5: Bonds for Life – part 3

At the car, the werewolf gave the books back to Stiles because he wasn't allowed to drive the Camaro right now.

"It's nearly midnight and I'm not tired." It made him hopeful that maybe these weeks of training weren't going to be as dramatic as he had imagined they'd be. "We should go home and try to, though." Or they could read the books since he had a feeling Stiles was going to dive into them on the short drive to the Stilinski home and read way too much, so they'd end up talking about that.

In the car Stiles did make grabby hands for the books before they were handed back to him, thus ending his slight pouting when they were ripped from him so cruelly in the clinic. He stroked along the worn brown leather cover of the "mate book" as he called it in his mind then flipped it open again, looking through the pages. There were some beautifully drawn pictures too, but for now he was more interested in what the different chapters covered. "Uh-huh..." he murmured to Derek absentmindedly, half-hearing what he suggested.

Then at a red light he caught himself as he noticed the long silence – which wasn't unusual from Derek by any means. "Sorry, yeah... well, I doubt I'll be able to sleep for a while. I'm too pumped too. And relieved that the pain and fatigue are gone..." the younger man paused. "Am I a mage? Or a druid trainee? Or an emissary trainee now?" he frowned, the question of how to 'categorize' himself now popped up in his mind.

"And… dude, what will we tell to Beth and my dad? Dad might be easier. But he won't like the idea of me giving up my job in Frisco. He's so proud of that, even if he already knows about my plans of moving back. He's in the know, but I'm not sure how he'll react to the truth. Because I'm not gonna lie to him. We need him as a support system too with Beth and Melissa, because even if tonight went well, we have a lot to learn and it will keep us away more so we can focus on our bonds and all..." he mused, talking fast and maybe a bit worried how things would be now. This was a huge change in all of their lives.

"Depending on how things will go here, I'll also have to go back to Frisco at some point to sort my shit out at work and pack up and move my stuff here. But for that we'll also have to maybe work a bit on the loft so at least my boxes could be moved there. Bringing them to my dad's just to move them to the loft would be stupid cuz why work twice with that? And I'll also ask my dad if he could work out some detective or consultant or other position for me at the station. I have a feeling that the supernaturals won't stop coming and our presence and task to protect the Nemeton and Beacon Hills will probably also draw in trouble. We are both magnets for that..."

Each time he opened his mouth to say something, the human rambled on, not giving Derek the chance to come in-between and as much as it could annoy him, it was good. Stiles felt like himself again, a little hyper but that could also be because he couldn't recall seeing him take his medication. And probably because he felt like he had taken a whole tray of energy drinks due to having the magic back. He simply let him talk, grinning amused to himself because it was familiar at least to have the rambling human sitting next to him in the car, talking his ears off.

"Your boxes can be stored anywhere in the building, Stiles. I own the whole building, not just the loft." And there was a lot of space so those few boxes weren't going to be a problem. But maybe he should hire a few people to work on the loft because there was no time to do it all himself and there was the rest of the building to fix up, which was going to be his job for the coming year or so.

Derek wasn't much for sorting through things, he still had the apartment in New York with all his things, he hadn't gone back to it because there was too much of Laura there so he had gotten by with the few things he had taken with him to Beacon Hills. There hadn't been much to salvage from the old Hale house before it had been torn down. What hadn't burned down had been rotting due to the elements, had reeked of smoke so he had moved that to the vault.

Plenty of space for Stiles' things, anything he wanted to take.

"Oh right, I forgot that my mate has a good nose for investments too," Stiles chuckled, noticing (and feeling) Derek's smile, which in turn coaxed out a big one from him too. He grinned like an idiot, really, but he didn't care. He felt giddy and back on track, even if maybe a bit too hyper. He'd take his medication once they got home. "I wonder if my 'landlord' is going to charge a lot for me staying in the loft or if he'd take payment in nature too as I'm not that rich to afford such a big place..." he joked/teased, sending a dirty look at Derek. He couldn't help it.

"Otherwise, yes, I can store my boxes there and we should hire some manpower to move on with the rebuilding and restoration works," he echoed Derek's thought and didn't even notice how he'd started using "our" and "we" more and more while referring to them. It came naturally and sounded right. After all, they were one now.

"We tell your dad the truth. I think he'll be happy having you closer and we do need his help. I don't want to be around Beth when I'm high on magic. I don't want her to see me like that." Which was what he was going to be for the upcoming appointments with Deaton for sure until he got more used to it. "But I don't know what to tell her." It was tricky, she was so young, she understood a lot but not what they were doing right now. He didn't want her to worry but she was going to scent them and know something was up.

