Chapter 9 - part1
They were walking next to the ocean’s coast till they reached Morey’s piers in Wildwood just a little further from the city. It was a huge amusement park. Dave bought two tickets and they sat on the carousel.
“What do you want to do now?” asked Viva when they were sitting next to each other.
“Okay, then I shut up” she crossed her arms and brushed her fringe out of her eyes. For telling the truth she didn’t imagine the meeting with Dave like that, let alone she never thought he’ll bring her here into an amusement park which she never really liked. After 21 days! Of course she understood he was agitated…but! She did so many things to be with him and they were just sitting there in silence next to each other! But she realized why they came here: they could hide in the crowd.
“Do you want cotton candy?” he asked.
“No, no I just want to speak with you Dave. Let’s find a quiet place, OK?”
“Alright. Come” he took her hand and found their way between the children to a part of the amusement park which wasn’t that crowded and sat down in the furthest corner of a café.
“Do you want something, honey?” he waved for a waiter.
“An orange juice, thanks.”
“And a coffee, please” he nodded to the man and turned to Viva after he’d left “What do you want to say? I must conceive of what to do, Viva, and I want you to help me. What do you want and how do you want it? I want to hear every detail so it’ll be easier for me to start the arrangement.”
“Well I was thinking a lot, too. One is for sure: I want to be with you. As I imagined: because I won a place to Princeton, we’ll start to search for a flat. I persuaded my parents that I can learn and prepare myself for the exams better when I’m on my own, so in an own flat I won’t bother anyone with my play. After I moved in we can meet. All of these things’ll happen during summer. But I can’t bear those three months without you! If you want – and the things at home’ll let it happen – one of us can bring up the idea of a common summer holiday or something else, but this just came into my mind. The focus is on my life here.”
“Understood” he stroked Viva’s hand on the table.
“From now on it depends on you how you’ll solve things, but I’d like to know about them.”
“It’ll be good for me in this way. If the situation stays like this, I’ll be free enough to do this. I think I should get divorced.”
“I don’t say anything. I don’t want you to think I influenced you.”
“But I’d like to know your opinion.”
“Dave, I don’t like to see you unhappy… and you’re not happy, are you?”
“Yeah, I’m not. Should I try to speak with her about this, or should my lawyer tell her I sued for a divorce?”
It was visible that Viva didn’t know what to answer. She was hesitating as she looked into Dave’s eyes. She was puzzled. She didn’t want to seem selfish and wanted to concentrate on Dave’s interests. Now Viva felt herself really like a little girl in such a serious situation. And he wanted to know which side she’d take? Well… there was nothing she could do so she just bent her head as she stirred her drink and whetted her throat.
“Well… because you’re unhappy in this marriage and… you don’t love Jennifer like in the beginning… I… I’d decide next to the divorce” she creased her skirt on her knees.
“Alright, I understand. And it’s a stupid question – don’t feel yourself aggrieved Viva – but do you really want me in the long run?”
“Dave, I… Yes my love, yes.”
“Okay baby, I speak with my lawyer. It’s like if both of my hands would be cut off. We can live after it, but…”
“Rosie and Jimmy, right?”
“Right. But I don’t see any other solutions.”
“Well…neither I. But there’ll be a solution, if we got there. That’s for sure. Jen… Can she be really that awful?”
“If it’s about blackmailing me with the kids? Yes, she can. But I hope I’ll still have enough effect on her letting me see the kids.”
“The court’ll give you custody rights.”
“Well I’m not so sure about this.”
“Why not? You’re a good father, you love them and…”
“Oh God I get it, oh I understand it… Because of me… if it turns out… right?”
“Yes my love” Dave turned his head away sadly. He was at the brink of crying. His life seemed to fall apart again.
“I’m so sorry, hon. I’m so sorry” two teardrops ran down on her cheeks “See? I brought a lot of trouble with my egoist behaviour. I don’t mind if you see the get-out in me from your bad marriage, because I love you, but my heart aches for you and the kids” she tightened her grip around his hand “I hope you won’t… you won’t be mad at me, when you will be bitter and angry.”
“Why would I do it, sweetie?”
“Because… I don’t really know.”
“I don’t aim to blame you because of my stranded marriage. It was already dying when you came, sweetheart.”
“But… oh David, I’m scared what will happen to you when it turns out! What will we do then? I don’t want to think about what’ll come to us…” new teardrops were sliding down on her pale face.
“Well, hon, if I come through the jail and the deportation, it’s obvious they’ll part us till you’ll be 21 and till you… no, you won’t wait for me… nearly five years… How would you do it? Luv, we must be really careful if we want to be together. What a ridiculous situation. We don’t do anything bad, we just love each other and… awful prejudices. Maybe I should run away with you abroad…”
“Dave! Dave!” her eyes popped out as she gasped for air. Suddenly she was really frightened “I… I, I never thought about this! I’m not prepared for this!”
“I can’t do this with my parents!”
