stupid and don't want to bother you' but it's no bother. Everyone has such rambling thoughts about hard situations. And…" he smiled and not sure why but got lost in Nergal's eyes and leaned closer holding even his breath "I am very happy that you are here and able to see me," he whispered.

"I see you, yes..." Nergal added after swallowing hard and continued before he could think and stop himself. "Frankly, those are the highlights of my days lately..." he mumbled, getting more and more lost in those familiar and warm eyes, feeling drawn to him stronger than ever.

Maybe it was just him and his new way of seeing things, but he could have sworn that for a moment Orion was about to move forward to fucking finally kiss the shit out of him. Or it was just wishful thinking on Nergal's part. Like back in the hospital.

Tomasz tilted his head and frowned touching Nergal's back and gently rubbed it in a friendly manner. Maybe sliding closer to him also...

"Again we seem to have a mutual joy time in our lives," he joked, or more like spoke the truth and tried to hide it behind a joke like so many times.

He noticed how Nergal went further with the spark between them than ever before. And he swore to himself that he won't let that building little flame die out now that it started...

"What's wrong for real, Nergal? I'm here for you... Always..."

The touch of that huge hand made the skinny man shiver with pleasure, even if it came off more like a friendly caress. Damn, he was very messed up already from Orion's closeness and touch and fucking fine scent...

He forced himself to chuckle along with his friend on that "joke", but his mouth felt suddenly so damn dry like the Sahara. Damn, this big man for coming with these big words and reducing him back to a messed up teenage boy, tangling together his thoughts and feelings even more than they already were...

"I... hm... I think she had met someone while I was at the hospital..."

Congratulations, Nergal... Way to ruin the moment!

"But... to be honest, I get it. And I'm not mad at her or anything... because there's a big important part of my life which I've been messing up way longer than with her... And my biggest fear is that I cannot fix it and even after all we've went through... all will stay the same like in the past..." he confessed and his body somehow managed to actually present a quite decent blush...

"I often feel the same way nowadays..." Orion whispered and his hand on Nergal's back slid up to his nape. Just acting on autopilot as the blush and words of the small man made him dizzy and lose all logical reasoning.

He leaned in as his hand pulled Nergal close. He closed his eyes holding his breath as the beloved scent filled his senses. His big luscious lips finally touched the other ones. And he breathed out in a relieved pleased sigh, softly licking along the dry lips to indicate a kiss he was craving for for years.

Being so skinny at the moment made it easy for Nergal to shake into that with his whole body. He slid closer still and couldn't believe that his lips were finally where they have been longing to be at so many times.

"Wait..." he suddenly opened his eyes to look into the lustful face from so close. "You called me 'Nergal' instead of Adam... You never do that... Why?" he asked all of a sudden. He himself wasn't that sure where that came from, but it dawned on him hard and the question was out already.

Tomasz laughed wholeheartedly. This man... This man was just incredible. "Because for me you’ve always been an ancient Sun God," he said slightly rubbing his forehead to Nergal's and pulled the weaker man closer with such force no one could protest against and kissed him again. This time more urging and passionate as he wanted this so much already...

If Orion's words weren't enough to make Nergal melt on the spot, the force he was pulled in and the kiss were enough for anyone. And with his heart banging hard against his rib-cage, he finally kissed back the soft plump lips and soon opened his mouth to let the other man's tongue in and meet his.

He moaned satisfied and hungry. He was very hungry for this... and for this man. He's been waiting and longing for years... And now he was climbing on his lap and putting his arms around his thick neck as he quite literally climbed the mountain of muscles in his effort to get closer to Orion than ever before.

Said mountain was weak and shaking from the long-awaited feeling. Nergal kissed him back... Wanted him... Pressing his lite body so hard to his while sitting on top of him… He was sighing and a moan escaped his lips.

His big hand stroked every part of the other man's back and nape and small ass. The long thighs around him, the now skinny arms... His stubbly face and short hair... Damn he loved short hair on him... Just loved this all so, so much he was melting as he was drinking in Nergal's breath and caressed his tongue and lips with his.

Who knew that a kiss could feel so fucking great?! The longer it lasted, the deeper and needier it got and now that Nergal didn't have to hold back, he let his body react the way it wanted. Namely getting hard and rubbing himself against that hot groin like a bitch in heat. Frankly, he quite literally felt like that, but he didn't care.

He loved every second of the caresses of those big hands and tongue all over his body and in his mouth. He felt drunk on this man already, but he wanted so much more...

And with that thought he slid a hand under the loose sleeveless shirt Orion had on to stroke along each hard muscle on his chest and abs, down, making sure to worship and map out each with his touch while he kept rocking against the muscular man. Then his long fingers finally got lost under the waistline of the sweatpants and he moaned into their kiss from the hot hardness he found there.

Orion tore his lips from Nergal's and cried out, pressing his eyes tightly together and panting as he pushed his hardness into the cool hand.