"If she sees me out of it...  that’s too many triggers so I'll need you to decide when we go home or not." Maybe they should have a spot to go to when they aren't capable of being around others. The loft wasn't done but it had a bed and all the comforts they could need. Pulling up to the Stilinski house where only the porch light was on, he sighed. They are going to figure it out, they had a few hours for it.

"Yes, dad will be more happy about me moving back, I guess," he hummed, lost in his spinning thoughts for a moment then looked more seriously at Derek as they stopped by the house. "It'll be tricky with Beth, yes. But it's understandable why you don't want her to see you like that. I promise I'll take you to her only when it's safe and you are not high. She doesn't need to be reminded of Hell," he sighed and slid a comforting hand on top of the wolf's which was still resting on the gear shift. "I could take us to the loft maybe? Sleep it off or wait it out? But that means I'll get to drive the Camaro! Unless we go with my Jeep," he said on a tongue in cheek way.

It hadn't been that great an investment to buy an old industrial building which had been turned into apartments a long time ago but never had been used as such. The wiring was old, the heating was old but the structure was solid and the roof hadn't needed any work at all. It was in an older part of the town, mostly industrial buildings in the near vicinity so it was remote enough and the ground floor of the building was parking space mostly. The idea had always been to fix it up to make it a good building to sell but he never had bothered, like with many buildings he owed. Peter had always put his money in vaults while Derek had invested it in buildings. A few of those he had sold a couple of years back with a lot of profit so money wasn't an issue, his investments were doing well. One of the buildings was apartments, all rented out, with a manager he had hired who made sure maintenance was kept up. More than half of what he earned went back in the building but the rest was what kept him able to have monthly income.

"I think I can be persuaded to take my payment in bed," he teasingly retorted, knowing Stiles had no idea how much money he had because he wasn't flaunting it even though his credit cards were limitless and as much as he would like to stay under the radar, he had banking accounts and he paid his taxes. Nothing illegal because that would only get attention he didn't want. The Hales had always done their best to be law abiding citizens as long as it was possible, of course, since there were also supernatural laws and they came before human laws.

"And yes you can drive the Camaro, I'm not going to sit in your death trap."

Why people thought he wouldn't let others drive in his car was beyond him, because Scott, Stiles and Isaac had all been driving it in the past. Reluctantly offered but that had been more because of the situation and not the drivers. Which was also something they had to do – get another car, because he wanted the jeep fixed before Stiles would use it. It was more duct tape than anything else.

"Good! I'll come up with a way to persuade you," Stiles winked at Derek with a grin as he unbuckled himself too then faked a shocked and offended expression. "Don't ever insult the Jeep! She's a character and I love her just as much – if not more – like you love this car! Also, she saved you many times too!" Stiles pouted.

It was true that his jeep had to be fixed more often than not, but it's been his first car. He'd put a considerable amount of money and time – and many, many adventures – into it. Exactly because of that and her character, he refused to get rid of it for another car or a newer model.

Stiles looked at Derek more seriously. "We'll also have to talk about... what just happened in those... intimate moments neither of us wanted to mention in front of the Doc..." he bit his bottom lip, chewing on it a little. "I'm sorry if I overstepped a boundary or something, I just... couldn't resist and it felt the right thing to do. And I had a feeling you needed that kind of reassurance and safety. I swear I'll find a way to make you whole again. You're beautiful, by the way. On the inside. With all the imperfections too. I wish you could've seen it too..."

Turning the engine off, Derek unbuckled and leaned back in the seat to glance over at the human. "Deaton knows I'm missing part of my soul but I don't like talking about it." Especially around a man who knew the importance of souls and what it did to somebody to go without one.

"I gave it away, a price I paid willingly and doesn’t regret because it got me and Elizabeth safe, but I don't think anybody realized what it feels like and you..." Once again a pause to search for the right words to use. "You touched the emptiness. You’ve seen what's left." Derek’s hand touched his chest. He knew there wasn't that much there anymore but it felt better with their bonds, with the magic. "You reminded me of my humanity. For a second I felt whole again." And that he hadn't wanted to share with anybody but Stiles.

The young emissary was very curious about how it had felt to his mate his soul being touched by Stiles, but knowing (he felt it!) how personal this was for Derek, he didn't want to nag him about it. He just hoped that the wolf would open up about it and tell him. He did exactly that and it resulted in a soft smile as warmth spread in Stiles' chest in response.

