Chapter 18

Next day they were awaked by the rays of the sun.

- Such a sunny day - said Dave and he looked cheerful, he liked the sun. - Perfect Sunday for some outdoor activities. Hey Natalie, what is it you want to do today?

- Nothing special. I thought we could show the world to Mia.  Or have you any other ideas? - I asked with a little smile on my face.
And as I finished my sentence, Mia started to cry.
- Sorry - I said, and quickly got out from the bed. He just smiled back.
I went to her room to feed her, and after it I brought our lil one to her father. I laid her down on the bed, between us. She was looking at us and moved her little legs and hands.

David stood up and called Jennifer to inform her he has to go to hospital for a few days and explained it why. She wanted to meet him, but he very visely answered that she must have to discuss it with me. He hang on and turned to me.
- Natalie, Jen wants to meet me, us, with the kids in the park at the piers. Is it okay for you? Can you...
- Yes Dave, I can face her, if you meant this.
- Well...I tell you something okay, won't you get mad at me?
- No.
- Nat, Jennifer misses me a lot. It's not easy, we'd been married for eight years. I am still important to her.
- I saw it very well, thank you for reminding me - I answered and jumped up from the bed.
- Natalie, I am not… hey, wait...wait!

This time I did.

- It's not that we would sleep together or something. You should understand it, try to accept it.
- Okay Dave, but I don't think I would be very cheerful or something. I wanted to spend this day with you. I told you not to get divorced, you did. You’ve chosen me. Than act like you are living with me. David, a friendship is okay, but you can't wait I will trust...
- ...Trust in me?
- Damn! Yes, trust in you! I am not a toy to play with! I love you, but I won't be a mop and if you force me, despite my love for you...
- You don't want to leave me?
- No, I don't. Don't force me to do things both of us would regret!

-  What kind of things do you mean? - he asked seriously.
I was just standing there and tried to gulp my anger back.
- I don't want to argue with you, Dave...
- What kind of things? - he interrupted me unpatiently - I want to know!

- David, if you force me, I can stand on my own. I am strong enough to survive. But I love you. I know well, you need me. Please stop debating! Please stop wasting your time!

- Alright. Sorry. I think I'm pissed off because of the hospital thing. I dont want to go there, but I know I have to.
- OK, no problem, dear - I stepped to him and stroked his face - I know it's hard. Alright, we can meet with the kids and Jen. We can have our day-only-the-three-of-us after you come home from the hospital.
He grabbed my hand and stroked my fingers.
- You're too good for me, Nat.
- Or I love you too much - I shrugged - Now, call back Jen. I prepare Mia for the walk.

And there she was. Jennifer standing at the entrance of the coffe with Rosie and Jimmy. And I had to pretend nothing has happenned. And I tried it hard. And Jennifer tried it hard. And David tried it hard. If we would have tried even harder we could have succed....But....we couldn't. At one point, after ten minutes I felt a stomach cramp, I was shaking and dizzy. I had nausea and I fainted.

- Nat, hey, Nat! - I heard his worried voice when I woke up. He was holding me in his hands. - Drink this, dear! - and he put a glass of water to my mouth.

- It's okay, I'm just tired and nervous because of you going to hospital, that's all, I'm okay.
- I call you a cab and I take you and Mia home, okay?
- Okay.

I said sorry and goodbye for Jen and the kids, and took Mia into my hands. By the cab I stopped Dave.
- Dear...
- Yes?
- Go back to them.
- But...
- They need you. They want to be with you. Don't deny this opportunity from them.
- But are you okay?
- Yes, I'm fine. I can go back home alone, don't worry. Just go back...

- I don't know Nat, I go with you. I won't make more mistakes neglecting you! U and your health is the most important. I ask Jen if Rosie can stay those days I should spend in hospital at her, okay?

He ordered the driver to wait and went to Jen.

I sighed a big one and started to cradle Mia who wanted to start crying. She was tired, I thought. The streets were to noisy for her yet.
- Sssh, Darling, we'll at home in a sec. Doncha cry, little Mia - and I started to croon her favourite lullaby for her. It calmed her, now she was just watching me with half-opened eyes, while I was waiting for Dave.

