As I walked out of the room I’ve sent an apologizing look towards Kessler, who was patting his watch then I hurried forward to take my place unobtrusively. Dave had to come later anyway… To come? No! He literally imploded onto the stage! Limitless happiness was radiating from him! He was an unbelievable energy-bomb. The audience loved it and he loved the audience as he was bantering them. It was great to see that. After a while I felt that this’ll be the show which they’ll release. It wasn’t in Europe and not with the biggest audience – “just” around 25-30,000 people – but the tempo was insane! And the thought ran through my silly head that I won’t wear panties on the most important record in my life!! I nearly laughed from this. The laughing tone could be heard on my vocal for a moment – Dave looked up at me grinning, jumping from one leg to the other and he winked.
During “Freelove” – which was in the set list again – he did exactly the same thing like in ONIP. He hugged me and we were singing together. The question ran through my mind “how much Freelove was in the thing we three had together”? And during “John the revelator” he was nuzzling to Martin so much that the poor guy nearly dropped his guitar and he forgot to “solmizate” although he always did that. And during “Policy of truth” I had to grab my mic hard when Dave made some spins with the micstand and he was molesting that poor object, pushing certain bodyparts to it. Of course this made the crowd crazy – or at least the female part of it…
I felt that I wanted him badly. And the best thing in it was that I knew: I’ll have him. Whenever I want him. No matter how many times. And this God loves me! Hurray! When he looked at me, I was grinning like mad. And I could stop myself, so I licked the edge of my lips just once – signaling him what was on my mind. And he knew what I was thinking, I knew that he knew that I knew it! This made me smile even wider. Then I realized that if someone watches this DVD, they’ll know right away that there was something between us, cuz only a blind man wouldn’t be able to see the sparkles and the flying gestures. But to tell the truth I didn’t really care.
The concert was moving along quickly, we were at the second encore when Dave nearly fell off the catwalk, cuz the fans nearly dragged him off the stage. It was difficult for him to get his balance back – he even fell onto his knees from crouching and he barely could stand up from the hands, which were grabbing him. But he didn’t mind it, he was grinning widely and when he got free, he blew a kiss to them, which made his hysteric fans rave even more. And when he towered right over them and grabbed himself and shook his ass… well then all hell broke loose… Two girls started ripping off their clothes and they were throwing them onto the stage – by the time the security guys took them away, they were half-naked. And Dave just lifted a black bra and with rolling his hips he danced away with it. It was truly insane. He showed us how it was possible to – so to say - make love to the crowd. It was a fantastic experience. He awakened all of their senses: vision, hearing, touching. He drove them insane and he was conducting their rave from the stage, like the absolute lord of their life and death. Momentarily he was playing the role of the godlike hero. After all of his deeds of valour Hercules would not have been able to parade better on Persepolis’ streets than Dave Gahan was doing now on this very stage.
I saw Anton’s face – he was staring at Dave like a statue. Suddenly I couldn’t decide whether it was good or bad. But I hadn’t got too much time, cuz I had to sing. We grinned at each other with Martin. He was quite active on stage too. Dave’s energy cheered him up too, but I still saw a little restraint in him, which was always one of his characteristics. During one or two songs I saw on him that he was somewhere far away, in a higher sphere. I had to smile kindly from this too. A few times he walked to me too and smiled at me or he exchanged some words with Peter.
Meanwhile our front man was sweating heavily, but he didn’t seem too tired. Just when Martin was singing and he was waiting next to the stage’s stairs with a towel in his neck and back was he panting from jumping and spinning. I walked to him with a smile, cuz I didn’t have to sing now.
“Do you know Dave that you’re the best? The best front man I know? It’s unbelievable what you can do to people.”
“Thank you, sweetie, this is my job.”
“No, no. It’s more than that. What do you have that you have such an effect on people?”
“Maybe He likes me above?” he smiled, waving upwards with his eyes. In the half-light I caressed his arm.
“There’re unbelievable energies in you, Dave. You’re more dangerous than an A-bomb” I looked down at him from the top of the stairs. He laughed.