"I could tell you didn't want to talk about this in front of Deaton, that's why I didn't elaborate on it. I get it how very personal this is. It was for me too. I never touched a soul like that, but as I said, it felt right. Plus emissaries are to remind the wolves – even their alpha – that they are human too. In our case this applied then even more," Stiles said, leaning closer to slide his hand over the spot where Derek's has been just a few moments ago. "And I meant it. Or rather my soul meant it. I'll find a way to make you whole again in a permanent way. Because I want to help you live a whole life again. While I was back in Frisco, I had the opportunity to meet up with my witch friend. She showed me the ritual that seems to be the solution, but I have to consult about it with Deaton first. To make sure it's the right one. That it would work. It's... dangerous and complex, but give me some time to figure it out. I have to learn on my own too, grow into my magic and stabilize it because it requires solid control which I don't have just yet. I'm sorry for that, but I'll try my best to get to the point to be able to help you as fast as possible," Stiles explained as he kept his hand on Derek's chest, lightly caressing and staring at it as if he was making that promise also to the soul there.

No, Derek would never be human because he was werewolf and wouldn't be human. He had been briefly and didn't care for a repeat. Sure, he had done his best, had accepted it without complaint, hiding away how much it had influenced him to not draw attention to himself. But as a born werewolf, it had been very disconcerting to be without his powers and he knew he acted unlike humans, but he did have humanity. Less than he should with so much of his soul missing.

"The longer we take, the more I'm slipping into not feeling. Our bonds make it easier to bear but I don't want to become the monster others think I am." Stiles wouldn't let him, he knew that. It wasn't something he was going to have to face alone and their bonds bought them time. How much time they really had though, he didn't know, it's been too long without his soul already. He didn't care how dangerous it was, if that ritual would make him whole again, he was going to do it. It would make it all easier for them, he wouldn't use as much magic from Stiles and his mate would be able to draw from him easier without having to map out the strings like they had been doing tonight. However it was better if Stiles was surer in his magic before dragging him into this.

"You have more control than you think." Maybe that's why they had bonded the way they had – to help him, settle him, anchor him. For a brief moment he clasped the hand on his chest, giving it a soft squeeze before letting go. "Let's head inside and make ourselves comfortable on the couch to read." The mention of bed was forgotten for now, Stiles was way too tired to be able to but he did sense the human was cold, hence the rush to get inside.

He grabbed their bags, letting Stiles carry the old books, realizing that he wasn't going to have to say goodbye again to his mate. They were going to stay together from now on. Pleased with that notion, he followed after the younger man.

‘The longer we take, the more I'm slipping into not feeling.’ That sentence kept echoing in Stiles' head and it hit him hard. It was dropped from Derek's mouth seemingly casually, but he could tell how hard it really was for him to tell these very personal things to him. Stiles was very grateful for this deep trust, because he knew how rare it was for Derek to let someone in this far. For a brief moment he wondered if because he was his mate, he was going to become the one the wolf would let in the furthest? (Besides Beth, of course.)

He had to really speed things up, sleep as little and learn as much as he can to be able to do that ritual properly now that he really understood what was at stake. Of course, he wouldn't let Derek become any kind of a monster, but knowing that the bonds' hold was finite notched his anxiety and self-doubt up a bit. Derek (and even Deaton) seemed to think he was more in control than he thought, but Stiles was just not that sure about that. He felt like there were more instincts and luck involved in what he's been doing than actual control. But he wasn't going to stop to argue about it when time was so precious and scarce.

Instead he marched into the house with the books and with a new resolve to stay up until his eyes were bleeding. Okay, that was a little bit over the top dramatic, but he didn't care as the nice warmth started seeping back into his limbs and kicking his shoes off he nestled into the couch, flicking the side lamp on. The house was quiet – both Beth and Noah sleeping upstairs – so it was an ideal setting for a late night reading session.

By the time Derek settled next to him, Stiles was already half-way through the first chapter of the emissary book. It was a historical overlook of nature, druids and the ancient connection between them.

Stiles seemed to take it to heart what he had said because he was deep in thought, settling on the couch with the books without another word. For a moment Derek had watched him with a shake of his head, because maybe he shouldn't have said that about his soul, adding more worry to the already growing list of all the things the human had to do swiftly. On top of him having to move back to his hometown and an apartment to clean out. Not that he had to do that all by himself but he knew that the other was making a mental list of things to do, tackling everything in the shortest amount of time possible. Well, Derek was going to make sure he wasn't going to ruin his health with it.

Putting the bags near the stairs, he didn't bother bringing them up yet because it might wake one of the occupants upstairs. Most likely one little werewolf girl who was a light sleeper and would notice him despite how extremely quiet he could be. His shoes had been kicked off at the door so he silently padded to the kitchen to get some drinks and food, choosing to go with a couple bags of various flavored chips, it was at least a little filling for a while. And it didn't require heating up in the microwave like so many of Stiles' snacks needed. The beeping would wake up the toddler as well. The wolf set it all down within reach and grabbed for a comforter to shove Stiles' way.

