Suddenly, I bent in two, almost falling to my knees.
- Whats wrong dear? Jeeeesus, what's wrong with you? Nat, my love! Say something! What is it? What is it?
My face showed great pain and I was whinning, sliding to the floor. Dave went frantic, grabbed his cell and dialed 911.
- Dave, don't! - I pressed some words through my lips in agony. - Dave, it is a cramp. My muscles in my tigh. Ahhhhh, it hurts so much. Try to give it a massage to ease the pain!
- Oh, Jesus, I thought, I thought, Nat, I was convinced it's a miscarriage... Let me see! Let my hands do the soothing!
- Holy... f*cking... shit! - I huffed. I never had such a strong cramp, but after I used to the moves of Dave's hands, I felt myself a bit better now.
- Is it better now, hon? - I heard his worried voice.
- Yes, a little bit, keep doing it, please! - I bent my head back.
- Of course! - and he did everything he could to lossen my tight muscles. Despite the pain my heart was warm that he cared so much.
- We're lucky that it hasn't happen on the street - I sighed, thinkig considering we were just leaving. He wanted to show me around the block.
- Let me help you into bed - he offered his hand to help me. - You have to have a rest. Stretch your legs, it would getting better in no time.
- Thanks, dear... - I hobbled to the bed clung to his hand. - And I'm so sorry because of the trouble I caused you!
- Nothing. It's not your fault - he replied a little smile on his face and brought me a muscleaerator - Here, this'll strech you a bit - he continued and slushed my thigh.
- Yes, love?
- I won't lose our baby - I looked into his eyes deeply.
- That's what I hope. But you should be very, very careful! Watching every step of yours. I will take care of you. Ain't ya hungry? I can get grab some food for you.
- That would be nice, hon. I think we are hungry here inside - I stroked my tummy with a little smile on my face.
- Alright then. Will you be OK alone while I go out for some food?
- Yes, don't worry. I'm pregnant, not sick - I held his hand.
He looked at me in a strange way. I think he was still worried a bit. - What do you want to eat? There are a couple of restaurants nearby, so it's not a prob to bring you what you want.
- Some fish and chips would be nice.
- Order taken. My fav too. I'll be back in half an hour. Have a rest in the meantime. I bring you some magazines if you want. Which ones you like? Or should I choose you some?
- It should be your choice, just be quick 'cause the little man wants to eat as soon as it's possible! - I laughted.
- OK, I understood. I'm off now - and he rushed out from the room and left me alone with my toughts and my aching leg, which wasn't so bad already.
After a few minutes I checked my phone, and I managed to stand up. Because I felt myself much better, I searched after my luggage and started to discover the bedroom and pack my things out.
I was standing in the window and was looking down to the quiet street. An American street, the street I am living in, my street from now on. The whole thing was still unbelievable to me. A child inside me, the child of the man I love. Dave Gahan's child. We two are the parents-to-be of a small life inside me. The joy and happiness I felt was overwhelming, especially when I noticed a well-known figure coming toward the house. He had a pack in his hand, was walking calmly and looked up to my, to our window. I waved to him. He waved to me. I went to the door and was waiting him in the open door.
- I missed you - I said as I grabbed his free hand and closed the door.
- So soon? It was just half an hour - he smiled.
- Eternity for us, dear - I laughed - What have you brought for us? - I asked curiously and tried to take a look into the bag.
- Yummies, come sit down, let's eat!
- Yes, yes, yes.
- Ok, here. Fried tuna and potato chips, diet Coke and some ice-cream. I put it into the freezer before it's getting melted.
I waited impatiently while he did it and sat back to the table. We started eating. It tasted really nice.
- It's really tasty! - I said - This is my first food in NY - I added ceremoniuosly and put another piece of fish into my mouth.
- They make fab food here. I eat there quite often. Can the ice-cream come?
- Yepp. And I brought vanilla as well. Just in case you don't like choc.
- Are you kidding? That's my very favourite ice-cream! I try the choc everywhere where I buy ice-cream! Let me taste it, let me taste it!
- Alright, alright! You're just like a little girl! - he laughed.
- Maybe my hormones, or we'll have a girl - I smiled at him and took a big spoonful from the stuff into my mouth.
- Jeesus, then I am pregnant too - teased me Dave.
- OMG! Where did you brought me? Who are you? - I laughed, and offered some ice-cream from my spoon. He licked it.
- I brought you here just to prove it: I'm actually a woman.
- Oh my, then I'm a lesbian? - I smiled.
- It seems... - he laughed.
And he started to sing a song from the Rocky Picture Horror show musical.( I'm a sweet transvestita....)
- Stop it! Stop it! Enough, Dave, enough! - I laughed and kissed his cheek.
- Whhhhyyyy? Hon, I’ve just started it!
- Stop, or I'll keep your mouth shut with my little hands!
