Back in her flat, Nat lay thinking for a while on her bed, smiling at all the lovely tender moments she had shared with her guy that day... and then her eyes were drawn to the flashing light of her answering machine... she jumped up off the bed and pressed the play button...
A flustered male voice boomed out the following over a raucous background noise.... it was the restaurant ... and as Nat listened, her eyes flew to the calendar on her kitchen wall....."Nat - I can't have this - you are late - very late - I asked you to be here at seven - and I can't find anyone else to replace you this evening.... don't even waste time calling me back - just get here!"
She was supposed to have started work over an hour ago.... She would be able to go in what she was wearing, so just grabbed her bag, coat and keys and ran out of the door...
Something told her that in the next few weeks this kind of mix-up would be more and more frequent, as her tiredness made her forget things, and muddle dates... she made a mental note to write more things down - to invent a code for the times when Yuri called for her, or for the bar... so that she could have it in her flat without too many questions from Dave...
Anything written in Russian could be to do with the dancing school, or calls to friends back home... she would find a way... and as she fought the desire to sleep again on the subway she let a long sad sigh escape....
That night at the restaurant was one of many that became nightmarish... the customers were pouring in, the personnel were clumsy, or late, or non-existent, and the restaurant owner's attitude towards Nat changed permanently - he could no longer rely on her... and when she did arrive on time, her work was shoddy, so after one to many of these disappointing episodes, he called Nat into his office. He was holding his head in his hands when she came into the untidy little room.
"I'm sorry - I tried to make excuses for you - we all have problems in our lives, but yours don't seem to go away, they seem to get bigger, and they are stopping you from working the way I need you to - the way you did at first. I'm sorry, Nat - I think this is where we should part company...."
Nat had nothing to say, as she had felt this coming from the way her boss had been looking at her recently - and this evening once again, she had served the wrong food twice, dropped a dish in the middle of the restaurant, been impatient to some important clients, and had done nothing of any merit to counteract these things. She just nodded, undid her apron, turned around and left.
On the way home, she reflected on her life these past two weeks, since the picnic, since that first time her boss had been upset by her letting him down... she really hadn't been professional at all, and what began to scare her at that moment was the fact that she had been so taken up with getting out of there, finishing her shifts there, that she hadn't really noticed how bad her work had become... so what if the same was happening in the dancing school, without her noticing? What if her thoughts were so easily drifting elsewhere that her dance lessons were falling to pieces?
She began to cry silently where she sat in the subway... Yuri was controlling her life - setting the pace of it - setting her very moods by making sure she was on the edge of exhaustion all the time...
She thought back over her last few dance lessons.... had they been good - or had it just been a question of getting through them and onto the next nightmare evening with Yuri or at the bar? As she remembered her pupils' smiling faces, and those of the parents who came to watch, she reassured herself that she had been giving reasonable - if not great - lessons, but made a note to be vigilant not to let the same thing happen there as had happened at the restaurant.
However hard Yuri made it for her, she would survive this... Like she did it in the past with or without Yuri…
She wasn’t happy that she lost this job, but hoped that she can hide this in front of Yuri, so she’ll have more free time to rest or to meet Dave. She hoped he won’t know that she needed to give up this job – she closed out the thought which screamed in her head. If Yuri finds out this, he can say that he must extend that one year unless she finds another job. But to tell the truth Nat hadn’t got the strength to find and do a new job. She was so very exhausted! She felt that she could sleep a whole week, if Yuri let her… But she wasn’t that lucky…
---
The days seemed to be blurred, mixed together for Natasha. Often she didn’t even know the exact date, she knew just the days. She lived from day to day and avoided as much meetings with Dave as she dared. Of course she didn’t tell him that she lost one of her jobs. And she had no choice than save money where she could. No TV, light, water if it was not necessary. And less food.
And that night she needed to go to Yuri again. He mentioned a surprise for her. She didn’t want to know about this surprise. She didn’t want anything from Yuri just her freedom! But Nat calmed herself down and sent a text message to Dave to cancel their dinner… again.
Her heart was aching when he called her, but didn’t pick it up just slid into her coat after she put on her high-heels and headed for the door. Someone was waiting for her.
She arrived in the grimy hallway that led to the door of Yuri's seedy little place, and as she neared the door, she heard a woman's laughter ring out.... ah so the surprise was that Yuri had invited some friends to watch his antics? A look of disdain crept onto Nat's face, but she had to erase this and fight to keep a smile there as the door opened... a wooden smile, the one that Yuri tolerated, as even he realised she couldn't smile genuinely through all that he made her do...
Yuri did indeed open the door, and with a sweeping welcome gesture, ushered Nat into the room, where the lights had been dimmed more than usual. Nat immediately looked for the source of the woman's laughter ... and as she removed her coat, she turned around and noticed that the place had been tidied somewhat....she didn't have to wait long for an answer: from the bathroom came Katja ...and from what she was wearing it became clear to Nat that she would be doing more than just watching this evening.
"So - you like my little surprise?" Yuri grinned at Nat ... he strutted over to Katja, one of the members of the ballet, and who had always had a crush on Yuri, and everyone, even Nat, knew this. As he came to her side, he feasted his eyes on what she was wearing - a tight shiny black bra and skimpy shorts, which made even her slight figure look generous as her flesh was so constricted by them and brimmed liberally over the top of the bra, and under the legs of the shorts ... there were chains and straps and buckles that Yuri delighted in running his hands over, as he said to Nat - "Now this is the sort of stuff I would like you to wear - can't you see how good Katja looks compared to you and your sad little lacey things out of housewives' magazines? When she's taken all this off, I want you to try it on ... the whole outfit ... I think you could look almost as enticing, but we'll see about that later - it's time I explained what I want from you both this evening.”
Nat was only just beginning to understand what Yuri wanted ... something from them both? And from the way that Katja was glaring at her, she didn't relish the thought of doing anything with her, near her, to her.... a knot began to constrict in her stomach ... what on earth had Yuri cooked up this time?
---
When she finally got home hours later and was sleeping in her bed, she had awful nightmares. Vivid images came back from that night. She saw herself wearing that leather lingerie… Yuri forcing her to suck on Katja’s breast while he was fucking the other woman… the need of puking when she needed to lick Katja between her legs… Yuri fucking her from behind while doing this…feeling herself depressed and at the brink of sobbing… sucking on his cock… the humiliating laughs from both of them… the evil looks….
Nat woke up sobbing hard and darted to the bathroom to kneel in front of the toilet and gave out that little what was in her stomach. She felt herself sick, tainted, dirty, no matter how much she washed her body. Her soul was shattered and there was the constant disgust she felt for herself and for this awful situation. Her slim body was shaking so hard that she couldn’t stand up just cried hard on the cold tiles, hating to feel herself sore between her legs, hating the pain she felt on her body because of the fresh bitemarks and bruises.
There was no way she could meet Dave in this state! And finally she started to think that maybe it’d be better for both of them to break up with him. Nat didn’t want him to touch her after this! She wanted him to be safe, without her problems and the worries he felt for her… She can’t be that egocentric with him. She can’t keep him just because she needed a backup, a comforting hand who can clear her thoughts for a few minutes to forget these terrible things. She can’t ask him for money, she can’t let him get involved into this even more. He was in danger because of Natasha, and she hated this. But will she be strong enough to leave him? She must. That’d be the best for him, although her heart’ll break and bleed, like it was cut out from her aching chest…
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