17: Relight My Fire – Part 4

A bit more than a day had passed since that night when Stiles slept in the warmth and safety of his mate. It didn't keep the bad dreams away though and he jerked awake a few times gasping for air. Derek didn't wake up each time, so Stiles had the chance to just lie awake there in the protective circle of the muscular arms, inhaling Derek and listening to his steady heartbeats and the faint humming of the magic under his skin. He was slightly glowing in the druid's eyes from the amount he had transferred to him. It should last for quite a while.

That thought though... it didn't make the preparations easier while he practically locked himself into the greenhouse, only going downstairs when he couldn't avoid it any longer or had to eat or shower. Deaton texted him the details of the ritual and warned him that it can be very dangerous when the magic tries to resist. And he was assured that it was going to resist and the whole process will be painful because it was basically tearing a part of him from the very fabric of his being just to lock it up with a complicated spell while his will and belief has to stay unwavering as he tattoos himself.

That in itself was unnerving enough for Stiles to make him nauseous. Not the promise of the excruciating pain, but having to use a needle on himself to tattoo that rune into his skin with the magical ink he just finished spelling.

Also, since there was a possibility of the magic wreaking havoc, he made sure to ward the greenhouse and the roof against magical outbursts. He didn't want a repeat of what went down in the woods with the burned out circle. Or worse. He didn't want to wreck their beautiful new home or get killed in the process.

The magic circle he had drawn onto the floor with chalk served as additional protection too and now he just had to wait for an herb concoction to cool off enough for him to drink to help the process. He went through each step one more time (although he knew them by heart now) and checked if he had everything. He had banished his tears and emotions and said his goodbye to the magic a while back. Now he was just sitting there, collecting his strength and steeling his body and mind for what was to come while closing Derek out as much as he dared and ignoring the feeling of being watched again.

Derek had woken up late, the bed empty and cold next to him. It was the amount of magic which had managed to make him fall asleep since he hadn't been planning on sleeping at all. A quick tour of the loft showed all the rooms empty, a figure moving in the greenhouse. Of course. He should have known the need to be away hadn't dissipated even after sleeping together. At least Stiles hadn't rushed off to meet Zepar when there had been plenty of time to do just that. Stiles didn't show unless it was to eat and use the bathroom, his appearances accompanied by silences, acting very distracted whenever Derek attempted for them to talk, or you know, look at one another. Something he wasn't succeeding at so he had sighed and had simply resorted to watching his mate carefully, worry gnawing at him. This was Stiles busy with something. Derek knew the human could get like this when he was into something deeply.

But whatever it was, Stiles wasn't willing to share. Honestly, Derek had his own problems to deal with. Such as Claudia Stilinski trying to get his attention all afternoon. Ever since the Hale had been able to see ghosts and had realized that acknowledging them was dangerous, he mostly pretended to not see them at all. The moment they knew there was communication possible, they'd be everywhere, never leaving him alone. And not all of them were particularly friendly. Claudia was one of the ‘hover ghosts’ as he called them. They were wisps almost, trailing after people, not always there either, almost like guardians. Claudia sometimes showed around Stiles, she had been stronger at the Sheriff's home but had clearly moved with them to the loft. And she somehow knew he could see her.

At first she was staring at him, then she started following him around whenever he moved and that wasn't fun because who could say that they had their dead mother-in-law watching them shower? Asking her to move would mean she'd get more persistent because communication had been established. But he couldn't use the toilet, his bladder suddenly had gotten shy thanks to Claudia and whenever he wanted to eat, she'd be there. Like a puppy would beg for food – only she was trying to get his attention. It was getting on his nerves. As he tried to read, she was in the couch and when that didn't work, she was hovering over his book. He could see through her, but attempting to ignore a face staring at him from his book was impossible.

"Oh my god, what?! What do you want?!" He threw the book away when she nearly got on his lap. Yeah, now he knew from where Stiles got his persistence and lack of personal boundaries.

Meanwhile Stiles' heart was beating faster, but he had to banish the fear and the shaking of his fingers. He needed a steady belief and hand and the right mindset to do this successfully. He focused on calming his breathing as he was sitting there cross-legged among the lit candles, everything he needed for the ritual lined up in front of him in the circle.

After a while he reached out for the herb concoction that would help him get into a nearly trance-like state. He drank the bitter fluid in three big gulps and took a deep breath. The chant was short enough and didn't take long for him to learn by heart and it started quietly spilling from his mouth, the flames of the candles brightening, just like the lines of the magic circle around him. He then began slowly working on temporarily dulling the bonds so Derek wouldn't get hurt or feel much of the pain Stiles was going to be in.

