The following weeks were spent in a daze. Mia was crying a lot, ’cause her lil tummy ached. Dave became more grumpy and for the first time we had a serious debate over stupid little things, like who gets up when to rock Mia and what should we do to ease her pain. We were both tired and his temper was at his worst. He was screaming at me when he lost all his patience and I just stood there and couldn't do anything else but cry. At other times he would have consoled me, but not now. He took his jacket, slammed the door behind him and....I didn't know where did he go. I fed Mia and rocked her until she'd fallen asleep and then laid on the bed and cried and cried.
He felt anger in his strained body. He was so f*cking tired and had many things inside of him what made him impatient. He didn't mind it yet that he made Nat cry, or that he scared her. He held his jacket together on him, because of the cold and went along the streets. He hadn't any goals where to go, he just wanted to be on the freezing cold air to clear his head but it seemed that he can't get free from his anger inside him.
After an hour as he was walking on the riverbank of Hudson he recognized the familiar bulidings. He stopped there for a moment half away from his past home and half away from his present home. He wasn't sure which one he wanted to choose, but as he tought on the situation how he left home an hour ago, he decided to go left, to his old flat.
He stepped into the lift and tried to eliminate the disturbing thoughts in his mind. He knocked at the door and Jennifer opened up it for him. He was standing there with his head bowed.
- Jen, don't ask anything, I just want to grab some sleep. Don't you mind it?
- No, no, come in Dave! The lil one is far louder than you'd like it, right?
- Yeah - he murmured as he took off his jacket - Jimmy?
- Sleeping over at a friend, we are all alone - she said quietly examining Dave's face. He lifted up his gaze onto her face and gave a weak smile.
- Have you anything to eat? Or a coffee at least. The one you make it so well.
- Sure Dave, come - and she brushed his arm while she passed him. Dave shivered and looked after her. Than he decided to follow her into the kitchen. She was standing in front of the fridge, her nightie was an all revealing one and he couldn't took his gaze off her boobs. She noticed it, but just smiled for herself. She was dead sure what is going to happen. She knew this look of his already all too well.
- He is not living here yet. You know Jimmy, you are his one and only god.
- Yep, I know... - he sighed as she put the fresh coffee in front of him, so he had a better view into her de'collete' for a sec. He tried to look away. He can't do this. But he already felt the raising lust in him. He couldn't tell how long he hadn't touch a woman like that, because in the last months of Nat's pregnancy she couldn't enjoy having sex, and after the labour he knew she is not likely wanting it now either… So he was hungry now. So hungry! But he needed to pull himself back. He was still angry a bit, but he didn't want to cheat on her. That won't be fair.
He took a sip from the delicious coffee, and looked into Jen's eyes. Deeply. He was dancing on the edge of the knife... And cut himself. He knew it was dangerous but he decided to lick the honey from the edge of Jen's knife.
He just stared her, but with such an intense, burning look that Jen felt hotness flushed all over her body and she barely could stand on her feet.
But Dave didn't move, he was just staring her with THAT look, and finished off his coffee. Jen knew that he'll take the first step when she'll put the cup into the dishwasher... she felt it! Both of them knew it.
So she slowly reached out for Dave's cup and stood up. She felt his intense look on her body. She blushed like at the beginning of their relationship in the past. She turned away and stepped to the dishwasher.
He couldn't stand it anymore! His pants were tight now. He couldn't think on anything but sex. He wanted to fuck Jennifer! Nothing else! He felt the blood rush in his ears and couldn't remember when he stood up. He just saw that Jen was closer to him with every step.
There was silence. He stepped behind her, yet not touching. He inhealed her feminine smell and her perfume.
When she put his cup into the dishwasher and turned Dave stood right in front of him, as close as an inch. He didn't moved and she didn't moved. They both were listening to each other's agitated breathing. Jen saw he was slightly trembling, lips half open, wet, eyes burning, rapture was rushing through her veins and she felt passion was flaming in her heart for Dave. He still stood there like a monument and was sniffing the air close to her neck. That was it! She couldn't bear no more and pushed her trembling body into his. He sighed a big and closed her into his arms.
He kissed her with passion. Dave's body was trembling from the familiar taste of her lips, and asked with his tongue an access into her mouth. She didn't hesitate. Their tongues rushed after each other. He moaned into her mouth and pulled her more closer, his hands caressing her back, then he grabbed Jen's round bottom, so she could felt his rock hard member pressed against her tummy, and he could felt her hardened nipples on his chest. It made him crazy. He wanted her body with a strong desire.
She was wise enough not asking questions. She just let the things happen. It was obvious how hungry Dave was. He tugged her by the hand towards the bedroom and when they were there he pushed her to the bed. This was the Dave she really liked, the energetic and wild one. But often he wasn't like this. Now, he acted as a sailor back from the seven seas desperetaly wanting a woman when ashore.
