Missing Piece [Dave/Alan, SLASH, NC-17]
U-girl 2010.04.16. 19:57
Our first short story with Alan Wilder....
Note by Capri: Well, after a long-long pause we are here again! :D With a – in my opinion – great story. It grabbed me and our new character grew to my heart. He’s no one else than – I think it won’t be a big surprise – Alan Wilder. After this not just DM’s lawyers, but Alan’s will chase us too! XD Besides these things I really enjoyed writing this one, cuz it was different, although the topic is familiar. I want to write more with Alan! :D
Note by Useless-girl: Yes, yes, we’re back like the flu! :P It really is interesting having our first short story with Alan – and hopefully many more’ll come. I knew that his time’ll come too! ;) I love the residency and coolness in his character mixing up with his inner, fiercer emotions. :D We hope you’ll like it!
Category: SLASH! (Alan/Dave)
Capri & U-girl
Alan put the drum sticks down with a serious expression and he took off his headphones. He went into another room of the studio and sat down by the mixer table. He rolled with his chair to another panel and adjusted some things on it then he started recording a run on a synth. With his other hand he pushed up some keys, finding the perfect tone for the piano, listening to the effect on a headphone again. They’ve began recording “Violator” a few weeks ago. The others were chilling out today, but he – as always when he had some time – came to the studio. He always found enough things to do around the album and because he was a perfectionist, he was able to work on the sounds for hours long. Like now, when he have been working for the past 3 hours. He loved this job, although it ate up a lot of his energies. But once he started it, he couldn’t stop. He sipped from his nearly cold coffee then rolled over to the mixer again and pushed down a few buttons, starting “The Sweetest Perfection”.
He put down the empty cup after another hour and was listening to the problematic bridge with a satisfied expression as he leant back in his armchair, closing his eyes. But when his sensitive ears heard a tiny noise, he leant forward and corrected the mistake. He was nearly ready when he felt that someone was watching him. He curiously looked to the side and nearly jumped a little from Dave, who was listening over his left shoulder. He pulled off the headphones on one side and looked at him.
“Hey, Dave, you scared me!”
The man laughed, his green eyes were glistening contentedly. “Relax, Alan” he patted his shoulder “I won’t eat you up.”
“Cool” he gave him a faint smile then turned back to the table “What brought you here? I thought you were already killing time with a blonde with nice boobs.”
“You always see me as the bad guy” he sat down onto the couch with his legs apart “I knew you’d be here as always. Workaholic. I wanted to know what you managed to do with the songs.”
Alan turned around with his chair and pushed himself to roll over to an amplifier. He pushed a button so the music could fill the room. It was “Halo”.
“Well, I’ve already mixed “Halo”, “Personal Jesus” and I’m ready with the first half of “The Sweetest Perfection” he turned to Dave with his chair “I’d like to hear your opinion. If something isn’t right to your ears, tell me and I try to correct it.”
Dave was listening to the music silently. “I like it. I’ll be curious what kind of remixes’ll come from this.”
Alan just smiled and turned to the computer to click with the mouse a few times, listening to a sound track.
Dave was watching Alan with lazily shining eyes. There was something in his friend’s moves which draw his attention to him. He realised that he was following every moves of his, while his thoughts started forming in his head unwillingly. He remembered what they were doing with Martin time after time. What the other man could do to him… First he was frightened from this, but after it his body, his mind, his whole being was yearning for that feeling more and more… Sometimes he wanted it more than normal sex. Was he sick? Definitely. As he was watching Alan, he felt the desire rising in his body. ‘But he’s Alan and not Martin!’ he thought. But instead of deterring him, it turned him on even more. How could it be with him? Was he as feral as Martin, or he’d be a totally different lover? Would the desire raise in Alan’s body that much that he’d penetrate Dave without resistance, or he should penetrate Al? And how’d he want it? Gently, softly or he’d have to fuck him hard, until Al’d yell from his pleasure? Does the dark-haired man in front of the mixer table want him? Would he be able to want another man? And Dave Gahan?
Alan glimpsed at Dave for a moment, but he had to turn back to him from that dark look as he was eying him. He felt embarrassed.
“What?” he faltered out.
“Hm?” Dave came back from his thoughts.