The druid knew that sooner or later Derek will sense it that something was up and that he'd probably try to stop him, but that's why he chose to do it in his own private sanctuary that would keep his mate long enough for him to be able to finish what he had started.

Next he took his T-shirt off to dip his finger into some grey paint which was mixed with more herbs and began drawing the required elemental runes on his chest to start pulling the remaining magic from his physical body to push it back into the Spark in him before he'd dull it enough so he could move on to the next step: the tattooing.

The discomfort was growing in him the more runes got painted on his upper-body. He could feel his tattoos and the scarred over rune burning his skin, the air around him getting hot and stifling, but his mind was kinda floating and detached already, not caring about the light sheen of sweat making his skin glisten in the candlelight either.

Derek took the stairs almost in flight with the way he rushed to get to the greenhouse, his mind still reeling from what Claudia had told him. He didn't want to believe it, it wasn't possible that Stiles would do something that reckless and stupid and... Shit. What if he was going to do what his mother said? Why hadn't he felt anything, sensed anything? Looking back on it though, it made sense now. Why Stiles had been so depressed, why he had given way too much of his magic to the werewolf, why his scent was so thick with sadness. He had been mourning the loss he was about to succumb himself to, planning this since the attack of Zepar happened.

The rain pounded down on him as he crossed the small path from the door to the middle of the garden where the greenhouse was located. He attempted to touch the door, only to get the familiar shock of mountain ash. That stupid greenhouse which had been made inaccessible to him and Stiles knew it! He had locked himself in there on purpose so the Hale had no chance of stopping him.

"STILES!" he shouted loudly, attempting to get his attention through the glass. The little he could see of the Spark, he saw he was in this trance-like state. Eyes were distantly blank, not focused on anything at all. He was shirtless and had painted all kinds of symbols on himself for the ritual he was undertaking.

"He can't hear you," Claudia told Derek, helpfully. Which wasn't helpful at all.

"I know! STILES, listen to me, stop this, right now!" There was of course no reaction and Derek knew he was running out of time. Stiles was going to remove his magic, he was going to lock it all away, take away their emissary bond, out of this misguided notion that it would make everything better. Which it wasn't going to.

Why didn’t he tell me? Because he had been too busy being afraid of the magic to realize the state Stiles was in. Or worse, his mate had purposefully hidden it from him.

Stiles was picking up this needle-like thing, looking a lot like a handmade tattoo gun. No, no. That wasn't good. Derek was going to lose him unless he did something. Back when he had taken his own eyes, he had been able to touch the ashes with his claws. He glanced at his hand, letting the claws grow as he punched forward with all the strength and love he had in him, willing to be let in.

STILES!

His hand went through the glass, breaking it, the entire window shattering despite all the wards and mountain ash. It seemed to startle the human, he physically reacted, hand paused with the needle, and both stopped breathing for a moment, the tension growing.

Come on, Stiles, listen to me!

Was it working? It seemed to be working... Only, the needle was pressed into the skin, the first ink dot for the rune made. Derek hissed at the overwhelming pain radiating from Stiles, and he threw a look at Claudia.

"Let me," she asked as she held out her hand. What? Oh… This was not smart. And yet he found himself nodding to the apparition, standing there still dry in the rain as it went right through her. Derek exhaled and reached for her, fingers touching coldness and then she was inside of him and he was pushed outside of his own body. And as his body spoke, it wasn't his voice coming out of him. It was hers.

"Mieczysław. Stop this! Mischief!"

Derek was there outside. Stiles could tell, he could even distantly feel him, although it was only a faint sensation because of the concoction he drank and the spell that dulled their bonds for a while. He wasn't sure if the emissary bond would survive this or not, but he made sure to protect the mate bond before he had started the ritual. He couldn't afford that to be broken. Not because it'd kill them. No, he wasn't even sure if he locked his magic away that was going to be a possibility or not. One thing was sure: Derek wasn't going to have to fear the magic and they wouldn't have to do any more balancing. Two birds with one stone. But Stiles still wanted to be Derek's mate, so that bond had to stay intact. He did all the precautions Deaton had told him and all the other tricks his mind could come up with. So they should be fine once this is over. Once he survives this pain.

The further he went into the ritual, the more excruciating it was getting, but it barely showed on his body, the concoction keeping him in that trance. He was screaming on the inside.

His concentration faltered only when the glass was broken. It was unexpected, although he should've thought about it that Derek was going to be able to temper somewhat with the mountain ash and wards. He did that before with the former.