"I hope you brought some snacks and something to drink..." Stiles murmured quietly, so lost in the book that he didn't even look up to check. There was a new kind of fire in his eyes – the thirst for knowledge mixed with a sense of urgency which wasn't going to let him rest any time soon...

"Drinks and snacks and paper towels since I doubt Deaton will like dirty fingers all over his books." Since the human had the emissary book, he took the other one to settle on the couch with his mate, opening it up. There was a piece of paper in the front with a hastily scribbled index so he ran his eyes along the topics, groaning at all the things he realized were in this book. It didn't just deal with the mental and magical aspect of being bonded, no, it was also dedicating chapters to werewolf mating habits.

"I'm not sure if I want you to read this book." Though, on the other hand, it would save him ridiculous questions like if he could get Stiles pregnant.

As before, the answer was still no. Male and male still didn't equal baby which he hoped the book would explain as well. Probably not. It was old and werewolves back then maybe weren't so open about same sex relationships. These days, it was common, nothing anybody even blinked about.

Stiles looked up just when the comforter landed on his head. Pulling it off, it made his messy hair look even messier, but he didn't complain just scooted over to Derek, putting the soft and warm fabric around them. It was such a good thing that he had a werewolf as his pair because let's face it, it was like dating a heater. Which was fortunate when his body was a bit cold from tiredness, even if his mind was reeling with magic and all the new information and urges to soak up as much as possible. He wanted Derek to feel. He wanted him whole and healthy again – both physically and mentally and well, in spirit too, of course.

"You're the best, I swear..." Stiles sighed content both from the warmth that now surrounded him and the snacks his mate has brought them without him needing to ask. Maybe Derek could kinda read his mind too, or he just knew him too well. Either way, he opened a bag of bacon-flavored chips and dug in, soon munching on the too salty and definitely not healthy food. But he didn't care. His attention was more on Derek and his comments. He forced himself to look away from what he was reading with his side leaning into the other man's.

"Why wouldn't you want me to read the mating book? Is there something kinky or embarrassing in it?" he perked up, licking his lips clean and trying to take a peek into the book where it was open in Derek's hand. "You know that I'll read it anyways... Is it about mating that makes you so uncomfortable? Is there more than knotting the hell out of me? No new Hale baby will be produced, right? We talked about that before..." he chirped in a teasing but very interested manner, enjoying Derek's embarrassment to the fullest. "I'll know all the secrets of your kind, eventually. Get used to the thought, Derek," he winked.

There was a not so subtle wrinkling of Derek’s nose when he caught a whiff of bacon coming from the bag of chips but really, it was all old fat and the chemical taste of bacon, not actual bacon added to it. Which was pretty much the problem with all the chip flavors. They were chemically added which wasn't a good thing for a born werewolf's palette. Luckily, he did the groceries so he had added plain chip bags to the snacks as well, couldn't go wrong with baked potatoes and salt. Usually. Because he had to admit he was a brand fanatic, not because of the prices but because of the tastes. Munching on a handful of chips, he made sure to chew very slowly while Stiles waited for an answer and he couldn't because he had his mouth full.

It didn't work for very long because he had to swallow at some point.

"I think it'll give you ideas, like the internet does. Only in here is actual truth." And that meant the Hale couldn't bullshit his way out of it. Only way to get ahead of it was to make sure to read it before Stiles but the human reads like he eats – he inhales books. While Derek carefully reads it and then rereads it to take it in word for word. He wasn't a slow reader, but he didn't reach Stilinski speed. Wiping his fingers, he adjusted the book so the other couldn't read along with him. "You stick to yours. Besides, not all wolves have knots, only the born ones. But don't tell Scott that, I want to see his face when you tell him there are knots." It wasn't a question of if, but more of when because of course Stiles would tell his best friend all about it, even when McCall didn't want to hear about it. Or he might. He had matured and more importantly, wizened up since college.

"Hey, rude!" Stiles pouted for a moment when the pages were hidden from him then stuffed his mouth with some more chips, munching on it happily – and nearly spitting some morsels all over Derek because of his comment. His eyes were shining now with mischief as he quickly swallowed and then grinned at his mate.

"I love making Scott freak out. I also love how you want to see that. I love your humor, did I tell you that before?" he giggled. Man, he was such a lucky bastard to be able to call himself Derek's mate. In moments or situations like these he really felt that he had found his match. His accomplice, if you will. Someone who shares his humor – obviously not always as Derek often doesn't find things funny which amuses Stiles, but still. Someone who finally understands and accepts him with all his shortcomings too.

That thought made him melt more against Derek's side, noticing for the umpteenth time how well their bodies always fit even with the nearly same height. It must be a mate thing too, he thought briefly. And he loved that too. He loved...

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