“You looked at me with a… strange expression. Is something wrong?” he cleared his throat and stood up to walk to the fridge in the corner and take two bottles of water out “Do you want one?” he asked, looking over his shoulder.
“Sure, thanks” Dave stood up too and walked to Alan and took the bottle “With a strange expression?”
“Well…” he opened Dave’s bottle too and gave it to him “… yeah. I think usually you look at women with this expression when you’re gawking at them” he noted and laughed confused.
Dave tried to stop his laugh, but couldn’t “Do you want to be in their places, Wilder?”
First Alan wanted to say no, but then he rather closed his mouth and remained silent. Lately he caught a few ambiguous gestures between Martin and Dave and he could easily imagine of his friends of easy virtue that sometimes they had fun together. At the beginning he felt sick even from the thought, but later when he watched them, he toyed with the idea too. He wasn’t proud of it, but somewhere in the back of his mind the opportunity – making love to a man – always bugged him. But every time he thought of it, he suppressed his curiosity and shook his head. He wasn’t raised like this, he wouldn’t be able to do that. Or he just needed to reach a point when he wouldn’t be able to say no? ‘How can it feel like?’ he mused inside again and lifted his gaze at Dave. Even if he let it happen, he wouldn’t allow it to anyone, just for a guy like Dave, whom he trust, knows and wouldn’t have to fear that it’d turn out, cuz he’d risk a lot with it too. Maybe his girlfriend Hepzibah wouldn’t be able to understand it, ever. He loved her, but he was always that kind of guy, who liked experiments, although he did that mainly with music until now. He cleared his throat again and turned away, sipping from the bottle, to hide his slight blush and cool down his thoughts.
“What’s it, Alan? Did your thoughts wander off?” Dave whispered behind his friend as he stepped behind him without a sound.
“Well… ehm… yes, a bit” he shrugged and faced Dave, his long fingers playing with the plastic bottle.
“Would you tell me, if I ask you nicely?” Dave looked at him, his eyes shining with a deep-green light again.
“I was thinking about Hep… whether you’d look at her like this too, and if yes, what’d happen” he returned the green gaze, but he nearly felt dizzy from its intensity.
“She’s your girlfriend. You should look at her like this.”
“Yes, I know, and I do look at her like this. But then why do you look at me this way?” he asked. ‘Is he thinking about what I am? Is it possible?’ he mused.
“Why? How do I look at you?”
“I don’t want to say anything stupid, but like… a predator watching his prey…” he said on a low tone and couldn’t stop his gaze, which wandered down to the full lips.
“Do you really feel like this?” he tilted his head to the side.
“Sorry, I was wrong. I was just babbling” he turned around and grabbed the back of the leather chair with one hand to turn down the volume a bit. “Personal Jesus” was playing in the background.
But Dave didn’t persist “And do you want to be my prey? Would you protest, if I tried to catch you?” he stepped behind him again. Now the situation was unmistakable to them and Dave new this. He risked it, but he couldn’t stop himself and as he put his hands on the back of the chair, he captured Alan between his arms.
The other man barely could swallow from the sudden closeness, but somewhere he wasn’t surprised. “So is it true? You and Martin?” he asked back instead of giving an answer.
“What do you think?”
“As I saw, the thing I suspect of you is true” he watched the other hand next to his. He felt the warmth of Dave’s body on his back and to his biggest surprise it wasn’t disturbing at all – it started turning him on. If he asked Dave… would he fulfill his deeply buried fantasy?
Dave laughed quietly, but didn’t confirm or deny Alan’s statement. He started watching Al’s neck and he imagined whether he’d like his taste, if he bit him.
Alan turned around again and looked deeply into Dave’s shining and calling eyes again. He hesitated. What should he do? Somewhere he was afraid to do it, but the opportunity was bugging his mind and it seemed that Dave wouldn’t mind it either. His motionless body relaxed when he slowly reached out with one of his hands and closed it to Dave’s face, watching every reaction on his face.