The first sting of the needle on the inside of his wrist made his whole forearm burst out in the magical flames, the burning pain making it go numb and a quiet labored groan leave Stiles' mouth. But he had to continue.

What he didn't expect in a million years was a voice that messed with his concentration again. A voice he hadn't heard for long years now. The familiar, beloved voice of his mother. His real name was called upon and he had no choice but to listen to that. His soul aching from her nickname for him and echoing in Stiles' mind, the druid's eyes cleared out enough to look up and through the shattered glass.

It was Derek but then it wasn't. Stiles could see the outlines of his mate, but his glowing amber eyes could see behind that. He saw his long-dead mother standing there, looking straight at him with an understanding yet pained expression. Shock made his hand stop with the needle, his concentration wavering again as the cool practical mindset in him was fading from the stirring up emotions in him.

"M-mom..?" he hoarsely whispered in disbelief.

"Yes, it's me. We had to reach you somehow."

Derek's face had softened since he wasn't the one in charge so his facial expressions were completely different. The real one was unaware of his own body, he couldn't feel the pain his mate was going through as much since their bonds tethered to their souls but also their bodies. Derek wanted to barge in there and slap the needle away, he wanted to pull Stiles close and never let him go. He wanted to slap Stiles upside the head for even thinking this was something that would make it better for them. Instead he watched as Claudia, in his body, attempted to coax Stiles out of the greenhouse.

"Come here, I don't know how much time we have and I can't come to you." She lowered herself to her knees, as if Stiles was still her little boy, opening her arms for him, wanting him to come outside to her. She knew a little of what had happened, not everything did she remember since her mind had been gone long before her body, but as a ghost she was more of her old self. Like before the sickness changed her into a whole different person. She had been incredibly awful to her son and husband, they hadn't had it easy and yet she never had been able to let go of her small family. They never had seen her, never reacted to her presence, until the werewolf showed up some time ago.

And now, now she was able to hold her little boy again, even if just for a moment. Tears were running down on her cheeks, quickly washed away by the rain.

Stiles' breathing hitched as old memories were springing to the surface unstoppable, making him more aware of his surroundings, washing away most of the trance, although his brain was still a bit slow to catch up. That voice... he never forgot it, heard it on old VHS recordings from his childhood, sometimes heard it in his dreams. It was really his mother! In Derek's body! But... how?!

Reminding himself to breathe, the pain registered in his body again, reminding him of what he was there for.

"I... I can't... I have to finish this..." To make things better. To solve the problem, which was Stiles himself.

"No, you don't have to. It's not the solution," she said softly, but with some urging in her voice as her tears kept falling and being washed away.

"But..." Stiles hesitated.

"Come now, Mischief. It's okay. All will be fine..."

With a shuddering breath Stiles lowered the needle, trying to ignore the pain that kept coursing through him because the ritual was unfinished and stuck. With a trembling sigh, he closed his eyes and reversed the spell, working as quickly on undoing the bindings and freeing his Spark as fast as he could. It was just as painful, shaking his body, but he continued. A wave of his hand put out the candles and after closing the ritual, he broke the magic circle around him too.

He stumbled onto his trembling legs and kept his eyes on his mother, the pain still strong but not excruciating anymore as the Spark and the magic were settling back in him, the bonds coming alive again. That feeling made it a bit easier for him to breathe.

And then he was opening the door, stepping over the glass shards and dropped onto his knees to be hugged by his mother like when he was just a snotty little kid... such a long time ago. The moment he was embraced, he knew it really was his mom. No one else could give hugs like that and he realized that he was sobbing, his own tears mixing into the cold rain which started washing away the painted on runes too.

"Mom... Mom!!" Stiles cried and held her tighter.

The rain was forgotten, the fact that it was Derek's body was forgotten. Nothing mattered in that exact moment, nothing but the mother reuniting with her child in a way neither of them had ever thought was possible again. Strong arms wrapped around Stiles to cradle the back of his head as she cried loudly for feeling that warm body of her fully adult son. He was in pain and shivering and he was still so skinny but he still had that smell to him that made her think of all those moments when she had him in her arms. When he had fallen and scraped his knee, when he had a bad dream, when he had gotten his first A and clung to her. Always so, so smart and always so busy in his head and body…

"Oh snugglebug, I never thought I'd feel you like this again. My Mischief, I've missed you," she laughed with a breathy sigh, clasping his face in her hands so she could look at him, really look at him. All this time they never had eye contact and she had never known how much time had passed whenever she checked in. Hovering like this made time seem like it had not existed anymore.