He got into the car at last. It took him quite a time to discuss the things with Jen. They were waving with their hands as the cab pulled besides them.

I was sitting there quietly and looked down at Mia who fell asleep meanwhile. Dave's left hand was caressing us. I was sad, but I didn't show it. I was worried for  Dave.

The ride hadn't last too long. When we were at home I took Mia to sleep and went out to the kitchen where he was sitting by the table and started to prapare some food for us.

- It disturbs you that I came with you, am I right? - he asked silently drinking his coffee.
My hands stopped for a moment.

- No. I love it. Only...You should have stayed with the kids…
- I wanted to show you that you're my family. I am scared I screw up something again and you...you will get mad at me.
- Daviey, oh Daviey.

I stepped to him and embraced his shoulders from the back.
- I won't be mad at you. I love you too much to do that. Don't worry, dear.
- I'm afraid, Natty. Afraid to go to the hospital. I'm always afraid when I should go. I'm afraid that I won't come back.
- Don' say silly things! You'll come back, that's for sure. And we'll waiting for you. And if it's possible, we'll visit you. Can we go there, Dave? Or you don't want it? Better to be alone? - I asked softly.

- No, Nattie! Don't leave me alone! Be on my side! Bring Mia! Jesus, I will die, I know... Oh, sorry Nat, sorry... - he jumped up and hurried to the bathroom slamming the door behind him. I heard muffled crying.

- Dave, dear... Dave! - I stood at the door. I knew his illness made him say those words. - Do you hear me, love? What are you doing? Please let me in, darling! No one'll harm you and I won't let anything bad happen to you! Dave... Come out hon, would you? Please David, I want to console you.
- You know I'm harder to console these days, but I go out, alright - he replied and he opened the door, standing there beaten by the disease he was unable to shake all these long years. I closed him in my arms and we were just standing there unable to decide what would be the best to do.

- Lov, tell me what do you want to do? What should I do, hm? How do you want to spend the rest of this day? - I stroked his face gently - Should we have a rest in the bed? Come Dave, we should finish that lunch you started to prepare. What was it? Something yummy?
- Just a risotto, not a big deal, I am not a chef.
- You have a good taste, ur a passionate man and you like to do it. So I think it would be really fine. He put on a week smile, the first one since yesterday, as far as I remember.

- Come on, luv. Let's do that fine food and after it I'll have a surprise for you - I held his hand in mine.
- What kind of surprise?
- It's a secret. I wanted to do that last night, but... you know. But today, we'll do it.
- It's nice from you Nat, but I don't want to go out.
- You don't need to leave the flat, dear. You'll see it...

He was still very silent and we ate the food he made without talking. I was devasteted seeing him like this. My funny, clown Dave, who had such lame jokes. When he was telling them he was already caught in a laughter in the middle of it, hardly being able to finish it. And I was laughing at the sight of him as he was laughing his ass off ’cause his own joke. Not now, though. His head was bowed and he looked straight onto his plate. I sighed a big.

- Hey, dear. Lets go to bed. Let me make you happier - I grabbed his hand softly.
- Nah, I don't have the mood to make love, Nat.
- It's not a problem. I don't want to show you that. It's nothing to do with sex, really.
I saw a curious sparkle in his sad eyes.
- Then what's it?
- You'll see.
- But the plates...
- Don't care about that now. Tomorrow I'll put them away. Come - I asked him gently.
He grabbed my hand and let me led him to the bedroom. I stopped him next to the bed and gave him a short and tender kiss. Then I started to undress him. I grabbed his T-shirt and pulled it over his head.
- Trust me. I think you'll like it.
- I trust you, Natty.
I smiled and opened his jeans, then pulled it down. He stepped out of it. I stroked his arms, his chest, his neck and his face, gave another kiss, then pulled his boxer down, too. Now he was full naked again.
- Please lay down, dear.
He did it without a word. I was watching him as I took my clothes off, too. Then I stepped to the little table where my painting stuffs were waiting.
- Now let me show you something. Yesterday I was reading one of your books and it impressed  me... - I began as I opened a black jar - Lay still Dave, you will be the precious book of mine. I paint on you, and I will kissing you and I will caressing you, because I want you feel loved tonight, my love.