“And I just need a catalyzer who can rev me up. In this case this is you dear Mia…” suddenly his eyes were filled with his deep feelings and I nearly fell off the stairs from this – I was lucky that I was grabbing the rail. His feelings’ intensity nearly burned my skin. Was this the fire Martin was talking about? Is this the one which burns everyone near to him? I’m sure this was it. There’s something unearthly energy in David, which makes our enervate lives seem more vivid. When I’m with him, I really feel myself alive. And now I don’t mean just the fact that he’s a sensual and tireless lover. Although in the last few minutes this was on my mind while I was watching his slim body, which was so full of life as he was standing there in his lax and elegant pose. His eyes were following Martin on stage and there was a cigarillo between his fingers. He puffed the smoke and he was drinking in Martin’s sight. He was moving to the rhythm slowly and his foot followed it too then he hasn’t even noticed that he’d started dancing. I was just standing there on the stairs and I was watching him and I knew – from life’s endless mercy – that this wonderful man was one of my loves.
“What?” he asked me with a half-smile when he noticed that I was watching him nearly with an open mouth. I could only moan quietly then I carefully looked around and walked down that three steps, which were separating us and I put one of my hands onto his sweaty face and I kissed him gently. I wanted to feel the life inside of him. I wanted to feel it on my skin. The heat radiating from him was like an electric shock for me.
“Who’re you, Dave?” I moaned into his mouth.
“Me? Your lover, kitty.”
“No, no. You’re a reincarnation of some kind of god. You could tell me which’s, cuz then I’d build an altar for you” I smiled into those maddeningly green eyes, which were always changing their colour.
“I’m just the man who loves you and wants to make you happy. Who wants to be happy because you’re happy and who wants to cry when you’re sad. Mia!” he took my hand “What’re you doing to me? Look what you’re doing to me!” and he pressed my hand over his heart, which was beating wildly.
Before I could answer, Martin finished “Shake the disease”. We had to go back on the stage, but I couldn’t stop myself and as an answer I kissed him once more. Fiercely. Then I pulled away and walked back to my place, still feeling his wild heart beats on my palm. I think I was somewhere else while I was singing and watching Dave’s clowning automatically. Then I followed him with my eyes as he started to banter the crowd again. Anton took a picture of me from the side in this pose – watching Dave, resting my left hand on the micstand, wearing my glittery dress. When I discovered him, I looked to the side with a smile then I joined the singing again.
And then it was over. The ovation was enormous. The boys were very great. I had the feeling that they’re getting better and better with every performance – if it was still possible. We left the stage and went into the dressing room. Martin hugged his friend, I was following them.
Suddenly Dave’s knees went weak – Mart barely could hold him. We jumped to him in the same moment.
“Dave, what’s with you?” Mart leant to him worried.
“Nothing. I just lost a lot of fluids and salt and I’m flushed. I drink an energy drink in my room and take a shower. Everything’ll be fine.
“Are you sure?” I asked worried, my eyes looking for the crew doc, but I knew that he’d hate if I called him here.
“Yep. I’m sure. Don’t worry. I just have to rest” he straightened up, gently shaking off our hands, as if he was protesting against the assumption that he was weak. We looked at each other with Martin worried.
“Don’t you want one of us to go with you?” I asked very quietly.
“No, kitty, thanks, you don’t have to” he smiled at me tiredly, round sweat drops running down on his face “I want to be alone a bit and calm down. If you’re in my near, I can never relax. You two are like drugs for me” he noted as he turned away and stepped into his dressing room.
“Like drugs?” I looked worried at Martin. I didn’t like this word from his mouth because of the past.
“I think he meant the sex. Maybe it wears him out. Once he’s with you then with me, and then with his wife. This’d be honourable even for a prize-winner stallion! We should let him rest, but I know that he’s the one, who really wants it, who can’t live without it. This is why he said that we’re like drugs for him. Come kitty – this time into my dressing room” he winked at me “I show you something.”
