Note: The quotations are from Depeche Mode’s “The Love Thieves”, because the bloody thieves stole my love, lol.
The Love Thieves
“Beseeching the honor
To sit at your table
And feast on your holiness
As long as they're able”
Time flies by so quickly that sometimes it makes my head spin. A few days ago I realized that ten years ago around this time I became a Depeche Mode fan for life. Ten years! Looking back on those years and all that this band gave me is overwhelming and insane. I’m not complaining though. There were ups and downs but their music stayed. What else can I ask for? Well, I’d have a few ideas, but this little retrospection isn’t about that. It is more about commemorating the past decade, this important anniversary in my life and I thought that since I write too, maybe sharing my thoughts like this would be interesting for some.
Once I wrote about it in details how this band came into my life, so now I just shortly sum it up partly for me to be able to walk down on memory lane, partly to let you know how deep my devotion for these people goes. So… in 2004 a new girl came to our high school and we soon became best friends for the following few years and she was the one who had introduced DM to me. Soon I fell in love with the music thanks to Useless (that’s how I became Useless-girl) although it was nothing like I’d been listening to (rock from all kinds of genre) at that time. Falling in love with the music itself was followed by getting to know the band members and it’s needless to say that the more I knew about them, the more I respected and loved them. After that my first Depeche Mode party came and it was so intense, so… different, so me! I can still remember how high I got from the music and the novelty of it. Although sadly I get to go to such parties less frequently nowadays, that feeling, that stepping into another dimension while dancing to their songs is still very much there after all these years. I often tell my friends that I can only let myself completely go on these DM parties. Music and dancing frees the soul and indeed, my soul is free when I’m on the dance floor with closed eyes, singing along while forgetting the world around me.
Like for many other fans, DM’s music gave me support during the hard times, too. I’ve literally learned a lot from their lyrics as English isn’t my mother tongue. But although after ten years I dare to say that I get the meaning of their songs a lot better, I wouldn’t say I understand everything or see all the delicate layers in them. That’s part of their charm – you discover those layers during the years and as you and your life changes, you’ll always find a new layer, a new connection with the songs. No wonder most of their fans are so loyal. Spending some time in this fandom showed me that and maybe it isn’t surprising that at some point I also wrote my BA thesis paper about their influence on younger generations. It was a fun experience to work with several older fans during my research. As I’m younger than them it fascinated me to hear their stories about the 80s and 90s and although I’m still a bit sorry that I couldn’t be a teenager then, it warmed my heart to know that those older DM fans haven’t forgotten what the band gave them.
Looking back like this I couldn’t even count all the people I’ve met because of them. Some had disappeared during the years, some got closer to me. Some hurt me badly, but some gave me so much… I don’t regret anything, because all these good and bad experiences shaped who I am today and seeing my younger and current self I can see the difference, I can see the progress I’ve made so far with the help of all these people. And DM was there in the background all along. I know that probably the fans of any other band could say this, but I don’t think words can express my gratitude towards the boys. That’s why even today as I put ULTRA (my absolute favorite album) on and Useless started I felt goose bumps all over and my emotions and memories flooded me in the next second. They still affect me the same way – even if at times I take a break from their music to get lost in other artists’ works. But so far I always came back to them and I know I will in the future too. They became a part of my life too deeply on so many levels I can’t even tell. For those who could never get lost in music and artists this deeply all these things might sound exaggerated and strange, on the border of fanatism, but I never considered myself a fanatic. Even today I don’t have all their albums in original (although I will buy some more once I’ll have money), my DM collection is far from complete, but the material part of things is nothing compared to the spiritual one. The love I feel for their music and the boys themselves can’t be explained. I just feel it how deep it goes.
The concerts are of course otherworldly. I’ll never forget my first DM show. I’ve got the ticket for my 18th birthday and had such a blast there. I didn’t know what a real concert was like until then. And since then I was lucky enough to see them four more times. One show better than the other. I can proudly say that I was once in the first row too but I love watching them from seats too. It doesn’t really matter to me since being there, living and breathing in their magic is what counts. Although they are on tour at the moment, it seems they won’t come back to us this time and it makes me a little sad because during the last couple of tours they’ve spoiled us with two shows, and because I miss them dearly. I just hope that in the future I’ll have the chance to see them live again, because nothing compares to that feeling/state of mind when I’m on a DM concert.
They captured my heart and soul and branded themselves in there – that was one of the reasons why I chose to let the world see what’s inside of me and I did that in the form of my first tattoo on my back. It’s not an elaborated one. It’s simple, uncomplicated like my love for them. First there was only the D and the M letters inside each other in Sounds of the Universe style, but last year I added the “Head in the clouds” line from Useless (of course), because that line is just me. One day I might add some more to the tattoo, but for now I’m satisfied with it, because it perfectly expresses what I want it to show: the relationship with them and me.
Fanfictions. At some point in my early fan years I’d joined different DM forums and soon found some pretty good fanfictions too. Those kinds of stories weren’t unfamiliar to me since I was already trying out my writing skills in the Harry Potter fandom. But of course soon after that I gave it a try with the DM fanfictions too. I’ve got some writing partners too during the following years, but life came along and I don’t have any connection with most of them anymore. Either way, I’m grateful for all the writing sessions, the good and the bad experience they provided me, because I’ve learned from those too. Just like I’ve learned a lot from a handful of very precious friends. Without their help I wouldn’t be writing today or have my own style. I’ll be eternally grateful for them. Thank you so much, you know who you are.
There’d be a lot more to tell – small and big things – but it’s not easy to capture the essence of what they mean to me (and I’m sure for many other fans). Maybe it’s even impossible as emotions are hard to describe with words. You have to feel what I’m talking about to fully understand. I can only say that even if lately they weren’t that present in my life, I still love and respect them deeply and I know for sure that they’ll always have a special place in my heart, no matter how many years pass by. For everything that was said and remained unsaid, thank you and happy anniversary with me!
“Love will be the death of
My lonely soul brothers
But their spirit shall live on in
The hearts of all lovers”