Chapter 4 - part2
“Dave… I’m thinking about something and I hope it’ll be successful, because then we can continue this relationship.”
“What is it? Birdie, don’t do anything stupid! We must be careful.”
“I know. What’d you say if I could be in your near? Not in New York, but in New Jersey? It’s just an hour by car.”
“That’d be heaven, hon. I’m scared to think about how many time we’ll have together, when they will part us. I’m scared from your father – he’ll kill me if this turns out. And he’ll be right” he stopped suddenly “It’s not right what we are doing here, but something greater, an ancient power forces us to do it, to be against the rules of society.”
“I don’t care what my father’d say. I’m interested in you. Dad… well he was never there when I needed him” she frowned a bit angry and glanced to the side “The tours… the problems, the tapering-off cures, the… divorcing. So he shouldn’t cant about what’s good and what’s wrong!”
“But this is different Viva – as they say it’s not the same if my son fucks our neighbour’s daughter, or our neighbour’s son fucks my daughter. There are a lot of things which binds us together with your father – more than you can imagine, but it’s true that we are really different from each other. And he wants the best for you and the both of us knows that it’s not me. Oh God, I… I’m not the one for you. I’m a depraved, burned out, middle aged guy… why hadn’t you chosen a hopefully young titan?”
“Because they are all frivolous and inexperienced. Only kids. They don’t know anything about feelings. But you know. I know you know! I know you enough to be clear with this. Your personality… your feral emission… Dave, the sensuality is flowing from you in every minute! And I wanted to taste it. And I want more! You’ll feed your poor little hungry girl before she’d die from yearning, right?” she grimaced with fake sadness.
“No Viva, not now” said Dave seriously “If we use it too much, it’ll lose its magic and next time you won’t wait it that much. So New Jersey? What do you want to learn there?”
“Music of course.”
“That’s good, music is really good. How did you imagine it?”
“I’ll run for the piano fellowship at the New Jersey University of Arts. I love to play the piano enough to choose this way.”
“Yes you have your long fingers for that already” smiled Dave and turned onto his side to kiss Viva’s fingertips. Then she turned to her side too to face her lover.
“Then we’ll see what mum’ll say. If I can have influence on dad, everything’ll be okay. If I throw in myself a bit more I can fight out an own flat, too” she shrugged “Fortunately it won’t be a too big financial thing to us, I think. I was thinking about flat mates, too, but then how could we meet by me? No, it’d be better to live alone” the hopeful words were flowing from the girl as she was planning her future. Dave was a bit scared as he was watching how she was carried away by her emotions. He felt a big portion of longing for love in her, which he’d never seen on her – she hid it carefully from the world.
He felt he can give this love to her, because he didn’t want anything else than love, too. Even so this frightened him. He needed to think really hard what he really wanted to do and act in the light of that. Mart came into his mind and his stomach wrung together again. And not just because of what Viva thought. “Fuck, I’m sick” he thought with a bitter taste.
It’s not enough to fight his own daemons every day, his conscience didn’t leave him alone for a moment when Viva wasn’t with him, because he was thinking all day long about how he can be such a turd. And yes now another “sickness” of his came into light… He felt the whole thing so perverse! How could he want an under-aged virgin girl? Why did he take her virginity? Why did he “stain” her? “Shit, I really did her wrong? I really tainted her?” he thought clouded up. Rather he closed his eyes not to see his tempter’s beautiful face. He was betraying his friend right now. He was betraying 27 years of his life.
Yes he firmly felt it: he tainted her. Fortunately it seemed that presumably she wasn’t pregnant from him – if the test was trustworthy. He was afraid from the future.
Viva went out into the bathroom and he was just lying on the hotel bed – he opened his eyes slowly, sat up and started to dress up. He stepped to the window and pulled the dark curtains apart to look down at the streets after he put on his last clothes, too.
“What are you thinking about, hon?” he felt as a hand suddenly slid onto his belly, while the other was resting on his chest. Viva was standing behind him naked and kissed his shoulder, then propped her chin on it.
“I try not to think, but it’s useless. There are thousands of thoughts buzzing in my head. Viva, sweetheart, you’re beautiful” he looked her up and down after he turned to her.
“Thank you David although I don’t think the same. No…” she put her fingers softly onto his lips “I don’t say this to hear the opposite from you, but because I can’t accept myself fully. This is my thing. But if we are here, you’re beautiful for me, too” she stroked his face – the stubbles was sensible now. She sighed. She couldn’t remember how long she couldn’t feel something like that “Don’t wilt down! I take a shower and you’d mentioned some picnic in the open, hadn’t you?” she winked.