Dave watched every moves of Alan like a predator, who’s deliberating whether he should catch the outstretched hand or let it touch him. The other man was breathing voicelessly and shortly and glued his gaze onto his fingers as he gently caressed Dave’s soft skin. He couldn’t stop himself and he slid them down onto Dave’s neck and dig into his short hair by his nape. He stepped closer. He didn’t know what came onto him, but that mouth with the little smile pulled him closer like a magnet. He glimpsed up at Dave then looked back at his mouth again as he leant closer. He closed his dark eyes and brushed along Dave’s lower lip, barely touching it with his. Dave’s body slightly shook as he pulled himself back. He liked this enforced prettiness. He let Alan discover his mouth in a slightly clumsy way then he couldn’t bear it anymore and softly bit Al’s lower lip. The singer growled when he could finally taste him. Alan swallowed a moan then let Dave pull him even closer to him, but he made the last step so now their bodies nuzzled to each other. He heartened up, although he felt his face blushing, and he deepened the kiss, searching for Dave’s tongue. He wanted to taste him for a while now and now he barely could hold himself back.
Dave didn’t protest, his long fingers disappeared under Al’s T-shirt, stroking his waist. He left his lips to softly pamper Al’s skin from his jaw-line to his ear. Alan suddenly felt unsure as he shivered from the hot breath in his ear. He was shocked by his own body’s fierce reactions and somewhere he was ashamed that it was this clear what Dave was doing to him, cuz his straining body – nuzzling to the singer – showed him his excitement without a doubt.
“Are you afraid, Alan?” Dave whispered into his ear as he pushed him with his groin against the table.
The asked one swallowed hard and for the first time in his life he could look into the drowning gaze from this close. He didn’t want to confess it so he just shook his head, but didn’t say a word.
“You can’t fool me” Dave smiled “I know you are. You’re shaking. And this turns me on even more” he said, his eyes darkening even more, while his desire washed through his body again. He leant closer to his prey to bit down on his neck softly. Now Alan wasn’t able to hold back his moan and he grabbed Dave’s shoulder again, which wasn’t easy because of the leather jacket he was wearing. To solve this problem he stroked it down from his shoulders and caressed his chest.
Dave was getting greedier and he dragged down Alan’s T-shirt and leaped on the freshly exposed skin, not holding back his bites.
“Jesus, Dave! Are you always this fierce, or have you been waiting for this moment for as long as… I?” Alan moaned when his friend bit down on his collarbone. In exchange he reached under the white T-shirt and grabbed Dave’s side.
“You have been waiting for this?” the man asked back while he closed his eyes from the warm fingers’ touch.
“I think so” he looked in his eyes and grabbed the hem of Dave’s T-shirt, pulling the thin material over his head.
“Why?” Dave asked curiously when his head appeared again. He took a deep breath from the cold air, which surrounded his chest. Alan ran his finger on the singer’s lips with a little smile. His hand caressed Dave’s bare chest and tummy. Dave reached under Alan’s chin and lifted his gaze to make eye-contact. “So? Why?”
“Cuz I’m curious. You know that I like experiments, don’t you?” he slid his hands onto Dave’s waist, just to enjoy the heat of his body.
“Great” he grinned “Then let’s see what you have” and he returned biting Alan, who sighed and bent his head back. He dug into Dave’s hair, watching the singer, who was kissing and biting him lower and lower. His groin was on fire and he bit down on his own lip, waiting for Dave to notice this. Dave was moving downwards painfully slowly, leaving a wet train with his tongue here and there. When he reached Al’s hipbones, he couldn’t stop himself and he sank his teeth into it while his fingers started stroking Alan.
He moaned from the pain and pleasure he felt at the same time. He’d never thought that one day this fantasy of his would came alive. But Dave Gahan was really kneeling in front of him. This time in front of him and not in front of Martin… Finally Dave’s hands opened the trousers while he tasted Alan’s skin with his teeth again. During he undid Al’s belt and got rid off the trousers, he was looking up into his eyes. He knew that his own eyes opened such depths like never before. In the moment the trousers touched the ground, Dave’s fingers moved downwards from Alan’s bellybutton – barely touching his skin. Alan was watching him with dark eyes, slightly panting.
“Come on, Dave!” he moaned. His voice had a hint of a whining side tone. He grabbed the edge of the table with one hand, the other one went onto Dave’s shoulder.
“How much do you want it?” he licked his tummy playfully.
“You can imagine that it wasn’t easy to ask you for this, so…” he smiled and caressed his friend’s cheek-bone with his thumb.
“Really? Tell me about this need of yours, Alan” he asked while he slid his underwear down. Alan shivered as the cool air surrounded his groin and hard-on, which was only waiting for Dave’s pampering.