“Okay Marty” I answered, but my thoughts were still whirling around Dave. If he can’t live without us then I can’t live without him. I was thinking about how he was ruling the stage and the crowd. And that I wanted him now so badly. I whish I was in his arms, I thought.
In his dressing room Mart waved towards a chair and he put one of his legs onto another. He started playing a melody on that guitar he’d got from me. The song had a little country taste.
“How do you like it, Mia? I wrote it for you!”
“It’s beautiful Martin!” I smiled at him radiantly, putting my chin into my palm as I crossed my legs and propped my elbow on my knee “You really wrote this for me?”
“Yep. You have an effect on me too even if I show it more rarely than him.”
“Oh, Martin! Thank you” I squeezed his knee moved.
“I bring you out tonight, Mia, okay? Dave doesn’t like after parties, you know. Poor thing… sometimes I see it in his eyes that he wants to come with the others, but he’s scared that he’s not strong enough and he starts drinking again and then he’s over. It’s hard for me too… jeez, if I could put it down!”
“But Mart, you did it very well lately, didn’t you?” I asked “Since I was in hospital I’ve never seen you drinking.”
He looked at me guiltily and he rather put his guitar away.
“Or you were just careful so I couldn’t see you?”
“Or I was just careful.”
“I was especially carefully so that Dave couldn’t see it. On the one hand he’s worried about me, on the other… since he can’t drink I can’t let him taste and smell the whiskey on my kiss. Last time we had a big fight over this. He was yelling at me like never before. The whole hotel was shuddering from it.”
“When I was in hospital?”
“Yes. And he was right, he is right. I don’t know how he can have this much strength that he can stop himself. I can’t stop myself, I do whatever and whenever he wants it, cuz…”
“I know Mart” I stroked his face “I’m walking in the same shoes. He’s the dominant one in our triangle and we simply go mad for him.”
“Yeah, something like that. And I go mad for you too” he pulled me into his lap. And I had to concentrate really hard not to think on someone else when he kissed me. “You’re not wearing panties” he moaned surprised when one of his hands slid upwards on my thigh and he pulled his head back a bit so he could look into my eyes.
“Is this something new, or…”
”… or he ripped it off, yes…”
“And you didn’t have them on during the whole concert…”
“On the whole concert…” I nodded.
“Uh! If I had known!” he grabbed my thighs a bit harder.
“Then I’d have walked behind you to play my guitar there, but in such way that you’d have known how much I was interested in you.”
“How much, Martin?”
“Come, sit onto my lap and you’ll see right away.”
I’d have done that, but I couldn’t sit onto his lap, cuz with a quick move he loosened his belt and pulled me onto him. I sighed as I felt his hardness inside of me and I’ve started moving on him with an unworldly expression on my face and he was just moaning loudly. Dave’s sight on stage turned me on so hard that I’ve started galloping on Marty right away.
Suddenly he asked: “Mia, now you’re thinking about Dave, right?”
“You have the same expression when you’re staring at him… answer me, please!”
“His dancing on stage came into my mind… and when he shakes his fine ass.”
“Oh god, this was on my mind too!” Martin laughed “And because we always mention him…”
“What?” I panted lucidly as I was holding to his shoulders “No, this time he won’t show up. Let him rest” I was moving on him with a nice rhythm. He kissed into my neck. “I go with you… to that party” I moaned “And… I’ll take care of you… if you want…” I said and made circles with my hips.
“Yeah, that’ll be great. We tell… ah… Mia… to Dave where we’re going… so he can now… where we’ll be.”
“Yes… Mart! Oh my god! Ah… yes!” I moaned as we were moving more intensely.
I was watching Marty and it was strange to know that David was on his mind while he was with me and it was strange for me too that David was on my mind while I was with Mart. We were making love to Dave, who wasn’t even there. I think we both yelled nearly Dave’s name in the moment we cum. Or at least I barely could hold back our black panther’s name as my back arched, sitting on Martin’s lap. He moaned an enormous one with his head between my breasts and I felt his hot river shot up into me. This lovemaking was embarrassing and insanely maddening in the same time.