"I knew you were going to make a mistake, give up the magic which is a part of you, of us. I couldn't watch anymore." Not when she could do something instead of just standing by so often so uselessly. How it had hurt her to see her son cry by himself, curled up in bed, clutching his pillow with heaving sobs. To want to reach out and touch him and tell him it was all going to be okay. But the truth was, it wasn't going to be okay. Not for her and him. It was never going to be as she had hoped for. To see him grow older, have her first grandchild in her arms, this wedding! His baby boy was getting married!

"I love you, Mieczysław."

For a while Stiles couldn't do anything but tremble and cry in that embrace. He knew it was Derek's body, but it was also his mother! His still slightly sluggish mind was trying to comprehend that and enjoy every second of the very, very missed hug and voice. Each word uttered from Claudia resulted in more tears. He felt like a small child again in her loving embrace. After a fall with his bicycle, after being bullied at school, after being consoled in the middle of the night from a bad dream...

"I'm so sorry, mom. I love you! So very much!" he sobbed. "It still hurts and I miss you every day! I miss you so much! How... how is this possible?" he looked into the familiar eyes again, which he hadn't had the chance to do for so long for real. He only had cherished memories and photographs and videos.

"I thought... I thought I was doing the right thing to keep everyone safe... I'm not strong enough. I only cause trouble with the very thing I am... I hurt others with it. I wanted to... make things easier for everyone. To not hurt Derek anymore. I love him more than anything, mom. He's my mate now and we're getting married and hopefully expand our little family and dad is finally happy now too even if he misses you every day and still loves you the same..." he said quickly in-between sniffing and blinking tears and rain out of his eyes, but his embrace never eased up around his mom. He didn't know how much time they had like this or how much she knew, but he wanted her to know all these things about her family. Before her eventual death, for months she wasn't herself and now... now she was how Stiles remembered her from before the sickness. His loving and wonderful mom!

"I've never really left," was all Claudia said when Stiles clung to her and was uttering a rushed recap even though she was mostly aware of it. Noah wasn't the one she was here for and she was glad her husband had finally moved on after all this time. After turning to alcohol and having to get clean of that, Noah had turned to working, way too much of it. So much that she had worried about Stiles but with the bills piling up it made sense. And she had never been able to do anything for either one of her boys.

"Stiles, you are magic, that's part of you now, part of you both. Removing it would have done irreparable damage to you. The two of you can do everything together, I fully believe that. We are Sparks, we always have been, our family back in Poland. Magic can't cure everything," she sobbed, saddened by that because Stiles had been so young when she had passed away, far too young and they had so little time together. "You should... go through my things. You'll find that what you have is hereditary. To throw that away after everything…"

She didn't know how much time they had either, this was the first time she had been in a body but it was draining her fast. "I won't go far. I'll always be around even if you can't see me. Derek can, I don't know why he sees us all, sees beyond the veil, but he can. So I will always find a way back to you, Mischief. I love you, I'm proud of you." Her voice was getting softer, and started to take on Derek's timbre as her energy was waning.

"No! Don't go! Not yet!" Stiles protested, his hands turning into fists around the soaking wet T-shirt of his mate. But he could feel her fading and Derek's scent and presence getting stronger until he was burying his face and sobbing loudly into his man's chest.

"Please... forgive me... Derek!" he cried, practically crawling onto the wolf's lap in an attempt to hide in him. Pain and sorrow but also some relief were coursing through his trembling body, teeth chattering and lips turning slightly blue from the cold rain still pouring on them. At least it nearly completely washed or smeared away the symbols on his naked skin.

"I'm sorry... I thought..." he said on a whiny voice but it failed him, so instead he let more tears pour from his eyes, his mother's words echoing in his exhausted mind.

"I know," Derek assured him and that was all he said as the last bits of Stiles' mother left him and he was able to be in his body again. It felt almost unnatural to be back, skin too tight, muscles too tense, exhaustion tugging at him. However, his mate was shivering against him violently, lips blue, skin too pale. Lifting him in his arms, he needed a moment to get used to having legs again, and he surveyed the damage done to the greenhouse. A human should be able to enter it so he was going to call tomorrow to get the glass replaced.