“Now we’re about to fulfill one of my deeply hidden fantasies.”
“Go on” Dave looked up at him and never leaving his eyes he slowly licked along Alan, just to start playing with him with the tip of his tongue, driving him crazy.
“There’s no need to say anything else about this, Dave” he moaned “Jesus Christ!” he hissed “Yes, that’s it…”
Dave laughed and decided that it was high time to torture Alan. He took him deep into his mouth just to slide hotly off of him and begin the whole thing again, slowly accelerating his pace. The other man’s eyes rolled back into his head from the pleasure. His moans got louder and came more frequently. He’d never thought that this would be such a great feeling. And Dave did his best: he used both of his hands – one found Alan from below, the other formed a firm ring around the hard and slippery shaft. He pumped it firmly next to the work of his tongue and mouth. But for a question he pulled away from him:
“Do you like it?”
“I can’t tell you… how much! David! Dave, I’ll cum, if you don’t stop now!” he panted and his ab-muscles contracted again and again.
“Really? And don’t you want it?” he smiled at him evilly, stroking him harder.
“I want it to be good for you” he moaned without thinking.
Dave smiled, but now his smile was different. Now he wasn’t arrogant and egocentric as usual. For a few moments his eyes searched Alan’s brown ones. He felt that this one sentence broke through his hunger and reached him. He didn’t know whether Alan meant it or not, but from this he felt him closer to him than ever. He stood up without a word and kissed him, not paying attention which kind of emotions his action contained.
Al took Dave’s face into his hands and returned the deep kiss. This was something different than the others before. It contained… more. It was as if Dave gave real emotions into it. This surprised him. He thought that Dave’ll do this in his usual bow-wow style, but paying attention to him. It seemed that his last sentence touched him. Al didn’t think that this’d happen, but deep in his heart he was happy from this turn of events. After a few long and exciting minutes – still holding Dave’s face in his hands – he broke the kiss and pulled back a bit to look into his eyes and tell him in a low voice:
“You know that this’ll be my first time?” he whispered.
“Yes. I know your doubts. But don’t worry. I’ll take care of you” he smiled faintly. Alan just smiled back at him softly and nodded, running his long fingers on Dave’s stubbly face then he kissed him shortly.
“Tell me what to do” he whispered into his mouth.
“Let your instincts lead you” he answered, while the desire rose in his body again. He knew that there was a lot hidden in Alan, someone just should free those things from the cage of his moral limits. Alan gulped, but didn’t answer. It wasn’t easy to cross the teachings of his deeply religious and moral parents. For a moment he imagined his mother, what she’d say seeing him like this and he had to laugh.
“What?” Dave asked with a slightly confused face.
“Nothing, nothing” he caressed his shoulder “I just imagined what my parents’d say seeing me like this” he waved with his hand “It doesn’t matter, I’m trying to follow your advice. Turn me on, Dave, make me beg for you! You… you’ll slide into me and you’ll fuck me, won’t you?” he grabbed his nape suddenly and his other hand slid onto the front of Dave’s trousers, grabbing the obvious bulge.
“As you wish” he moaned and with a determined move he pushed the chair out of the way and pushed Al onto the counter “You’ll be my whore, Alan” he said and his hand found his victim’s member, torturing it with soft touches. He leant to his neck to deeply inhale his skin’s mouthwatering scent. Finally in the same moment when he grabbed him firmly, his sharp teeth broke Alan’s skin and he tasted his blood.
Alan’s whole body tensed and he cried out loud from the pain and pleasure’s strange mixture. He scratched Dave’s shoulders, not paying attention to how many wounds he’d inflict and Dave’s sentence just turned him on even more. He found it fucking exciting. “Tell me such dirty things, you animal!” he grabbed his shoulder to force a short and bloody kiss out of him, tasting his own red life.
“What do you want to hear? Should I tell you that I’ll fuck you until you’ll yowl from pleasure? That I want to hear you scream? As you yell my name and come for me? That I want to see as I turn you on?” his hand was moving faster now “That you turn me on even better than Martin ever did?”
Alan’s moan broke midway and he looked at Dave shocked. “Re… really? Or you just see the little virgin whore in me, whom you want to break in?”
Dave looked deeply into Alan’s eyes “I had never been more serious. I want you. Madly.”
