Chapter 5 - part2
They were sitting silently in the car for a while. Viva broke the silence.
“It’s enough to put me out a few corners away from our house, although I haven’t got too much mood to go home” she noted silently.
“We can meet tomorrow too, but then I must go home.”
“Oh no! I’ll die without you!”
“You won’t! You were alive without me as far as here, too.”
“But after these beautiful things I won’t be able to live without you.”
Dave didn’t say a word, he was thinking about this. He knew that young people are hasty, but he knew well it’d be a mistake to despise the depths of their feelings. He felt there was no turning back. He felt something strange inside of him, too. He didn’t know what’d come, but this recalled a feeling inside of him, which was really-really close to what we call ‘love’.
“I bring you home, Viva, I put you out in front of your door, I fear for you.”
“No, Dave! I can’t explain if they see you! What can I say why are you here in Santa Barbara?” she looked at him “I’ll be fine. Just put me out a few corners away.”
“I’ll tell Martin that I came here because of the album… to discuss a few things and I saw you coming home and that’s why I bring you home before I go to your father. That’s all.”
“David, no. You never came here without a word and dad isn’t at home now.”
“Viva then I don’t go in just bring you to the door, please don’t resist, please. I… if something happens… I’d never forgive myself.”
“David I come home always alone…”
“Don’t be mad… I… just… my feelings took control over me” he said and turned away.
“No problem, David” she stroked his hand which was resting on the gearshift “But I come home alone. Always. I know the grounds, I know the neighbours, I know Santa Barbara. I’ll be fine. And if I go to the University in New Jersey, I’ll go there alone, too. You know you can’t be there in every minute. And that’s the way it is. I take care of myself as you do with yourself, too. It’s simple like that. Here’ll do it, dear. From here on it’s just a few streets away” she smiled at him kindly.
“I love you.”
“I don’t know how I’ll be able to go home tomorrow. I went mad, I think I went completely mad. I had never ever such a young girlfriend before. Never. And it’s so different… Viva, sweetie” he hugged her and held her there. She nestled herself into his embrace and she was happier than ever. She found the love she was searching for, she find it and she fought it out. Dave couldn’t discover it yet, but her life made her hard.
“Nah… okay, Dave I must go now. It’s getting dark and it’s nearly eight, I don’t want to be late.”
“Viva… honey… just a few more minutes” he cupped her face with his hands and pressed his lips against hers. He was kissing her in a greedy way for long minutes till both of them were gasping for air. Then Viva moved back from the embrace and stroked the stubbly face.
“Bye Dave. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She got out of the car and with a lilting gait she started to move away from the car – practically she was flying above earth. The wings of love were moving her. She looked back at her lover, who was just watching her only like a man can watch his disappearing love – with rabid desire after the disappearing joy.
She sighed a big one after she closed the main door. She looked out of the window and saw as Dave drove away in front of their house. She smiled from this huge attention from him.
“Viva, are you there?” she heard her mother’s voice from the kitchen so she came back from her dreamworld.
“Yes, I’m here!” she yelled back “I go and take a shower, after it I come down to have dinner.”
“Okay, be quick, I’ll dish anon!”
She just sighed and dropped her clothes on the floor in her room and headed to the bathroom. She still felt Dave’s scent on her skin and this made her smile. The hot water felt good, although she saw some purple wounds on her body. Fortunately Dave didn’t bite her neck!
She knew her mother’ll ask where she was and who was with her. She didn’t know what to say. She didn’t want to lie, although if she’d say that she was making love with Dave Gahan the whole afternoon, she won’t believe it. She laughed. In turn… The whole thing was unbelievable and her heart was jumping from happiness - like a young foal on the field. She was really happy. It was a long time ago when she’d felt something like that.
After she put a flimsy dress on she ran down on the steps to enter the kitchen.
“Hi dinkies!” she greeted her siblings, who were sitting already by the table.
Ava and Calo looked at her with a strange expression – it was a long time ago when she called them like that and just when she was happy.
“Where were you, hon?” Sue stepped to her with a bowl and she kissed her mother’s cheek “You seem happy.”
“I had a great afternoon!” she put the last plate on the table and sat down.
“And by which of your friends?”
“By no-one. We went for a trip.”
“What were you doing?” lifted her mother one of her eyebrows “Because I can’t bring you down to the ocean even with six horses.”
“Yes, but this is different, mom, I was with a friend of mine. You understand, don’ you?”
“Yep” she winked “Wait! Ava, Calo, little sweethearts I need a little help!”
“Yes, mom!” jumped the two kids up and they poked each other away. They loved to help their mother.