I had to know whether Mart felt the same way – but like earlier, he started speaking first: “Mia, sweetheart, I see that you too… you were thinking of… come, let’s go and find him and at least give him a hug. I go mad for and without him! He turned both of us on during the concert. Let’s just nuzzle to him! I’m sure he’ll like it.”
“Mart, aren’t you mad that… you know that I love you, but I was watching him for 2 hours as he drove the audience crazy. And before that he tore off my panties and floored me. I can’t help myself – my thoughts are all his now.”
“I’m nearly in the same situation. I love you – truly and from my heart. But tonight someone else is on my mind – just him. “
“Alright, let’s find him.”
“Are you gonna call him or we should surprise him?”
“Let’s surprise him” I arranged my dress then I changed my mind “But can I take a shower first? Or we can have that shower together, I don’t mind. I just want to get rid off this chick dress and it’d be great to find panties too.”
“Since when are you this shy?” he smiled kindly.
“The good question is ‘since when am I not shy’?” I noted and he laughed.
“It was strange to hear this from your mouth. Alright. We meet outside in 10 minutes time” he patted my butt gently.
“Okay” I smiled then gave a quick kiss onto his mouth “And after the surprise is delivered, I escort you onto that party. We need diversity.”
“Alright, kitty. I hurry” and he took his T-shirt off and I hurried to my own dressing room.
We were standing in front of Dave’s door. I was holding a box of his favourite Godiva and Mart was hiding a single red rose behind his back. We asked one of the new roadies to announce that it’s the room service. Dave yelled out that they’d already brought the things he’d ordered, but our roadie was clever enough to say that she’d brought the gift of the house. We could hear his mumbling and shuffles. At this time the roadie was already in the elevator and when Dave finally opened the door, we fell into his neck from both sides. We hugged him fiercely and started kissing him half-way in the door. Dave laughed.
“Hey, hey! What’s this dash? And how did I earn the gift of the house?” he put his arms around us.
“Just because you exist!” Martin gabbed and gave him another peck onto his face as he stroked along Dave’s back.
“And because you set the whole stadium on fire!” I caressed his chest as much as the tight embrace allowed me and I kissed into his neck.
“And I set you two on fire too, right?” he was still giggling.
“We are in the ‘whole stadium’ so yes…” Mart answered and slid his hand onto Dave’s butt.
“Exactly” I murmured from Dave’s neck.
“Huh, it seems that we’ll have a hot night here… Hm? Are you gonna come in or you want it on the corridor?”
“You’re crazy, Dave! Anyway, we didn’t want to floor you, just love you, holding you in our arms and stroking you” Martin breathed into his ear from the other side.
“Guys, don’t! I’ll cry!” I closed the door behind us.
“It’s not necessary” Dave stroked my face, but now I wasn’t holding on him as close as previously.
“As a sign of my love please accept these goodies from your fav kind!” I smiled at him blushing. I didn’t know why on earth I was blushing, but his gaze caused this from me.
We settled down in the living room. The table was a big mess - on one side with the rest of the beef and on the other side David was working. There were papers shattered around and balled up. I took one into my hand – it was some kind of lyrics. I read it and a sad smile spread on my face.
“Give it to me, don’t look at them, please, they aren’t good.”
“My David, at least let me…” Martin asked.
He reluctantly gave the paper into Blondie’s hand “I warned you. I’m nowhere compared to you…”
Martin started reading and I was smiling faintly.
“Dave, you… did you write this?”
“You know to whom I wrote it, right?”
“Of course! David, you’re insane.”
“Insane? Maybe. But you know, Mart, you’re not the only one who loves the other here. You were so on my mind tonight and I… so… but it’s not good, not good enough. Not good enough for you.”
“It’s more than good for me Davie… You describe your emotions in a beautiful way, cuz they’re real emotions and you show them.”
I thought I saw something wrong, but no: Dave Gahan was blushing hard. And this caught Martin’s attention too.
“Uhm… it’s nothing, Mart, this is just…”
“No, I mean it” he sat next to him “You know how much I love you” he caressed his face.