“Sweetie, it’s just an opportunity…” he quickly said trying to calm her down, because he saw how frightened she was from this sudden putting “I deal with everything, you know. My mind is always circulating around this. Of course you can’t do this with your parents, I know. You’re still innocent, luv. So clean…” he sighed a big one and a thought started to form in his head. He loved the girl from the bottom of his heart, but saw how impossible their situation was. Maybe… if he don’t see her during the long summer… his heart’d bleed badly, but he’d not answer her phone calls, nor her e-mails… maybe, maybe… she’d hate him and would try to forget him quickly thinking about him like a skunk. He wanted to divorce that was not a question anymore, but he was thinking about the other things.
Viva saw he was thinking about something, she saw it in his eyes, but didn’t ask him. And David was more and more sure he needed to do this. He must try if he doesn’t want to endanger his birdie’s life. And he didn’t want it.
“Well it seems I’ll be a divorced man again” he put a faint smile onto his face. At least he was 100% sure in this. He got used to it.
“No problem here, I’ll survive. I’m fed up with Jen and her dirty games. I want peace.”
“See? It’s difficult for me to give this to you in our situation, but I try my best to do it, I try to help you. I love you, my panther” she smiled.
Yes it’ll be harder to leave her as he thought. He saw how much she loved him. And in a selfish way he wanted to take advantage of this till he can.
“Come on, we must go back before your mom arrives” Dave took her hand after he paid the bill.
“David, I, I brought something for you” said the blond girl and didn’t know what he was thinking about. She reached into her bag and pulled out a blotter and put a big envelope on the table. “Happy birthday, my panther, I made this for you…”
“You made it?” he raised his eyebrow.
“Yes” said Viva a bit embarrassed “Don’t you open it?”
“Oh of course! Let’s see what this is…” first he started to open the envelope carefully, but when it didn’t act like he wanted, he continued it a bit wilder while the muscles in his face were straining. Viva couldn’t take her eyes off him.
“By Your Side
You think I'd leave your side baby
You know me better than that
You think I’d leave you down when you're down on your knees
I wouldn't do that
I'll tell you you're right when you want
And if only you could see into me
Oh when you're cold
I’ll be there
Hold you tight to me
When you're on the outside baby and you can’t get in
I will show you you're so much better than you know
When you're lost and you're alone and you can’t get back again
I will find you darling and I will bring you home
And if you want to cry
I am here to dry your eyes
And in no time
You’ll be fine”*
* Shade – By you side
“I know that it’s a bit lame Dave, but it’s yours. The first song I ever wrote. And… and the melody was in my ears and I wrote it down for the piano. I wish I could play it for you!”
“No it’s not lame! Viva… Viva this is beautiful! Thank you very much!” he looked up moved “Come here lil’ girl!” he stood up and hugged her to give her a long kiss. They didn’t mind the guests around them.
Viva melted into his embrace happily and her soul calmed down: Dave liked the song.
“If there is an opportunity, I’ll play it for you, okay? Next time when we meet” she nestled herself to his chest.
Dave took a voiceless, deep breath and the smile on his face faded away immediately as he looked away over Viva’s head. “If we meet…”
They were walking hand in hand. The environs were getting more and more deserted. A strong wind was blowing by the ocean which ousted people, but not them. They wanted to be alone. Just the two of them. “This is the last occasion…” Dave thought “The very last one…”.
He felt Viva’s cool hand in his which seemed so natural and good, but he knew their relationship wasn’t natural and accepted. And he had fears for her – and this was the case why he’ll do what he should do. Maybe he’ll collapse at the beginning, but he’ll force himself to survive. He must survive and must ensure her a normal life and future with an adequate partner. Not with him.
Soon they needed to say goodbye. Dave took Viva back to the hotel – just in time because after ten minutes she’d arrived her mother walked into the apartment. In the car Dave could barely look into her eyes, but he held himself up for a while.
He was already out from New Jersey and was driving on the highway heading towards New York, when his tears started to flow and blurred his eyes. “This was the last drop in my fucking life!” he thought. He stopped by the first halt and was just crying.
Viva didn’t lean back contentedly after her successful entrance exam. Martin was really proud of her because she passed into Princeton at once and he was there by them a lot, or Viva jumped in to him to play - not to be out of practice.
Slowly summer was there and weeks were passing by. There was no sign of life shown by Dave about himself and this made Viva sad. She thought he had enough problems with the divorce – she’d heard about it from the media. She didn’t want to disturb him, she wanted to wait till the thing’d be over, because she didn’t know in which mood Dave was. Meanwhile they started the search after a flat for her and she was preparing for the university – which wasn’t that easy.
Another problem was that things with the band weren’t that good. Martin was in an artistic crisis – he couldn’t write music.
After Dave’s lawyer called his wife she beat everything in the rented flat as she got a fit of anger. Peter, who was Dave’s friend too not just his lawyer, arranged immediately to bring Rosie away to take care of her by another person – in this case the other parent: Dave, or an appointee, who was chosen by him, like Rosie’s grandparents. At least he could profit from this. He was really scared he can lose Rosie. While he was on the floor he asked her mother – like in countless occasions – to help and she came gladly. She loved David – maybe more than her other children, who could get on in life better. Although Dave was the most successful, he was the most fallible in the same time.