Chapter 3 - part1
Next day Dave’s conscience lied heavy on his shoulders when he guiltily said goodbye to Martin - like a dog, who stole the dinner. It was on the tip of his tongue to confess what had happened, but then he fled and went back to New York and sat days long in his studio and distressed himself. No-one knew what was wrong with him. He gave his wife a miss and when he couldn’t bear anymore, he took himself in hand and behind his closed eyes he saw Viva’s sweet face.
He couldn’t find his place, everything he’d started ended unfinished. Just a few things could grab his attention like his daughter Rosie – he liked to take care of her. But guiltiness was there in his soul and with every occasion when he saw Martin’s name on her cell his stomach sank and he picked it up with closed eyes with the fear that he knows everything and it’d be better not to face him… But every time the reason was something else.
He was on the rack and feared that the girl took a dislike to him forever. He couldn’t understand himself. He was afraid that she’ll tell it to someone and it’ll take air. Prison wasn’t so inviting for him, he remembered the rails from his dark times. He took his anti-depressant pills nervously. He knew himself – his condition was near depression, but he managed to take control over it. But he wasn’t successful with his thoughts. In the most unexpected moments he saw pictures from their common night. The dark spark in those girlish eyes… the perfect, soft and bronze skin of hers… the bland flower odour, what was flaring from her blowzy short tufts… the tight hotness…
He couldn’t bear it anymore and grabbed his cell as he was sitting locked into his studio again – he dialed her number. With a big dumpling in his throat he tilted his head backwards and prayed to get the line. It was ringing. He went mad – he knew it from himself and shook his head in disbelief, because of the trouble which he caused again… It was still ringing. Long. Then the ‘No answer’ message appeared on the screen. He thought the girl can be on a lesson, because it was early forenoon. He’ll try it again later.
Dave called her every day and once she picked it up - certainly she didn’t check who was calling her – but when he started to speak she hung up. Dave was suffering like a dog. The little girl coaxed him and he was a lost man now. He was always driven by his feelings and he couldn’t bear it. He told her wife that they have things to arrange with the album and took a flight to California, rented a car and at 2 o’clock in the afternoon he was standing in front of the school waiting for her little bird to come out.
He was sitting there motionless in his dark shades by the half-opened car window and watched the out-coming students. He felt his knees shaking. He didn’t see the girl for a week and felt that every part of his body was shaking after her. But he deliberately hold the feeling back and watched the horde of students, which came out after the sound of the bell. The biggest part of the pupils had already left and he thought he’d missed his picked one when his eyes caught the sight of a brown and blonde hair-do with the tufts which hid the half of the cute face.
Viva unseeingly dropped his PE sack onto her back and put her shoulder bag to the right place. Her tufts by her crag were still wet from the shower after the PE lesson.
He got off the car and leaned back to it. He knew that the girl’ll notice him. She couldn’t miss him. She was standing on the other side of the road and… she was alone and was hovering about. “Oh God, what’s when she is waiting for her father?” he thought.
Viva took her cell and called someone. His phone started to ring – someone wanted to speak with him. A little smile appeared on his face as he saw Viva’s name on the screen. He was watching the girl as he picked it up.
“Yes? What is it?”
“What are you doing here?” he heard her inpatient voice.
“I was waiting for you.”
“Yeah, I thought it anon. I’m afraid to meet you, but we have to. It’s more important than you think. Go to the next corner and wait for me by the café, I’ll sit in the car even if you bring me to hell.”
Viva’s passionate voice filled him with hotness. His groin started to throb and he had a hard-on. He wanted to feel her beautiful body under him again, he wanted to possess her again…
He obediently closed his cell and sat back to the car and after he started the engine he drove away slowly while he was watching the girl.
Viva looked around nervously. Fortunately her father was too busy nowadays to pick them up. She stroked her skirt down and bunged her bag on her back then turned with her quick steps to the direction of the café to get into the waiting car as soon as it was possible. She looked around for a last time before she opened the right door of the car and got in quickly. She put her bags onto her lap.