- With what? That's no good!
- Then with this - and I leaned over and kissed him tenderly.
- Hmm... it's tasty. Can I have another round?
- Of course - I smiled and kissed him again.
He stroked my face gently. After a few minutes I broke the kiss and looked into his eyes. - What plans do you have for the afternoon?
- Just want to be with you. If we are just laying in the bed and I can hold you in my arms that's already perfect for me - he whispered into my ear.
- That sounds good, but I thought you'll show me around a bit, but if you don't want it, I can go tomorrow alone. Hope, I won't get lost - I smiled - But fortunately never 'd been a problem with my orientation.
- No, it's a good idea - he got up and grabbed my hands to pull me up from the chair too.
- Where do you want to go? - he asked.
- Dunno. I'm still a stranger here. Show me what you think is the best! Preferably some green area, if there's one. I like them, and I think I'll miss them. In my hometown there were quite big green zones - I answered and put a black jeansjacket on.
- Do you want to see the Central Park or should we go to the piers at the Hudson and having a coffee? Or something else is what you want?
- Let's see that café by the piers. You can have your coffee there, but I can't drink that - I smiled, took out the keys from the doorlock and opened the door. He stepped out too.
We went along the riverbank till we reached pier 46.
The café was about ten minutes walk from the house, and suddenly he showed up to a big house with red bricks: - See, that is Jane St. 99, my flat. At least until tomorow afternoon - he added a bit sadly.
- Uh, are you living so close, only a couple of minutes from me?
-No, not a couple of minutes from you, but right by your side from now on. Don't say a thing. I am determined. On which side of the bed do you prefer to sleep?
I sighed. - On the left side.
- Then mine is the right - he smiled a bit.
- Yep. Hmm... this place seems familiar to me. I think because I've seen some pics years ago when I tried to check out where you live.
- Really? - he laughed.
- What's so funny?! That's a fan's duty! I mean, a lot of your devotees do the same or much worser things.
- I think I don't wanna know about them - he was still smiling and he grabbed my hand.
- Dave, it doesn't disturb you that someone can see us? I mean until you tell the things to Jen, it isn't right, right? - I asked quietly.
- Who decides it what is wrong, what is right? It can't be wrong if I hold the hands of my child's mother whom I love, can it?
- David, oh my David!
- See? You said " my David", meaning I belong to you.
- You are right, I'm just... I think...
- What? - he looked at me while we were walking to the café.
- Well... nothing.
- Don't say! Just falter it out, babe!
- So I think I'm afraid of Her.
- I can understand it. But we in no way can avoid confrontation. This is a must. Our marriege is empty. We don't hurt each other, only it is empty like a shell. She won't be happy at first, but would be relieved of get ridding of me. She is never at home, which means she doesn't want to be with me. There were times, though when she worked a lot and found time for me too. It has changed: She doesn't love me anymore. He looked away and I saw tears gleaming in his eyes. But he faught them back and had a faint, lopsided smile on his face.
- How can anyone come to the point not loving you?
- Nat, I am not an easy person to live with, she had enough of me. I can't blame her. I am kinda sicko.
- No, you are not and anyway! - I started crying in compassion, I wanted to share his pain, maybe it would ease it.
- Hey, don't ya cry, sweety! - he said endearingly - Don't listen to an old man's squaks.
- You aren't old. And I love you. And if I love someone, I share his feelings and it should work in reverse too. If you are sad, I am sad, although I'll try to make you happier. I know that this cuts deep into your heart. I would act by the same way as you do now. Dave, love, I don't want you to think that you couldn't be happy by my side, neither that we don't have a future. We have - I put his hand under my jacket to place it on my tummy - So don't dare to think about that you won't made me happy! That sucks. I'm already happy that I can be with you, that I can having your baby, that I am simply loving you. And now I promise you, that I'll be strong, no matter what. No matter what you'll do. Alright?
- Thank you so much - he said - Thanks for you. But dear, you don't know what you are talking about. I had three marriages before we met and none was working. After three marriages that failed one can begin to think over what did he do wrong. Quite a lot, actually. And old fox doesn't learn new tricks. I am the way I am and would stay that way.
- I don't care, I love you.
- You know, it's so moving. Your love. You left everything behind for me and now you live in a strange and alien place, or you must see it that way.
- But I know what is important. I know you for ages. Since I was a teen, you were always with me. Won't ya tell me what are those of your actions I won't be able to handle?
He remained silent and stroked my tummy before he put his hand away and slid it into his pocket. He looked at the waving water of Hudson. Looked really serious. I think he was thinking about what he can tell me.
I looked at him calmly but a bit curiously. I already knew a part of him, but he had got a bigger part what was still hidden. We were at the dawning of our love, but already were connected with a strong bond, which was growing in my womb. We should to get to know each other better. And I wanted to know what can I expect. I wanted to prepare myself for the worst.