“Why?” now he was the one who asked this. He held himself back with his last strength not to come. With his free hand he finally opened Dave’s now very tight jeans and for a moment he adored the sight as his hard cock sprang free from its prison gratefully. With a little smile he ran his long fingers on its length.
Dave growled. “Maybe, cuz you’re so stiff. I feel the fear in you and it turns me on. It makes you desirable. I always wanted to know you” he smiled.
“Nine years weren’t enough for that?” his smile broadened and in unison with this his hand started working harder.
“Ah… did we ever speak… thoroughly?” he asked while he turned his head towards the ceiling from the pleasure.
Alan slid down of the counter’s edge and while answering the question he knelt down in front of him, not stopping his hand’s work “Well… maybe the time has come…” he shrugged and with a sudden move he licked along Dave’s rock-hard cock.
“Y-yess!” Dave moaned and one of his hands grabbed the brown hair unwillingly, pulling it hard.
The pain didn’t disturb Alan, he focused all of his attention to somewhere else – namely how good it felt tasting Dave. His mouth took in more and more from the hardness, moving on him with an accelerating rhythm. He couldn’t believe what he was doing! For the first time in his life he was pleasing a man! He! A man! But the strangest thing was that surprisingly this didn’t disturb him. It felt right to please a man, who was important to him and it didn’t matter that the method was a bit odd. Yes, now he really felt himself like a dirty whore, but as he saw Dave’s ecstatic expression, he didn’t really care anymore. He was proud that as a beginner he managed to please him this much. Dave couldn’t take this maddening pace for too long. His fingers grabbed Al’s forearm and he dragged him up. He was panting as he pushed Al against the counter. With one of his legs he kicked Al’s legs apart and put his hand onto his shoulder.
“Well?” he leant close to him. He felt his hardness touching his friend’s ass. He nearly went insane from the feeling.
“Do it!” he moaned. He wasn’t able to think straight anymore, his instincts led him and he wanted them to mate like wild animals, he wanted everything to be washed away by passion.
“Relax” Dave whispered into his ear.
Alan’s stomach jumped from this one word, but he tried to obey Dave, while he felt him wetting both of them. He was panting, his heart jumped up into his throat like back in the days when he proved himself in front of the band and the audience for the first time. Dave saw Alan inhaling deeply and felt his muscles relax. He stepped closer to him until his groin touched him and slowly he started sliding deeper into him. Alan grabbed the edge of the table with and insane force and he threw his head back as he tried to hold back his loud moans with biting down on his lower lip. They were mixed with pleasure and pain.
“Well?” Dave leant back “How does it feel?” he asked smiling then he bit into Alan’s earlobe.
“Strange…” he moaned. The veins on his neck bulged out and he felt the blood running into his head from the suppressed moans “But it’s… very good! Go on, please!”
Dave accelerated his speed while he gave his bites lower on his back.
“Oh god… Dave!” Al moaned as he started to relax and enjoyed the quick pace with closed eyes. He felt that Dave takes care of him despite his passion and this moved him, cuz he imagined this in another way. He could confess to himself that he was a bit scared from this part of the act, but Dave turned it into something nice and enjoyable. “It’s very… good to be with you!” he whispered without thinking and he peeked over his shoulder to look at the other man, whom he found unbelievingly attractive in that moment.
“And it’ll get even better” he breathed while his fingers slid forward onto Alan’s groin like spider-legs, taking care of his member.
“Oh yesss! That’s it!” he exclaimed in his rapture and he nearly came just from Dave touching his rock-hard cock.
“Do you want me to rub you off?” he panted into his ear, his hips moving harder against him.
“More than anything!!” he whimpered from his pleasure, completely forgetting his inhibitions.
Alan couldn’t see it, but Dave allowed himself a dark smile. His fingers closed around Alan in a firm grip and he started pumping him, while his hips pushed against his ass. The heat was sliding down on his back, arms and chest in the form of big sweat drops. With his other hand he grabbed Alan’s hips as a supporter, giving him the chance to fuck him harder.