“Why do you always call me?” she whispered looking out from the windscreen and broke the silence first.
“Why? Because I go crazy for you, that’s why” answered Dave quietly.
“Oh, of course and I should eat it up. Why am I better than the others?”
“Viva, there aren’t ‘others! I live like a fucking hermit. What did you think after all? I fucked you because I hadn’t got anything better to do? You really think this about me? You held me like such an emotionless ape? Then why did you want me?”
“I don’t know!” she looked at him then she turned away again to watch the people passing by on the pavement.
“Leave me alone, Dave. It was good, I enjoyed it, but… let it pass! This leads nowhere. This wasn’t the reason why I wanted to speak with you.”
“Then what else?” he looked at her questioningly and serious “First we must speak about this, Viva! Why are you dragging me? Why are you playing with me? Do you enjoy it, you little flapper to cause pain for me? Why the fucking hell did you wanted me and not a 17 years old stripling kid? Come on and answer me Viva right now, or I will bring you simply home and confess the thing to Martin, which nearly killed me in the last week. The compunction drives me crazy, but I want you more than anything for a long time! Do you understand this?!” he raised his voice now and straightened himself as he menacingly bent towards Viva.
“I like this David” breathed Viva “David, my period is late. Do you understand? We were headless.”
Dave looked at the girl infused and already felt that he got pale and started to sweat. His fingers were grabbing the wheel and the edge of his seat so hard that they turned white. His gaze darkened quickly and he gulped a big one.
“What?” he moaned “Shit!” he yelled with desperate anger in his voice, but it wasn’t addressed for Viva, it was for the situation and his stupid act “Shit! How could I be so… Jesus!” he moaned incoherently as thousands and thousands of thoughts rushed dreadfully through his mind. He leaned back in his seat as he wiped the sweat off of his forehead.
“We’ll solve it, Dave, don’t be afraid” it seemed that he really made her a woman – she started to think as an adult. She nestled herself to the numb and frightened man “David, I won’t do one thing if I’m really expecting your baby.”
“Oh God, I suspect what it is” moaned Dave “Holy shit, Viva! God, help me!”
“We must buy a test, they don’t give me, you must buy it and maybe you must bring me to see a doctor, too. And don’t be angry because I was frightened…I… I fell for you.”
“Jesus Christ!” stepped Dave on the break and the car suddenly stopped in the middle of the street “Viva, do you know what you are talking about?!”
“I can’t do against it! Maybe it was always inside me. David, I always adored you, I always thought much of you, but I couldn’t see you for half and a year and now it just exploded inside of me. Maybe this was the cause why I gave myself to you, maybe that’s why I’ve chosen you. I know I’m just a silly flapper, who didn’t know a thing about the world – or you think this about me. I’m inexperienced, that’s true, but in this age many other people is like this. David, you must help, I don’t know what to do by my own!” she looked at him less confident.
A horn sounded behind them. Dave allowed himself to look at the girl’s pale face, but he wasn’t ready to speak yet. To play for time he stepped on the gas. Carefully. He searched for a park place, stopped the car, then turned to Viva again.
“Viva, my little bird, what do you want?”
“David, I want you” she cried “Either you made me pregnant or not I want you. And don’t say, I know what comes with this as you know it well, too. But love is stronger than death and I love you, and don’t say you do, because I know you don’t. You want me, yes, but you didn’t fell for me like my stupid heart did. You’re a great person and I love you and that’s why we should never meet again… never. I don’t want to cause trouble. Dave, that’s why I didn’t call you, I nearly died from it” she sobbed.
“Hey, little girl, sweetie! Don’t cry!” he embraced her, but Viva pushed off his hands.
“See, that’s it exactly! I was talking about this! You held me like a little girl! I’d be never that person who you’d deserve. I just cause trouble!”
