Useless-girl - Blessed or Cursed
Useless-girl 2013.06.10. 13:23
PG-13, slash elements, thoughts, Dave Gahan
Note: Yet another one I wrote on the train on my way home. Sorry if it’s too much fluff, but I was kinda in an emotional mood while listening to the song below. Enjoy!
Recommended song: Depeche Mode - Alone
Rating/Category: PG-13, slash elements, thoughts
Character: Dave Gahan
Blessed or Cursed
Just looking at you makes me feel all warm and fuzzy. You’ve always been my home, even if there were times we were fighting and thought that we hate each other. We knew already deep down that our relationship was complicated. Even from the start. It’s been decades since the first time we had met and we went through several ups and downs. We have to keep our feelings for ourselves, because we are still living in a world that knows only two colors: black and white. But we’ve blurred that thin line several times to prove them wrong.
Dave Gahan and Martin Gore are in love.
I wanted to shout something like this into my mic countless times on stage. Hell, I still want to do that on this Delta Machine tour as well. It’s good to be back and I feel like bursting with energies again. And it’s partly because of you. Partly because things are going well again between us. You are my other half and I’d want the whole world to know this, but… they are still not ready for this – for us. Maybe they will never be. So for now I have to settle with hugging you tight at the end of nearly every show. I love the surprised faces you make then. As if you wouldn’t know that this would come after a show spent running around and basking in your and the crowd’s energies.
It still amazes me each time I feel yours. I love it when it creeps under my skin and calls forth mine. I cannot even describe how amazing it is when you decide to play with us. Me and my other side. You know what I’m talking about… We both love you and need you.
I just feel bad about the times I had disappointed you. There are still so many things we haven’t talked about. So many unsaid words and unshed tears from my side. I wonder whether we’ll ever be able to uncover those. But maybe it’s better not to scratch the surface and leave the past alone now that we are close again and can work on our relationship and mission together. I want this to last forever, but I know that nothing lasts that long. We both have learned that through the hard way. We had to let go of so many things and so many important people… It still breaks my heart, but we had to learn to live with these things and we were there for each other lately. You’ve tried to become everything I needed you to be to get through the hard times together. Your coldness still hurts me sometimes, but not now.
Now you let me take a peek inside your inner-thoughts. And not just through the awesome songs you wrote for us. No, we are actually talking with and without words. You have no idea how happy you make me with this. Well, since we are one you might actually have some. I know the whole situation and your love makes me feel more confident. That’s one part of it. The other is that now I believe in my own power. I made peace with myself, my demons, in many aspects of my life. Maybe time really makes people wiser. Even such a bastard like me.
Now I have to stifle a laugh not to wake you. You look absolutely beautiful in your sleep. My dark angel, my man with the wings. A fallen angel from Hell. I could go on for eternity with my praising words, you know that. I’m your lovesick black cat. It’s ridiculous, I know, how crazy I can get around you when I can feel your attention on me. I still cannot decide whether our love makes us blessed or cursed. At times I think it’s a curse, but this feeling inside has to be a blessing. It has to be. It feels like that. Without you I wouldn’t be able to live this through.
It is funny how we always remember the painful things more. And we caused some pretty intense pain for each other in the last 30-something years. This is why I try to focus on the positive and happy feelings I have for you. I need us to stay like this. I don’t think I’d be able to go through another painful heartbreak. Can you give this to me? Promise me that you’ll always love me, like I had whispered to you not once after our passionate nights. Promise me that you won’t leave me alone. That it won’t happen again. I don’t want to feel another void inside of me. This current one is more than enough. I have only you now, my love. I am whole with you as much as it’s possible.
“Through your failures and success, Through your losses and gains…” I mumble watching you still lost in my thoughts.
Full size HERE.