The other guy completely lost the connection to the outside world as he was moaning and yelling with closed eyes. He even cursed from the swirling emotions inside of his body. They were threatening him with tearing him apart – just like Dave did with his fast thrusts. He knew that he was close, his cock was throbbing painfully in his friend’s palm and he started moaning discursively. He was light-headed from the passion, which washed through his body, which formed sparkling sweat drops on his shaking body. Dave was close now too. As his body sped up, so did his hand on Al. His other hand wandered from Alan’s waist onto his neck and he held it a bit firmer. After a few minutes Al couldn’t bear it anymore – his body jerked and he felt as the nearly painful tension in his groined eased. He felt hitting Dave’s hand, cuz the singer continued stroking him with his wet fingers, smearing his hot semen on his skin. His loud moans didn’t echo in the sound-proofed room.
Dave listened Alan coming wit a satisfied smile then he concentrated on himself. He knew that he needed just a few movements to cry out like his lover did. Al’s moans turned him on even more. And soon Dave’s deep baritone filled the room as his body tensed. Alan cried out again when in his rapture Dave slid in as deep as possible and he felt him filling him with his hot semen. He panted, the sweat was running down on his forehead, but he was happy. Very happy.
For a few moments – which seemed like minutes to him – Dave didn’t move and he just panted for air. When he finally came round, he slowly slid out of Alan and he put his chin onto his wet shoulder, his chest nuzzling to Al’s back. He listened to Alan’s panting without saying a word. He felt his lungs working as they accepted the air. Knowing that he did this to him made him smile.
“Are you… this thoughtful with him as well?” Al asked in a hoarse tone after a few minutes. His throat was dry.
“You mean Martin?”
Alan just nodded then slowly straightened up. Dave stepped one backwards.
“I don’t know… no, I’m not like this with him.”
“Then what are you like with him?” he turned around so he could look into his eyes.
“Different. He likes fierceness.”
“I see” he closed his eyes and turned around to reach for his trousers.
But Dave reached out and stopped him. He turned Al to him to look deeply into his eyes “Alan… what’s it?”
“Nothing… I think I’m just a bit embarrassed” he blushed slightly and quickly wiped away the sweat from his forehead.
Dave laughed “From what?”
“From the situation, Dave” he pulled his zipper up, avoiding Dave’s eyes, like a shy little girl.
“Tell me more about this” he leant against the table with his naked body. It was clear that the situation didn’t disturb him.
“You know well Dave that… that I’m not like this. I rarely do crazy things” he shrugged and put on his T-shirt “I’m not that cool like you with Martin.”
“Really?” Dave asked and lifted his eyebrows “You smoked pot with us on the after parties, you fucked the groupies like we did, Alan. You don’t know how much you are like we.”
“Yes, it’s true. But it was easier to get to do these things – although I was treading on the morals with it – but this… this is another level we have here” he pointed at the naked Dave leaning against the mixer then at himself. Then he had to swallow from the sight, blushing even more.
“And now you had sex with me just like you did those other things. I fucked you just like I did with Martin. How much do you differ from us?” Dave asked emotionlessly “Look at this!” he showed his hand, which was still glistening from Alan’s fluids.
It seemed that a pain hurt and anger flashed in Al’s eyes as he turned away to take up his mineral water. After he sipped he said: “I see it.”
“What are you thinking about now?”
“That maybe it was a mistake” he closed the bottle.
“Turning into someone like you” he looked at him – withdrawn again – and put the bottle down.
“Ohh” Dave smiled “You’re right. I hope God’ll help you from turning into such a moral dirt as we are. Cuz we are the living deterrent, sent straight from Hell, whom wants to come upon your holy writ, artist self, surrounded by white light! You know, maybe you should have listened to your parents and end up as a pianist, like your sibling. What are you doing here at all?” Dave’s eyes got darker with his words, but this time not from desire. Now a whole different flame was in them.
“Sometimes I ask the same thing from myself, cuz I’m not honoured, that’s for sure. And it doesn’t matter that I do most of the work with mixing the albums and taking care of the sounds on the tours” he shrugged, but didn’t let Dave fluster him. He just stated this and switched off the computer and the music.
“Which one of us is honoured here, Alan?”
“Well it’s sure that you are the one with your voice and taut ass” he sighed “And of course Martin with his lyrics” he turned to him again.
“So… with my taut ass?” he asked back and he couldn’t wipe the grin off of his face.
“Don’t say you don’t know it” he reached for his leather jacket and set his lightly messy hair right.
“No, I don’t know. Enlighten me!”