“Yes, the picnic. Till you’ll have your shower I go shopping and bring some food.”
“Dave, would you bring something to drink?”
“I’ll never ever drink again Viva, never ever.”
“I didn’t mean alcohol, dear” she smiled faintly “I was thinking about some soft drinks. Some orange juice or something like that. It’s unbearably hot here.”
Dave just nodded and watched as his naked and fragile lover stepped into the bathroom and closed the door half-way. He was standing there mesmerized for some minutes and sank into his thoughts, then he slowly shook his head, opened the door and stepped out to the dark corridor.
In the shop he bought everything he could reach. He took care of a basket, a blanket and other yummy things. Two shop assistants were helping him till they reached the car. He thanked to them and ran up for the girl, who was lying on her back with a dreamy face – she was playing back the last few hours’ events in her mind. She checked her cell – it was 3 p.m. “Five more hours with him” she thought.
“Come on kitty, everything’s ready” he smiled at her after he stopped next to the bed.
Viva sat up and embraced his waist suddenly so her chin was propped on Dave’s belly as she looked up at him. She sniffed a big one from his scent.
“You make me happy, Dave” she smiled at him and for a moment the sincereness in her eyes took his breath away. He closed his eyes for a minute, but he was moved even though.
“Come on, my tiny girl, if you want to have that picnic. I must take you home in time.”
“I know, don’t remind me I’m much too young for you.”
“I didn’t mean it. You’re perfect for me, Viva.”
“Nah, say it!”
“Would you love me even if our relationship came into light?”
Dave was thinking about the answer for a moment while he stroked the brown and blonde hair. He opened his mouth to say something than he closed it. Then he said:
“Viva… look, this is not so simple…”
“Aha… I understand” she added quickly and turned her head away to press her face onto the flat tummy.
“Viva, honey, I don’t want to lie. I don’t know. I don’t know yet. I want to believe that I’d have enough bravery to undertake you even if it turns out. But I’m a coward. Weak and frail. I was always like this. And your family, your father, the law… but… but with time…”
“Then you want it in a long run?”
“Viva! Don’t be like that! Don’t be wicked! Just because I’m honest it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. Eight days passed since you took into your little head that you want me. Eight days!”
“Don’t be angry with me… I know… just it would have been so romantic…”
“Hmm, sweetie, I greet you in real life and I’m sorry you can’t watch the world with a little girl’s eyes anymore.”
“No, you made me what I wanted to be.”
“The one who’s in your arms and who you love… Let it pass! I enthuse and get exasperated easily… I wish I were you!”
“Oh God, Viva, don’t…”
“Why not? Dave, I adore you! Your power!”
“You don’t have any idea, birdie… you don’t have any idea who I really am” he stroked the face which turned towards him again “Don’t want to be like me. Don’t want to go through those things I went through, please, don’t try walking in my shoes. I have more mistakes than virtues, lil’ Viva” he caressed her lower lip.
“No, no, you see it wrong. I say it exactly because of this! ‘Cause you went through these things and you came out from them as a winner. You’re strong like no-one else. And if I think about my dad… he… well he’s not like that, you see…”
“You can’t inflict your father with this, he’s not a simply man, he’s a really talented person, a real artist with all of its annoyances and problems. He’s not like me. Don’t even ask the prize which allowed me to be here now…with you…”
“Alright… I won’t ask it. But… but someday would you tell me?” she stroked Dave’s waist.
“Little curious cat” he smiled gently at last.
“Yes, I know. Maybe I can get older with this, cuz you know: ‘Who’s curious, gets older sooner’” she laughed, but her eyes remained a bit sad. “28 fucking years… Why can’t I be older?” she asked herself, while she looked up at her lover and nestled her face into his palm when he stroked her.
“Nah, let’s go flossy” Dave pulled her to him for a kiss, which lasted far more longer than it started and they sighed a big one into each other’s mouth before they parted their lips. “Do you like salmon and strawberry, sweetie?”
“Sure! I like everything what’s sweet!” she punched Dave’s nose playfully then grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the door after she stepped into her light shoes “However I’m awfully hungry. I didn’t eat since morning” she smiled.
“Oh hon, I’m sorry. And now you must starve after our lovemaking. Nah lil’ girl when we arrive I’ll stuff you… this time with food” he laughed on Viva’s elfish expression and reluctantly let her hand go when they stepped out to the corridor.