He didn't think, he just concentrated on the body under him. His greedy hands slid under the nightie and pulled her little tanga down with one pull. In the next sec Jen was laying there full naked. He looked at her with wild hunger in his shinig now dark eyes, and gave a rough kiss on her lips.
- Dave, oh Dave - she moaned into his mouth, wanting more of him she grabbed his waist and pulled him towards her. Dave was panting wildly while he unzipped his jeans, not bothering with undressing. Jen helped him free his member and he rammed inside her with a loud groan.
They were motionless for a few secs, they just enjoyed their union. Jen missed him so much! She parted her legs wider to give him a better access and pulled him towards her from the back of his head.
Dave strarted his rough moves and bit her lips hard.
- Do ya know I missed you? - he asked.
- Like I missed you, I guess - she said, but she wasn't really in a talkative mood. Lust swept over her and all that she wanted was Dave moving inside her body. After Dave fastened his tempo she became helpless, she couldn't do anything else but screaming his name to his face.
Dave was already on the edge, cuz his body was really strained from the last weeks happenings. The blood rushed up into his mind and ears, and couldn't think just move. He felt that Jenny liked it. They had rough sex in the past not just once. He felt that Jen pushed his jeans with her legs down, so he could move free now. He got up in the highest place inside of her body again and again, so now she was screaming from joy in every sec. He licked the sweat down between her breasts, and bit them hard.
She scratched his shoulder. He hissed as he felt as the blood was flowing down slowly. One of his hands went between her legs to give her more joy.
He felt he can't hold himself back no more and cried out loud to get the world informed about his intense joy. Jen shut her eyes and felt the enormous power as her climax hit her.
He moaned again and still moved a bit after they came back from the 7th Heaven. He put his weight on Jen as he covered her body heavily gasping.
- David, dear! - stroked Jen his sweat covered back and head - Maybe, I didn't know what I was loosing when I accepted you filing for divorce. When I was always away without you my dear. Without you my dear David - She started silently cry.
He looked at her and stroked her face.
Hadn't said a word, he couldn't. His emotions were swirling inside his soul, inside his mind. Gave given, drive driven... It should be something closed now. And it is not. Why did he came here, he thought, only for opening old wounds? Now, she was seriously crying. Maybe, she hasn't cried enough yet, hasn't mourned what has to be mourned. She was desperately clinging to Dave. She broke his heart, he didn't remembered just one case when he saw her like this. She was always strong. She was the stronger one.
- Shhh.. dear, shhh... - he got off her and pulled Jen into his arms. He felt how strong she held him on his back with her trembling hands. He kissed the top of her head to calm her down.
- I miss you... I miss you... - she repeated again and again as she buried her head into his chest to feel his warmth.
- I miss you too, that's why I am here. It's not easy. Neither fair. I couldn't resist you taking in my arms, though I knew I shouldn't had to. You are still living in my heart Jennifer. But I love Natalie from the bottom of my heart and lil Mia. I can't turn my back to them.
- No, of course you can't.
They laid there in silence, only Jen was weeping silently. Then she said:
- Oh Dave, how I wish to be your lover!
- My lover Jen? My lover?
- Yes, your lover.
- After you'd been my wife? You want to be my lover? It's strange, isn't it?
- Yeah, strange.
- And what's with Bobby? I thought you love him.
- Yes, I love him. But... how should I put it... He's a bit boring in bed. He hasn't got a vivid fantasy like you. I miss your fire.
- My fire? And those weeks when you couldn't even talk to me, ’cause I was that depressed? The times when I was rude and unfair with you? The times when I struggled through every single day like I was sentenced to life? Now, another woman has to hold this burden of mine.
- I am still loving you. I realised, I do. Don't say a word. I know. I feel. I can't say I wan't you back, but I feel like that. I love you David - she whispered - I was blind but then I saw the light. Shine for me Dave!
- Do you know what are you asking from me?
She looked into his eyes.
- You're asking me to cheat on Nat... not just once. And not just her. There's Mia too...
- And when I was your wife? You cheated on me so many times... - she said quietly.
Dave remained silent. Jen was right.
- And I didn't say a word. I tried to accept it. You were free.
Dave bent his head.
- Is this that much what I'm asking you? Is that so bad? You've still desire for me, and I feel the same way.
- I don't know Jen. Everything was so clear without mess and it was calm. Even my illness retracted. I don't know. Do you want me to wear my guilt like a shackle all the time?
She remained quiet for a while, then she said:
- No, you're right, I can't be so mean. I can't have everything. Sorry - and she sat up and grabbed her nightie as she sat on the edge of the bed.
Dave embraced her from the back - I am the one to blame, I came here to you, searching for…for…love… Searching for your love Jenny. Don't hate me, I wanted to feel your delicate skin against mine, smelling your sweet fragnance of yours, watching your face in joy when you are cumming in my arms, I just wanted you. Don't hate me for this please. It's better if I leave, sorry Jen, didn’t want to hurt your feelings.
She looked into his eyes as she turned back. She couldn’t answer, but when Dave let her go, she grabbed his hand.