“Well I need… Calo… leave your sister alone! Alright, I’ll give you different tasks before you start a fight. Calo, please bring us fresh chives from the chamber, and Ava please bring a basket of apples up. Are you able to bring it? Are you sure? Do you want my help?” she asked foxy.
“No, no, we can do it” they cried out and disappeared.
“So tell me Viva, tell me” she stroked her face “It’s a boy, right?”
“Yes, mom, a friend of mine… I always liked him, but I never dared to… you know… boys must do this…”
“And now he found you.”
“Well not exactly, I’ve found him… but I don’t want to speak about it mom, it’s crummy. I just wanted you to know about it” smiled Viva. She didn’t lie, every word was true. Her mother smiled at her and thought her daughter had grown up.
She hadn’t got a clue how much. She accepted that she didn’t want to speak more about it.
After the two kids came back from their trips, they had a nice dinner together.
Viva was smiling after she closed the door behind her. She was really tired. She looked at her schoolbag and knew she won’t learn a word today; rather she’ll fantasize about Dave.
She quickly ran through her books if there was something important than she threw everything into her bag and put Hourglass into the CD-player. She was smiling. She loved Dave’s works – she stole the CD from her father, who didn’t mind it. She closed her door and put her headphones on. Dave’s voice started to flow and tears where welling up in her eyes from happiness.
The voice’s owner was thinking about his lover, too when he arrived back to the hotel and stepped under the shower. While Viva was listening unwittingly his voice he put his palms onto the tiles and let the cool water fall on his head to clear his thoughts. He was exhausted -the insecurity of the situation was depressing. He didn’t know what’d be the best thing to do.
Well he knew it - to say to Viva: this’ll not work, he has got not enough bravery to take this whole thing on, and he’ll do everything for her sake and he must wave goodbye to the girl.
But the little witch mesmerized him and he was mean, he wanted her just for himself. After long months – maybe even years – he had someone who seemed to be a real woman in his eyes and he felt that he’d be able to burn in love for her. Where was his wife from this? If her face came into his mind, he saw an iceberg. And from the Titanic’s example we know well that icebergs are dangerous and deadly cold…
“Viva…” he whispered with closed eyes as he saw the elfish eyes and the lovely curves of her body. He wanted to take her into his arms and love her till they could move. He was waiting the next day badly although he knew there’ll be less time for them. After it… well who knows when he can see her again?
He went to bed, but couldn’t sleep. He was just tossing and turning between the blankets so he sat up and lit a cigarillo. He hoped this’d calm him down. He was restless, but this wasn’t the cause – his heart sank more often than he wanted to confess himself. And not from sorrow, but physical – angina (a kind of heart disease).
“I’m getting old” he thought.
Yes, this was the other thing what disturbed him. He felt so old for the girl. Maybe this was the main problem in their case. He hadn’t got the idea why such a sweet girl was nuts about him like that. Of course he had fans from this age – for example the girl from Madrid… - here he grimaced because of his shameful act, but continued his thinking. Yes, he had young fans, and they were clinging on every move he made, but Viva was not a fan. She never really was. Yes she liked the music which was made by her father and the band – and as she confessed, she loved his voice, too – but that’s all. She handled this in a different way, she was -we can say- an outsider although Depeche Mode had a great influence on her life.
He never felt such perfectly unacceptable and pure feelings in the same time. He hadn’t got a single back-door intent with her – first he was just driven by the flood, and now… now he was happy just from a single thought about her. He felt a big difference between yesterday and today. He wanted to show himself, to give himself completely to Viva – like the girl did. He wanted to be his little bird’s for a while.
Because he didn’t believe that their relationship’d last too long. Even if they manage to keep it as a secret, Viva’ll figure it out soon that those 28 years are too much… And then what’ll be with him?
But a closer problem started to bite him from the inside, too, while he was sitting and thinking on the bed with his forehead in his palms. His cigarette was burning slowly in the spitkid.
How should he act with Martin? Should he pretend nothing had changed? He hated to lie, but he must do it. He can’t endanger them, their forming relationship with his confession. He was clapping his hands in “joy” ahead from the new burden on his soul and shoulders. He wanted Viva. And for this he was ready to cross all the moral and other blocks and rules.
Next morning he woke up still tired, but his first thought was Viva. He was waiting for her call, he didn’t know when she will be off school. He sent an SMS and asked her to do the same with the info, because he wanted to go to her father. Then he’d changed his mind – he was too weak to face him. So he’d sent another SMS to Viva. He didn’t know what to do, he was just suffering agonies.