“That’s not true!”
“Why are you lying, Dave?” she looked at him with teary face.
“Why are you lying? It’s not a solution, Viva that you try to push me away and to stuff yourself up with stupid things.”
“Why? Am I not just Martin’s young peachy little daughter, who gave herself to you?”
“You speak silly things. You are confused” he embraced her again and didn’t let her move away from him. After a minute Viva gave up and sobbed into Dave’s neck.
“David I’m scared!” she cried “What’s… what’s when I’m really pregnant? Oh God, I’m so scared!”
“I don’t know, kitty, but if it’s true we must tell it to your parents!”
“Are you crazy?! You know that dad’ll kill you?!”
“I’m clear with this. It’s a mean foul game what I’ve done. I ruin our friendship…”
“Dave, leave me alone, let me go you bastard, let me go…”
“Wait till I finish, Viva” he strained her hard “…I ruin our friendship… for your love.”
“What?! Don’t giddy me Dave, I don’t believe you!”
“You just don’t dare!” he held her tight by her shoulders to take her attention “Look at me! There was a reason why things had happened. I believe that things moved their ways like this with a cause!”
“Sure you were drunken and I drank too. If you hadn’t been drunken, you’d have sent me away, right? Right, Dave? Just tell it!”
“Don’t try to find excuses!”
“Alright, yes! I’d have sent you away! Are you happy now?” he grimaced.
“Thank you David, I just wanted to hear this!” she plucked herself out of his strong grab and opened the door with the same movement - she wanted to get away from him. She couldn’t think clearly.
Don't loose your head
Another damage has been done
I know that I wasn't the wrong
I should have told you
What can I say
Has probably been said
“But I wouldn’t send you away because… Viva, my petit… yes, you are a little girl and… I love you so…” he shut up and let her go. And Viva stayed in the car and was just looking at Dave.
“You… you… really…”
“First lesson from Dave Gahan: I don’t lie. I have many mistakes, but I don’t lie. Go if you want to kill me and stay if you want me… I won’t tell you what to do.”
The girl looked at him sinking deep in her thoughts, but didn’t move.
“But… but Dave this… this is absurd! This whole thing! This… this ‘relationship’! You have a wife and children! And… and if this gets publicity! Dave they can lock you up!” she raised her voice doubtfully.
“And you think I wasn’t clear with this from the first time I saw you naked on that damned beach?” he stroked the pale and teary face gently. Viva closed her eyes.
“So that’s why you acted so strange…” it wasn’t really a question rather a statement.
“And Jen?” she looked at Dave.
“Jen? Are you kidding? You should know at least this about me. I don’t want to talk about it, but ask your father if it interests you. Now what should I do with you, my little one?”
“I think I know what you want to do now” said Viva in a husky voice “And I want it, too. I want you again, Dave, I want you to love me. To love me like on that magical night.”
“Honey, for… for me… it means a lot that… from all of the men for the first time in your life you gave yourself to me.”
Viva just smiled and bent her head down for a moment.
“It’s interesting… I would have had more opportunities… but something always held me back. I never passed the magical border. But you… Dave it is still unbelievable for me that… exactly you did it…” she grabbed the venous hand and she ran her fingers on it “You’d never thought this, right?”
“Yeah, it was unexpected for me too, but I don’t regret it. I’m happy that it happened this way. This gift you gave me… is really special and valuable. I’m glad you gave it to me” he pulled her face closer with his free hand.
“I couldn’t give it for a better person. Dave, you… you… what are you for me…?”
“I don’t know either. I know just that it seems our common fate brought us together. I don’t know what to do, what’d be the best, I’m in a loss like you.”
“Bonnie and Clyde, we should run away, Dave, the two of us, just the two of us against everything.”
“I fear we aren’t strong enough to do this.”
“Maybe you’re right. Maybe just the burning young blood of mine forces me to say this” she smiled “See, did you want this? A little frivolous flapper?”