The werewolf quietly carried Stiles inside, all the way down to the bedroom to get the last layers off him, because they were both soaked to the bone. So he retrieved some towels to rub the freezing skin warm, hopefully to get some color back on the human. "You're still freezing. Stay here and I'll make some hot tea and get us both warm clothes." Sure, they really needed to talk about all of this, about what just happened, about Claudia... but the Hale was well aware that humans could get sick from being this wet and cold. Riffling through their clothing drawers, he got Stiles flannel pants and a hoodie, even helping him get into them. He also stripped out of his own to be back in sweatpants, not taking long to place a warm steaming mug into the cold hands.

Derek joined him in bed, it was warm there and they were both tired, so they could talk like this. "Do you want to sleep or do you want to talk?" His mate looked about ready to drop into another coma.

Stiles was sitting there with the hoodie on his head to keep his damp hair from being exposed to the cooler air and was staring into the steaming mug, taking careful sips while the nice warmth was seeping into his pain-ridden body and frozen fingers. It kinda hurt, but not in a completely unpleasant way.

He thought he didn't really deserve this, but he guessed that having someone so special like Derek in his life brought with it that he was sometimes being cared for – and him letting that special someone do so. So now... being so drained mentally, physically and spiritually, he didn't object, just accepted Derek caring for him. He guessed it was also somewhat grounding for the wolf.

After a long silence and another sip, Stiles slid closer until his side was pressed to Derek's in hopes of soon stopping the shivering with the extra heat a werewolf's body usually generated. Although Stiles' body was beyond tired, his mind was in that certain space when despite the exhaustion, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep just yet.

"We can talk..." he murmured, his voice hoarse from all the crying, eyes blood-shot and still somewhat sad as he finally looked at Derek and kept the eye-contact.

"I don't know why you thought this was a good idea but there are others ways. You don't have to be a druid, or my emissary, you can be like a mage, you can use your magic just a little. It doesn't mean you have to get rid of your magic completely." Sometimes it was hard to follow Stiles' line of thinking since the human would make all these connections and he'd be way ahead of how Derek was anticipating anything. Derek wasn't completely following the thoughts but he could guess the main why, which had everything to do with him and his aversion to fire.

And Stiles, in his far advanced thinking, thought he was doing the right thing for the both of them and completely stonewalled Derek's feelings on it by accident. Stiles pushed, and he pushed too hard sometimes. Like with wanting to be proposed to and nearly making Derek do it just to stop the constant hassling. The older man had refused to do it like that, he didn't want Stiles to later on think it hadn't been something Derek wanted to do. This was along the same lines.

"I don't like me fearing your magic either, but you have to give me time to get used to it again, to get used to fire. I'm fighting hard for us and you gave me the tool with the wall but that doesn't mean I can pretend I'm okay since you literally can feel what I feel if the emotions are strong enough. And I can't make you not feel it because you’d explode. Also literally."

Sighing, the Hale reached for a hand not cupped around the mug to entwine the fingers together. "When I said I needed time, I meant it. I want to get better at this. I don't want you to give up something you are because of it. I mean, Jordan's a hellhound and I can't pretend he's not fire. Wolfsbane needs to be burned out. Fire is part of my life and your magic being a freaking phoenix is also part of it."

After a while Stiles watched their entwined fingers as Derek was talking then finished his tea and sighed too, putting the mug down on the nightstand to turn back to his mate.

"I thought... this would solve most of our problems. I know it'd have been me giving up an integral part of me, but my logic was that no magic equals no challengers who would come for me because I'm a Spark. It also would've meant you wouldn't have to fear me anymore. You talk about the magic and the fire as if it is separate from me. But if this ritual had taught me anything, it is that I am the fire, that I am the magic. It's in my blood, in each cell of me. That's why it hurt so much trying to extract it all out to lock it up..." his eyes moved to the single black dot on the inside of his wrist. It was going to be a constant reminder of his near-mistake for the rest of his life. And also a warning.

Stiles looked into the green eyes again. "I understand you need time, but you also have to understand this: that I am magic, I am fire, I am a Spark," he said on a more determined voice. "I see that now. Mom was right. I cannot make this sacrifice for us, even if my intentions were good. I cannot give you this part of me to keep you safe. I have to carry this, live with this and accept this." Like Stiles had accepted everything Derek was. Not human but a werewolf, a beast, a broken being. He could only hope for Derek to realize and learn to accept this too.

"I won't try to lock my magic away ever again. I had learned my lesson with mom's help. I will embrace what I am and try to make the best of it," he said more confident then lightly squeezed Derek's fingers. "We should soon start practicing with the fire too to let you get used to it again. You know it'll never harm you, right?" he asked.

