***

Once they got home after the suspenseful meeting near the Nemeton, there were some things on Stiles' mind they still had to talk about. He waited until they ate dinner and were snuggled up in bed, Beth already asleep upstairs with Little Red and Fenrir guarding her dreams.

"Soooo... you know you owe me an answer to who that mole is..." Stiles cut to the chase, suspecting that Derek knew this question was coming. It was also an important thing for both of them to know because clearly that someone was reporting back to the Druid Council about them. And not just what they were doing, but also very personal information that could be used against them. Like Zepar did to rile both of them up.

They didn't need more challengers in Beacon Hills and if this information spreads around, that's exactly what would happen. Some might come for territory, thinking that Derek is weak. Some to see and maybe try to steal the powerful resident Spark from him. Or do both. They had to prepare for such future scenarios too, just in case. Next to getting ready for their upcoming wedding and honeymoon and life together after those.

Derek had hoped for them to have a few days at least before that question would come, but he didn't blame Stiles for asking now. It was important information to know, despite the unpleasantness that came with it. Not the kind of talk to be had in the sanctuary of their bedroom but in case a certain toddler was still awake, she couldn't hear them from where they were now.

"Marin Morrell. She's the only one I ever told about Kate. It came up in therapy. Not a group session." He didn't think she would tell others outside of the Council but it was hard to say, he didn't think she would jeopardize her own job for the druids either. Breaking confidentiality like that, she shouldn't be allowed to have her license. And it was possible the Council might let it slip to other alphas if they thought another lesson was to be learned or for whatever reason. They'd think him weak, and they would find out he wasn't.

"I'm not weak. What happened... It happened and I didn't want anybody to know."

Stiles immediately felt his anger and magic starting to stir deep down from hearing that name. A lot more made sense to him as his brain quickly started connecting the dots. What looked just strange behavior in the past now began giving out the bigger picture here.

"That bitch... I want to destroy her. Right now," Stiles bit out but held onto Derek a bit tighter and focused on his breathing and calming down. "Now I get it..." he continued after a good minute of just breathing and controlling himself until he didn't feel like jumping out of bed and hunting down the sneaky druid – and Kate Argent for good measure. "Why she was so very interested in me and us. She was reporting back to the Council. Maybe to get a few good points after her stunt with the alpha pack. Or fuck knows with that creepy woman..." Stiles huffed with a frown. "No wonder my instincts always warned me about her and her unhealthy obsession with me being a Spark," he grumbled then sighed and looked at Derek, stroking his stubbly cheek, his voice becoming softer.

"I'm sorry that she'd betrayed you like that. Do you want to retaliate? Like... get her fired and banned from practicing? Although proving it might be tricky given the fact to whom she gave out information about you..."

"I was thinking of asking Deaton. He knows somebody in Eichen House and let them handle it internally," Derek sighed. He didn't want to do it with big gestures, he didn't want to confront her and deal with her. Killing her, harming her, that wasn't what they did so getting her fired would have to be enough. And it was important. Not even to the wolf himself, because he was used to having his trust shattered over and over. "A therapist you should be able to trust, but she betrayed that so she needs to be stopped. For others like me."

It was all he was willing to deal with. She would be wise to run the hell out of town when she knew her cover was broken. She wouldn't want to run into either one of them, especially Stiles who had less control and could get very emotional easily. Honestly, if that happened, Derek wasn't even sure if he wanted to stop his mate from extracting some revenge.

"She betrayed all of us, after all. Including her brother, Deaton."

She is good at that when it serves her. In this she's a lot like Peter," Stiles snorted, still slowly caressing Derek's face. Both to make him feel cared for and to keep himself calm. "I agree with getting her fired. She'd deserve more but it's more about protecting her other patients," the Spark nodded in agreement. "And if I ever see her again around here, I'll chase her skinny ass out of town for sure." It was a promise. "She'd made enough mess in Beacon Hills. I'll tell Deaton to let her know that she wore out her welcome and should skip town. Otherwise she'll know the real anger of a Spark from close. I'm done with her plots and machinations."

For a long moment Stiles hesitated about the other topic, knowing that it wasn't easy for Derek to open up about that. Even to him.

"You know you're not weak. You're the strongest man I've ever known. For many reasons," he murmured even softer than before. "And you know I'm here to listen if you want to talk about that other bitch I want to skin alive..."