“Why do you want me to praise you too? You just have to go outside the hotel and you’ll get what you want” he said coldly and switched off every machine.
“Why from you? Cuz it’s so impossible to make you say something like that – just like it was with making love to you. Which had happened.”
“And? This means to you that you successfully broke me in? That from now on I’ll jump as you want?” he folded his arms in front of his chest.
“No, no” the singer looked at him darkly “I know that it doesn’t mean this.”
“I hoped that you were clear with this” he put his sunglasses on and walked to the door.
But Dave reached for his arm and stopped him. He didn’t say a word, he just tried to see through the dark lenses.
“I don’t want you to go like this.”
“Why, Dave? I’m not mad at you, I know you” he shrugged.
“You aren’t mad, but I know that you’re blaming yourself and you’ll go back behind your walls again.”
“And why don’t you want me to go back behind my walls? Don’t you see the exciting challenge in me like this?” he asked doubtingly.
“But, but…” Dave sank into his thoughts. He knew that the thing he wanted to say’ll sound strange from him, but he knew the feeling, which Alan’ll face. He faced it many times before. “I don’t want you to feel bad from this. I know how it feels living between your walls.”
“Don’t say that you’re worried from me, Dave! You?” he asked slightly surprised.
“No!” he said letting Alan’s arm go and he leant back “You’re a big boy, you can take care of yourself.”
Alan hid a smile, cuz for a moment he saw the confusion in Dave’s eyes. He knew when he was lying. “Alright Dave, don’t worry, I’ll deal with this alone as always” he squeezed his friend’s shoulder and grabbed his car keys “Put your clothes on. You’ll catch a cold and we don’t want it to go onto your throat” he looked back from the door and a faint smile was playing on his lips. His soul was lighter from knowing that Dave was worried for him a bit.
That well-known boyish smile spread on Dave’s face while they watched each other for another few moments then he let Alan go and he reached for his clothes. While he got dressed, his thoughts were swirling. He really was a bit worried for Alan. He was a too good talent to waste. Dave was always a bit jealous of him for his great synth/piano and drum knowledge. Maybe this was the cause why he was this sniffy with him, although he knew that if they let it happen, they’d get close to each other. But how close? Why did Alan let him closer? He saw on him that he was nervous, he was afraid a bit, but he enjoyed it beyond words. He enjoyed it more than their blonde friend. He liked that Al pampered him with the beginners’ insecurity. He found it sweet. He had to smile from this again then after collecting every piece of his clothes he stepped out of the room. He accepted that he won’t know some things about Alan and this kept his mind going. He didn’t know whether Alan was doing this willingly or it was impulsive by him, but Dave won’t hold himself aloof from the future.
Alan was sitting in the living room, legs crossed, in the company of his nearly cold coffee. He shook himself – he fell half-asleep in the dim morning light. He smiled to himself then sipped another one and enjoyed the taste of the coffee filling his mouth.
These memories were still living sharply inside of him, as if they had happened days ago, although… although more than fifteen years had passed since. A lot of things had changed since then. Dave’s junkie period, the Devotional tour – as he had to watch him destroying himself… He remembered how rudely Dave sent him away not just once when he tried to help him. The singer’d totally changed and Alan couldn’t take it anymore. Yes, this was one of the most painful parts of his life, because he couldn’t do anything and this hurt him for a long time after quitting the band. He needed years until he could get over it, but thanks to his wife and children after a while it was easier. Of course he kept an eye on Depeche Mode, and had mixed opinion about the records. Meanwhile he worked on his Recoil albums.
It relaxed him that finally he could do such music, which he wanted, although he never denied his roots. Sadly the friendship with the guys loosened during the years, but he still knew the important things from first hands. He was happy to hear that Dave settled down too, quit the drugs and had his own family now. During the past years these memories came into his mind time after time, but these occasions were rare now. But the release of Dave’s new solo album brought a change into his life. He congratulated to him after the first one too, but after the release of “Hourglass” he wanted to tell him his opinion personally… Well yes – another smile – and now they were here in New York, in a hotel room. As he looked back over his shoulder, the life and light came back into his eyes, which he thought he’d lost a long time ago, as he was just watching and watching his naked friend sleeping on his tummy.
By: Capricornus & Useless-girl
Translated by: Useless-girl