Derek had never wanted this part of Stiles and never asked of him to make that kind of sacrifice. What if Claudia hadn't been there or hadn't been able to reach Stiles in the way she had? Then it would have happened and the damage would have been irreparable and very harming for Stiles, even maybe for Derek. Maybe he had nearly lost Stiles, again. It was a scary thought to have, that they constantly come close to loss due to their own foolishness and not an outside threat. He didn't know how to undo any of it, he didn't know what he was supposed to say. Derek’s head was too full with it all, making him get quiet as he attempted to process the words for what they were and not the emotions he had.

Maybe he had kept the magic too apart from Stiles, because it had felt like a separate entity. The way it would enter him, the way Stiles sometimes said ‘we’ instead of ‘I’. So they both probably had treated it the wrong way, that the energy he felt at the balancing rituals was Stiles and his magic, not the magic by itself. Maybe if he kept that in mind, it wouldn't be so hard to not freak out when this fire bird was going to happen again.

"I know you'll never hurt me," he corrected because if they were going to treat it as part of Stiles then they had to start talking about the magic as Stiles and not ‘it’. It wasn't ‘it’, it was Stiles. "It's not like I see it as you. The fire happens and I feel the fire from the past, so in the moment I'm not even afraid of your fire, it's the memories." Isn't that usually the problem with a particular phobia, a bad experience which gets triggered and so it keeps being relived until it's a fear that makes no sense anymore?

"When I was little, I was taught about hunters, how to act around people to not attract attention, what to do when under attack by hunters, what to do when hurt by hunters. I saw people die when I was young and I knew werewolves weren't invincible. But to learn that a simple fire could kill 11 people and werewolves alike... that a match and gasoline can destroy your home and life so easily and quickly... I learned to fear fire. Then Peter forced those memories into me so I knew what it was like in that basement and Hell... It's not you I fear. I just don't know how to... not fear." He kissed Stiles' fingers. "I want to learn though, in all the ways. You and your magic are one and you're part of me."

"You do realize that even if you're not a Spark, they'd come after you. Even if you locked away the magic they'd come looking. We have to be better prepared for when they do."

Stiles' eyes welled up again but this time there was a soft look in them, not that deep sadness from earlier. The fingers Derek just kissed moved to caress the stubbly cheek and he moved closer to lean his forehead against his mate's, a couple of tears sliding down on the pale face.

"Because of our bonds and the way I had touched your soul, I know the depth of your trauma and fear more than anyone, remember that, Derek," he whispered like that, drinking in the closeness of his man, which grounded him and the stirred up magic in him some more. "I'm just glad you are willing to learn. I'll help you come over your fear as much as possible. That will make us stronger and more prepared in the future. No matter who comes our way to challenge us or try to take away what we have. If I can stop it, I won't let anyone hurt you again like how Zepar did. We are mates, but you are also my familiar and as your emissary and druid, I have the responsibility to try to keep you safe. Sometimes even from my foolishness. I know that now so I won't do anything like this again. And I'll help you," he repeated and moved his head enough so that he could kiss his mate softly.

Then he finally opened his eyes. "Thank you for saving me. And letting my mom hug me again after such a long time. Why haven't you told me that you are like a medium? I have so many questions about that too, you know..." he smiled softly at Derek, just drinking in the details of the familiar face for the thousandth time.

"I'm willing to learn how to jump into a fire for you." He would jump into one if Stiles or Beth were in danger, without a doubt, which was also something that made it easier. If others were in danger, Derek was going to overlook his own fear in favor of them. So as uncomfortable as it was with Zepar, fear hadn't taken hold of him too much then, since they had been in danger. Well mostly him with his guts popping out and yeah, he really didn't want a repeat of that either but it happened. Was going to happen. Just as Stiles was going to get hurt too. It was impossible to stop that no matter how much they wanted it. "Most warlocks have a small familiar, I'm a pretty big target to hide."

Stiles knew how Derek felt about them getting hurt, it was going to happen and it was part of their lives. But as much as he'd try to protect the human, he knew the younger man would do the same for him. He was and always had been very annoying and stubborn like that. And Derek couldn't use the excuse of him being the one healing anymore without that being thrown back in his face, with a very good reason. They both had much to learn and not enough time to learn it, as usual. They had to get on with the program.

Rubbing their noses together the Hale sighed. He knew about the questions, it was only fair. "It's part of why I can see angel wings and reapers. A gift from Hell." The last part was laced with sarcasm because nothing was a gift from there. "Ghosts, once they know I can see them, are relentless. My experiences weren't that great and when the soul was returned, half the time I didn't know if they were real or not. I mean, a half-crazed mate rambling on about seeing your dead mom?" It would’ve been insensitive, never the right time to mention it.