Gripping the small butt, he laid back and pressed his man close to his body almost painfully hard. Orion opened his dark eyes shining with wild lust and need. "Nergal... It's been so long…" he could only breath those words as his instincts took the better of him and he bucked his strong hips more.

His big hand quickly wiggled under the other man's pants to groan with lust as he held the pulsing meat and jerked it in the rhythm his hips moved.

"Hell yes..." the smaller singer groaned and propped himself on one arm to look down between them and watch as he pulled the hard dick out from the sweatpants. Like the rest of Orion, this part of him was big too. With a pleased groan, he quickly spit in his palm and smeared it along the throbbing flesh before he continued jerking it. Lying back down on the warm body, he kept rocking his hips against the big fist around him with moans of pleasure. Then his lips were back on the other hungry mouth.

This was crazy and so hot Nergal could have come in seconds from it. And maybe he was going to if that big hand continued like this...

The kiss by then was urging and rough. Filled with groans and moans and soft whines as Orion felt like losing his mind and self like never before in Nergal and this simple act of jerking each other off.

Like the sweetest drug, the small man concurred all of him and he let his will go and just did what felt right. It felt so very right and finally they reached the limits of this material world together. Like a perfect ritual, he felt like burning alive for his love… For his man...

Smearing more pre-cum along the long shaft, he focused his twisting hand moves on the throbbing tip. He, himself was only a few strokes away too from messing that skilled fast little hand up.

Nergal broke their kiss just to be able to finally bury his bearded face into the hot thick neck, drinking in the scent and warmth of the only person who could always understand and support... and love him the most during his life. This private little moment here was a dream come true for him and he kissed and gently bit on the salty skin, sucking a hickey up too. He needed to mark Orion as his in some way. Even if it was temporary...

He groaned and panted his pleasure onto the wet skin, his moves becoming erratic as they were both climbing towards their orgasm faster and faster, the wet sounds of their jerking each other giving a nice decadent backdrop to being consumed in their fire for each other.

Then all of a sudden, Nergal's slim body tensed and arched a bit and he came hard into the big fist, his teeth sinking deeper into Orion's neck to muffle his loud cries of joy, his body bucking uncontrollably and needy to fully ride out that blinding white light only the most intense orgasms could bring to him.

The big man's free hand went around the trembling one on top of him. Letting the sweet pain from the bruising bite on his neck wash over him and give the final push so he could join Nergal after a few more strokes in that gorgeous white bliss in which he felt like burning to his atoms.

He didn't want to think just feel the most he could from Nergal and give all he could to his love. And he was craving this for so long that he was just lying there throwing his head back as his body arched too and he rode his orgasm out slowly and panting. Caressing that hot shaking mess of an amazing creature over him as much he could and just started laughing low and happily from the very core of his soul.

Panting and blindly kissing and licking away the pain from his mark on the tasty neck, Nergal tried to get enough oxygen into his poor lungs then smiled against Orion's skin before kissing his way back up to his cheek to look down at his laughing and flushed... lover? He found him so damn handsome and beautiful.... Nergal always loved the gurgling real laughs of the big man and now even more, because he and what they just did caused it...

"You marked me… That's a commitment..." Orion said gently letting go of the relaxed shaft of Nergal and having a naughty shine in his deep brown eyes, he started to lick his hand clean. Never breaking the eye-contact with the other man, partly being curious of his reactions now after what they did.

The usually very 'speaking his mind no matter what' Nergal was now rendered speechless from the words and the sight for a few moments. "Fuck, you are hot as hell..." he groaned. "Wasn't sure you were such a kinky kind... But two can play this game..."

And with that Nergal grinned and lifted his own messed up hand to start tasting some of Orion's cum. "Hmm... and not just his neck is delicious..." he teased back after licking his own lips to savor the salty taste.

"I can promise to try to be delicious all over my body…" Tomasz grinned dirty and pulled Nergal down for a loving slow kiss. His soul needed the other man and this all much more than his body… But of course he was happy they got physical. "I am a very kinky one, though... But how about you? Any past experience with other men you kept well-hidden from me?" he asked after the kiss, just caressing the short beard and drinking in the still slightly blissed out face’s every detail from close.

Nergal kissed back eagerly and finally happy, feeling just how he needed this like a breath of fresh healing air...

"I'm very kinky too. No surprise there, I guess," he chuckled too, caressing Orion's goatie fondly. "I have some things I haven't told even to you, yes...." he smirked and leaned down to peck along the other man's jawline. "Let's just say that this wasn't my first experience with a man," he chuckled low and dirty too. "I assume it was neither for you?" he asked, not sure as Orion could be very mysterious at times with his calm quietness.

"Nah," Orion shook his head and laughed again. He felt so... liberated and high... "Hmm... Remember that technician you and Patryk always joked about that he was my date ‘cause we went together to everywhere?" he wiggled his brows looking meaningfully into the gray pair of eyes. That guy worked for them for two years...