- Don't care about my feelings now, Dave. Then I ask you this night only. Nothing else. Love me Dave, tonight! The whole night! After this I won't be in your way. We can try to forget everything what had happened - and she bent to him to kiss his lips. Dave returned it, then parted their lips.
- Is that what you really want?
- Yes. Be with me tonight! Let me please you!
He gave a quick kiss on her lips then he answered:
- All right. I stay with you. I can leave tomorrow...
And she started to kiss him passionately, after it Jen pushed him back to the pillows, and her kisses went lower and lower with inch by inch.
Dave felt himself guilty. But his thoughts were blurred away as he felt Jen's warm lips so close to his groin.
He was silently making coffee when Nat’s sleepy face appeared in the kitchen door. She frosted when she saw him and desperately tried not to cry. She shouldn't have to, her eyes were already swollen as she wept the night over, unable to sleep and worrying where Dave could been. She knew, she promised she would accept Dave as he was, not trying altering him. But that was one thing to promise it and another to keep it. She tried to speak and greet Dave, but she couldn't. She tried not to weep, but she did. She tried to stay with him but ran back to the bedroom.
He sighed a big one, and gave some time for her. He made his strong coffee slowly. He got home just an hour ago. He was a bit tired, but he had to go to work with the guys today.
"And I should speak with Nat. Hope she won't be too mad for what had happened and where I was..."
As he opened the fridge to prepare a glass of orange juice for her, he heard Mia started to cry. He felt guilt again. He shook his head and made that juice.
He put the juice with some toast with marmelade - Nat's fav - to the tray and took it to the bedroom. Natalie was feeding Mia and she didn't look at him.
- Dave, I know I promised it, so I try my best to keep it not to ask. But believe me it's fucking hard - she said - Still, I keep it. But, David I don't want to eat and I don't want you in this room now. Please go away.
Dave’s jaw was on the floor. He didn't know this Nat yet. Or did he? Maybe when she sneaked out and left him there in his hotel room in Hungary?
„There's more in this girl like weeping over my unfaithfulness” - he thought. And it hurt him, she didn't want to see him, and he knew she was right, he was guilty as charged. He hesitated, if it would worth to protect himself, then he looked at Nat and saw it was useless. He went out to the kitchen without a word, head bent like a beaten dog. He called Martin and fixed the time of the meeting. He still had six long hours untill afternoon. He sat down to the table with his coffee to decide what to do.
Nat felt that cold breeze in her heart like back then in Hungary when she sent Dave away from her door. She knew it won't be easy to live with him, so she tried to accept him. She tried and tried, but she couldn't handle this... not now. It happened so suddenly. She was hurt, she needed a bit more time to face him.
Mia sensed that her mother was strained and nervy and started to cry. Nat sighed.
- Don't cry, lil one, I still love both of you - she started in a kind voice and started to cradle her in her arms. She sang a lullaby.
David overheard in the kitchen what Nat said, that she loves them both. His heart sank. He didn't mean to hurt Natty and he did. He didn't mean to hurt Jenny and he did. He screwes up everything. Always. He sighed and tried to gain some courage to face with Natalie again. He stood in the open door and was seeing she put Mia into her bed, silently wiping tears from her eyes and stepping to the window. He knew she is well aware of his cheating. She knows that he'd been with another woman.
I was still crooning that lullaby as I looked down to the morning streets of New York. I felt homesick now, really bad. I wanted to go home for a while. I had this desire in me, but I knew I can't go back. Not now. Not in these circumstances. What I could do was hoping that everything'll be alright, although I felt the pain inside of me. I hoped that I was wrong, that he wasn't with another woman, that he spent the night just in a hotel room, or walking on the streets, or with something else. I didn't want to face the opportunity that he cheated on me. No way. No, he couldn't.
- I must trust him. I need to believe he was strong... - I whispered then went quiet as my thoughts were running in my head again. I wiped my tears down again and sniffled.
- Natalie, dear, I want to talk with you – Dave stepped next to her – I’m… so sorry because my behaviour yesterday… I was really tired and I was upset. I’m sorry.
I just nodded and I hadn’t said a word. I was standing there, frost.
- At least shout with me where I was, please, listen to me! – Dave grabbed my arm.
- No. I promised that I won’t ask. It’s enough to deal with my own emotions. I won't blame it on you. And I won't ask why did it happen.…. I even guess whom you slept with last night. What could I do? You’re like that. But it hurts, fucking hurts, and untill it somehow won’t disappear from my soul, I don’t want to talk with you about this thing or anythig else by that matter.
I bent my head down, so he couldn’t saw my tears and I stepped out from the room.
Dave stood there frozen. "She doesn't want to speak with me about anything else?" He was surprised and shocked. But somehow he could understand Nat. He screwed up everything again. Fuck. It was a really bad idea to go to Jen. He must wait now, what'll come out all of this. But... at least his bastard body was fed. "Fuck!" - he tought. He went to have a shower.