"Marin'll have to deal with us both if she returns," Derek amended because this was their town and it was their job to protect it, even from ones such as Morrell whose loyalties were continuing to shift to whoever she thought would serve her best. She was uncomfortably like Peter, good thing the two probably never met. That would have caused some problems, no, more problems.

It seemed that the topic was done with that, Stiles content with caressing Derek's face to calm the both of them though it was a false sense of comfort, in a way. The younger man carefully broached the topic of Kate, the reason how they knew Morrell was the mole in the first place. It made Derek tense up, even though it was only the offer for him to be able to talk about it if he wanted to.

"There's nothing to talk about. I was bound and recovering from the wolfsbane bullet she had shot in me, she had berserkers. I didn't stand a chance. It happened and there was nothing I could have done. I don't blame myself."

It had been easier to pretend it hadn't happened once he had recovered his memories since it had been weeks by then. He hadn't looked back. Nobody had known, she hadn't mentioned it either. It had been yet another secret between them, one he was fine with if it was never uncovered. "I think she only did it because she could," Derek looked away from Stiles.

"You're right not to blame yourself. It wasn't your fault," Stiles hurried to reassure Derek, making sure that the wolf felt that he wasn't angry or disappointed about this. There was only understanding and support. Aside from the deep hatred he was feeling for Kate Argent for exploiting Derek again. It was always wrong to force oneself on someone. And to do it again years later when she had already left deep scars in Derek... it made Stiles want to slowly kill that woman so much more.

But his man needed his support now. To feel that he was there for him, that he was someone he can talk about this any time he feels like it.

"I agree. She's a psycho who does whatever pleases her. But whatever she did to you, I hope you know that it doesn't change anything between us. I love you the same and hate her even more. But..." Stiles gently turned Derek's head towards him, waiting until their eyes finally met "I also want you to know that I'm here for you to help in any way I can about this too. If you want to talk about it or a shoulder to cry on or just to hug it out. Whatever works for you, okay? I love you, Derek Hale. You're the love of my life and nothing will ever change that."

Stiles spoke no lies, nothing about what he said wasn't true, but Derek still had trouble understanding that it was true, because it felt like it shouldn't... couldn't be this easy. Of course Derek didn't feel like going into detail, he doubted the other was expecting him to, because Stiles knew him well. The Hale didn't go into details and there was no need to, it was easy to guess as to what she did. The same she had done when he had been a teen and thought she loved him. A body couldn't help the way it reacted to stimulation, even when trussed up like a bound turkey with a monstrous berserker breathing harshly through the mask. It had been little more than an alive statue.

"Stiles, each time I flinch away from you, or when there's a bad day, when I don't want sex because of memories, you're going to wonder if it is because of her. You're going to see behavioral patterns, you're going to connect dots to my past behavior, you're going to see what I tried so hard to keep hidden. This changes a lot between us." No, he didn't doubt that the love was still there, he didn't doubt that Stiles would always be there for him if he felt like talking, when there was a bad dream or memory. That wouldn't change between them, Derek just knew though that Stiles in some ways, would look at him differently.

Like the pack did when they found out about Kate and Derek and the house fire. When they found out how old Derek had been when they met. Scott and Chris had that look, the one that said they didn't pity him but they felt for him. Like he had needed protecting. Peter had known, one look at the way Derek behaved, the loss of his powers, the way Derek kept saying she had taken something from him, Peter had known. It was the reason why when it was all over, the beta had skipped town with Braeden.

"It was easier when you didn't know Jennifer used her magic on me, when you happily blamed having psycho girlfriends on me. When that part of me that was taken by them wasn't bared for you to see."

For a long moment while Stiles was thinking, he just looked at Derek just as openly and lightly shook his head. "No. It might have been easier for you back then to hide these things from me. But since then we've been together, we are engaged and about to get married. So it's good that these things came to light. We can't build our future life together onto secrets." The human's thumb stroked Derek's cheek as he sighed shortly.

"You might be right about knowing this changing things a little bit between us. But just a little and just for a while until we both get used to the fact that this is not a secret anymore. But although I'm not trying to lessen the impact or importance of this, we have so much more together than to let this come between us. Don't you see? This will never define us. And with time I hope it'll get easier for you to process this trauma too and maybe one day feel like you got through it."