- Well, Nathalie - he looked into my eyes and held my gaze - I could be very, very restless at times. Always on the run, like the hunted wolf, never finding peace. It hurts a lot, and I tend to blame others for this pain inside me. Like, maybe I would blame you. But, please, never listen to this, if I do it with you again and again. Take it as a dissability of mine. I love you and want you in my life. But I could act like a beast. Also, sometimes, only sometimes I am not able to be faithful in the phisycal meaning, I give in to sin. But, in my mind there would be only you. It's hard to accept, I know, but lying about it is worse. Here, now, I think you know everything, my soul is bare.
- Alright, Dave. I'll remember your words from now - I said as I slid my fingers into his hand - Don't worry. And now, let's see that café closer - I smiled sadly up on him.
We settled down and waited for the waitress to arrive. He sat there in silent, watching the river and he was unconsciously stroking my hand. I felt his love through his sadness. Maybe, just maybe I came right on time for him. And instead of getting mad because the baby he gave us a hearthy welcome and moved us into New York and into his heart.
He drank a strong coffee and was quite quiet, but it didn't disturb me. I let him to slip into his thoughts. I gulped my chocolate milk in small doses and was watching him, or the river with my own toughts in my head. I mapped my environment, and let the silence fell between us.
We sat there for about half an hour. Then he stood up and called me:
- Come with me, let’s walk!
We paid for our drinks and stepped out.
I didn't say a word just enjoyed the walk with him on the riverbank. It was quite peaceful although I heard the sounds of the traffic. It was a little bit cold because of the fresh and cool wind, but I didn't mind it. I felt that my cheeks were a little red from that. I held Dave's warm hand and followed him.
- Look, do you see that boat? There is a nice restaurant on it, I used to eat there alot. And see, there is the park I always took Stella when she was small. And, see....?
I was listening him and was so happy he shows me around. I loved the sound of his voice, it was good to let my gaze rest on him, and it was nice holding his hand and walking with him.
- What? - he smiled down at me.
- Nothing - I replied as I grabbed his hand a bit harder and clamped my jacked together on me. He asked me because I was watching him quietly - Let's take a seat - I motioned as we were walking in that little park which he showed me before. He walked toward a bench.
I bent my head on his shoulder as I nestled myself to him. I felt the warmth of his body while I was watching the little birds on the grass.
- "What are your secrets, do you pray, Is there a god that shows your way, I wish I knew... Do you have crazy fantasies, What happens in your dreams, I want to know... I guess you'll always be a mystery to me..." - I sang very quietly for him. (The song is K’s Choice: Dad)
He smiled at me and listened my little song I sung for him. His face smoothed, there was a really Dave-ish smile on his face and when it was over, he hugged me and said:
- You sing, oh so well. Your voice is still ringing in my ears and ewoking strange thoughts inside me. Such a nice feeling!
- Oh yes, David I know what you are talking about - I answered him and nested myself under his arm, he was helding me tightly and despite all my fears and doubts. I was happy.
- Do you know that your voice has the same effect on me? - I asked after a few minutes.
- Because of the DM songs?
- Previously yes, but since I know you personally, your simple voice too. You don't need to sing to me to have these feelings inside me. I only have to listen to you. That's why I am silent somethimes. I like listen to your voice. OMG, I'm talking about silly things again.
- They are not silly things. They are the words of your love. The words I can collect, like I would collect pearls and I can put them away for the bad days when you are not with me or I feel down.
I stroked his right hand, which was resting on my thigh.
I couldn't say the right words, so I remained silent again. He didn't mind it, just kissed me on my cold cheek.
- Hey, babe. You're cold as ice! Be careful! I don't want to see you ill!
- I won't be ill. Don't worry. It's just because of the wind. A bit cool. Nothing special. Really.
- No, no, no. We go home now, and I'll prep you a cup of hot tea - he hugged me, then he helped me to stand up.
And he did. The most perfect English tea ever was made. Hot, sweet and fragnant. We sipped the tea and ate the buttered toast with it.
- I must say that this was delicious! - I turned to him after he arrived back to the living room, where I was packing out some stuffs from my luggage again. - I felt myself as a real English woman for a minute - I smiled. He sat down next to me.
- Natty, I've to go away for a while - he looked at me - I can't bear it, I call Jen and meet her. And inform her, about the events. I suggest some rest for you.
- Alright Dave.
He stood up, kissed me and stepped to the door.
- You are going to come back home after it, are you dear? For sure, right? To here, to me - and I bowed my head.
- You're afraid that I do.. something?
- Well, maybe...
- I won't. I come back to you - he smiled a bit sadly, then he stepped out.
He left me there on the couch with my worried thoughts. I was just sitting there after I put some record in the cd-player and started to think. Again.