Letting the mobile phone sink onto his lap he realizes that he not even spent a second to ask her about her own well being. David – you will mess it up with her! No, she’s not like that – she will understand. Why did he always expect that people - especially women – would tolerate his ways? He experiences the results most painfully at the moment - again.
The next day passes, him not really being himself – yet the guys are so busy with other things they let him have his ways – occasionly making fun of him, walking around coughing and weaving with tissues. And he’s not really in the mood to fill them in. Not yet. Oh, you didn’t get the message those days – why should you now? Though that’s a bit unfair – especially Martin glances at him every now and then with little questionmarks in his green eyes. Since he’s off the booze he very much changed to the positive.
Maybe his thoughts were too obvious as Mart lets himself sink onto the couch next to him while Andy is glued to his mobile again, signalling it could take a little longer.
„David, what’s wrong with you?“
„Don’t you think it’s time to tell me at least a little? I’m no retard and pretty sober to see you are not well.“
„Jen took the kids again. They’re in the summer house for two months now.“
„That bitch! Sorry, but...“
„It’s OK. Serves me right somehow – been acting up the prick again.“
„No, that’s not OK, Dave! You’re not a saint – but enough is enough!“
The blonde curly man lets his knuckles crack.
„She will calm down again – like usual – I hope.“
„You must really love her.“
Yes – that’s the question – does he really still love her enough?
„I love and miss my tiny star, Martin.“ He brushes his nose tip. „And you know that my relationship always had it’s ups and downs – pretty average.“
Martin sighs and reaches for a mineral bottle. Then he softly brushes over his mate’s shoulder.
„Give it time then.“
„Not sure if I will have that much at my hands.“
„I can’t follow you, Dave.“
„It’s not a cold, I’m sure. I’ll have a consultation at a specialist in New York tomorrow.“
Martin rolls his eyes.
„Come on, Dave – stop being such a hypochondriac!“
Then he turns a bit more serious again.
„Let them do their check up and then you’ll know what’s really up with your voice.“
He winks at David now.
„Just in case – I still have good contacts with Lydia. She’s for sure more than willing to give you some more coaching.“
„I know I’m a mess, Mart!“
„Yeah, but I like you a lot.“
David has a knot in his stomach when he enters the lobby of the posh looking doctor’s surgery. The elderly nurse with copper coloured locks smiles at him cordially from her reception desk.
„Ah, Mr. Gahan! Nice to see you after all this time! You can just pass through that door to my left. The doctor is momentarily ready for you.“
The examination room looks quite bright and friendly – some paintings at the walls please the eyes – yet David’s mood does not allow to take those positive influences in. He just detects the familiar scent of antiseptics and desinfective agents. Exactly like hospitals! He always gets crawlies at the mere thought. Before he can dive deeper into his misery he hears the door behind him.
A tall, bald man enters the room. His cornflower blue clinic outfit doesn’t really better his patient’s state of mind. A tiny pair of glasses rests onto his nose tip. Judging his face he must be in his late 50ties. His expression is vivid and clear.
„You still wear that sexy hair cut I see.“
David at least tries to get himself back onto the ground again. The doctor lets out a small laugh.
„Thanx! My wife adores it since the day I lost my hair.“
„Actually I can’t imagine you with hair at all. Geez, no!“
Both men start giggling for a moment.
„OK, David. Let’s face the devil then. Yeah, I know you too well not sensing you’re scared like hell.“
„Well, then take your seat here.“
He follows the blue dressed man to the examination chair. Somehow looks like at the dentist’s.
„So, open up and say ‚Aaaah’. And stop laughing now – I know it’s tough, but I nead a calm hand inspecting you with the laryngoscope.“
An assistant joins the two and pulls at his tongue. He can taste the latex – not a very nice sensation. Adjusting the lamp the doctor slowly inserts the instrument. David has to gag.
„Yeah, I know it’s a little cold. Let’s try again. Breathe calmly and try to relax, please.“
Again he gags when the metal touches his lower throat.
„Well, then we’ll have to try a little local anaesthesia, David.“
He fetches for an aerosol can. The spray tastes a little bitter and very quickly the throat feels numb. It’s strange to swallow now. This time the doctor can successfully go on with his inspection. After a while he nods his head.
„Hmh, looks pretty normal to me. No knots or other abnormalities. Give me some vowels again.“
David follows his instructions.
„The vocal tendons open and close perfectly. No signs of an inflammation.“
He turns around on his swivel chair.
„Let me do some ultrasound to see the adjacent areas – yet I don’t expect to see any irregular.“
David stares at the monitor and lets the examiner explain all those odd shapes and forms.
„As I said – all pretty in shape.“
He winks at the assistant nurse.
„I need a blood sample for markers and stuff.“
David is alerted again.
„David, relax. I know your fears and we will just do it to be on the absolute safe side. You can wait for the results. It will only take aprox. 30 minutes.“
When the syringe points his vein he feels a deep shudder. No, it doesn’t hurt – the nurse knows what she’s doing. It’s his memories again.
The doctor returns after endless 40 minutes with a slip of paper in his hands. David puts down his cup of coffee, suddenly feeling sick again.
„Like I expected – all normal – not to say boringly low.“ He sits down behind his desk and ticks something into his PC.
„Well, David – this means something else, doesn’t it?“
It dawns to him what message the doctor tries to get across.
„I asked you about stress – emotional stress, to be concrete.“
Ciara, you clairvoyant!
„How much time do you have?“
He starts talking. Getting lots off his chest he’s carrying for so long – perhaps too long.
„And now you are surprised you loose your voice, David?“
The spectacled face in front of him looks empathic.
„I know you now over 15 years. Let me be very open if you allow.“
„I expect nothing less of you, Gerard.“
„If you’re not able to fix your marriage and change a few of your attitudes I can’t guarantee you will be ever able to properly sing again. You’re way too emotional – and you see your body tells you very drastically to take care of your sanity. Psychosomatic we call this. Interesting it’s your voice. I wouldn’t have been surprised with erectile dysfunction.“
The doctor bursts out in laughter.
„Yeah, that would be a bit of something!“
David can’t help it to blush.
„So everything’s fine in that sector I suppose.“
„Can’t deny it. I’m still working well – like in my twenties.“
„Well, well – then please start taking care of yourself and get some professional help – that it stays that way.“
„I still see my shrink every now and then – I should make another appointment soon.“
„Yes, it’s urgent – don’t you forget it.“
He rises from his chair.
„Now off with you! I will write you a nice invoicel concerning all the overtime. Just missed my famous cricket match on Sat TV!“
With a deep sigh David closes the surgery’s door behind him.