- So you've read "The Pillow Book"? - he asked with a little smile on his face.
- Yes, dear. And it had an effect on me. I want to tell our story on your body. I want you to feel the warmth of my love, the harmony from my moves, the touch of the brush and paint on your bare skin, to relax your mind and body, to open yourself for me and let all the bad things go away... - I whispered and dipped my brush to the black colour.

- What is it you start with? - he asked curiously.
- You'll see - I answered as I painted carefully his name and mine intwined to his left arm. I began on his wrist and went upward with it. When it was ready I combined it with a long lian around, spotted with small flowers.

I by-passed his tattoos and gave a soft kiss on each one, then detailed that lian a bit more. I opened myself and slid into a calm and harmonized mood. I was croonig quietly as I took a smailler brush and started to write upright our first meeting's story on his left arm.

He layed still and he was watching me. Looked straight into my eyes, when I caught his gaze. He was so serious, but not that sad, thanks God. He just looked and looked and I couldn't bear no more, I put down the brush and I embraced his neck with my arms. I wanted to feel him and I already knew that during the next few days we rent a privy room in that posh Psychiatric Clinic Pron works for and we will be together. I can't leave him alone. I am not able to. I'd die without him and he clinged to me and hadn't said a word. We stayed like that for who knows how long....

Then I pulled back myself a bit to be able to see into his eyes. I stroked his raven hair which had some gray tufts on  his temples which made him even more kind for my heart. I loved him so! And I let him to discover this feeling in the depths of my eyes. Then I kissed him very softly eyes closed, stroking his face. He gave the kiss back playing with my hair slowly.
After a few minutes we stopped kissing each other and I straightened myself, took the brush and the paint in my hands again. I looked down at him sitting on the edge of the bed.
- Now Dave, I'll draw the lines of our love with red on your skin - I smiled - The main part of your body'll be red, so you can check how my love's spreading out from me and into you - I dipped the brush again, and continued the painting on his right arm with red. Wrote down how we made love in that hotel room, and how much that meant for me, then I changed the colour to black, when I've left him and we were alone for a long time - I loved you, Dave, for the very first time I've seen you back in the past. And I'm not thinking on the airport meeting - I looked at his left arm where this part was written, then smiled a bit when I wrote "csöppnyi élet" in Hungarian language into the curve of his elbow with a new colour: gold. These two words meant "little drop of life", which symbolised our little shinig star, Mia.

I applied some more paint and painted the three of us together, high on a mountain top, the highest joy we could reach. I wrote on his delicate soft skin all the love words of mine, painted all the red fire burning in my love's name and painted orange heat that came from him an energy that enveloped us.

I painted with red, the symbol of life and death, the very inner thoughts of mine on his torso, kissing the unpainted spots on his skin softly.
- You know I hadn't done this with no one else before. You're the first and only who can know me completely, the one who can hold  my whole life in his hands. I AM yours, Dave. Only yours and no one can replace you ever. I love you more than I can say - I said calmly and let him to check my inner thoughts on him.

He was able to read them, cuz I learnt once how to write in reverse, when I had a picture which I needed to write full of reversed sentences. And my hand remembered  how to do it. At first I didn't realised it, but now I was smiling as I saw his face changing.

He whispered my written words as he was reading it:
- All my love is for you. You are the one and only, who can look inside of me, into my full depths. Just you can know my most inner thoughts. You can see my burning love for you, no one else. I never felt such a deep love like this before. You are the One. The One, who can set my feelings free, who can make my soul fly. You are the One for me in my life. The One and Only, who I love. You, Dave. My Darkest Star... I love you more than my own life...
I was watching him how his face was changing, how the tears appeared in his eyes, and I was happy, that he read my feelings from his skin.