Stiles smiled from their noses being rubbed together. It was something they sometimes did and it always warmed his heart and made him smile. It was such a simple gesture but also an intimate one. A greeting wolves often did. Something that made him feel closer to Derek.

That smile faltered though when Hell was brought up. It made more sense now to Stiles. That place had done a number on his mate and that was an understatement. Moving his cold hand to caress Derek's cheek, he sighed.

"Yeah... I can see why you didn't tell me, but you know I would've understood. You can tell me anything, Derek. No matter how hard it is for you to talk about it. I won't judge or make you feel bad about it. I hope you know that too," he whispered with an honest look on his pale face, his thumb never stopping with the caressing.

"I'm just happy I could see and talk to my mom while we embraced. It meant the world to me. I've missed her so very much," he added. Stiles was sure that Derek could sometimes feel how much he did miss his mom. Especially when he was down or desperate for some good advice or guidance. And she did save them now.

Shifting a bit, a grimace ran across his face from the still throbbing pain in all his muscles. "I'm also sorry for shutting you out like I did. I was desperate and depressed after the attack. But I want things to go back to how they were between us. I love you, Derek. I'd never leave you for anyone. You're mine and I am yours," the human leaned in and pressed a kiss against his man's lips again while his hand slid back down to let their fingers lace together.

"Can you take some of the pain, please? I'm too tired to fight it anymore," he whispered while putting his head down on Derek's warm shoulder, the shivers making another return.

"I know you've missed her." Derek had often seen Stiles at her grave in the past, and he probably still went because he was loyal like that. Putting flowers there, talking to her, crying. The wolf had never intruded back then, had only watched to make sure the kid would return home safely. Derek wasn't one to visit graves, because there was nothing left of the family to visit and Laura.... Nope, he hadn't been to the Hale plot since her funeral. Or whatever passed as one because it had only been Derek there, and the sheriff, though that was more to make sure she wasn't going to be buried near the ruined Hale house again.

Maybe knowing he had missed her had made Derek hesitant to tell his mate. It was a sensitive topic and had seemed too crazy given the circumstances. He hadn't thought Stiles would make him feel bad about it, it had been more the other way around. And he hadn't known body possessing was possible since that would have explained it much easier. It didn't matter, it happened the way it happened. Instead he slid his hand to the back of Stiles' neck, so their hands could remain as they were, to pull pain away as asked.

It was never a problem to do that for his mate and he was glad to be asked instead of the human toughing it out with this stubborn idea of not wanting to put Derek through his pain. The strain had been felt, and now that the black lines leached into his own body, it was clear just how much pain Stiles had been in. Too much and it was even dangerous with how cold his body was, it could push him into shock.

"I love you too and I don't want you to run off with another alpha to save me. Or give away your magic if it would keep me alive. There are always other ways."

"Yes, I see that now..." Stiles murmured and sighed with relief as the pain was starting to slowly ebb down to a tolerable level, thanks to Derek's hand on his nape. The warm palm touching the scarred over skin there helped Stiles to anchor himself even more, the stirring magic finally settling and 'touching' Derek only where their skin were in contact, but didn't push. That part of Stiles was still busy settling back where it belonged in his body and it was highly likely that they were going to have to do a balancing tomorrow, to take back from the big amount he had transferred into Derek to keep him safe and strong before he planned to do the ritual.

He saw the errors in his thinking now, even if it seemed like a good idea at the time. But both his mate and mother have managed to make him realize his mistake. They showed him a different path and he had to believe in his mother's words that he and Derek can do everything together. He believed now that they were going to always find another way. They were one, after all. And together they were stronger than anyone could expect.

"I won't do those things, I promise," he opened his eyes to look up at Derek, but his head was too heavy to lift so he just did that and squeezed the warm fingers around his cold ones to let him know that he meant it. His heart and soul felt a little warmer from the love confession too – hearing those words always did that to Stiles.

Then he closed his eyes again, letting Derek continue taking the pain. He trusted his mate to know when to stop, so he didn't comment on that. He was just resting there half-lying on the warm body, his own slightly shivering, but Stiles already felt a little better, his soul and heart a bit less heavy.

"Is she around often?" he asked after a while, nearly half-asleep and obviously meaning his mom.