“I know, yes, that you want me to prove you my… my… my love for you…” he said quickly with one breath and Martin exclaimed quietly, pulled Dave to him and kissed him passionately.
I was just watching Marty’s fascination, I was just staring at them. And I felt it too: fascination. I loved them. And I felt it too that Mart and I are Dave’s slaves – slaves who were ruling their ruler. And suddenly somehow this seemed so right, so good and natural, like nothing else in my life. I stepped to the red rose, which was lying on the table then lifted it to my nose. I put it into a vase. There was another bouquet of flowers on the table – probably from a fan. Then I was just watching them again as they were embracing each other, and Martin was caressing Dave’s face with his thumb. Curly’s eyes were shining like mad, cuz finally Dave said those words. And Dave was just sitting and letting Martin do whatever he wanted to do. And he was embracing and caressing him moved then he kissed him.
“You made me very happy with this Dave, do you know?”
“Yes Martin. I engaged myself with you too. You know, the power of spoken words… Here, I’m yours” he sighed, enjoying Martin’s fingers’ game on his nape. Martin’s eyes closed and he was trembling when he asked:
“And now you give yourself to me?”
“Heavenly surrender once again…” Dave sang whispering.
“I’ll be right back Dave, Mia, I’ll be right back” he stood up and slowly left the room.
It was clear that his senses and emotions were overflowing so he wanted to arrange them. He had David’s song in his hand, he took it with himself. What a great DM song’ll be born from this, I thought and I nuzzled purring to the one we adored.
“Tell me if I disturb you” I said quietly.
“No, you don’t disturb us” he whispered into my hair and kissed the top of my head.
“Just tell me if you want to be alone.”
“You don’t have to go.”
As an answer I quickly embraced him. “The lyrics are beautiful” I noted quietly “He loves it.”
“Although I really feel that it’s silly. This is the most difficult thing to express with words.”
“Don’t think that it’s silly. It’s good – Marty is right – that it’s homely, that you are that song. You know, I love Paper Monsters because of this, cuz you are that album.”
“Thank you Mia. It’s so good when someone appreciates what I’m doing. I’ll be proud of myself at the end.”
“You can be proud of yourself! Just look at this night! Anton is still searching for his jaw on the floor. I haven’t seen him at all after the show. He ran with the records so they can start editing it, right?”
“Something like that. Well at least I’ll see what was on this concert. For me the whole thing seems like I’m watching it from a bubble, I barely know what’s going on around me.”
“David, aren’t you scared? The fans nearly pulled you off the catwalk.”
“Later or from the outside it may seem scary, but I never feel it. I’m so on high that I barely know what they’re doing. Just later. But I don’t think that they’d tear me apart alive” he grinned “Maybe my trousers’d be enough for them…”
“Oh, you little show-off!” I hit his chest playfully “And won’t you be worried about Sir Lefty? That they’d rip him off?”
“No, I’m not worried about him. Anyway, it isn’t true.”
“It is, I’ve seen it. You showed it to me.”
“No, it isn’t, just check it out for yourself” and he slid the zipper down on his jeans. Soon I was laughing so hard, I nearly fell off the couch. “Hey! Don’t laugh at him! He’ll turn into a shy guy and will pull himself back forever!”
I love Dave exactly because of this – he’s so not normal, I smiled for myself. Informing millions of people from the stage how SL is in his trousers! He’s totally crazy! Time after time he tries to seem like a calm gentleman – that ‘Englishman in New York’ kind of guy – but he can’t fool anyone. I don’t say that he has a clever and a sophisticated humour, but I like it when he’s playing the fool.
“Show me Davie” I took his treasure into my hands, which made him moan.
“If you checked him out, would you be so kind and pet him a bit? Maybe he’s offended from your previous laugh…”
“Of course, sweetheart, with my greatest pleasure. Well, look at him, he really tends to the left.”
“Okay, but just a little. But this is because there isn’t enough space in my trousers for his length, and I had to lead him somewhere and I always put him to the left. He got used to it, he knows where his place is” he fastened my grip around him so I could grab Sir Lefty harder. But I nearly failed, cuz laughing was shaking me so hard.