He continued reading it: - I was in another life when the gods were crazy and the measurement of time were slow showing no progress, maybe I believed there was anger in the storm.
Sometimes the sky above reminds me times that gone, sometimes your eyes remind me don't know why. I'd been waiting a lifetime till you found me. There are times I think I've been this way before, I'll come this way again. So many things remind me of you, so many things inside, so many outside. I look into the cot and I am seeing your eyes, I am looking at myself and see  myself changed inside. I'm looking at you and I see my love reflected in your eyes, wanna stay with you till the world collides.

He looked at me silently, I left him speechless. I saw his silent tears flowing down from his eyes. He grabbed my hands and was just looking at me for a few minutes, trying to gulp his tears back. I saw so many emotions in his eyes but love was the strongest and it touched my soul.
- So that's me, Dave, when I'm thinking of you - I whispered.

- How could you, how could you do this to me Natalie? I feel now, that I am you and you are me. No separation here, only symbiosys. The two of us, we complete each other, I complete you and you complete me. I feel we were made for each other. I was made for loving you and you were made for loving me.

- Yes, Dave, The Lord gave you to me and me to you. "I surrender all control, To the desire that consumes me whole, Leads me by the hand to infinity, Lies in wait at the heart of me, Moved, lifted higher, Moved, my soul's on fire, Moved, by a higher love..." - I sang those familiar words - Martin knows it.

- He knows it right - he murmured it taking my face into his hands. Now he has changed his mind. He wanted love, he wanted to unit with me. He pulled me onto his chest and kissed me tenderly. Now, he was the one who was telling me about his love for me.

Not with words, not with paints, but with his strongest weapon: his bodylanguage. Without words. Just kisses, strokes, touches, glances, sighes and moans. He was the Master of this kind of art. No one else could do it better. No one.
I replied his soft kiss and didn't care that I got dirty from the paints on  his chest. I was sitting now on his lap, lent to his mouth. I closed my eyes and let his tongue show me how tender it could be. I let his hands travelling on my back and my spine up and down so goose bumps appeared on my bare skin.

- Oh David, make me yours - I plead.
- Here baby, touch it, its hard, just waiting to make you happy – he said as he pulled my hands down to his dick.
- Dave, come on, I want to be one with you, come inside, oh come!

And he grabbed himself as I was straddling over him, and while his other hand pulled my bottom down, he softly won access to my entrace. I moaned as he filled me out inch by inch. His way was free.
- Oh, babe, you're so ready for me! - he cried out as his head tilted back to the pillow.

- Yes, I want you, no doubt - I said and started circling with my hips. My passionate, Beautiful wanted more now and he grabbed my hips and thrust himself harder in me. I felt how the hot flesh is running through my body and the wanting for him became unbearable.

- Please... Dave... Please! - I cried as I stroked his tummy and my hands became red and black from the wet paints.
- What... do you want! Tell me! Nat... I want to please you... Tell me! - he moaned as he moved me on him with his two hands on my hips.

- I want to see you happy and carefree David.
- I am happy and carefree when I am with you.
- So good to hear it. I don't want you to change the position...ahh..it perfectly suits…for…for…both of us - I panted.

- Oh... yes, yes... Nat! It's perfect... yo're so perfect! I... don't deserve you! - he moaned as their hips met harder - You're too... kind... and, oh my God! So fine! I love you... I love you so...

He started to loose his selfcontrol and cried out his pleasure being unable to control himself. He truly was lost in me and as I looked at his immense joy I started to slide into his world too, we became one at last.

We wanted to feel the joy flow between our hips... and we did it! And not just between our hips, but between our bared souls. Our bodies melted into one. The sweetest perfection. The harmony of ours was incredible moving. My whole beeing was aching and feeling joy at the same time.

Such overwhelming emotions rushed through our souls. I started to cry while I had a wide smile on my face. I sobbed a little, then laughed, then a lil weeping, then a little giggling again. Then I just pushed my head into the ditch in his shoulder and was repeating his sweet name for about a thousand time.

- Oh, honey... - he sighed in relief - You're much better than any medical help...
He was gasping for air, but his whole body was satisfied, I felt it under myself. He was a bit shivering, his whole body was covered with sweat. I smiled at him and grabbed a blanket to cover both of us, as I was still connected with him. I didn't mind that everything was tainted by paint now. I just rested my head on his shoulder and was kissing his bare neck.

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