Derek was pretty full with magic at the moment so he was glad the magic didn't try for more and he wouldn't mind giving some of it back since it felt like his mate had stuffed him as full as possible. Luckily, due to Deaton's insistence to train him to learn to take in more and more magic, it wasn't a problem, not exactly. His skin felt too tight though and Stiles had too little. Of course it made sense since the Spark had anticipated that he wasn't going to take it back ever. It had been an understandable thought but it wasn't Derek's to keep. It could wait until tomorrow, when the human wasn't shivering as violently as he was now.

"She comes and goes. More at your dad's house but she obviously moved with us." It was why the Stilinski home felt different. "She'd have probably shown up more if I had acknowledged her. But the two times I did communicate with ghosts, one tried to get in my pants and the other threw stuff at me. The first one was... more a monster.”

"To some degree it is good to know that mom's around and keeps an eye on me... us. Without her I would've messed things up even more, I think," Stiles murmured, caressing Derek's warm chest then pulling the cover higher up on them with his eyes closed.

"I can also not really blame that ghost who wanted to get into your pants. If I was a ghost haunting you, I'd try to do that all the time too," he chuckled, even if he could guess Derek had some issues with his previous ghost encounters. But it was funny to imagine himself like such a handsy ghost.

"So... my ghost whisperer... Are there other ghosts around us all the time too or just mom? And how did it feel to be possessed by her? Do you remember what we talked about while she was in you?" Stiles asked curious enough not to fall asleep just yet, although he was close to it.

There was a chuckle because Stiles couldn't be anything but a handsy ghost. He was already exactly that now and Derek wouldn't mind that as much as a monster trying to get to the good bits. Since that hadn't been about sex, more like to satisfy a hunger considering the ghost nibbled on toes whenever it had managed to become more solid. Some things he preferred keeping attached to his body without having to sew it back on. Yeah, he didn't want to even think about it.

"There are a lot of ghosts around, but they don't linger around us." Thankfully. His own family had moved on and now that there was a reaper lingering, other ghosts liked to stay away. Not that Claudia could possess Derek or Stiles if they didn't let her. "I was outside my body, watching but I couldn't hear, sounds were muffled, kind of like being under water. It takes a lot of energy and I think I was able to let her because you gave me so much magic. It was... peaceful. Like floating in a big tub of cotton balls."

His body still felt like he had gotten a long work out, muscles hard and tired but nothing too exhausting. Nothing a nap of an hour wouldn't cure. It was however going to be harder when he didn't have such an overkill of energy in his body.

"It must have felt something very special then. Just don't make a habit of it. Even if for my and my mom's sake," Stiles nosed Derek's neck then kissed into it, his arm tightening around the chest he was hugging. "I need you with me. I love mom a bit more for reminding me of that and that we two can do everything together. She was a wise woman so we have to believe her..." Stiles murmured, rubbing his cheek against his mate's chest and slid his cold hand under the other's T-shirt, so very not sorry or ashamed from the uncomfortable feeling that was going to cause to his man. Stiles needed to warm himself up and what better way to do so than wrapping around a heater-like werewolf body like an octopus?

Yeah, there was no interest in keeping sharing his body with ghosts, not even Claudia, unless there was no other way. Sure Derek wanted to give Stiles everything and he was glad he was able to give him a moment with his mother but it had cost her a lot of energy too and Derek could also be in-between them like a translator. Who knows how long it was going to take for her to show up again? She had fizzled out like she had been hit by iron. Though Derek knew it had been the right choice, he wouldn't have been able to reach Stiles like she had and then who knows what would have happened.

Sighing satisfied, Stiles felt the pain receding enough for him to be able to finally be lulled into a sleep by Derek's steady heartbeat. Love you, he wanted to tell Derek, but his overtired brain had decided to shut down right before that and his breathing evened out and became deeper. It was so different, so right, so safe to fall asleep now that he was relieved and didn't have to hide things from Derek anymore.

There was no reply given to the human, there was no need since he was rapidly falling asleep after the move of ice hands pressed against his skin. Which was an asshole move.

For a while Derek listened to the soft puffs of breath with his eyes closed, waiting for the body to warm up before the Hale deemed it safe enough to get some rest as well. Derek had to make sure his mate was going to be okay and it seemed the werewolf warmth was doing its job. It would have been better to get some more warm tea inside Stiles but the one mug had to be enough.

Eventually, even though he tried to stay awake, he dozed off as well. They had no plan yet. Stiles was barely healed thanks to all this, and it didn't seem like they were getting anywhere. For now, it had to be enough to be together like this, balanced in their bonds.

IF YOU DARE

Súgó Még nincs hozzászólás.

Új hozzászólás Frissítés