It was clear that Stiles was struggling, trying to come up and say things that would make Derek understand that he didn't see him as a victim or damaged goods. Derek was his whole world. "With all your faults and imperfections and past traumas, you are the only man I accept and love and want. No one else."

There was a deep sigh from Derek echoing the one from Stiles, because yes, starting their life together with secrets wasn't good. This probably would have been mentioned at some point as well. However the way it was outed now, it hadn't been the right way, it hadn't been on Derek’s terms. It made it different, maybe even seem worse because of its hidden nature.

Looking into the concerned eyes of the Spark, the wolf shook his head and leaned in to kiss his mate's lips. "I've processed it, it was years ago. I mean… I love our sex together, and I enjoy it more than I have done before. You don't remind me of her, nothing we do together reminds me of her." It wasn't why he had kept it hidden even now, after all those years. No, it had been more of how society treated males like him, which was exactly why Zepar had used it against him.

"You know how men are seen if it gets out they were forced into sex, especially now that I'm an alpha again. How others look at it. I didn't want that to happen, because I fought hard to be who I am. And Kate wasn't going to ruin it."

A gentle pause.

"Not you. I know you still want me. I know you're okay with it. Because you already see my memories from Hell so... I have no shame with you."

"And you don't have to feel ashamed with me. Ever," Stiles agreed with a small smile, kissing Derek back softly. He was also very happy that nothing of him reminded Derek of that sick bitch. He's been working hard on that and paid attention to the details and triggers. For example, that's why he never said the word 'sweetie' around Derek. Not even to their daughter. The same went for avoiding calling Derek his 'pet' when they were playing in bed. That was because of Lucifer, of course.

Having some of his own, Stiles took triggers and trauma and dealing with those seriously. Derek knew that. It would be just nice for a change for a break in those things for both of them. To just enjoy each other's company without problems or fights. Even so, Stiles was glad that they finally talked about this, that Derek – although the circumstances weren't ideal – shared this burden with him.

"From now on you aren't going to be alone carrying this. And I'm happy to help my mate. Always," he hugged Derek tighter.

It wasn't going to be okay. Derek knew that processing it, getting past it didn't mean he'd ever forget it happened. But it wasn't something that was going to cripple him, same as what happened to his family. That was in the past, there was nothing he could do now to change that and that deep guilt had been something he had let go of even before he had left Beacon Hills with Braeden. Kate had taken many things from him, and he had built that all up again. Stiles, unknowingly, had helped with that too.

"Maybe someday I'll want to talk about it but there's so much we have to unpack still that I'm fine with how it is right now." Sometimes it was better to let some things go, leave them be for the time being. At least Stiles understood that since he had his fair share of skeletons in his closet too, traumas he was still working on and sometimes managed better than other times.

Sliding his arm around Stiles' waist, he pressed him close to inhale his scent. "It's just another thing in the long line of things. And I don't want to think about it anymore."

Respecting Derek's decision and not pushing more at this time, Stiles nodded against Derek's neck in agreement, inhaling him just as deeply as his wolf did, his hand now caressing Derek's back as they were lying there on their sides.

"Alright, my love. I understand. It's time to turn our minds towards less dark and stressful times. Like organizing a wedding and a honeymoon," he murmured into Derek's neck, staying right where he was and letting Derek loosen the hug if he wanted or when he was ready. "Our future together now that we have one thing less to stress over. But before everything, we first deserve some much needed sleep. Everything else can come afterwards..."

"Cake eating the day after tomorrow for one thing." Something to look forward to since Stiles loved cake so much that he wouldn't mind surviving on only that, probably. Derek was more into pie but not even he would deny that there was something about getting to taste their wedding cake and talk design with the shop they had settled on. Their wedding deserved their full attention, the rest was going to have to wait.

It’s been some exhausting days. Stiles had used up a lot of his magic and despite all the time they had spent on healing, sleep wasn't a luxury, it was a need still. "Get some sleep. You know Beth will be diving into our bed early in the morning again for some cuddles." Which would be followed by a big dog and then a grumpy cat wanting food since everybody was up anyways.

"We won, it's over." Hiding his face a little more, not planning on letting up with the hug anytime soon, Derek pressed a kiss against the skin. "Thank you."

THE WEDDING

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