"I just knew it!" he exclaimed. "That lucky bastard... No wonder though that he fell under your spell..." he chuckled then still smiling, the look in his seemingly glowing grey eyes softened. "I did the same long years ago too, you know..." he shrugged it off as if it wasn't a big deal, but both of them knew better.

Instead he leaned in for another soft kiss before sliding a bit lower on the big body so he could rest his head on the broad chest as all their activities and excitement and revelations exhausted him a bit. He still tired out quicker than usual, which he hated most of the time, but now it gave him the opportunity to just nuzzle to this wonderful big man a little while longer.

Orion wanted to say something to that all… And most importantly confess his love for Nergal that was threatened to choke him at the base of his tongue.

But instead he just let Nergal rest on him and he stayed silent, just gently rubbing his back and breathing in synch with his love.

But why... So many years... It's not that they were against gay activities… His analytic curious brain that always urged him to learn as much as he could about things and situations didn't let him fully enjoy the peaceful moment.

Needless to say, the usually hyper singer's mind was running a mile a minute too, despite his physical exhaustion. And as if reading the big man's mind, he asked what's been on his mind for a while.

"Why? Why now then?" he whispered curious while caressing the warm chest over the tee with one slender hand.

Tomasz let out a long sigh. "I guess... No. I am too chicken. I am more of a relationship guy. We all always had many girls around but I like to be with one person to whom I give myself fully. And for a long while now..." he inhaled sharply and swallowed "I was horrified to lose you. I think I always fancied you. But now I got more scared from losing you and never could show you… how I feel or how much I was scared to fuck up the friendship or our lives. And you?" he asked back moving a little to make Nergal lift his head and look at him.

Obeying the non-verbal gesture, Nergal did lift his head and looked like getting lost in his thoughts for a long moment, just humming, before he looked back at Orion, a slight blush managing to make his cheeks turn a little bit pink.

"You know... as I've mentioned earlier, while I was lying in that hospital bed, I had some time to think about a lot of things. One was you and how I thought I had missed my chance with you as death was in the cards too and if things went the other way, I would have never wanted to put you in that position. I was feeling already guilty enough for putting Dorota through the whole thing..." he sighed, confessing one of his darker moments.

"But as the transplant seemed to be successful and I started to slowly recover... I looked differently at you and what's been brewing between us for a long while too... I'll never forget how you were there whenever you were allowed to visit... and writing music with you when I needed something to hold on to so desperately... Well... all brought you closer to me and even if I had my doubts, I kicked myself in the ass and made myself take steps. Little ones, I guess, but they were still steps... And now here we are. Where... if you ask me... we should've been much earlier."

"Yeah..." Orion agreed and slowly turned to his side with Nergal so they could face each other lying on the yoga mat. "What now?" he asked barely audible. The other big fear that often kept him up at night. Though now his question was more for his man. "I mean... What do you want, Nergal? We have to leave this room soon and after it... How do you want us? This?"

"Arghhhh... Can't we just hole up here and stay forever? I don't feel like leaving this room like ever..." he said seemingly lazily, but in truth it frustrated and maybe scared him a bit to think about the what now question.

"I don't know. It's obviously complicated but I certainly don't want this to be a one-time-only thing..." he mused, feeling very uncertain and vulnerable all of a sudden. Two things he hated to feel and rarely did. But this was a delicate matter. He knew that behind the big strong look and muscles his friend was a mushy sweetheart and he really didn't want to hurt Orion. He just wanted to love and be loved by him.

"Hmm… I guess it will form. It would be hiding anyway. I mean... I don't want to explain myself or my sexual interests to any vulture type of journalist," Orion hummed, already withdrawing behind his calm logical thinking. "Many times there is only the two of us in the studio. And we will tour also. If it depends on me, it won't be a one-time thing," he smiled at the end and playfully slapped the boney ass of Nergal. "We really have to go, though."

"Yeah... It will form. And don't want to put you into such a situation or explain myself either. It's called a private life for a reason," he snorted then smiled, some nice feelings warming his heart now that he knew for sure that Orion wanted this (and probably more) to happen in the future too.

"It's reassuring to know that we are on the same page regarding this... Like so many times," he hummed then fake 'ouched' before moving off the comfy mountain. Of course, it was accompanied by a huge regretting sigh. "Maybe next time you could spank me for real," he teased as he crawled to his bag on all fours for some tissues to clean up and adjust his clothes. "Though this was a waaaay better way to work out and relax than what we originally planned..."

"That kind of shit, huh?" Tomasz stood up too and adjusted his clothes on his body with a smirk. "I start to understand why I usually end up in a collar, half-naked, often bloody and with chains or leather stripes in our videos," he giggled. "I'm glad you got relaxed enough..." he closed Nergal once more in his big arms and kissed him gently with all his emotions. "Let's go," he whispered as their lips parted with a sad sigh.

Part 2

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