„What’s with your voice, Dave?“ Andy chimes in, „Did you catch a cold dipping in the nude recently?“
David coughs and tries to clean his throat again, sipping some tea.
„How the frigg did that make the round again?“
„You were seen.“
„One of those ladies admiring your very prominent features lives down Mart’s street. Haven’t recognized her?“
„So what! Did she never see a cock before?“
Andrew snickers now.
„Not necessarily yours I suppose.“
David tries to sing the last chorus again. Somehow his usual range and volume seems to be capped. He feels reminded of those horrible times after the therapy – when his body was so very weak and he had to take lessons with a vocal coach.
„Not properly having done your warm up today, Dave?“
Martin enters the room, carrying a tray with fruits and sandwhiches.
„You know, I always do the full set.“
„DOH, he caught a cold – mark my words!“
„Argh, Fletchi – shut up!“
He escapes the rehearsal as soon as possible. All this mocking getting on his already tensed nerves.
Hearing the dialing tone of his mobile he waits for the connection.
„Hi, it’s David.“
„Hello! Long time no hear. How are you?“
„I wish I could say good. Listen, I don’t know if it’s anything – but my voice keeps playing up again. I’m pretty sure it’s not a cold. Feels different.“
„Oh, that’s no good news indeed. Want to peek in for a consultation?“
„That would be nice. I’m in Santa Barbara at the moment. Should be back in New York the day after tomorrow.“
„I’ll make it fit for you. Just give me call when you’re back.“
„OK, thanks a lot!“
„And you take care of yourself, allright? Any stress recently?“
„More than I would have appreciated. I’ll tell you when I’m at yours. Cheers!“
Flipping the mobile closed he sighs heavily. Why do I have the gut feeling my karma has something ugly in it’s sleave next? No, don’t start this again – no more negativity fueled mind circuits!
If I’m going to loose my voice? He often kept his mind boggling about it – yet drowned this thought deep down into his subconscious. Then you’re just like a beautiful but empty cologne bottle! His hands search for his wallet and he picks out the puzzle piece.
Yeah, incomplete – even more! He feels the old anxiety and emptyness rising within again – the demons lurking around the corner to get him. No, he doesn’t want to hear or see them – not giving in to the temptation silencing his mind with alcohol, escaping for a few hours.
Hastily he grabs his cellphone again, pressing a certain key, waiting impatiently.
„Ciara? It’s David.“
„I didn’t expect your call. You’re OK?“
He shakes his head. She must have detected it again from his intonation!
„Angel, it’s not about us – I’m afraid I’m loosing my voice.“
A short moment of silence at the other end.
„Not a cold then?“
„Don’t think so, I’m afraid. I called my doc for a consultation on Friday.“
He pauses again – still overwhelmed by his emotion.
„So you haven’t seen a specialist so far – just imagining the worst.“
„Ciara, I know my body very well. It’s different than usual. And considering the fact that I smoke for such a long time...“, his voice trails off, realizing what’s the impact.
„David – listen to me!“
He tries hard to keep up his composure.
„It’s just your fear, your vivid imagination now. Sure, there seem to be facts to lead into that direction – yet it could be anything else. Emotional stress can have such effect on the vocal tendons aswell. I experienced that once – geeez, was I scared! I literally lost my words – being in such mental pain. My brain simply switched to overload and only worked on emergency back up. Well, that’s how my speech therapist explained it to me. Makes sense, doesn’t it?“
She sounds so calm and convincing. He starts relaxing a bit.
„Well, I can’t wipe these thoughts out off my mind that easily. Who would I be without my voice?“
„David, you are not congruent with your voice! I know it’s important for your work as you definitely need your voice as kinda instrument and defintion – yet that’s ‚Dave’ and not ‚David’.“
She cleans her throat.
„Didn’t you recognize I never called you ‚Dave’?“
He’s baffled for a moment.
„Now that you mention it – you never did so far.“
„See, cause I always try to see the whole picture, not just the pieces.“
„You’re not trying to tell me now ‚Dave’ is just a part of my puzzle.“
„That would be too easy. I’m afraid you’re as much Dave as you are David - at the moment – like siamese twins.“
„So you despise Dave?“
„I didn’t say that! It’s more – he sometimes scares the shit out off me.“
„You have no idea how much he scares me, angel.“
„What’s it troubling you then?“
He kicks a little stone with the tip of his foot from the patio.
„I’m afraid to start with the booze again.“
„Then attend an AA meeting. There for sure is a group around your area there.“
„You make things sound so easy.“
„No, just using my clear senses – as you seem a bit off track at the moment. And yes, it’s easy – you just need to go there – you know well enough how it works, David. It’s your responsibility. I just can remind you.“
„I hope not. I mean sounding like your mum.“
„Angel, you do somehow – and I’m very thankful for that.“
„David, take care. Call me, when you’re through with your medical inspection.“
„I will, Ciara. Thank you.“